Hi Angie,

Welcome to the Group! I have gotten some great support here. Hope it helps you
too. :)

Unfortunately, things didn't work out with my PA guy because he just couldn't
seem to
wok on himself after a while. I think he hit a wall as he started to really look
at his past,
and he sabotaged the relationship. Before this happened, we had actually gotten
the book
you mentioned and read it together (!). And we tried couples counseling also.
He also
went to a men's group that dealt with passive aggressive issues (after much
prompting
from me, of course!). So, that's how we handled it when we were still together.
But I had
to take care of myself first before being able to do that. I had to move out of
his house in
order to communicate "safely" that way about the actual relationship. It was
way too
chaotic to live with him and his children, and dangerous at times. And the last
thing we
could do was actually talk about our issues safely. He would always withdraw or
try to turn
everything around on me.

When I did move out, we still spoke to each other a lot every day and saw each
other on
weekends. When we did communicate, I found that "keeping it light" and keeping
it off
the subject of "us" seemed to really help. But then when an "issue" came up,
I'd wait to
bring it to a session. It was safer that way. Frustrating, but safer.

It did work for a year that way, but then he pretty much snapped, and of course,
in typical
PA fashion, orchestrated the ending to make it look like I wanted out, when in
actuality, it
was he who ended it. He has since gone to a lot of our friends looking for
sympathy (!),
and basically desperately tried to "save face." Can't seem to face the truth,
the poor guy,
and take responsibility for his actions, or in this case, inactions.

Hope you are able to have better luck with your guy. But if not, just remember,
the
number one thing is to take care of yourself and not to let him bring you down.
Remember, he's a very sick person. That has helped me a lot to forgive my guy
and move
on. I actually feel sorry for him. He just isn't capable of getting close to a
woman because
of all of his issues. How sad is that?

Hope that helps. :)

Hang in there,
Monica




--- In passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com, "angie.rich"
<angeleyes2blue@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi all,
> I'm new to the group and I'm so excited (yet sad that it has to be
> because of PA) to find others who live this pain. I'm reading "Living
> with the Passive Aggressive Man" and have earmarked half of the pages
> so far. I feel I could have written every story myself! I'm working
> on finding ways to communicate effectively with my PA husband and
> learning how to be more open myself. Have any of you found sure-fire
> ways to communicate with PA significant others?
>