First off, my H has been reading the book Overcoming Passive Aggression, knows
he's PA, and still does a to of PA things. After living his whole life honing
these survival instinctive behaviors, it's slow going trying to change. PA
behaviors do validate the victim stance he's so familiar with, they do 'excuse'
him, etc.
I've set some boundaries that I put in place even before I knew he was PA--
I will not tolerate verbal abuse, name-calling, profanity, yelling. I walk away,
after asking him to cool it. He has improved greatly.
I will not tolerate baiting. He still doesn't know he's doing it. I say: you're
trying to bait me and I'm not going there. At the time I say it, he says: I'm
not baiting you. He doesn't see it. I don't convince him he is. I just don't
reply. I notice that afterwards, when he has time to process (a requirement for
PA's because in the 'heat of battle' they will argue til you're dead) he doesn't
bait as often, so I know my comments are influencing him.
Living with a PA is difficult, but it helps to #1 not take anything personally,
#2 address the issue, even if he doesn't believe you, #3 have strong boundaries,
#4 have compassion. He really doesn't get that this is sick. That doesn't mean
you tolerate crap, but he isn't totally trying to hurt you, he just hurts all
the time and is 'sharing it.' #5 don't let the crazymaking drive you crazy--
aka: get a life. Get hobbies, money of your own, a good exercise program, eat
right, get some friends. Enjoy life.
Hope this helps.
Jen

To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
From: angeleyes2blue@...
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2008 07:20:28 +0000
Subject: [Passive Aggressive Support] living with the passive aggressive man




















Hi all,

I'm new to the group and I'm so excited (yet sad that it has to be

because of PA) to find others who live this pain. I'm reading "Living

with the Passive Aggressive Man" and have earmarked half of the pages

so far. I feel I could have written every story myself! I'm working

on finding ways to communicate effectively with my PA husband and

learning how to be more open myself. Have any of you found sure-fire

ways to communicate with PA significant others?
























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