Hi, I was just wondering if there was any body out there who Could
get in touch with my son , who has recntly been told he has OCD.  I
was looking for someone of a simlar age (he is 11) who he could
perahps e-mail and chat to.

Hi Yuen-Wai
I have suffered from OCD and Tourettes Syndrome for between 45 & 50 years.
Even though I would not like to appear in your documentary I would be
willing to answer any questions you may like to ask.
Cheers
Chris

----- Original Message -----
From: "Yuen-Wai Liu" <ywliu_pettname@...>
To: <ocdsupportuk@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Friday, November 05, 2004 2:54 PM
Subject: [OCD Support UK] Documentary Film


>
>
> Hi everyone, my name's Yuen-Wai. I am a Producer for a company
> called Pett Name Productions, and I'm currently researching for a
> documentary film about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I thought I'd
> post a message on here - I'm looking for anyone who's interested in
> helping me with this, and understanding more about OCD. I'd also
> like to find out what you, as people in contact with OCD, would like
> to say in a documentary and who you would like to say it to.
>
> Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you,
>
> Yuen-Wai
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

i am feeling lost, lonely and not in the mood. i am writing to u, but i am not
well concentrating.. i am losing my focus & control.. as if somebody is writing
this message and not me.. why its happening to me? am i going to become crazy?
please help me to return to old Ryan .. what shall i do ? i have been one week
inthe same state of losing focus.

Ryan



From the Middle East ^ Beirut - Lebanon

www.stopthewall.org , www.whatreallyhappened.com , www.tolerance.org



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

i have ocd i have repetative suicidal thoughts its hell cos i dont want to
die jenny robinson


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi everyone, my name's Yuen-Wai. I am a Producer for a company
called Pett Name Productions, and I'm currently researching for a
documentary film about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I thought I'd
post a message on here - I'm looking for anyone who's interested in
helping me with this, and understanding more about OCD. I'd also
like to find out what you, as people in contact with OCD, would like
to say in a documentary and who you would like to say it to.

Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you,

Yuen-Wai

My name is Melanie, i'm 30 yrs old, and have recently been told
that i have OCD.
My main problems are making sure things are in the right place
all the time..if they are moved i can't relax until they are back to
where i want them.
I aways need reassurance with things..ie clothes, make-up, hair,
etc etc, and if i leave the house i have to check things are locked
many times before i feel happy enough to leave.

I live in Norwich, Norfolk, UK with my mum and dad.

Hope to make some friends here and have people to talk my
problems over with.

Mel xx

Go Denise!!!

Don't let the bully control you.

I've found when I can keep my OCD under control, I feel more in touch with the
world and therefore can get so much more out of a holiday etc.

Enjoy your time away.


--- Denise Woolstencroft <denise_wool@...> wrote:


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

A Better Pharmaceutical Cure For OCD And Multitasking Dysfunction


This message is an announcement. The poster will most likely not reply to any
replies to it.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is caused by a combination of 2
psychological traits, which are: 1. perfectionism, and 2. multitasking
dysfunction. Perfectionism puts a greater strain upon multitaking ability.

Perfectionism is caused by a high degree of firing of the H2 histamine
receptors of the striatum (the part of the brain that causes
focus-switching), and can be reduced by the pharmaceutical cimetidine, which
is an H2 antagonist (blocker of the H2 receptor) that penetrates the
blood-brain barrier, and that fact is known both by professionals and by a
substantial number of non-professionals. Cimetidine is usually marketed and
obtainable as a gastric antacid pharmaceutical, as H2 receptors in the
stomach cause acid secretion. It is undesirable to weaken perfectionism to
too weak a degree because some degree of perfectionism is necessary for the
function of long-term problem-solving.

What is less well known is the cause of multitasking dysfunction. After
making research and deductions of said dysfunction, I have determined that
multitasking dysfunction is caused by the inhibitory M4 cholinergic receptors
(receptors of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine) of the striatum. People
that have multitasking dysfunction have a relatively high incidence of
creativity, inquisitiveness, and strong conscience, as well as a high
incidence of the dysfunction of facial tics, all of which are also caused by
high
acetylcholine. The M4 receptor has a nearly-exclusive expression in the
striatum, whereas the other cholinergic receptors have low expression in said
area, and are primarily distributed in other areas. The M4 receptor is also
known to decrease confidence by converting norepinephrine (the
neurotransmitter of confident alertness and anger) to epinephrine (the
neurotransmitter of anxiety and fear), such that the multitasking-impairing
function of the M4 receptor compliments it's confidence-impairing function.
Therefore, an M4 antagonist that penetrates the blood-brain barrier cures
multitaking dysfuntion.

Unfortunately, the excitatory cholinergic receptors constitute most of the
main receptors of the conscience (the conscience being the result of objective
perception, which causes empathy), which means that a general anticholinergic
drug that blocks all of the cholinergic receptors weakens the conscience. The
4 major commonly-used anti-cholinergic drugs that antagonize the M4 receptor
are orphenadrine, trihexyphenidyl, benztropine, and procyclidine. All 4 of
those drugs also antagonize the excitatory M1 receptor, which produces a
conscience-weakening effect, in addition to a memory impairment. In order to
cure multitaking dysfunction without weakening the conscience, it is
therefore necessary to use a pharmaceutical that selectively antagonizes the
M4 receptor and does not antagonize the excitatory cholinergic receptors.
There are 2 of such pharmaceuticals, which are AFDX384 and tropicamide.
AFDX384 is only used in laboratories for experimental purposes and is not
available to the public. Although AFDX384 does not antagonize any of the
excitatory acetylcholine receptors of the conscience, it also antagonizes the
inhibitory M2 acetylcholine receptor, which exists presynaptically and
inhibits acetlycholine release, meaning that AFDX384 increases acetylcholine
release. If said acetylcholine release is equal to or lower than the rate of
acetylcholine production, then it will create a conscience-enhancing effect,
whereas if it is much higher than the rate of acteylcholine production, then
it will ultimately create a conscience-weakening effect. Tropicamide is
currently manufactured by the company Alcon, is sold in the form of eyedrops,
and is marketed as a pupil dilator, as there are M4 receptors in the eye that
cause pupil constriction. The concentration of tropicamide in the eyedrops is
too low, and the cost of the eyedrops is too high for them to be ingested for
the purpose of preventing multitasking dysfunction. However, the patent on
tropicamide has expired, which means that private individuals can manufacture
and market it, and can therefore manufacture it in pill form. AFDX384 is most
likely too new to have an expired patent. Being as multitasking dysfunction
is not a popularly recognized mental dysfunction, as well as the fact that
the requirement of getting a prescription in order to take pharmaceuticals
only exists for the purpose of allowing governments that are motivated by
dominance to monitor and control their citizens by controlling that which
they depend on, it is very preferable that such tropicamide in pill form be
available without the necessity of a prescription, such that it is either
sold internationally or sold over the counter. By the way, in an experiment
done in rats at the university of Connecticut, tropicamide cured parkinson's
disease, indicating that the M4 receptor is the primary cause of parkinson's
disease, in addition to the other problems that it causes.

Keep in mind that this post contains information that is useful for the
purpose of fighting malice and enhancing the conscience, which means that it is
likely to stimulate one or more malicious people to attempt to suppress it.
Malicious people most often argue by using various truth-twisting tactics such
as misinterpretation of meaning or purpose, such as misinterpreting the purpose
of this very paragraph, false accusation of the usage of truth-twisting tactics,
false portrayal via emotional reactions or otherwise, which serve to distract
  from truthful words, truthful meanings, and logic itself, as malice is
ultimately
based on the desire to see falsely, which in turn causes the desire for
injustice. Most of such tactics are listed at the following URL:
http://www.cotse.net/users/t3nj/ttcs.html
All people should therefore learn of such tactics, fairly consider all
statements and
arguments of all parties, and always be cautious of the truth-twisting tactics,
not only on this mailing list, but everywhere.
-
-
-

Get your Free E-mail at http://Fakenham.zzn.com
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Not sure if anyone else has found this, but I see my OCD as a bully.

It cuts you, or a part of you, off from others and makes you feel useless and
responsible for everything that goes wrong etc. etc. etc.

Often it would land me in trouble.

If I seeked help, it will try to cause a distraction.

I found when I tried to read self help books, my OCD would become really strong
and prevent me from concentrating on what I was reading.
Also, I would not ask for help for fear of what people would think of me.

Well I now keep in my mind that the OCD (or bully) is fundementally weak.

By telling my family what thoughts or compulsions I have, a lot of my anxieties
are released. This also stops it having so much hold over me, as I am not trying
to hide my behaviour; stopping that downward spiral.

I also have other people's help and power to turn my concentration to other
things.

Finally I have the ultimate weapon for attacking the bully....
..... I laugh at it!

All these years I have worried about how odd I am, what people will think of me.
I lost friends etc, because of my need to hide away and concentrate on my OCD. I
had a break down and for what????? So I'm worried when I touch a wet food that
the germs will soak through my skin and travel up the veins in my arms. How
bloddy rediculous.

I'm perfectly sane, but that OCD is real Idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!


--- sungsings <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sungsings,

I have just been catching up with the groups latest posts and felt I had to
reply to you and say don't give up.

We all look and hope for a magic wand that will rid us of this disorder, but as
yet there are none. So, the first step is to accept this fact.

Secondly, and this is harsh, but most sufferers never totally get rid of OCD.

Having accepted both these points, we have to look to the best possible outcome
and that is to live contently alongside our OCD.

How do we do this?   Hard work!!!!

I had 12 sessions of CBT (along with an anti-depressant, which I am still
taking), I fortunately had the support of my parents, who between sessions
continued to make me carry out the exercises, which were I had gone through in
my CBT sessions. (i.e. if we had worked with percentage chances of things
happening, then my parents would make me work through these for each OCD
situation that occured that week).

I was usually given notes at the end of each CBT session, which I still keep.
Every morning during my CBT treatment I would run through these notes (which
usually consisted of what I call reality checks).

There are lots of exercises that can be done and I found it was best to vary
them on a daily basis, ask for help from my family for motivation and most of
all to complete just one exercise, no matter how small, just to keep in the
habit.

I still have OCD and some days are worse than others, but generally I feel I am
in control and not my OCD. If I feel it is taking hold, my first stop is to tell
my family, who run through some reality checks etc. with me. Sometimes, just
telling my parents stops the OCD from taking hold, it is like a release valve.

Anyway, keep at it and DON'T give up.


--- sungsings <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Denise

I will try CBT again. I'm glad to hear it worked for you. Maybe I
just need to persist with it. Yes fear of leaving gas taps on is a
big anxiety for me also. I have read Brain Lock but I think maybe I
need to make time to re-read parts of it.

Thanks

Sungsings


--- In ocdsupportuk@yahoogroups.com, Denise Woolstencroft
<denise_wool@y...> wrote:
> Hi Sungsings
> I used to always check things - even rereading letters before they
were sent, gas being off, coffee pot off (even went down street and
turned home to check again and son was late for school!!) - I usually
have to check things if I think others will be harmed if I did not
check ie gas explosion, giving son wrong medication, starting a
fire.
> I'm not too bad now although I am worrying about going away on
holiday because I will think I left gas on, so quite anxious about
that - thinking of getting a neighbour to go in an check for me by
giving her some keys!!
> The way I have got around it is by just feeling the bad feelings -
and I do feel so panicky as my mind is saying ... what if ??  I'm
actually of medication now - was on 3 prozac per day ... now I take
St John's Wort.  I also had CBT and it was putting it into action - I
saw the pychologist last year and he said that ocd was not really a
problem for me anymore - as I have made such a big progress ... it
was hard.  Ocd does raise it's ugly head every day and I guess it
will always be a part of me .... but it's not such a big part.
> I'm reading Brain Lock by Schwartz at the moment - seems quite
good.  Most important of all - I'm learning to relax and to eat
properly.  I ended up an alcoholic so as to block out my intrusive
thoughts but I have also got through that as well.
> Only advice I can give is put CBT into action and that the horrible
uncomfortable feeling will pass. Try getting hold of Brain Lock as
well - it's easy to read.
> All the best ... Denise
>
> sungsings <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
> hi I was wondering how many other people on this site have trouble
> with checking? It seems like a kind of perfectionism the way I see
> it. I am constantly trying to get things right and hate the anxiety
> that appears if I either don't carry out the action or don't
complete
> it in a 'satisfactory' way. I know the things I'm worried about are
> trivial and stupid but wide-ranging such as bits of dirt on my
> clothes or fingers that "have" to be removed to worrying that my
> glasses aren't positioned on my face properly, electrical
appliances
> turned off properly and no leads sticking out (where they might
trip
> people up) mobile phone checked each time I pick it up because I
> might have accidentally dialled someone's number, objects not to be
> left to close to the gas cooker in case they accidentally fall on
the
> taps and turn them on. On Saturday I couldn't convince myself that
> I'd shut the zips of my rucksack properly and kept opening them and
> closing them about 20 times. When I eventually managed it I worried
> that my personal belongings had fallen out so I then had to check
> that I'd not lost anything - glasses, sunglasses, phone,
painkillers,
> keys and spent half an hour worrying about some keys that I might
> have forgotten and then on through a list of things that I felt
> pretty certain weren't in my bag, but I thought I'd check just to
be
> on the safe side. These are some examples of the crazy senseless
> thoughts I attend to on a daily basis though the last one is not so
> frequent but far too often all the same. I hate the fact that the
> rest of my life has to go on hold until I have dealt with each
> individual obsession. It's so very draining and tiring and robs me
of
> energy and time that I could be putting into more constructive
> things.
>
> I have had OCD a long time and had CBT a couple of years ago but
only
> 6 sessions as it was quite expensive and not that successful. I
know
> a fair bit about this condition and I've read Brainlock and feel
bad
> about the fact that I've still not overcome this condition. It
seems
> as though as fast as I improve with one obsession another one
enters.
>
> I think overcoming this condition takes a lot of guts because you
> have to sit with these thoughts driving you crazy and with one half
> screaming at you to check and make everything alright and the other
> saying "no leave it alone." . I know when I do decide to let go of
> the obsessive thoughts they usually (though not always) go of their
> own accord as long as I focus my attention on something
constructive.
> I guess i've answered my own question really but a lot of the time
I
> just lack the courage to trust. Any helpful suggestions gratefully
> received.
>
> Thanks
>
> Sungsings
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

hi I was wondering how many other people on this site have trouble
with checking? It seems like a kind of perfectionism the way I see
it. I am constantly trying to get things right and hate the anxiety
that appears if I either don't carry out the action or don't complete
it in a 'satisfactory' way. I know the things I'm worried about are
trivial and stupid but wide-ranging such as bits of dirt on my
clothes or fingers that "have" to be removed to worrying that my
glasses aren't positioned on my face properly, electrical appliances
turned off properly and no leads sticking out (where they might trip
people up) mobile phone checked each time I pick it up because I
might have accidentally dialled someone's number, objects not to be
left to close to the gas cooker in case they accidentally fall on the
taps and turn them on. On Saturday I couldn't convince myself that
I'd shut the zips of my rucksack properly and kept opening them and
closing them about 20 times. When I eventually managed it I worried
that my personal belongings had fallen out so I then had to check
that I'd not lost anything - glasses, sunglasses, phone, painkillers,
keys and spent half an hour worrying about some keys that I might
have forgotten and then on through a list of things that I felt
pretty certain weren't in my bag, but I thought I'd check just to be
on the safe side. These are some examples of the crazy senseless
thoughts I attend to on a daily basis though the last one is not so
frequent but far too often all the same. I hate the fact that the
rest of my life has to go on hold until I have dealt with each
individual obsession. It's so very draining and tiring and robs me of
energy and time that I could be putting into more constructive
things.

I have had OCD a long time and had CBT a couple of years ago but only
6 sessions as it was quite expensive and not that successful. I know
a fair bit about this condition and I've read Brainlock and feel bad
about the fact that I've still not overcome this condition. It seems
as though as fast as I improve with one obsession another one enters.

I think overcoming this condition takes a lot of guts because you
have to sit with these thoughts driving you crazy and with one half
screaming at you to check and make everything alright and the other
saying "no leave it alone." . I know when I do decide to let go of
the obsessive thoughts they usually (though not always) go of their
own accord as long as I focus my attention on something constructive.
I guess i've answered my own question really but a lot of the time I
just lack the courage to trust. Any helpful suggestions gratefully
received.

Thanks

Sungsings

i take 150mg......i am sorry it didnt work, but keep
in mind it is a matter of finding the right med.  i
went through so many before i found the right one.
keep hope.

mike
--- robbosgirl@... wrote:

>  i tried it unfortunately it didnt work for me how
> much do you take jenny
>




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i tried it unfortunately it didnt work for me how much do you take jenny

Try EFFEXOR......i had the same thoughts. But did not
want to die.  Its OCD, thats all it is.  EFFEXOR
really helped!


--- robbosgirl@... wrote:

> anyone suggest medication i dont want to die i just
> want these aweful
> thoughts to go jenny
>




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calm down honey.  these thoughts only have power over you because they are so
frightening.  we focus on them because they are awful and unique.  get hold of
some claire weekes or cognitive behavioral therapy.  my own favorite is dr.
abraham low.  you can find his site called "recovery inc" (don't use the
quotation marks).  i remember him so many years ago when i was "going through
it" just like you.  dr. low was (he's long dead) who dealt with mentally ill
clients years ago when they had nothing.  his readings will tell you how
to"spot" your feelings and go through them. the person who became president of
his lay organization had been hospitalized for many years before dr. low got
hold of him and took control.  no meds or shock treatment. lastly, don't be
afraid of medication, it is very valuable until things get under control.  i'm
61 no and have raised my six children and worked many years.  i was so upset
just like you, remember you are NOT perfect, you can only do your best and
  that's plenty good enough.  Oh yes, Dr. Low also writes alot about TEMPER. 
Yes, TEMPER.  Our fearful, arrogant, stubborn, perfectionist, etc. temper.  I
never realized what a fearful temper i had, it was running me ragged. Well
enough, I'll look for your letters to the group.  rose

robbosgirl@... wrote:anyone suggest medication i dont want to die i just
want these aweful
thoughts to go jenny

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

anyone suggest medication i dont want to die i just want these aweful
thoughts to go jenny

Dear Dr. Claiborn or Dr. Jenike.I have a lot of questions.
Dr.Claiborn already told me that compulsive
buying,eating,smoking,drinking,using drugs and traveling actually are
impulses and not OCD. But I know for sure I have OCD from age
14.Please read my"OCD and Mania" long E-Mail,which I sent few days
ago.My question is: I get very angry,irritable and impatient with me
and the whole world.When I am waiting in lines in stores or markets,
I curse people waiting in front of me in my mind,especially,when they
take their time or pay with checks.I also have road rage.I always
argue with my mom about stupid things.She always tells me to do
something and I tell her, that I will not do it at first. But
eventually I always do,what she says. I have a superstition,that my
mother is always right.I don't argue with my wife very often,
because ,if I argue with her about something,she just says;
whatever.I get very irritable,especially,when I am
hungry.Usually,when I eat proteins,like meat and cheese, I feel a lot
better.Carbohydrates help me less,especially the simple ones, like
sugar. Potatoes,rice,pasta and bread help me more.Years ago I thought
I might have low blood sugar. I did the glucose tolerance test and
they did not find anything. My father was the same way: he had OCD
and he was a workaholic. If something did not go his way, he would
curse and scream.But both of us don't show our anger to others. Only
my mom and wife see that. Other people think, that I am very peaceful
and reasonable man,which I am not at all.Are all people with OCD are
irritable,angry and impatient?I also get angry at my rituals. I have
to fix my apartment every day certain way,every object goes in it's
proper place.But I get tired and irritable by doing them, even though
I don't have a choice;I have to do it.Sometimes I take short cuts:
since taking the shower or shaving is very burdensome for me,there
are days I just don't take them,just to avoid the rituals during
doing them.When there is something to be done in future, it stresses
me out in the beginning ususally,until I get used to it and put in my
calendar.It takes time for my brain to digest the information.I am
also dreaded on the idea of moving from my apartment.That is why we
live already 14 years in the same place.If one day we really move, I
have to go somewhere during that time and my wife and her brother
have to move our belongings to the new apartment. I rent my place and
by law every 7 years the Landlord has to paint it,change the carpet
and some other fixings.It has not been done yet. My wife every year
writes letters to him , that it is time to fix the
apartment.Afterwards ususaly I call the Landlord and tell him not to
fix anything. He gets happy,because he is not going to spend any
money. Last week my wife sent the letter to him again, but this time
I am not going to call him,let him fix it this time.In order to fix
it,they have to move all our belongings and furniture and that is why
stressing me out. Maybe, during that time, I will travel
somewhere,just not to see it.I used to work in the Bank till
1993,when I had a nervous breakdown and I had to go on disablity. I
used to be a Manager of the Bank till 1991, when I got demoted for
not following the procedures.That hurt me a lot:I started paying
attention, that I can't see far well and started paying attention at
floaters in front of my eyes. I tried to wear glasses. But I never
got used to them:I would throw them away,when I was getting stressed
at something.All day long I used to think,that I was nearsighted and
see floaters in front of my eyes.I used to hit myself too and hurt me
with sharp objects.When I was home, I would pay attention at noises
that cars were making,when passing by our apartment and not sleep all
night.In 1993 I finally went on disability.From 1996 to 1998 I was in
Hospitals for at least 25 times,I've seen almost the same amount of
psychiatrists and I've tried to commit suicide 7 times.I've taken all
kinds of
medications:depakote,prozac,zoloft,paxil,wellbutrin,risperdal,cogentin
,ativan,xanax,valium,klonopin and others. I also took 18 sessions of
ECT treatmens, which did not help me. I don't know, why they gave me
ECT,since I did not have any depression. It's just gave me short term
memory loss for 2 years.Right now I take:225mg of effexor, 2,5mg of
zyprexa and 50 mg of luvox.The current Doctor is the most
compassionate and knowledgeable Doctor,that I had.They don't make
brand luvox anymore. Is the generic,I think it's fluvoxamine,is as
good ,as the brand one.My symptoms now are:impulsive
buying,eating,drinking,using drugs and traveling. I used to smoke 3
packs of Marlboro until 10 days ago,when I quit for the 100th time
already. I have elborate rituals,I am a perfectionist.Although there
are a lot of things in our apartment,everything is in order and have
a certain place.When I think of something to do or buy or go,I have
to act on it to alleviate the anxiety and obsessive thoughts.I don't
have as much and as often anxiety ,as before.Anti-anxiety medications
never help me,so goes for the herbs.Unfortunately, for anxiety only
drinking,using drugs and time helps it.I went to Medical School in
Armenia for 5 years and I knew,which medication to take to get high.I
was self medicating myself.I used to take even some Anti-Parkinsonism
pills,which would make me very slow and give me a velvety feeling.I
would like to go to work one day,but just the idea is stressing me
out. I've tried volunteer jobs in at least 7 or 8 places, butI was
quitting after going there for a day. My will of power is very weak
now. I get very tired and I feel very weak. I also gained a lot of
weight(at least 70 ponds) and I sweat escessively.I also get manic
episodes sometimes,when I don't sleep for days, I talk non-stop and I
do a lot of activities in a day.I think Dr. claiborn answered me
about my repeating senseless words and phrases to my wife and my mom
only, over and over again.I don't repeat those words and phrases to
other people, so I have some control over it.I am asking the same
question again,is that a mild form of Tourret's Syndrome? I also
can't keep a secret from anybody,which started in 1988. Before that I
was able to lie and cheat to a lot of people.But after that day,I
have to tell,especially my mom and my wife about every single thing I
did during the day.I was not able to keep anything to myself.Is is
some kind of guilt related OCD.I feel guilty,if I've done something
bad and not told them.I also have some sadistic feelings towards
dogs,except our dog,whom I love dearly. I used to hit one of our
friend's dogs secretly.I used to steal from different places too till
1988,when my guilt trip started. Actually it worked in my
advantage,because I stopped doing that terrible and shamefull
habit.Two weeks ago I got drunk and I took Crystal Meth for the first
time.I also smoked crack and weed and drank a lot of beers during
that time. I did not sleep,eat,call or come home for 2 days.I was
going to sex stores and stripteases and spending thousnads of
dollars.I bought $800.00 worth of sex videos alone. When I finally
came home, my wife was very angry and worried.I had a bad withdrawal
and almost overdosed next day. I went to E.R. twice that day.A week
before that,I took 25 10mg valiums and then I went to E.R. at night
again and lied to them that I have bad migraine,schiatic nerve pains
and back pains.Of course they gave me, what I wanted : a shot of
morphine and bottle of Vicodine. I took all 10 of them at one
time.Next day I went to bars and have at least 6 beers and I went to
strip club again.I probably have very high tolerance,especially to
pills and drugs,because I am lucky I am not overdosing.Maybe I have a
death wish,I don't know. I live very dangerously: I drive very fast,
I skydive often, I go to dangerous neighborhoods at night, I start
fights,I consume everything in excess and I even travel at least 20
times a year.It is is like living in a fast lane.I like to go to
movies,concerts,ethnic folk
dances,festvals,restaurants,bars,clubs,friends and relatives houses.I
also collect almost everything:stamps,coins,pins,viewmaster
reels,snowballs,souvenirs,books,CD's,DVD's,Videos,Board Games,puzzles
and some other stuff.I have over 1000 DVD's and Videos and I've
traveled to aroud 165 countries and dependencis. I would not have
enough money for this, but there is somebody,who always gives me
moeny,when I needed it.From 1982 till now(that is first,when I came
to U.S.) she probably gave me at least $200,000.00 to spend.Luckily
my wife staying by me all this time.I don't watch sports,but I do
some of it:swimming,bycicling,tennis,mini-golf,skiing,walking and
going to Spa. i also go to Yoga(Raja,which is mind Yoga).I've tried
alternative medicines too:chinese medicine,ayurveda,chiropractic
medicine,homeopathy,herbs,naturapathy ,accupuncture and I paid to all
kinds of spiritual freaks ,who promised to help me. I prayed in all
kinds of places of worship for help and cure for this disease and
evil: Christian Churches, Mosques, Hindu Temples, Buddhist Temples,
Synagogues, Pagan Places and at home of course. I am an Orthodox
Christian by faith,but I can pray anywhere.I also went to UCLA to Dr.
J. Shwartz group for a while.Afterwards I've tried CBT and Exposure
and Response Rrevention treatment at UCLA again headed by a Clinical
Nurse Karron Maidment.But as always, I quit and my reason was,that I
could not stand the anxiety.I am also very shy,quiet and introvert.I
think effexor made me more outgoing and social and more self
confident,which is dangerous to me. I am always afraid,if my OCD
stops, my life will be very depressive and boring,because I would not
want to do anything.Drving force of my life are my thoughts,which
made me do almost everything I want in this life. My philosophy
is,that I have to try everything in this life before
dying.Doctors,please tell me,which part of this is OCD and what about
the other parts?Thank you for your patience reading this long
nonsense. Roberto Dolabjian.

I buy compulsively every day almost: at shops or internet. Mostly I
buy DVD's,Videos, CD's, Books,Pins, Stamps, Coins,
Souvenirs,Snowballs, Playboy Magazines printed in foreign
countries,Board Games,CD ROM's,Viewmaster Reels and some other stuff.
I also travel compulsively(I've been in about 165 countries and
dependencies).My wife gets very upset and angry, because we are not
rich at all and she is the only one, who is working. I get only my
disability money.I also compulsively go to museums,
concerts,festivals,ethnic folk dances, movies,restaurants, bars,clubs
and some other places.I drink,eat a lot. It is a week, that I quit
smoking almost 3 packs of Marlboro a day.I use drugs sometimes,but
when I use it, I do it in excess.Whenever I have an absessive thought
to buy or go somewhere, I have to do it to releive the anxiety and
stop the obsessive thought.So I do compulsive behaviour and elaborate
rituals all day long. I don't have the classic OCD symptoms: washing
a lot, fear of germs,religious and sexual thoughts,fear of running
over somebody and others.I also have some manic episodes,without the
depressive period.Sometimes I repeat the senseless words and phrases
over and over again to my mom and my wife only. It is probably some
kind of a mild Tourret's Syndrome.I use luvox50mg,effexor225mg and
zyprexa 2.5mg.I go to Yoga and Spa and I do some sports. I have all
kinds of compulsions, except gambling. I hardly gamble.I don't like
watching sports either.I get very irritable and angry at the whole
world and myself very often.Nothing really helps for my anxiety,
except time itself. I've tried
homeopathy,naturopathy,ayurveda,chinese
medicine,herbs,accupuncture,chiropractic mediceine,
massage,reflexology, Yoga,all kinds of religion and I paid to all
kinds of charlatans, who promised they will help me. I've been in a
hospitals at least 25 times, seen 24 psychiatrists, tried almost all
types of antypsychotic,antianxietic,antidepressants and some others.
I've also tried 18 sessions of ECT(Electro-Convulsive Therapy). The
Cognitive or Exposure and Response Prevention Therapies ,I was not
able to continue .I only went for few sessions , but anxiety got very
strong,so I had to quit. I also went to group therapies with Dr. J.
Schwartz at UCLA, who wrote the book "Brain Lock".Basically my daily
routine is:I watch TV,I read magazines and books, I listen to music,I
rent movies, I go out to movies, to eat,to drink or to concerts and
festivals.Sometimes i like to visit my friends and relatives.And I am
on the computer for at least 8 hours a day.Please respond to me, if
anyone has similar symptoms and behaviour.Thank you. Roberto
Dolabjian.

if anyone has any ideas on meds that might help please email me
robbosgirl@aol,comI dobnt want to die I just what thease thoughts to go I cant
read books
or watch tv I an so desperate I have a beautiful house and we are out all the
time 200 miles some days life is hell jenny

I bought compulsively again in the morning(some magazines and
videos). Please read my posted 8-24-04 1:00PM Pacific US time long E-
Mail named "OCD and Mania" to better understand,what I am talking
about. Thank you. Roberto Dolabjian

I have OCD from age 14. My father had one too, although he never
admitted. The character of my OCD changes from month to month and I
don't really know, where to start from.In the beginning at age 14 I
did not know what was happening to me. I read a book,which scared me.
I started having anxiety and to cope with it I started doing
elaborate rituals(counting,touching,organizing and so on). After a
year I told my parents. They took me to Neurologist.She said, that it
is part of my growing up and she put me on good protein diet. I felt
good for a year. Then it's started again. To cope with anxiety I
started to use drugs and alcohol. I was going to Medical School. This
all was happening in Armenia, former U.S.S.R.I came back to U.S. in
1982.I did not continue my Medical School here,but went to work as a
clerk in a Department Store and then I worked in a Bank holding
different positions.From 1982 to 1993 I was using again drugs, pills
and alcohol to cope with my situation. I was very angry and irritable
and at night I could not sleep from helicopter noises flying around
our neighborhood and car noises.It was very hard for me to work. I
used to live with my mom and grandfather.I am perfectionist by nature
and I wanted to organize the house my way, but my relatives would
mess everthing out.In 1990 I got married and moved with my wife
separately. Now I was able to fix the things in the house my way and
also organize me wife's things too. She did not mind much. I became a
Manager at the Bank, everything was going well. I did not wanted to
have kids. Then in 1991 I was demoted at my job, for not following
the procedures. My anxiety came back severely,I started seeing
floaters in front of my eyes,I could not see far well, but at the
same time I was not able to wear glasses.I was very stressed out from
my boss's too. At night I was not able to sleep, because I would
think of noises of cars passing by at night. Eventually I had nervous
breakdown and I went on disability in 1993. From that point till now
I've seen at least 25 psychiatrists and psychologists and I've
hospitalized 21 times. They even gave me 18 sessions of ECT(Electro-
Convulsive Therapy).I've tried anafranil,tofranil,
depakote,prozac,zoloft,seroquel,wellbutrin,ativan,klonopin,valium,xana
x,cogentine and all kinds of other medications. I've tried Chinese
Medicine, Ayurveda, Chiropractic Medicine, Accupuncture,
Accupressure,Massage, Reflexology,Homeopathy,Naturopathy, Yoga,
Spa,Religion and payed to all kinds of sharlatans,who told me they
can help me.I am obsessive in evething:I eat excessively, I drink
excessively, I use drugs sometimes,I abuse my medications and I've
tried to commit suicide 7 times.I buy compulsively in stores and on
the computer and I travel in excess too. I've been in 165 Countries
and Dependencies. Last year I went to 26 trips , most of them to
foreign countries.I am not a rich man at all, I am in debt. We don't
even own a house or an apartment.The only thing I don't like, is
gambling. I like going to Las Vegas, but when I go, I play only for
$20.00 at the time.Until 3 days ago I was smoking almost 3 packs of
Marlboro a day. Right now I quit. We'll see, how it goes. I did not
have good doctors, until 6 months ago,when I met this new Doctor. He
was my colleage in Armenia and he is very caring. He put me on 225mg
of effexor and he reduced my luvox from 200mg to 50 mg. He also
reduced my zyprexa from 5mg to 3.75mg.But when I tried to reduce my
Luvox from 50mg, I started having severe anxiety.So in few days I
increased my luvox to 200mg. But it was to fast. I went into manic
stage,I was very irritable, I could not sleep at night,I would talk
non-stop and I would do dozens of activities a day. So on my Doctor's
advice I slowly reduced my luvox back to 50mg, but I stopped at
that.Every time, when I have anxiety I do a compulsive act, like
buying something, arranging the house,writing in my organizer or
drinking.I also went to Cognitive Exposure and Response Prevention
Program at UCLA, but I quit,I could not take the anxiety. I also went
to OCD support group at UCLA with Dr. J. Schwartz.My family also went
to family OCD groups at UCLA.A week ago I went out by myself to
Hostess Club, then I went drinking in Hollywood Clubs;afterwards for
the first time I used Crystal Meth and I did not call or come home
for two days. I went to all kinds of sex clubs,sex stores and who
knows where.I used also crack,weed and drank beer. When finally I
came home, I had a bad withdrawal and almost overdosed. I went to
E.R. twice in one day. I used all kinds of drugs in my life, but this
was my worst experience.I like to collect everthing: I have almost
1000 DVD's and VHS's,100ds of CD's, thousands of books. I collect
stamps, pins,coins,souvenirs,snowballs,viewmaster reels, sex
magazines and Videos,Board Games and some other stuff.There are days
I sleep and there are days I don't sleep at all. So I use the
computer all night,or I read or watch TV. Right now my Doctor is on
vacation till the end of the month.I also have Obsession with Details
and Racing Thoughts, which is hard to explain.When I have
anxiety,nothing really helps, except time. Anti-anxiety medications
never helped me. My anxiety I feel in my throat. I think there is a
term for it: Globus Hystericus.My Obsessive thoughts and my
Compulsions and rituals are out of control. I am overweight and I
have weakness and fatigue.I sweat exsessively and I can't hold heavy
objects.At one time in my life I had Vertigo and Numbness of my
head.Also I remember, when I used to take aminoacid Tryptophan, I
used to sleep better and I was more relaxed. Right now they have only
5-Hydroxytryptophan, but I can't take them combining with my
medications. The same is for St.John's Wort. The herbal medicines and
tonics don't help me either, they are too weak.The only good things
in my life,is that my mom and my wife always stand by me and very
full of support,understanding and compassion.I am on Disability from
1993 and during that time I went to DIDI HIRSCH Mental Support
Groups, Partial Hospitalization Programs and I tried to do different
Volunteer jobs.I've also been in a long term hospital too. But last
time I was in a Hospital , was in 1998.So even though my condition is
lousy, I am doing much better, than before.I used to walk with my
wife for miles a day.I walked all over:from West Hollywood to
Pasadena,to Santa Monica,to San Fernando Valley and so on. But I
don't walk anymore, because I get tired fast and I sweat excessively.
I go to Raja Yoga sometimes,I joined the Spa recently again. We go
often to movies, concerts,folk dance
presentations,theatres ,restaurants and bars. Last few years we
started doing Cruises. Next year for my wife's 50th birthday we are
going to a cruise around South America for 14 days(from Buenos Aires
to Santiago).It goes around Cape Horn.There are times I am happy and
there are times I am miserable and angry and hate everything and
everbody.I read a lot of magazines, mostly scientific and geographic
material.I like to watch documentaries,movies and a little news. I
don't like watching sports.But I like doing some of it,like
bycicling,swimming,tennis,basketball,soccer,mini golf and some
others.I like everthing to do with ethnic and foreign countries:
ethnic food,foreign movies,traveling to foreign
countries;souvenirs,pins,stamps,viewmaster
reels,snowballs,coins,books,CD's, Videos about and from foreign
countries. I even have Playboy Magazines printed in almost 50
countries.I am very organized, but I don't know, when I will return
to work again.I have to adjust my medication and find new solutions
to my problems.My will of power is very weak right now,
unfortunately.I don't have most of classic OCD, like excessive
washing, fear of germs, fear of running over somebody,religious fears
and others. I used to have Hypochondria, Anxiety and Panic attacks.
But this is gone now.I am telling you, my OCD is changing day by day
and I don't know what tomorrow will bring.I repeat senseless words
and phrases only to my mom and my wife over and over again. Some kind
of mild Tourett's Disorder. I am very shy and introvert. But when I
am drunk or on drugs I am the most outgoing and fun person in the
world.I have also Mitral Valve Prolapse from my birth, which they say
gives anxiety too.Enough for my life. I will wait for any comments to
my life story. Roberto Dolabjian.

Finally, today I choose to talk about my major problem.  I'd like to share my
feelings & thoughts and what's going on my mind... I want to break my silence.
Frankly, as usual, I'll talk about everything that I am suffering with respect
to this issue. This issue is surrounding me from all over my body & mind and
it's taking a lot of efforts and power to forget about it or to maintain it as
well, but at the end of everyday I feel useless & suppress. Day after day and my
problem still existing in my mind it's like a hard obsession... it's basically
about "Religion & the others."



Since 1999, when I was 19 years old, I don't remember what happened that time
exactly, but I can say that I was obsessing about the word "hatred" & "the
others".  I was passing by a time when I just say I hate someone I will hate the
all as an example to let it be clear once I went to the university and when I
woke up in the morning the word "hate" was on my mind as an obsession & it was
for the guys, so I went out to the university and the word hate on my mind ,so
what happened is that I stop looking to the guys and I focus on girls only
(weird, isn't it?) and the next day directly, I was focusing on guys because I'd
the word hate for girls this time.



And then this way of thinking followed me to hate my religion (my own believe),
then I said Oh I can't hate my religion because I am Muslim and that’s will not
work with me. The same as I did in the case when I hate the guys before, I said
to myself how can I hate guys and I am one of them?!



The struggle continued as a big stone on my shoulder. But that's exceed the
limits, and then this way of thinking followed me to hate & get feared / scared
from the others and the religion of others. More than once, I was really scared
when someone from another religion and especially Christians Religion came & ask
me how to help him to reach the right road, so when I saw him coming with a
cross in his neck I really panic and my shaking hands & also turned red face, so
I wasn't able to help him and that’s still as a shock to me every time I
remember it.

Just to know, it was before September 11, 2001.



Let me stop here to discuss because i don't want anyone to misunderstand me. As
I said scary, yes scary, afraid when I am in touch or face to face with a
Christian guy/girl & when it comes in contact with a group or party that’s the
most difficult situation I ever faced. I don't know exactly what I feel because
it's difficult to explain, but I feel something inside my brain happening
something like stress or tension all over the body & red face and it's hurting
and destroying my life as well. As if I'm holding tones of stones on my head and
shoulder. Yes, that’s exactly what I feel & it's very clear. That’s bothering me
a lot, really its bothering me a lot and u know here in Lebanon; we had a civil
war between Muslims & Christianity in between the 1989-1991 and over 20 years of
war from Israel on our lands since 1982, so maybe I think it’s a unconscious way
of thinking came after years to became a conscious way of thinking.



Actually, I'm now feeling too bad in this moment. Insecure, unsafe, unprotected,
exposed (open) to attack because I'm writing about the most difficult thing
that’s bothering me for more than 5 years and I am extremely tired from the way
of thinking towards Christianity people all over the world, because I've
something as the Psychologists said it's called over-generalize, so I said if
George is bad then the most of Christianity is bad. I guess it’s the same way
when Mr. Bush said that Ben Laden is Arab ,Ben Laden is Terrorist this leads him
to say that All Arabs are tourist. Actually, I am trying to overcome this way of
thinking with the help of others throughout the time, but hopelessly. Well, I'm
extremely sorry for that, but I know very well that it's not in my hands.



Do you think this way of thinking effect my studies? Well, the answer is yes.
When I want to choose a certain university, certain courses, teachers and
certain students to talk with… what you will come to your mind just now is that
I am fanatic, so please let me free to say: I am sure that I am not Fanatic 100
%. I am really do care for all people in all over the world even the USA troops
my hearts goes for them. I feel the sorrow for them from my bottom of my heart!!
We have to admit that it's a politics' game.



That’s confusing for the one who is reading my email, or for the one who don't
know me well. You will ask me this question: how you pray for Christian people
and you hate them or they scare you! The answer is simply it's a struggle in my
mind, whereas my close friends don't have this struggle!!



Let me put you in the picture, I always put a covers and labels to people.. Oh
this is a priest, oh this is a Manager.. this is a doctor.. this is a
Christain.. this is an Arabian  & so on..



Even though I am going with my friends out, I am not enjoying my time so far.

My best friends come from different religions & parties. I've various kinds of
friends: Muslim, Christians, Budezium. Do you think I am lucky? I think yeah,
but I am unhappy, because of my obsession I can't free my mind from it even if
we become so close friend. Don't worry, I'll explain to let it be clear image.
Assume that, you hate, or feel afraid, or not in safe hands when you see a girl
wearing a scarf all over her head, so what you will come to your mind directly?
Oh, it's wearing a scarf, then she is a Muslim or Arab what you will do next? I
guess you will escape from her if you are suffering like me because you can't
fight the fear and overcome it in the meaning time. But what if she is on the
same air-plane & going to same country and you will be sitting next to her
because of the tickets' number, then how can you escape!!! You will be going to
the toilet every half an hour to relax your body & take oxygen or you will keep
unhappy all over the trip. What if I am going to
  tell you that it happened to me once in cinema when my two close friends
(Christian) asked me to sit between them and of course I couldn't say no because
the lane was completed ( there is no enough places) ,so I couldn't refuse
because also it will be rude from me! Right? Do you like to tell you how did I
feel? Extremely frustrated & sick I don't know why please don't ask me why! I
need mercy I need to cry cuz all my body was full of stress fuel and that's
strange from me because those two guys I know them and they are my close
friends, so why should I get scared or not in safe hands when they are with me
or when I am sitting next to them! Why always this cover should exist & this
label that I give to them that they are Christians should reveal? I should stop
that, I should take an action, but I can't!



Even when I hear Western music or go to night clubs or restaurants or hear
Christian's singers

Singing songs although I bought albums and hear a lot of songs for Shakira &
Britney Spears & Jennifer Lopez, but I always say her name is Jennifer so she is
Christian so I should get afraid from her or escape from her... I don't know why
there is no reason!!



I went three times to a church even though I am Muslim & I opened the bible
book, but I didn't understand it well... I felt anxious... sure. But what shall
I do? I must face my problem right? But why its not disappear if I am doing well
with the others? I am confused, I go to church and open a bible book, and so am
I fanatic? If I am not then why I am not feeling okay with the other believes?!
Why my mind is not accepting the others' believes... why this fear and
overwhelmed behavior? Why it's going to be worst thing if I met a Christian girl
or guy? Why this standing trigger object facing me? Why even if I look to the
others eyes I feel anxious? Why that if I heard my friend's Christian voice I
become nervous or stressful? Why that if I go to work and hear names like:
George, Elie ,Tony I become anxious and my color of my face changed? Why
shouldn't be able to be free while watching Western or local Christian programs
or TV cables? Even though, I've Christian relatives. Even though,
  I behave well with people & respect them all.



The most scary movie and situation 100 % ATTACK to me was "THE PASSION" when I
was in the cinema watching it, I went off-on, off-on from my place & to the
toilet.



I never had a Christian girlfriend even though she was able to do the best to
make me happy because I was thinking a lot of her religion before her. Even
though she accepted me being fat. I can't go with her or be her boy friend
because I don't feel safe still the idea stuck in my mind. Please don't blame me
now.







The barriers that I put in my mind before meeting anyone & while chatting with
anyone, I've to overcome them or minimize them as my psychologist said to me:
"You have to minimize your stress and your fear & not to cut it off at all
because you can't verify 100 % solution to your problem".



I was in the navy forces in Lebanon doing my military service, but I was feeling
somehow okay even though they are mostly 90 % Christian religions there, but I
was feeling safe may be for two main reasons: I was seeing a Psychologist at the
same time I was serving & also the officer was very good with me and of course I
feel safe because I am in the army, so the result no one will kill me or play
bad games. & it was a kind of adaptation to me because I was seeing the same
guys in the same clothes (army clothes) and I get used to them as well.





What crossing my minds I am saying, so I want to say that I never entered a
Christian school before. I wasn't having Christian friends before. And now I am
afraid to go to another country or even another location from my place as if I
want to be stuck in my place in the city, but from inside I don't of course...
but as a matter of fact  to escape from pain I relax at home. May be its better
to me to live in an isolated area to feel free from this obsession, but I guess
I'll gain another obsession to let my mind race again.







Maybe now it’s a good work for me, that I am writing about my problem and
defining it, so that will help me, but what I know is that once I talk in this
subject to my best friend (he is Muslim) and he said: I had this problem in the
past when I wasn't having any friend from other religion, but now I overcome it.
So my best friend overcomes it & he also traveled to Europe this summer & I've
met his Christian' friend from a year ago & we become friends & we are going
with each others every Saturday with 2 friends as a group... but I am not
feeling okay! WHY ME!! Why should I feel stress when I am with them? When we are
going by the same car? And the others (in the group) don't feel the same as I
do? My friends went once and sleep at his home, but I didn't go.. Why me?? Why
shouldn't I enjoy my life and go everywhere? Why those barriers in my head? I am
not blaming myself now, but I am saying why should I be afraid and I've 3 other
best & good friends are Christians.



Why the fear from others!?? When I love the others?!





I want to talk also about my suffer from my Christian dentist who did my braces
to me, but I guess I'll leave it for the next time.



I don't want to hurt anyone by my way of thinking or even by submitting my email
to you, but I want to deal with it in open mind as everyone tells me I'm
friendly & have an open minded thoroughly.



OMG, I feel embracement, frustrated & overwhelmed.



Well to end up, thank you a lot for your time in reading my letter. Please
notice that no offensive to any religion. Honestly, I love all religions &
respect everyone and I do care for anyone on earth without any discrimination
either if s/he is black (coloured) or belong to any ethnic group or even if s/he
is atheist. I am not one-side to any group or religion, but the problem is
definitely in my mind with my way of thinking & dealing with this struggle & in
the way of seeing the things and others. I know I've to change my focus on this
issue I think with the help of others.



"One of my dreams is to free my mind from this obsession & to go to any place I
want without thinking of anything two times."














    Peace
    From the Middle Eastern
    Beirut - Lebanon


---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I have the above thoughts I dont want to die but I cant read books or
watch tv and I have these thoughts all the time can you suggest meds
to help as my shrink hasnt a clue robbosgirl@.... jenny please
help if you can I am desperate

Hi everybody,

Myself and several other sufferers decided last year that not enough
was being done here in the UK so we set about to create a brand new
charity for UK based OCD sufferers, thus OCD-UK was born.

Our Bulletin Board has been up and running since January:

http://www.ocduk.org/forums/

Our main website launched yesterday:

http://www.ocduk.org/


With different views and opinions on causes of OCD, treatment
methods etc we have tired to offer a balanced view and also focus on
the occasional positives with OCD, success stories and also what
people can still achieve despite having OCD.

Anyway, if you can list our site I would be very grateful.

Best regards,

Ashley.

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Hi Michael,

This support group suffered in a similar manner as of OCD. When it was at its
peak with all of us sharing our concerns, it just vanished.

Let us get back to all our concerns.

cheers

sandeep

ocdfighter <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
Just wondered how everyone is doing with their fight to overcome OCD?

So . . . how's it going - let us all know and let's get this board a
bit more active again!

Michael


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Just wondered how everyone is doing with their fight to overcome OCD?

So . . . how's it going - let us all know and let's get this board a
bit more active again!

Michael