I agree with this, you can't do what's needed unless you have a life for
yourself and take care
of yourself

----- Original Message -----
From: "Jennifer Leigh" <editorjenniferleigh@...>
To: <passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, July 10, 2008 6:23 AM
Subject: RE: [Passive Aggressive Support] living with the passive aggressive
man


>
> First off, my H has been reading the book Overcoming Passive Aggression,
> knows he's PA, and still does a to of PA things. After living his whole
> life honing these survival instinctive behaviors, it's slow going trying
> to change. PA behaviors do validate the victim stance he's so familiar
> with, they do 'excuse' him, etc.
> I've set some boundaries that I put in place even before I knew he was
> PA--
> I will not tolerate verbal abuse, name-calling, profanity, yelling. I walk
> away, after asking him to cool it. He has improved greatly.
> I will not tolerate baiting. He still doesn't know he's doing it. I say:
> you're trying to bait me and I'm not going there. At the time I say it, he
> says: I'm not baiting you. He doesn't see it. I don't convince him he is.
> I just don't reply. I notice that afterwards, when he has time to process
> (a requirement for PA's because in the 'heat of battle' they will argue
> til you're dead) he doesn't bait as often, so I know my comments are
> influencing him.
> Living with a PA is difficult, but it helps to #1 not take anything
> personally, #2 address the issue, even if he doesn't believe you, #3 have
> strong boundaries, #4 have compassion. He really doesn't get that this is
> sick. That doesn't mean you tolerate crap, but he isn't totally trying to
> hurt you, he just hurts all the time and is 'sharing it.' #5 don't let the
> crazymaking drive you crazy-- aka: get a life. Get hobbies, money of your
> own, a good exercise program, eat right, get some friends. Enjoy life.
> Hope this helps.
> Jen
>
> To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
> From: angeleyes2blue@...
> Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2008 07:20:28 +0000
> Subject: [Passive Aggressive Support] living with the passive aggressive
> man
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> Hi all,
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> I'm new to the group and I'm so excited (yet sad that it has to be
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> because of PA) to find others who live this pain. I'm reading "Living
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> with the Passive Aggressive Man" and have earmarked half of the pages
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> so far. I feel I could have written every story myself! I'm working
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> on finding ways to communicate effectively with my PA husband and
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> learning how to be more open myself. Have any of you found sure-fire
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> ways to communicate with PA significant others?
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> _________________________________________________________________
> The i'm Talkaton. Can 30-days of conversation change the world?
> http://www.imtalkathon.com/?source=EML_WLH_Talkathon_ChangeWorld
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>


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