Hi again, Christopher. Thanks for writing.

> Did they align, in the wrong ways, in that, there is/was
some 'enabling'
> behavior going on?

Definetly enabling behavior on both of our sides.

> It sounds like, they BOTH, are in denial.....he for thinking what
> his brother does not qualify as abuse and, his brother for
> thinking he can treat people in a demeaning way.

I think you're right on both counts. But till he's ready to accept
it, there's just no talking to him about it. He won't hear of it.

> For him to be removing his stuff yet, physically affectionate is,
> two-faced. His blunt honesty is seemingly good yet, if he is going
> to behave this way, physical affection should be off limits.

I hadn't thought of it that way. I was all to happy to accept the
comfort even though it hurt me to have it. From what I read, it
seems that sometimes survivors push and pull you -- push you away
only to pull you back in again when they want to. Maybe that's part
of it, I don't know...

> Did he mean, it felt like he was being raped or, he was raping
> them?

He said it felt like they were raping him, that he couldn't say "no"
to anyone. His body wasn't his to decide what happened to it. So he
felt used and disconnected/disassociated every time.

> I don't think it does, because, he obviously is not taking
> responsibility for his behavior.

So true! And he never has. When he left his wife, prior to us
dating, he said he had married her because doing so "ensured that he
would never have to make another decision again" and that he always
did what everyone else wanted him to do because he wouldn't ever be
wrong or responsible for his choices then.

> THANK GOD!!!!! I was worried, that, he had 'left you high and
> dry'.

:) My parents were really really happy when I figured out I could
buy my place on my own. I am well aware that my situation could be a
whole lot worse.

> Her headaches were at a 13, on a scale of 1-10. We no the problem
> but, it takes forever to get things done around here. Whoever
> came up with 'the wheels of justice do grind slowly', should apply
> that to the medical system.

AMEN! I'm so sorry she's in so much pain. I hope the new doc has
some good news for you both soon. I hope they're at least giving
her something for the pain?

> I felt like, I 'backslid', when I was married to my ex-wife.
>
> Christopher

It sounds like you've regained your ground now, though. enough to
be able to help another person gain theirs too. I hope you and your
lady have found, or are finding, the happiness you so richly
deserve. It sounds like you've both had your fair share of holding
the short end of the stick.

~ Try