Hi there again,
this is the new person, Debra. I haven't seen any messages from this group and
was wondering what everyone was up to. It's probably been a busy last few weeks
for everyone.

I wish I would have found this group a few months ago. Things have kind of
cooled down with my boyfriend lately, due to something that happened at
Christmas. I stopped calling him, and all of a sudden he starts contacting me
more often. I guess this goes with the fact that you aren't supposed to want or
expect anything from the p-a, that if you do, they will not give it to you so as
to keep that fragile control they have to have over their lives. And I guess
they also don't want to give you something they know you want, because that's a
great way to be aggressive passively, right?

Anyway, I had asked him to take me to his parents house for Christmas. We have
been dating a year in November. I have met his parents two or three times, and
also have met 2 brothers and a sister-in law. In fact, I knew the one brother a
long time ago from a circle of friends I used to hang around with. I told him I
only wanted to go for a little while. He gave me a hard time, then said he would
take me, but complained a lot about it and used lame excuses. Well, I found out
that he went without me, and he was able to do so because he went on Christmas
Eve, which is the normal thing for his family. And I never got a phone call that
day, and basically he got away with it because I was expecting it to happen the
next day. And that really hurt and almost ruined my Christmas because I just
wanted him to include me in his life, if only for a couple hours. I think it has
to do with the fact that I got divorced last year, and no longer have my ex's
family to spend holidays with.
The only family I have here is my mom, and she was cool with me spending a
couple hours at his house. In fact, it could have worked out great, because she
and I had no plans for Christmas eve, and I would have loved to include him in
our plans Christmas day, because he always spends that day doing nothing.

So now I have backed off a little, and an unsure what my feelings are right now.
I think of the things I like about him. He's mellow, he is funny, his smile
lights up a room, his house is neat, he tells good stories, he has a good job,
he has gorgeous blue eyes, he is good at fixer-upper stuff, he helps me at my
house, he sees the world in a quirky and unique way, and I know he likes me too.

Thanks for letting me share.
Debra

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