Thought I'd pass this along.

Actual Notes In Hospital Charts

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
     states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side
     for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better,
     and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
     She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since
     she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male,
     mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient´s medical history has been remarkably
       insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the
       past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most
      of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car
      for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
       accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However,
       he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank,
       who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Gettin' Old
------------------------------------------------------------
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in
and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in
or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't
know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old
is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon
as I see who's at the door."