GUESS WHO CAME TO BREAKFAST?

This week, the United States Department
of agriculture continued its ongoing
investigation of yours truly by sending
two special agents from the Inspector
General?s office to my New Jersey home.

How would you like to be investigated for
terrorism by a powerful government agency?
Two of my daughters were very upset and
had trouble sleeping the night before.

I felt that witnesses were essential, so I
invited Karen Mahaboir, a reporter with the
Bergen Record, Northern New Jersey?s largest
newspaper, to sit in on the meeting. I also
invited my dad.

During the interrogation, my daughter Lizzy
snapped a photograph of special agent William
Squires. Lizzy captured a tiny piece of my
profile in the far left of the photo. The
reporter is sitting on the couch.

Unfortunately, Lizzy did not get a full photo
of Agent Irena Tutco. Agent Tutco was by far
the prettier of the two investigators.

http://www.notmilk.com/graphcs/usdaagent.jpg

Agent Squires was not happy that his likeness
was captured on film. He was also not happy
that a member of the press was present, and
commented that this had never happened to him
before. I replied that this was a new
experience for me too--the first time that
I was being investigated for terrorism.
The reporter was allowed to remain, and she
took very good notes.

I was informed that a complaint had been
filed against me. I asked for a copy of
that complaint, but my request was turned
down. The Sixth Amendment of the Bill
of Rights in America?s Constitution
guarantees that a citizen has the
unalienable right to know his accuser,
but that right seems not to be applicable
during "payback time."

I told agents Squires and Tutco that my
first book "MILK-The Deadly Poison"
incriminated Monsanto, the company that
now sells the genetically engineered
bovine growth hormone. I gave them each
a copy of a recent column that I wrote
about George Bush?s "Monsanto" cabinet.
Their boss, USDA Secretary Ann Veneman,
once worked closely with Monsanto. So,
too, did Attorney General John Ashcroft
and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas
once served as Monsanto?s attorney. Will
I survive such a power play?

http://www.notmilk.com/pelican.html

After writing the above column, many of
you warned me that I would soon be deeply
mired in stinky bovine excrement. Such
warnings seem to have come to pass.

I asked Special Agent Squire if it was
against the law for one to say that he
or she would bring Mad Cow Disease or
Foot and Mouth Disease from England
to America.

I was informed that an individual could
be charged with a crime if his or her
action satisfied four criteria:

1) made the threat
2) intended to carry out the threat
3) be aware that such a threat was a
violation of the law (I asked Agent
Squire what law prevented someone from
making such a threat, but he was unable
to cite a statute)
4) acted upon that threat

I told the two investigators that I was
going to visit Scotland in July of 2002,
and that I would tiptoe through the
tulips and bring Hoof and Mouth back to
America and spread it around. I then
asked them to immediately arrest me,
hoping that the publicity would help to
sell my new book. They declined to do so.

Well, friends, I'm still a free man, and
I am certain that USDA continues to probe
for ghosts in my closet and yours. I feel
safe knowing that USDA?s $40 million
dollar bio-terrorism budget is being
wisely spent to protect your family
and mine.

JUST FOR THE RECORD:

What will it take for USDA to investigate
FDA? What will it take to review the key
study leading to approval of Monsanto?s
genetically engineered bovine growth
hormone? FDA refuses to release that
study, despite the fact that Inspector
General Richard Kusserow promised in
1992 that the study would be released
in its entirety.

The study was authored by Richard,
Odaglia, and Deslex. Most people who know
the issues recognize that study as one
lasting for 90 days on 360 laboratory rats.

In fact, the study lasted for 180 days.
FDA approved the hormone for America?s
food supply because they found no
biological effects on lab animals.

After day 90, every animal treated
with Monsanto's hormone got cancer.

If you eat pizza or ice cream, you
ingest that same hormone.

Investigate that, agents Squires
and Tutco!

Robert Cohen
http://www.notmilk.com