May 17th early in the morning my fiance and soulmate was raped by her new
neighbor as
she's moved recently. For now I'll spare the details. But I personally, don't
know how to feel,
what to think. I can't even begin to process the feelings going through me.

When she first told me I was nearly stoic, calm, supportive, loving and just
listened with
concern. Then I hurled.. I don't think I've ever felt so nauseated and I still
do, I've started
wondering how long my insides will hurt like this.

I've yet to see her, and intend to go see her this morning May the 18th.. I
don't know what to
do.. I'm afraid of how -I- will respond to her. I know I don't blame her, I know
I love her but I
don't want how this is affecting me to come into harms way of her coping with
whats
happened to her. The fact that this makes me sick, I fear she'll think the
thought of her in
that way sickens me, or simply she does. Then I fear maybe it will.

Every possible thing has gone through my mind. I'm scared of how this will
affect our
relationship, will she ever truly trust me again based on my sexuality. I'm
lucky she's alive,
but I'm still worried I might lose her.