Hello
I am writing because I feel like I'm at my wits end. I want to say my hb's pa
is getting worse, and it may be, but i think the problem is, i let down my
boundaries, got roped into something i don't like (feeding our horses twice a
day because my hb told me he 'didn't feel supported') and now, when i ask my hb
to do something-- and he always has a good reason not to do it, i am resentful.
i feel manipulated. and i'm frankly afraid to not feed the horses because he
was so awful before that. but for two days i've been saying i needed him to fix
the fence because our new $400 puppy can get out and she's so into chewing that
i can't keep her in the house all the time. for two days my hb has been
promising to do it and ooops, something horse related always gets in the way. i
didn't really believe he'd do it, but tonight at 8 pm when he started giving me
signals that he wanted to have sex, then laid in the bed reading a book, i got
mad. i had called this morning and said
i didn't feel loved by him and was starting to really not want to do things
for him to make him feel loved and supported because i don't. he told me
tonight i was being raunchy during that call. i wasn't. i was polite, didn't
even lay down the law: fix the fence or i won't feed the horses. he was rude,
and i could see his feelings of abandonment fighting inside himself against his
need to control (you can't make me fix that fence, bi!@#). so tonight, once
again, we got into a fight, he called me names, starting with raunch, etc, and
finally i was driving out of the driveway and he picked up his waders he uses
that i threw on the grass so i could vacuum (and yes, i threw them in anger, but
they were just sitting on the grass, and i'd thrown them while he was gone so it
wasn't like he even witnessed it) and he threw them at the window of the car
while my son and i were sitting in the car! here in utah, he could get arrested
for that. i didn't call the police because
my son would be dragged thru another investigation about my hb, and i don't
want him to go thru this.
all the 'good behavior' my hb promises to do goes out the window, though when
he stormed out tonight, he did take his cell phone.
i do believe that if he doesn't truly begin to accept that it is his pa
behavior that is causing at least the beginning of the fights, and that i am so
bereft because i can't count on him, in other words, his pa is completely
governing his and our world, i don't think i can hack much more. i read the
living with a pa man and just sobbed. it is my hb all the way. the book says
at times to lay down the law and other times, to show your hb you're on his
side. well, my hb wouldn't believe i'm on his side if he had God glasses on and
God himself told him I was. and at this pt, i'm not sure how much i'm on his
side anyway. he threw a pair of boots at us, for heaven's sake!
i don't know what to do now. feeding the horses is not that big of a deal
most of the time. but since i made this concession, my hb has been home less,
made more excuses, been more distant, more demanding, and heaven knows, far less
helpful. when i agreed to feed the horses, it was with the agreement that this
would free up his time. ha.
i will say drily, by the time hunting season will be on, the horses will be
'fine' without him and he will be free to go hunting. it doesn't matter that he
has completely ignored us all summer.
i'm so tired of all this. i'm hiring a handy man tomorrow. if i can't pay
for it, i'll sell another horse to pay!
i did call someone in our church after my hb threw the boots. i hope that
wasn't a total disaster, but i'm sick of my hb looking like mr nice guy to
everyone else, and scaring my son and i.
comments welcome.
jen


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