Hi
I'm glad you posted. I think it probably would help you to read the book
again. I know what you mean about being depressed, but there are some tactics
and strategies that do work in there. Does your hb admit to being PA?
I know what you mean about wanting to be by yourself. For the most part, my
hb and I go our separate ways, with jobs and interests, though we do have fun
and go to movies, etc. But the fact that PA seems to touch every aspect of his,
and thereby our, lives is tough to live with. Right now we struggle with his
totally ridiculous time management, if you want to call it that. He's always
late, always doing what he wants to do and calling that 'important' and not
prioritizing. We lose money every day because of him.
I have managed from time to time to feel sorry for him, real sympathy, not in
an ugly, condescending way. It must be awful to be hindered, cramped, burdened
to live like this, and the sad part is, he doesn't see it, though from reading
that book with me, he is more aware of it. Having this sympathy helps me not to
feel mad, not to judge him and think his ridiculous, stupid, or selfish. I
don't gain this insight often though. I usually get mad or withdraw.
If you'd like one word of advice, this is it: you can get free 'therapy' by
going to a twelve step group, probably al-anon is best. though your hb isn't a
drunk (I hope) he is an addict of sorts, and al-anon will teach you how to
detach in love. Find a sponsor who will help you through the steps. You won't
change your hb (but you might) but you will find a way to deal with the anger,
disappointment, and sadness that comes from living with a PA person.
And keep coming here. I admit I don't post often. My life either is awesome
or horrible and nothing in between. When it's good I don't want to feel like
I'm gloating, and when it's awful I crawl into my shell of sleep and exercise
and practice my own sick stuff.
Jen




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