Hi Kacy and Jen,

I agreed with Jen, this is a cycle, a toxic relationship actually if it is not
broken. I have been through a emotional roller coaster for 14yrs with my PA
husband. I only knew he was PA about 2mths back when my sister gave a
description of him that set me searching in the internet. The truth shall set
you free, and you shall be free indeed!

Indeed I was set free. I no longer feel guilty although a PA relationship is a 2
way and a boomerang. A PA can't "plays" his act without the other party. When
I discovered why I have turned to be such an anger person due to the many
broken promises, etc.etc.I have to harden my heart to quit the game for the sake
of my well being and my son.

I have not talked to him for almost 4mth to 5mths only if neccessary and now to
catch my attention he is emotionally abusing his son to invoke anger in me.
My H is like a child with an emotional maturity of a 6yrs old kid. He ignores
your feelings even if you tell him so. He only focus on himself and says he
feels rejected and my son, our friends and I gang up to condemn him and made
him feel unlovable. He suggested divorce to me but I must be the one to do the
proceedings.

Marriage counsellors didn't help much because how to settle with a "child"
regarding matters of the heart. One day, he wants divorce another day he told
the counsellor that if the divorce is carried out, he will ever step into
church again. He use my faith to blackmail me now. During htis period of time,
he uses all sort of tricks to invoke anger in me so that he can accuse me of
being the aggressive one. he has "enjoyed" his rejection thoughts for too long
(now he is 43) and it is so difficult to break the toxic mindset.

In conclusion, PA lives in a world of themselves if they do not do self
searching and open for help. He wants to be cared and loved for but he will not
involved himself emotionally with you. When I first married him, we did not
consumate our marriage till 4yrs later. It never bothers him that it is
unhealthy in a marriage. Till we met a couple whose husband was so personal to
"touch" his life for awhile that he makes a change and our son came but that
was the end of our intimacy life. He never dare kiss me on my lips and so we
live like friends for the last 10yrs.

I seek counselling, etc, etc but all in vain. This year when I discovered he
is a PA, I still share my willingness to help him out but he denied and went
worst.
Divorce may be our last resort if he continues like this for the next few
months.

Kacy, plan your life and move on. Don't allow yourself to turn to be like him
because such personality is contagious as anger, resentment and bitterness is
destructive.
Normally this behaviour is a childhood problem.

May the Lord guides you.

Jo


Life's greatest joys arise from correct living.  
Nature -God's gifts 2 mankind




________________________________
From: prncsskc <prncsskc@...>
To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thursday, 9 October 2008 4:35:17
Subject: Re: [Passive Aggressive Support] Seeking some assistance...


Thank you for your input Jen, I will definatly take your advice. I
really appreciate it, I can't believe I didn't figure it out before,
I seem to be drawn to this type of man, and have had several
relationships that were very similar. But at least I know now what I
am dealing with, and can get out long before I get hurt again.

Kacy

--- In passiveaggressivesu pport@yahoogroup s.com, Jennifer Leigh
<editorjenniferleig h@...> wrote:
>
>
> The only way to help him is to set boundaries and see what happens.
Tell him you're bringing either a mutual friend or a cop to come get
your stuff.
> NEVER CALL HIM AGAIN. Sorry, but this is a cycle.
> Next time he cries and tells you he's sorry, tell him you will stay
with him if and when he gets therapy.
> Good luck!
> Jen
>
> To: passiveaggressivesu pport@yahoogroup s.com
> From: prncsskc@...
> Date: Wed, 8 Oct 2008 19:42:19 +0000
> Subject: [Passive Aggressive Support] Seeking some assistance.. .
>
>
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>
>
>
>
> I've been with my Boyfriend for 10 months now, and
following our last
>
> big fight 3 weeks ago, I started looking for some clues as to what
>
> was going on. So I stumbled across an article on P/A and it seems
to
>
> fit, only on a much smaller scale. We haven't spoken in 3 weeks,
and
>
> it's not for lack of my trying. He's done the 'I need time/space'
>
> thing a couple of times in the past but never to this extent, and
>
> usually ends up calling me crying about how he can't live without
me,
>
> and how sorry he is for putting me through it. I've told him in
the
>
> past how much I dislike it when he closes me out, and he always
>
> promises to 'try not to do it', but then he does it again. The
>
> reason for our fight is a long story, and we we're both at fault,
at
>
> least where I see it, but he is blaming me for all of it, because I
>
> was pushing him to feel something for me that he couldn't/didn' t.
He
>
> is emotionally cold to me, but only when I get emotional with him.
>
> Any other time he is very affectionate, and loving. He's gone into
>
> hermit mode, and is avoiding all of our friends and hiding
>
> basically. At this point, I have cut off all contact with him,
>
> because he doesn't return my calls anyway. I asked him if I could
>
> come get my things, and he won't let me. He still says we are
>
> together, even though he's not speaking to me, but I'm the one
>
> feeling guilty about it, even though it's not entirely my fault.
Is
>
> this normal P/A behavior, and if so what can I do to help him?
>
>
>
> Thanks
>
> Kacy
>
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> See how Windows connects the people, information, and fun that are
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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