My husband, who is PA, is driving me crazy. I read a passage which
likened it to a "dance". I have hit bottom. I must lean how to not
be a partner in this crazy dance. I asked myself, "whose problem is
it?" Not his, because he doesn't have a problem. He is fine with
things the way they are. I have the problem because it is driving me
crazy, so I need to do whatever it takes to change me. He won't
change. I can't make him change and he doesn't want to. So, in order
to survive, I need to learn how to cope with his PA. I have already
learned a lot about his behaviors. Now I need to learn to
communicate in a different way that will not create the dance. I need
to accept that this is the way he is and then not let his behavior
effect what I do or how I feel. A lot of work ahead. I am already
learning not to depend on him and to live my live in such a way that
no matter what he does, it doesn't affect me. That's difficult! Not
the kind of marriage I was hoping for. Doesn't make for intimacy...
the one thing I need and one of the things he with holds. I am
learning not to need, not to ask, and not to expect. There is good in
that but it gets pretty lonely at times. I don't have that best friend
I can talk to or lean on. So, I am going to have to find healthy ways
of meeting those needs and ignoring his attempts at controlling me.
I don't often wallow in self pitty. I would rather pull myself up
and get on with living...moving forward. But I am sure there will be
times when I need a kind word or a reminder. Thanks for being there!