Hi im new. I decided to join this forum because i dont know what the
**** to do.

Heres my situation....I probably have the worst type of OCD its so
bad I dont want to say what the side effects are. As a result I cant
make friends or get work. Everywhere i go im a target I had to stop
going out and everytime I go into shops people just want to get rid
of me, anytime I go anywhere people want to get rid of me.

Right now is particualrly depressing I have finished University and I
have a degree in computer studies but I cant get a fucking job
because of this fucking problem. I keep getting pressurised by the
people in the jobcentre to find a job, but I cant get one because of
my problem, I had one last Thursday it was terrible.

Unfortunately im still living at home because of this problem. My
father doesnt give a fuck and is happy I have this problem, my mother
keeps pretending that I dont have a problem ( because she cant deal
with it anymore) and keeps forcing me into situations which cause me
to humiliate myself.

I actually think i can beat it beacuse I meditate, but the thing is
im not being given time to to develop the skills to block the
thoughts, so either im going to die of a heart attack, or kill
myself.....im really,really,really fed up.

One last thing I realise that this may have turned into a physical
problem beacuse there have been times were I THOUGHT I had controlled
the problem, but the side-effect is till there. I have tried all
sorts of things to stop the side-effect but it still remains, if I
can reach a certain level of meditation and the problem still
persists then I know I need to see a doctor. But I know the root
cause has been a compulsion disorder thast started in 1998 ever since
then I have the side-effect, maybe I have had the problem for so long
that the side-effect still persists even when I control my thoughts.
Hope this makes sense.