Hu Loves Milk Too!

Hu Jintao is China's premier, and his promotion of
milk and dairy products will propel Chinese people
into a 21st century plagued by Western diseases.

The Chinese have an inferiority complex. They've seen
the Japanese people grow an average of two inches
over the last two generations (40 years) while their
heights have remained stable. In order to attain the
same physical growth, the Chinese government has
been working closely with America's dairy industry,
recognizing that growth hormones in milk are the
missing link keeping them from attaining the same
stature as the Japanese.

What happened to Japan after Wprld War II? Japanese
got their first taste of dairy products in 1946. While
milk and dairy consumption increased by twenty-one times,
from 1950 to 1975, cerebral vascular disease (strokes)
increased 38 percent. Heart disease increased 35 percent,
breast cancer rates increased 77 percent. Colon cancer
increased 77 percent. Lung cancer increased by three
hundred percent. In 2004, there is a runaway asthma
epidemic plaguing Japanese, and nobody seems to be
considering the increased cheese consumption.

What happened to young girls and the impact of milk
consumption on puberty is even more dramatic. In 1950
the average twelve-year old girl was 4'6" tall and
weighed 71 pounds. By 1975 the average Japanese girl,
after guzzling a daily diet of milk and dairy products
containing 59 different bioactive hormones, had grown an
average of 4 1/2 inches and gained 19 pounds. In 1950 the
average Japanese girl had her first menstrual cycle at the
age of 15.2 years. Twenty five years later, after a daily
intake of estrogen and progesterone from milk, the average
Japanese girl was ovulating at the age of 12.2 years, three
years younger.

The Chinese are developing enormous state-of-the-art
10,000-cow dairy farms, but they do not have the
same fully developed power and electrical resources
as do the Americans or Japanese. Refrigerators are not
found in every home. How to cool and store the milk?
That problem has been solved.

The first Chinese-made fully automatic, milk
packing equipment has been manufactured by the
Anhui Keyuan Group. They will now put the milk
into Parmalat-style shelf stable containers. Who
will drink the half-pint cartons? Children.

The Chinese dairy industry has targeted kids.
Their method is to borrow another appropriately
named American marketing tool, Looney Tunes.

Warner Brothers has developed a licensing deal with
Premier Hu Jintao so that milk cartons will include
"fun-filled flavor" for Chinese consumers.

I am a big fan of Chinese food. There are no cheese
dishes to be found on Chinese restaurant menus. One
does not order Moo Shu dragon with mozzarella cheese.

I dread the thought of what happens when Porky the
stir-fried Pig meets Peking-Daffy Duck at Shanghai's
new dairy bar. Indigestion? Osteoporosis? Heart
disease, asthma, and cancer? Choose one from column
A and one from column B. An American menu for
western-style diseases. One glass of milk and thirty
minutes later, the Chinese will be wanting more.
_______________________________________________________
Jim Sherman is a playwright, and his work includes the
1989 off-Broadway hit comedy Beau Jest. Thanks to Jim,
who wrote the following:
_______________________________________________________

George Bush: "Condoleeza! Nice to see you. What's
happening?"

Condoleeza Rice: "Sir, I have the report here about
the new leader of China."

George: "Great!! Lay it on me."

Condoleeza: "'Hu' is the new leader of China."

George: "That's what I want to know."

Condoleeza: "That's what I'm telling you."

George: "That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader
of China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes."

George: "I mean the fellow's name."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The guy in China."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The new leader of China."

Condoleeza: "Hu."

George: "The Chinaman!"

Condoleeza: "Hu is leading China."

George: "Now whaddya' asking me for?"

Condoleeza: "I'm telling you Hu is leading China."

George: "Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?"

Condoleeza: "That's the man's name."

George: "That's who's name?"

Condoleeza: "Yes."

George: "Will you or will you not tell me the name of
the new leader of China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought
he was in the Middle East."

Condoleeza: "That's correct."

George: "Then who is in China?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir is in China?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Then who is?"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Yassir?"

Condoleeza: "No, sir."

George: "Look, Condoleeza. I need to know the name
of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary
General of the U.N. on the phone."

Condoleeza: "Kofi?"

George: "No, thanks."

Condoleeza: "You want Kofi?"

George: "No."

Condoleeza: "You don't want Kofi?"

George: "No. But now that you mention it, I could
use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Kofi?"

George: "Milk! Will you please make the call?"

Condoleeza: "And call who?"

George: "Who is the guy at the U.N?"

Condoleeza: "Hu is the guy in China."

George: "Will you stay out of China?!"

Condoleeza: "Yes, sir."

George: "And stay out of the Middle East! Just get
me the guy at the U.N."

Condoleeza: "Kofi."

George: "All right! With cream and two sugars.
Now get on the phone."

Robert Cohen
http://www.notmilk.com