Hi Jamie,
I haven't posted in a while...but when I do, I usually go OTT. And,
this might be such a case. Apologies first and foremost.

I'm glad you found this group and first, please be welcomed to our
group. My opinions are only that...MY opinions. So, if I say
anything to offend you, please do not count this as the whole group.

I have some issues with your post. You say you "self diagnosed"
yourself with OCD. Have you been properly diagnosed? There are
millions of things out there that SOUND like OCD, but until a doctor
or psychiatrist diagnose you, I wouldn't treat myself as having OCD.
1> There is cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) that can do a great
deal, 2> Just speaking to a dr who knows what he's doing can be a
great help, and 3> Medications help a bunch!!!
You say your situation with OCD seems to get worse during stressful
periods. This may or MAY NOT be OCD. Many illnesses can bring on OCD
symptoms, in certain situations, but, again, are not OCD. It could be
an illness that is certainly OCD related.
You say the fear of doing bad on your exams and took you an hour to
learn something that should have taken a short while. That could
simply be STRESS. Depending on how much your parents put on you to
pass the exams, how much you put on yourself...you could simply be
having the SYMPTOMS of OCD, brought on by a traumatic event or situation.
You say you now know how to control it...but don't say HOW you control
it. And, oddly enough, your symptoms have dwindled now that your
exams are over and you don't have to set them again.
You say you have "learnt that not giving in and just accepting that
terrible compulsive feeling really does work". What exactly are you
saying here? Are you saying that you are not giving in? Are you
saying that you just accept that have these feelings?
And, if you'll excuse me...I have a RIGHT PROBLEM with this next bit:
You write:>>>>>No one knows that I have OCD (not my parents, friends
etc) except myself and now you! I dont think Ill ever tell my close
family.
I must ask...WHY? WHY haven't you told them? WHY don't you think
you'll ever tell your close family? I don't get that part. AND, if
you did go to doctor and was clinically diagnosed, you would see why
it is so important to tell your family. Why it is important to tell
your friends. Hell, everyone I meet, practically, knows I have OCD.
I know it's up to the individual...but 99% of the time, a doctor will
either tell you to tell your family members...or will ask for a
meeting with them.
PLUS, if word doesn't get out and everyone sits back and hides in the
corner, then we're no better off than we were 20 years ago when OCD
was still classed as a MENTAL ILLNESS, which it is not. It is a
CHEMICAL IMBALANCE. If we hid it, we might as well go back 20 years
and tape Patty Duke's (Anna) mouth shut. We might as well go back to
dunking each other in cold water...or giving each other shock
treatment!!!!
Then, you go on to say, you're still on about those exam marks...and
you say "they also know I could have gone better"...WHY? Why would
have done any better? How on earth would your parents know what you
are capable of? Then you say, "but unfortunately don't know why I
didn't go better"...well, I would say that is probably because you
didn't speak up and say I MIGHT HAVE OCD or another illness. Then you
say "which makes me look stupider (more stupid) than I really am."
Are you saying your stupid because you may have OCD? Are you saying
that what might beOCD hindered your work so poorly, but yet you passed?
Are you aware that if you are diagnosed, you are classified as
mentally disabled. Therefore, you have to have allowances made for
you. When I test for certain things at work, I have allowances made,
BY LAW. When I passed with really high marks, I decided to see HR
about giving me the test with no allowances, figuring I might do
pretty/fairly well. Well, I bombed.
I'm no proud that I have OCD and it's certainly not something that I
asked for. However, because I am mentally disabled, I will use my
allowances that the law made for me.
You also call it a HORRIBLE ILLNESS. I really take offense to that.
It's part of me, and I have had it since age 12. To say that my
illness is horrible, it is saying that *I* am horrible...and I'm no.
I am a regular person that happens to have OCD.
You also say that you feel for us...you know exactly what we're going
through. You don't know what I'M going through. IF you have OCD, you
haven't owned up to the fact and admitted, really, to yourself that
you MIGHT have OCD. I've admitted to myself, my husband (at the
time), my now husband, my parents, my family, my friends, my work.
Mainly, to myself. And, if you'll pardon me...I do not see where you
have "improved". You're still hiding in the corner...IF you even have
OCD.
You say you have got through it...no you haven't. Not if it's OCD.
You don't "get through" OCD. And, it doesn't just last a short while
(even a long while) and then let up. It doesn't work that way. I'm
43 years old...and I would not say that even *I* have improved or got
through it. I've learned over the years to DEAL WITH IT and live with it.



I best stop now, cause I could go on and on and on...but I dinnae want
Denise to ban me...or kick me out.
Mainly, my suggestion to you, is go to a doctor, first. Period. If
you've done that, then go to therapy. If you've done that...go to CBT.

Thanks for listening,
Charmaine/Star