I have the book ordered....your last sentence caught my eye...when
you said PAs love to stir the pot. I guess I have a lot to learn. I
like the not sharing thing too, I'll give it a try. Thanks!

Annette--- In passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer
Mustoe <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...> wrote:
>
> you have been thru a lot. if you aren't in a face to face support
group, find one. any one will do, but al-anon would be a good place
to start, even if nobody is alcoholics. you need support.
> if you haven't read Living with a Passive Aggressive Man, do
so. It will help you understand your hb.
> Let him telling your f-i-l go. You had a nice evening. Focus
on the good and do what you have to do to feel healing and peace.
But you need someone to talk to when things get rough. Tho your hb
is PA, don't YOU be the victim. that IS in your control. don't
whine and complain that your hb disclosed things. tell him you
won't tell him things anymore because he won't keep private things
private, but don't be petulant. just step a few steps away from
him. he will see the consequences soon enough when you stop
sharing. when he asks why you don't want to be w/ his dad, say, i
don't want to right now and leave it at that.
> but he'll still say things to his family--he likes to stir the
pot. that's what PA's do.
> good luck and God bless!
> Jen
>
> Annette122362@... wrote:
> Yeah, I was feeling pretty good about the dinner too until I
asked my husband if he had said anything to his dad about me being
upset he was traveling with his neice for the past 2 years while his
wife lay dying in a nursing home. Yep, he told him all
right.....always can count on my husband. I have been and still am
very frustrated......couldn't sleep. My husband just does not stop
amzing me. I HAD TOLD HIM WHEN I WAS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT HIS DAD
TRAVELING THAT I DID NOT FEEL HIS DAD NEEDED TO KNOW HOW I FELT. I
told him at that time if he and his sisters were okay with what his
dad was doing, fine.....as the daughter-in-law I felt my feelings on
this subject didn't need to be expressed. My husband said he did not
remember me telling him this.
> I have been thinking how my counselor had suggested I go somewhere
for awhile to get support....he knew I wasn't getting it at home. I
don't understand my husband at all. He tells people I said this or
that when I didn't want it known. He tells me how this person said
this or that about me, hurtful things. When it is something I want
said, like to his sons, then he either skirts or avoids the issue
all together which is REALLY frustrating if you are trying to
disapline children. I almost get the feeling the guy is either brain
dead or he hates me.
> I have stayed for so long for the sake of my daughter, hoping and
trying to make things better....there's just no use.
> It was just 2 weeks ago that I was in an emergency session with a
pychologist explaining to him why I no longer wanted to live. That
night I told my husband that he needed to ask his family to give US
time, time to heal as a family.....for heavens sake, after 1 1/2
years of his son hiding he FINALLY admitted to the sexual abuse of
my daughter and this was just days before my session. Last nite my
husband said he didn't have the right to ask his dad not to camp at
the camp ground just down the road.....ugh, I am not asking for
that. Everytime he comes to town, he's been here 4 times in the past
2 months (he travels and has no home) I have left town so my husband
could spend time with his dad....then his dad gets offended and
hubby informs me how his dad is hurt.
> I have just spent 5 years enduring hell with raising my stepsons,
1 1/2 years that nearly destroyed my life when I found out about the
abuse. Can't I have just a little time to get my life back togther?
Can't WE just have some time to ourselves to allow this marriage
time to heal?? Is that too much to ask? Am I crazy for asking? Why
doesn't my husband understand?
> I feel alone it is absolutely incredible!!
> Annette
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jennifer Mustoe <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...>
> To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Thu, 2 Mar 2006 21:03:53 -0800 (PST)
> Subject: Re: [Passive Aggressive Support] How Do You Stop the Set-
Up??
>
>
> good deal
> i'm proud of you.
> jen
>
> Annette <Annette122362@...> wrote:
> Jen....I did go and I am glad I did. I have had hard feeling for
my
> FIL for leaving his wife in a nursing home and traveling with a
> neice for the past 2 years. Tonight he explained why he couldn't
> stay by her and why he had been traveling with his neice. He
wanted
> to talk about his pleasant memories of his wife and I could see he
> really did love her. So it did turn out afterall.
>
> Annette--- In passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer
> Mustoe <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@> wrote:
> >
> > unless the f-i-l is abusive, go and put up with the beers and
the
> jokes. i put up w/ my h's family, and sometimes i even have fun.
> it's one night. sorry if i sound crabby, but i say, suck it up
and
> go.
> > jen
> >
> > Annette <Annette122362@> wrote:
> > Okay, I am being put into another position, and this is a
> perfect
> > example what happens. Lots of trouble with his side, to the
point
> that
> > I really don't want to be around my husband's family for a very
> long
> > time. I told my husband this, he said he understood. His dad
calls
> up
> > and tells him that he was coming for a visit. Does my husband
tell
> his
> > dad that right now is not good for us?? No! So now his dad is
> here, in
> > a camp ground just down the road and doesn't understand why I
> don't
> > want to see him. My husband explains that I just feel I need
time
> for
> > myself for healing. Then his dad tells him he'd sure like to
take
> us
> > out to dinner.
> >
> > Okay, if I don't go then I offend my father-in-law. If I am
> GUILTED
> > into going I'll get to watch my husband and his dad drink beers
> and
> > have to put up with their corny jokes. So I am damned either
way.
> How
> > does a person stop this cycle?? I have asked my husband to tell
> his
> > dad that now is not a good time, the last 3 times his dad has
> visited
> > but he can't or won't.
> >
> > Annette
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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