This site has some good suggestions:
http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/SUGGESTIONS.html

About my boyfriend helping me out around the house, yes, I know one of the most
common traits of the p-a person is refusing to do things, or doing them and then
messing them up. My guy though does things with an almost obsessive attention to
detail (which is a refreshing change from my ex!) He does seem to have a strange
attitude though, it is almost like it bugs him if things aren't done, and he is
not so much doing it for me, as doing it from a desire to get things done
because it is bugging him.

The reason I started thinking he was p-a is from doing some research and
recognizing certain traits in him:

Chronic lateness, forgetfulness
He is great at being late, but lately I give him a half hour block of time, and
that seems to work OK

Sulking, pouting, withdrawing emotionally
Not too much sulking & pouting, but he is very withdrawn emotionally

Frequent complaining
Nobody listens to him, he always get the raw end of the deal, he gets pushed
into situations he doesn't like, blah, blah, blah

Fear of intimacy or emotional closeness
yes, yes, yes

Making excuses and lying
His excuses usually are turned around so he makes it seem like it's my doing.
Like Christmas, the excuse was, you don't want to go anyway, even though I look
him right in the eye and say, yes, I do. He has a certain list of excuses that
he goes by.

Sending mixed messages so that one is never sure exactly what was said or what
to expect
The messages are not so much mixed, as they are often missing. When he suggests
plans, I have to make real sure that I get a time of day, and a firm idea of
what we will do, out of him, or he will say goodbye on the phone and I am left
wondering if we really made plans at all.

I also have learned some things about his childhood which led me to believe he
felt like he had absolutely no control and was always being pushed into
situations against his will. He comes from a very big family and didn't even
have a bedroom until 7 years old. In summer he slept on an enclosed porch and in
winter on the living room couch. And if parents had company, he had to wait to
go to sleep until the company left. I can see how that would make a kid feel
unloved and unvalued.

Having said all that, I still admit that I have and do wonder if he is truly
p-a. I read a book called "Emotional Unavailability" recently and have wondered
if that is more like him. That really scares me though, because the author
basically said that if you meet an emotionally unavailable person, you should
run as far and as fast away as you can, because they are truly messed up people
with absolutely no access to regular human emotions. But I am so positively sure
that he truly does like me, and wants to help me out, and enjoys spending time
with me. It just always has to be on his time and his way.

Can a person be partly p-a? Maybe he has a real perfectionist streak when it
comes to getting a job done, and it overrides the p-a part. I don't know.
Sometimes I relish the challenge of getting inside his head, and sometimes the
whole thing just makes me want to give up.

Anybody have any sites they recommend on intimacy/commitment issues?

Debra

Mustoe <editorjenniferleigh@...> wrote:
If he is good at fixing things up and actually does them when you ask, I'd have
to wonder if he's PA or has intimacy/commitment issues. My hb acts like I've
asked him to cut off his arm when I ask him to do something and works harder at
finding reasons to not do them then do just do it and be done with it!
Jen





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