I dunno what is happening to me i am feeling so down right now .. u can easily
see me putting one of my hand on my head and the other hand typing to you. i am
so tired not because i want to sleep ..Nope, its cuz of thinking of many things
and because of my younger brother i really hate him cuz he is so hard on me.. i
think he knew something about me ( homosex), but he is not telling me !!
anyway, i can easily feel the pain and suffer at home .. i wish i can travel
somewhere for ever or someone who can take care of me cuz i am really tired from
these many struggle situations . OR i wish i die dying is something great i can
easily get rest from people around me and "espically" my family & my younger
brother.

Also, i am afraid from pictures and someone to photography me ( Video or Camera
).. but today i took pic by my ownself and i am afraid right now too if someone
can see them i want to hide them in a place no one can see them i want to delete
them maybe i am thinking alot its an obsessively way . i am sometime dealing
with it, like at university in the Computer Lab they put camera to view people (
understand) are u still with me ???? please continue reading my letter with me,
i am really suffering i wish someone to support me Psychologically,
mentally..like i said ; cameras (s) is something sensitive up till now for me ..
its making my head hurts ( pain ) , but i can't avoid camera (s) i think camera
is everywhere even at the supermarket.. but i am suffering.... ANY SOLUTION
??????? QUICK ONE

Next Week, i am going on a picnic on Sunday, April 11, 2004 & i am totally
worried becuase of the camers . i have cramp neck when someone take photo for me
& also with headache and heart pumps.

Moreover, my work is going to be in the hotels cuz i am now studying "Hotel
Management" i like this major, but i am worry of the stress that will happen at
the hotels u know travelers , lodging , crowd people and noisy especially in the
Banquets.. what if i am anxious or understress time .. how can i deal with it or
if i am working, but i am also thinking of the camera or spy camera around me
?!! Critically, really critical and its going to be more pain for me next
semester when i am going to start training at the hotels. I know someone can
help me, but i don't know whom !!!

i am drinking tea now maybe i relax a little ........

I can't relax i can't stop thinking >> i am out of control ..

maybe i have a bad luck .>> maybe i don't have to live a better life...

thanks for listening................ please help me

Truely yours,

Ryan 24








From the Middle Eastern
Lebanon - Beirut City


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