In a message dated 7/9/2008 4:09:54 P.M. Central Daylight Time,
mollybme@... writes:

All the clear calm talk I tried worked short-term, but just p!$$ed him off
royally and gave him grounds for "revenge" mid-term.


Molly,


It is amazing how long it took me to understand this. I been with him for
19 years. I thought his addictive controlling love was real love because he
would never let me walk away. Now if I try to walk away from an argument, it
is a scene, I know better. He tries to force me not to walk away by standing
in front of me. Now I know that is not love, but once a fool, hopefully
working on not being fooled anymore I am very interested in Weltzers book.
I
see myself wanting to leave, I know this is not good for me, but I also can
not see myself leaving, I been with him for so long. The reason why we have
been together for so long is that he is controlling and always kept me from
leaving some how. I do still feel like I love him for certain ways about him,
but then again it must be a fools love. Truthfully I am terrified of
leaving, I have allowed myself to become so dependent on him in all aspects, he
pays most of the bills(the only responsible thing he can do) , is able to keep
a good job and make descent money, my self esteem has plumited, I can hardly
tell what's my reality or not these days. He can not pay bills, keep a
drivers liscense, spends money like there is no tomorrow, he comes home from
work
and sits around, drink beer, play with his bee bee gun, the computer or watch
tv, leave beer bottles and all of his stuff around the house. I have a
very short memory. When he gets very verbally abusive he goes the other way
and
he then becomes very nice. I am remembering more of the nice times then the
verbally abusive times. I am working on this to try and keep in my mind
his true being.

I love the name of that book stalking the soul.

It is good to see this group active again...I hope it stays that way....Kim



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