Top Ten List
Things I Had No Need to Know
by Lisa Cohen (the "Notmilkman's" wife)

While Robert is away, I thought it would be fun to write
and post an occasional column.

I love mail order shopping. Give me my Neiman-Marcus,
Tiffany, and Bloomingdale's catalogues, and I've got
an evening's worth of entertainment. Yesterday, I
opened one of Robert's...the 2004 Nasco Farm & Ranch
supply catalog. (800-558-9595)

After skimming the pages, I thought it would be fun to
list the top ten items that I do NOT want to own.

1) Page 13-Ear Punch (Description: "...especially designed
to punch out a clean, round hole clear through the ear.")

2) Page 13-Insecticide Cattle Ear Tag (Description: "A slow-release
plastic ear tag containing a synergized formulation of a potent,
enriched S-isomer pyrethoid compound.")

3) Page 19-Electric Branding Iron (Description: "Operates on
110V AC. Heats to a cherry red in about two minutes.")

4) Page 66-Tail Docker (Description: "Portable gas-heated tail
docker. Temperature heats up to 850 degrees. Cauterizes as it
cuts, resulting in a clean process without bleeding.")

5) Page 72-Castrator (Description: "Scissors blades cut
off end of scrotum. 'Teeth' remove testicles.")

6) Page 92-Super Debeaker (Description: "Stop losses from
picking, cannibalism, fighting, and egg eating. Quickly
cauterizes off part of upper beak. Can be used for wing
clipping as well.")

7) Page 124-Artificial Bovine Vagina (Description: "Finest
artificial vagina ever offered. Its smooth finish and cushioned
ends are sanitary and safe for valuable bulls. Just the right
stiffness. 16" length includes collection funnel.")

8) Page 129-The Swine Inseminators' Handbook (Description:
"How to artificially inseminate the breeding female.")

9) Page 171-Teat Saver (Description: "The end of teat injury!
The teat saver prevents dairy cows from stepping on their
own teats.")

10) Page 204-Cattle Prod (Description: "Delivers a very low
current to an animal with a strong, instantaneous jolt, so there
is no danger of harming you or the livestock.")

It's never too early to shop for those special loved ones
on your holiday gift-giving list. Only 83 days until Christmas.
Chanukah arrives late this year (12/19). Last year Chanukah came
early (11/30). I wonder, is it ever on time?

Lisa Cohen
http://www.notmilk.com