Christmas Eve Prayer

"On the 8th day of Christmas my true
love gave to me...Eight Maids A-milking..."

Exactly what gifts are these eight
maids delivering to milk drinkers?

According to the May, 1995 issue of the
Townsend Medical Letter (a journal written
by doctors, for doctors), the eight dairy
blessings are:

1) mucous production & other allergies
2) hemoglobin loss
3) childhood diabetes
4) heart disease
5) atherosclerosis
6) arthritis
7) kidney stones
8) mood swings, depression, & irritability

Please say a Christmas prayer for dads who eat
Rudolph's Santa's cookies and drink Santa's Milk.

The bacteria in milk doubles every twenty
minutes at room temperature. For those dads
who put out the milk at 7 PM the night before,
and drank the milk at midnight after setting
out the presents, that bacteria count has
multiplied astronomically. The FDA allows
20,000 coliform bacteria (from the colon)
in one quart of milk.

Dad lays out the presents at midnight. The
number of bacteria can increase to over 80
million in just five hours. Three days later,
dad has his salmonella or E-coli-induced
winter cold. He'll blame it on the cold weather.

7:00 PM: 2,500 Bacteria contained in one tiny
4-ounce glass of milk left for Santa.

7:20 PM: 5,000 Bacteria
7:40 PM: 10,000
8:00 PM: 20,000
8:20 PM: 40,000
8:40 PM: 80,000
9:00 PM: 160,000
9:20 PM: 320,000
9:40 PM: 640,000
10:00 PM: 1,280,000
10:20 PM: 2,560,000
10:40 PM: 5,120,000
11:00 PM: 10,240,000

Exhausted and excited kids finally abed with
visions of dancing sugarplums...

11:20 PM: 20,480,000
11:40 PM: 40,096,000
Midnight: 81,920,000
Tick tock. Gulp.

Robert Cohen
http://www.notmilk.com