Hi, I have been with my husband for 17 years.....raised his 2 sons
along with my 2 daughters and 1 of our own.

Problem is that every time I addressed a situation with his boys
that was serious and needed their dad's attention....and perhaps
we'd talk and agree on an approach or punishment.....well,
days...weeks or even longer would pass by. I'd mention it many times
and then it would turn into, "well I don't see this as important as
you," or "I think your standards are higher than mine." Okay, but we
are talking some pretty serious issues here....stealing, starting
fires, breaking house rules, being direspectful, sexual misbehavior,
and lots and lots of lies. My husband would tell me, "All guys are
like this.....my dad was a construction worker and I worked with
tough military men and that is just how I was raised," or "that's
just kids stuff."

The oldest boy was stealing everything and my husband didn't feel he
could address his son if he hadn't actually caught him in the act.
When he set the fire in his trash can I made a call for counseling.
The counselor took this very seriously. I think you're getting the
idea here. 17 years of excuses and not addressing issues that he
should have.....boys not learning proper boundaries and how to
respect others because dad just ignored everything. Because I felt
these issues needed to be addressed I ended up in the hot
seat....boys would go to mom and complain and of course she thought
I hated them. It has been crazy!

Both boys are out of the house and on their own now so it doesn't
seem to be as much of an issue. I want to know how to NOT get drug
into his set-ups.

Right now his family and I are at odds, I don't care to have
anything more to do with them and I think that feeling is mutual. My
husband is trying to drag me back into his family scene telling me
that his family would like it if I showed up....telling me his dad
was offended when I wasn't there and this kind of thing. The last
situation I got drug into I entered his sister's house...she was
sitting on the floor with her back to me and never said a word to me
the whole time I was there. Then he tells me he didn't notice.

HELP!!

Annette