Dear Shawn, 

 

To say that I'm not deeply troubled by your note below, would be a lie!  Having said that, I must say that drinking is definitely not the way to go!   There must be more to it (the drinking) than just the fact that you "can't see my own reply", or even, your own PD, for that matter. 

 

What is the most causative factor for "driving one to drink"?  DEPRESSION!!!!! 

 

We all know that depression is one of the earliest symptoms of PD.  Most of us with PD have dealt with depression for as long as we can remember!  

 

A little more about me:  Many many years ago, much younger, ans, I must admit,  much dumber,  I drank.  Why?  My parents always had booze in the house,  as did most every household in those days.  Drinking was considered to be the norm in that era. 

 

My first marriage was a nightmare because of our drinking to excess.  I was literally out of control of my life, my ambitions, my dreams, and my hopes.  Then the inevitable happened.

Christmas day, Dec., 25, 1975, our little family was no more.  That fateful Christmas morning my then wife took our two small children and left.  Any other day would have been bad enough,  but why had she picked that day! 

 

I fell, head first, into a deep pit of inescapable depression.  Deeper than I had ever been in my 31 years.  How did I end up?   I used it as an excuse to further "drown my sorrows".  My drinking, which had been quite a bit, has now become excessive.  I found that as long as I remained drunk, the "pain" was lessened.  One fact remained constant:  while inebriated the pain of losing my family was gone, temporarily. In the brief moments of lucidity,  in other words when I ran out of money and couldn't afford the booze and would sober up a bit,  the fact remained that my family was "gone",  and that I was still alone.  End result .... increased drinking to kill the pain! 

 

What I'm trying to say is that the drinking will not ease your depression,  it will only deepen it .... incredibly!

 

Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life!  It didn't bring my family back,  but,  it (AA)  did bring me back!  It took a tremendous effort on my part, as it will with you, but, the old cliche:  "if I can do it, you can do it" Shawn!

 

Get your depression under control Shawn.  As Jenny recommended:  there are many very good antidepressant meds available.  Consider speaking to one of your doctors about them,  and your depression! 

 

Like PD, depression is nothing to be ashamed to talk about or admit to.  It's all around us, all the time, 24/7. But remember, the only one who "can "fix the problem"  is you Shawn.

Although I pray and wish that I could, I can't "magically" wave a wand and make it disappear. Nor can Jenny, or Nan, or Alice, or Ralph.  Get the "picture" yet Shawn? 

Only YOU can do it Shawn. 

 

Remember this Shawn,  my prayers,  our PLWP combined prayers, are with you today. As they always have been in the past,  and will continue to be with you for all of your tomorrows.  To use a phrase I once used repeatedly a long time ago ..... Forever and a day!

 

BTW Shawn ..... I eventually ended up running three AA meetings of my own.  At one time, a long time ago, I was a CAC (Certified Alcohol Counselor) here in NJ. 

 

To find the answers to help me solve my own personal issues led me into a lifetime of helping others.  My wish and prayer for you Shawn is that your inner strengths, which are many, will prevail, and one day in the future you will reach out to someone as I have reached out to you today, and, hopefully, others along the way.

 

About AA:  My experiences through the years have led me to one conclusion:   AA will only "work" if you make the conscious decision that your life is being totally upended by alcohol abuse and you have no other way of coping.  In other words, you have to want to stop drinking ,,, totally!  I have seen many who were placed into AA by the court system as part of a plea or probation agreement. The end result:  failure and a return to drinking.

 

Consider this fact Shawn:   Next to suicide,  drinking is the most selfish act a human being do to him/herself!  Why does an alcoholic become an alcoholic?  Because they are only thinking of the emotional pain they are going through and the effects of alcohol "numbs" the pain.  What the alcoholic doesn't realize is the amount of pain and heartache he/she is reaping onto their families and friends.    Alcoholism has also been defined by some as a coward's suicide.  There are no benefits to drinking.  None, nada, nil!

 

Hang in there kiddo .... you are going to make it! 

 

Prayers and best wishes, 

 

Jim Evridge   "AKA:SILVERFOXX_FIGHTING_BACK"

Pennsville, NJ

shawn <shawnee_na@yahoo.com> wrote: