I grew up in So Cal (Newport Beach) so we ate a lot of Tex-Mex food. I'm Utah
now and miss Ca's good food, but we have a pretty good restaurant in our town.
No beer. We are teetotaling Mormons.
About the letters to your horrible family. You didn't ask for my advice, but I
will give you my experience. I grew up in horror. Every man that had a penis
in my family raped me, and my major perpetrators were my father and my maternal
grandfather. For yrs, I hated them and wanted to do all kinds of damage to
them. I wrote them letters that never got sent. And wished all kinds of evil
on them, even to my grandfather, who had already died.
But I realized that #1 my resentment was hurting me far more than it was hurting
them (especially the dead one!) So one night as I was praying, I screamed at
them both, and all those who had hurt me, and told them their evil would no
longer affect me. I never deserved what they did, but I wasn't going to hate
them anymore. I spent most of the night in tears, but in the morning, I was at
peace, and I haven't harbored resentment since. I still think they were sick
jerks to do what they did, but they were exactly that-- sick. But I don't have
time in my life for that kind of energy zapping sadness.
It says in the AA Big Book to pray for the people you have resentment for. I've
done that, too, for my ex-hb, my hb's ex-wife, and others. It does bring peace.
Good luck and God bless!
Jen

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lisa Sears" <scorpio19th@...>
To: passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sat, 02 Dec 2006 21:53:40 -0000
Subject: Re: [Passive Aggressive Support] bright sunny day

Jen, thanks for the words of comfort and wisdom.

Where do you live, that Tex-Mex can brighten your
spirit? And with or without a margarita? In my case,
I usually opt for Negro Modelo, just about the darkest
tastiest beer I can find.

It just seemed an especial bummer yesterday, because
beautiful cool weather used to make my day. I really
thought something different had interfered with my
psyche, but no.

I think I really just felt 'guilty' that I'm not
active like I used to be. Part of it of course is
the MS, because I'm tired so much of the time.

But I really never was depressed about that diagnosis
so, sitting in bed with tears running down my face,
for no apparent reason, just seemed strange.

Like most of us, the holidays can be depressing. I
just hope this was a one-shot happenstance, because I
don't want to spend the next month having crying jags.

PS.. I talked to my husband again, about maybe writing
letters to my sister and my mother, since it's been
almost a year since their estrangement from me, and
telling them in no uncertain terms what I think of
them.

Except we agreed it might not do any harm, especially
since I can't mail Mom's letter anyway. But we're
99% certain that it wouldn't do any good either.

That's just my wishful thinking, rearing up again,
hoping that my sister doesn't know what she did to me,
lying about my stealing thousands of dollars and
alienating my parents against me.

Which is silly beyond belief. Mom was brain-damaged
from her major head trauma, and suffered from mental
illness all her life, so it really isn't surprising
she fell for my sister's lies.

But my sister has no excuse, nor does her 30-year-old
daughter (except she's a sociopath). They both knew,
the second they told the lies, what they were doing.
And they did it gladly, proudly, with a great deal of
satisfaction.

So why bother with the letters? Except I think it
would be a great help to me, finally telling the
culprits what I think of them, the horrible destiny
that I hope for them.

I'm just going to give it more thought, probably not
even start a letter until after the holidays, in
case it gets me upset when I should be enjoying the
season.

But once I start with a psychiatrist in January, I'll
bet he suggests exactly such a move on my part. At
which point, katie bar the door, because I'll let
them have it with both barrels. I just won't mail
the letters.

Again, thanks for listening, and for the responses.
Later.