It does make sense. I think that's one of the things about living with a PA that
drives the non-PA spouse the craziest...whatever it is that makes us so freaking
upset sounds so petty sometimes when we try to explain it to other people, our
spouse, or even ourselves. I can be so angry and hurt about something my husband
has said/not said/not done (it's not usually what he DOES do that upsets me!),
but when I finally get up the nerve to say something to him about it, he a)
doesn't remember it (therefore it didn't really happen), b) was just joking, or
c) didn't mean it the way I took it. Did I just make myself upset and stressed
out for hours/days? And for nothing? Am I nuts?

I'm starting to understand that my response to him is the one thing I can
control in our relationship. It's hard - I am a people pleaser by nature, and
part of my reason for wanting to get married in the first place was because I
wanted to be the #1 most important person to someone and to find my happiness in
making that person happy. Of course, by now I've realized that I can't make him
happy, and that basing my sense of self-worth on how happy I've made someone
else isn't really the best idea anyway. But it's very hard for me to let go of
that.

In our last counselling session, the counselor suggested that I try to move on
with my own life, and if H comes along, great. I'm at a loss how to do this -
how do you make plans without regard to someone who still lives in your house?
My life is so intertwined with his - as it should be when you're married! - that
I'm not sure how to disengage without moving out or kicking him to the curb.

i_luv_pugs2003 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
It's hard for me not to take the evasiveness, put downs, he doen't remember
saying that and the turned-back-on-me's as the problem personally.

Does that make sense??

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