you have been thru a lot. if you aren't in a face to face support group, find
one. any one will do, but al-anon would be a good place to start, even if
nobody is alcoholics. you need support.
if you haven't read Living with a Passive Aggressive Man, do so. It will help
you understand your hb.
Let him telling your f-i-l go. You had a nice evening. Focus on the good and
do what you have to do to feel healing and peace. But you need someone to talk
to when things get rough. Tho your hb is PA, don't YOU be the victim. that IS
in your control. don't whine and complain that your hb disclosed things. tell
him you won't tell him things anymore because he won't keep private things
private, but don't be petulant. just step a few steps away from him. he will
see the consequences soon enough when you stop sharing. when he asks why you
don't want to be w/ his dad, say, i don't want to right now and leave it at
that.
but he'll still say things to his family--he likes to stir the pot. that's
what PA's do.
good luck and God bless!
Jen

Annette122362@... wrote:
Yeah, I was feeling pretty good about the dinner too until I asked my husband
if he had said anything to his dad about me being upset he was traveling with
his neice for the past 2 years while his wife lay dying in a nursing home. Yep,
he told him all right.....always can count on my husband. I have been and still
am very frustrated......couldn't sleep. My husband just does not stop amzing me.
I HAD TOLD HIM WHEN I WAS TALKING TO HIM ABOUT HIS DAD TRAVELING THAT I DID NOT
FEEL HIS DAD NEEDED TO KNOW HOW I FELT. I told him at that time if he and his
sisters were okay with what his dad was doing, fine.....as the daughter-in-law I
felt my feelings on this subject didn't need to be expressed. My husband said he
did not remember me telling him this.
I have been thinking how my counselor had suggested I go somewhere for awhile to
get support....he knew I wasn't getting it at home. I don't understand my
husband at all. He tells people I said this or that when I didn't want it known.
He tells me how this person said this or that about me, hurtful things. When it
is something I want said, like to his sons, then he either skirts or avoids the
issue all together which is REALLY frustrating if you are trying to disapline
children. I almost get the feeling the guy is either brain dead or he hates me.
I have stayed for so long for the sake of my daughter, hoping and trying to make
things better....there's just no use.
It was just 2 weeks ago that I was in an emergency session with a pychologist
explaining to him why I no longer wanted to live. That night I told my husband
that he needed to ask his family to give US time, time to heal as a
family.....for heavens sake, after 1 1/2 years of his son hiding he FINALLY
admitted to the sexual abuse of my daughter and this was just days before my
session. Last nite my husband said he didn't have the right to ask his dad not
to camp at the camp ground just down the road.....ugh, I am not asking for that.
Everytime he comes to town, he's been here 4 times in the past 2 months (he
travels and has no home) I have left town so my husband could spend time with
his dad....then his dad gets offended and hubby informs me how his dad is hurt.
I have just spent 5 years enduring hell with raising my stepsons, 1 1/2 years
that nearly destroyed my life when I found out about the abuse. Can't I have
just a little time to get my life back togther? Can't WE just have some time to
ourselves to allow this marriage time to heal?? Is that too much to ask? Am I
crazy for asking? Why doesn't my husband understand?
I feel alone it is absolutely incredible!!
Annette

-----Original Message-----
From: Jennifer Mustoe <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...>
To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thu, 2 Mar 2006 21:03:53 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: [Passive Aggressive Support] How Do You Stop the Set-Up??


good deal
i'm proud of you.
jen

Annette <Annette122362@...> wrote:
Jen....I did go and I am glad I did. I have had hard feeling for my
FIL for leaving his wife in a nursing home and traveling with a
neice for the past 2 years. Tonight he explained why he couldn't
stay by her and why he had been traveling with his neice. He wanted
to talk about his pleasant memories of his wife and I could see he
really did love her. So it did turn out afterall.

Annette--- In passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer
Mustoe <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...> wrote:
>
> unless the f-i-l is abusive, go and put up with the beers and the
jokes. i put up w/ my h's family, and sometimes i even have fun.
it's one night. sorry if i sound crabby, but i say, suck it up and
go.
> jen
>
> Annette <Annette122362@...> wrote:
> Okay, I am being put into another position, and this is a
perfect
> example what happens. Lots of trouble with his side, to the point
that
> I really don't want to be around my husband's family for a very
long
> time. I told my husband this, he said he understood. His dad calls
up
> and tells him that he was coming for a visit. Does my husband tell
his
> dad that right now is not good for us?? No! So now his dad is
here, in
> a camp ground just down the road and doesn't understand why I
don't
> want to see him. My husband explains that I just feel I need time
for
> myself for healing. Then his dad tells him he'd sure like to take
us
> out to dinner.
>
> Okay, if I don't go then I offend my father-in-law. If I am
GUILTED
> into going I'll get to watch my husband and his dad drink beers
and
> have to put up with their corny jokes. So I am damned either way.
How
> does a person stop this cycle?? I have asked my husband to tell
his
> dad that now is not a good time, the last 3 times his dad has
visited
> but he can't or won't.
>
> Annette
>
>
>
>
>
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