So sorry, Kim.

X had the same thing re feeling threatened by everything. We discussed that it
was post-trauma stuff, but he still held me responsible. He admitted he was
afraid that developing new ways of dealing w/ his feelings would mean he'd have
to let go of his present tools, and might end up worse off.


When I was still trying the fair, friendly, civil divorce route, I insisted we
go to a mediator b/c he'd sabotaged attempts to go through the paperwork on our
own. At the second session, he was dragging his feet again so much that she
asked if he wanted to be together with me. "WHAT?! With HER? Like LIVING
together, in one aPARTment? No WAY!" The mediator accepted this and didn't
address the foot-dragging.

In the car afterward, I said, "You know, I accept you don't want to be with me,
so that's not why I'm asking this. But what would a woman need to be like so
that you WOULD want to build a life with her?"

He immediately said, "So that I'd never have a bad feeling." (We weren't
speaking English and my translation is too direct so it sounds awkward.)

Hello? The guy walks around feeling pretty bad about himself at a very deep
level ALL the time. Anything ANYone says or does is "grounds" for him to "feel
bad about himself."


I've noticed that I'm treating myself the way he used to treat me, so that's
something I have to look at.

Would you be willing to share a bit about how you manage going about your life,
doing things that are good for you? Clearly I've got other issues, but the P/A
thing is a mind-twister on its own.

M.



--- On Wed, 7/9/08, Equiskr@... <Equiskr@...> wrote:
> For me also, Any from of communications is some kind of
> threat, so I
> stopped. Nothing will go through, even if tried in the
> most nice ways.