No, I'm not saying that automatically someone who has weight and smoking issues
is PA, but there is some of that in her. I married a PA, so I must have been
'attracted' to that in some way. Typically we 'search' for the dysfunctional
behaviors we experienced in our childhoods in our marriages.
I admit, I came to the group simply for support, not necessarily for PA
related issues. We have discussed a variety of issues here.
I do believe those who are controlling, lying, in denial, and lazy on purpose,
PA behaviors, are some of the same behaviors as PA people, however. My
frustration with my mother has the same earmarks with my PA hb, and it was the
frustration I was dealing with here.
And you smokers out there. Trust me-- your smoking hurts more than you.
Jen

JS <jamst@...> wrote:
Maybe this is not a passive aggressive issue. Maybe this is about her
addiction problem to nicotine.
Why is addiction to a chemical substance considered passive aggressive
behaviour. Are you saying that
people who smoke and who are grossly obese are passive aggressive? You can't
be serious!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Jennifer Mustoe" <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...>
To: <passiveaggressivesupport@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 04, 2006 8:19 AM
Subject: Re: [Passive Aggressive Support] surrounded by denial and excuses

> Let's see-- it's about me because I don't want to lose my mother, my son's
> grandmother. It's about my grief. I appreciate your info about her other
> health conditions. If you're on this list, you are here for support about
> addictions/behaviors concerning passive aggression. I came because I'm
> hurting over my mother's addiction, that is killing her. Is that so hard
> to understand? Passive aggression is a 'choice' in that it is behaviors
> that are ingrained, but still chosen. Though smoking is addictive, it's
> still a choice, and every cigarette she smokes takes her that much closer
> to death. And the lungs are remarkably capable of regeneration, so if she
> quit now, she'd have a longer, healthier life. And I'm frustrated she
> isn't choosing that. That in and of itself seems pretty passive
> aggressive, if you look at it a certain way.
> Jen
>
> JS <jamst@...> wrote:
> Anurisms are not caused by smoking. It is a genetic defect in the
> elasticity
> of an artery. Smoking is very addictive and it is extremely difficult to
> quit. Perhaps
> *she *should consult her physician about some of the very useful and
> successful "quit-smoking" products available. She will quit when *she* is
> ready and when *she* decides to take the steps. And if she doesn't that is
> *her* choice isn't it? Why are you making this about you?
>
> This turn of events (surgery) is necessary to repair her artery. Yes
> quitting smoking would help, but it might not happen so be prepared to
> live
> and respect her decision.
>
> J
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Jennifer Mustoe" <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...>
> To: "Jen Leigh" <authoreditor_jenniferleigh@...>
> Sent: Tuesday, October 03, 2006 11:57 PM
> Subject: [Passive Aggressive Support] surrounded by denial and excuses
>
>> My mother, who turned 77 on Sept 30, was told that she needs to go on
>> medication for high blood pressure and high cholesterol, and then was
>> told
>> she needs to get an operation to help with her anurism (sp) which is near
>> her heart. My mother is horrified, saying she can't believe she has to
>> have meds and now an operation! She's always been so healthy!
>> Need I say, she's been smoking 2 pks a day since she was 12? She is
>> grossly overweight?
>> And my brother, who hasn't worked an honest day's work in his life lives
>> with her, debilitated with his hepatitis he got as a heroin user. He was
>> denied social security and my mother is upset about this too (which of
>> course means she smokes even more.)
>> I am angry. Did she really think she could smoke like a chimney and it
>> would never catch up with her? She is wanting to move up here to live
>> near me, and 'then' plans on quitting smoking. Does she think it'll be
>> easier up here?
>> I want to write her a letter, because I can't seem to come up with the
>> words over the phone (we talk several times a day) YOU ARE KILLING
>> YOURSELF. WHEN DO YOU SUPPOSE IT'D BE A GOOD TIME TO QUIT?
>> We are praying she'll quit, I plan on calling my brother and telling him
>> it's about time he do something for her for a change and stop smoking, or
>> she'll never quit.
>> My mother will die someday, we all will. But it seems remarkable that
>> she is sooooo upset about this turn of events, when she knows how bad
>> smoking is.
>> Oh, I'm just upset.
>> Any advice?
>> I do plan on calling her doctor and asking her point blank: what have you
>> told my mother about smoking? For what my mother pays for in cigarettes,
>> she could get enough bliss out drugs to keep the cravings at bay for
>> months, with the patch, gum, and a load of Xanax!
>> Jen
>>
>>
>> http://authorjenniferleigh.tripod.com
>> http://editing-for-you.tripod.com
>> http://cjfoundationqh.tripod.com
>> http://jenniferleacmustoe.tripod.com
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>>
>>
>>
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>>
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