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From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:24 pm
Subject: Liars may be identifiable through their writings, too

vaksammt

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Click on these linkis:

The Narcissist as Liar and Con-man

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4951

http://www.world-science.net/othernews/120213_liar

Liars may be identifiable through their writings, too

Feb. 13, 2012

Courtesy of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and World Science staff

Much as been said and writ�ten about spot�ting li�ars through their eye
move�ments and body lan�guage. But through their writ�ing?

That can be done too: li�ars on In�ter�net dat�ing sites may be
de�tect�a�ble through their typ�ings al�most two-thirds of the time, new
re�search sug�gests. The find�ings have come out just in time for Valen�tine's
Day, as on�line daters are try�ing to avoid po�ten�tial prospects who are
fudg�ing their his�to�ry, height or oth�er var�iables.

"We don't have to rely on the li�ars to tell us about their lies. We can
read their hand�i�work," said re�searcher Catalina Toma of the Uni�vers�ity
of Wis�con�sin-Madi�son.

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Work�ing with Jef�frey Han�cock of Cor�nell Uni�vers�ity in New York, Toma
com�pared the ac�tu�al height, weight and age of 78 on�line daters to their
pro�file in�forma�t�ion and pho�tos on four match�mak�ing web�sites.

It turned out that for one thing, the more de�cep�tive a dater's pro�file,
the less likely the writer was to use the word "I." "Liars do this be�cause
they want to dis�tance them�selves from their de�cep�tive state�ments," Toma
said.

Liars of�ten em�ployed nega�t�ion, a flip of lan�guage that would re�state
"hap�py" as "not sad" or "ex�cit�ing" as "not bor�ing." And the
fab�ri�ca�tors tended to write shorter self-descriptions in their
pro�files - a hedge, Toma ex�pects, against weav�ing a more tan�gled web of
de�cep�tion. "They don't want to say too much," Toma said. "Liars
ex�pe�ri�ence a lot of cog�ni�tive load. They have a lot to think about.
They less they write, the few�er un�true things they may have to re�mem�ber
and sup�port lat�er."

Liars were al�so care�ful to skirt their own de�cep�tion: for in�stance,
those who mis�led read�ers about appearance-related fac�tors al�so tended to
avoid writ�ing much about their looks, choos�ing to spot�light oth�er traits
in�stead.

The find�ings are pub�lished in the Feb�ru�ary is�sue of the Jour�nal of
Com�mu�nica�t�ion.

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The toolkit of lan�guage clues gave the re�search�ers a dis�tinct
ad�van�tage when they re-examined their pool of 78 on�line daters, they
said. "The more de�cep�tive the self-description, the few�er times you see
'I,' the more nega�t�ion, the few�er words to�tal - us�ing those
in�di�ca�tors, we were able to cor�rectly iden�ti�fy the li�ars about 65
per�cent of the time," Toma re�marked.

How big of an im�prove�ment is that over an un�trained per�son try�ing to
spot the li�ars? Quite large, Toma and Han�cock found. A sec�ond part of
their study re�vealed that un�trained vol�un�teers were quite un�able to
re�liably spot li�ars in on�line pro�files. "They might as well have flipped
a coin," Toma said.

The pair al�so found that four in five on�line pro�files strayed from the
truth at least a lit�tle. "Al�most everybody lied about some�thing, but the
mag�ni�tude was of�ten smal�l," Toma said. Weight was the most fre�quent
trans�gres�sion, with wom�en off by an av�er�age of 8.5 pounds and men by
1.5. Half lied about their height, and nearly one in five changed their age.

Stud�y�ing ly�ing through on�line com�mu�nica�t�ion such as dat�ing
pro�files opens a door on a me�di�um in which the li�ar has more room to
ma�neu�ver, Toma said. "On�line dat�ing is dif�fer�ent. It's not a
tra�di�tion�al in�ter�ac�tion," she not�ed. The back-and-forth of an
in-per�son con�versa�t�ion is mis�sing, giv�ing a li�ar the op�por�tun�ity
to re�spond at their lei�sure or not at all. And it's ed�ita�ble, so "you
can write and re�write as many times as you want be�fore you post, and then
in many cases re�turn and ed�it your�self."

Toma said the find�ings aren't out of line with what's known about li�ars in
face-to-face situa�t�ions. "It's not like a de�cep�tive on�line pro�file is
a new beast, and that helps us apply what we can learn to all man�ners of
com�mu�nica�t�ion."

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"Some�day there may be soft�ware to tell you how likely it is that the cute
per�son whose pro�file you're look�ing at is ly�ing to you, or even that
some�one is be�ing de�cep�tive in an e-mail," she added. "But that may take
a while."

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#6947

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:53 am
Subject: Newer generations increasingly about "me," study finds

vaksammt

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More about narcissistic groups, collectives, cultures, and societies -
scroll to the bottom of this message!

http://www.world-science.net/othernews/120316_megeneration

Newer generations increasingly about "me," study finds

March 16, 2012

Courtesy of the American Psychological Association and World Science staff

Young Amer�i�cans care less and less about the the en�vi�ron�ment,
pol�i�tics, and the world around them in gen�er�al, a study has found; even
the idea of seek�ing a mean�ing�ful life is out of fash�ion.

The BIBLE of NARCISSISM Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited in Barnes
and Noble now COSTS USD $43 instead of USD $55!!! CLICK ON THIS LINK TO
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43

In�stead, mon�ey, im�age and fame are the idols of our time.

"Pop�u�lar views of the mil�len�ni�al genera�t�ion, born in the 1980s and
1990s, as more car�ing, com�mun�ity-oriented and pol�i�tic�ally en�gaged
than pre�vi�ous genera�t�ions are largely in�cor�rect, par�tic�u�larly when
com�pared to ba�by boomers and Genera�t�ion X at the same age," said the
stu�dy's lead au�thor, Jean Twenge, a psy�chol�o�gist at San Die�go State
Uni�vers�ity and au�thor of the book Genera�t�ion Me. "These da�ta show that
re�cent genera�t�ions are less likely to em�brace com�mun�ity mind�ed�ness
and are fo�cus�ing more on mon�ey, im�age and fame."

The stu�dy, based on 40 years of past re�search on nine mil�lion young
adults, ap�peared on�line this month in the Jour�nal of Per�son�al�ity and
So�cial Psy�chol�o�gy, pub�lished by the Amer�i�can Psy�cho�log�i�cal
As�socia�t�ion.

The au�thors did al�low that mil�len�ni�als were more likely than the
pre�vi�ous genera�t�ions to vol�un�teer dur�ing high school and to say they
planned to par�ti�ci�pate in com�mun�ity serv�ice in col�lege. But they
con�tend that this is probably due to schools' re�quir�ing com�mun�ity
serv�ice for gradua�t�ion.

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The wish to save the en�vi�ron�ment, an ar�ea of par�tic�u�lar con�cern to
mil�len�ni�als, showed some of the larg�est de�clines, with three times as
many mil�len�ni�als as ba�by boomers at the same age say�ing they made no
per�son�al ef�fort to help the en�vi�ron�ment. Fif�ty-one per�cent of
mil�len�ni�als said they made an ef�fort to cut down on elec�tri�city use to
save en�er�gy, com�pared to 68 per�cent of boomers in the 1970s.

Twenge and col�leagues an�a�lyzed da�ta from the Uni�vers�ity of Michi�gan's
Mon�i�tor�ing the Fu�ture study of high school se�niors, con�ducted
con�tin�u�ously since 1975, and the Amer�i�can Fresh�man sur�vey by the
Uni�vers�ity of Cal�i�for�nia Los An�ge�les High�er Educa�t�ion Re�search
In�sti�tute of en�ter�ing col�lege stu�dents since 1966. Both sur�veys
in�clud�ed items on life goals, con�cern for oth�ers, and civ�ic and
com�mun�ity in�volve�ment.

In the Amer�i�can Fresh�man sur�vey, the pro�por�tion of stu�dents who said
be�ing wealthy was very im�por�tant to them rose from 45 per�cent for ba�by
boomers (sur�veyed be�tween 1966 and 1978) to 70 per�cent for Genera�t�ion
Xers (sur�veyed be�tween 1979 and 1999) and 75 per�cent for mil�len�ni�als
(sur�veyed be�tween 2000 and 2009).

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The frac�tion who said it was im�por�tant to keep up to date with pol�i�tics
dropped, from 50 per�cent for boomers to 39 per�cent for Genera�t�ion Xers
and 35 per�cent for mil�len�ni�als. "Be�com�ing in�volved in pro�grams to
clean up the en�vi�ron�ment" fell from 33 per�cent for boomers to 20
per�cent for mil�len�ni�als. "De�vel�op�ing a mean�ing�ful phi�los�o�phy of
life" de�creased the most across genera�t�ions, from 73 per�cent for boomers
to 45 per�cent for mil�len�ni�als.

"These da�ta sug�gest that the 'Me Genera�t�ion' la�bel af�fixed to the
ba�by boomers was un�war�ranted. In com�par�i�son to the pro�ceed�ing
genera�t�ions, the boomers look sig�nif�i�cantly more self�less," Twenge
said. "The genera�t�ional trends to�ward more pol�i�tical dis�en�gage�ment,
less en�vi�ron�men�tal con�cern and more ma�te�ri�al�istic val�ues could
have a mean�ing�ful im�pact on so�ci�e�ty. It will be in�ter�est�ing to see
how mil�len�ni�als are af�fect�ed by the re�cent re�ces�sion and wheth�er
fu�ture genera�t�ions will re�verse the trends."

NEW e-BOOK How to Divorce a Narcissist or a Psychopath - Click on this link
now:

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NEW e-BOOK "Personality Disorders Revisited" - Click on this link now:

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More about narcissistic groups, collectives, cultures, and societies - click
on these links:

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/14.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal87.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal79.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/lasch.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal62.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal63.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq47.html

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/15.html

Narcissism and Religion

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal45.html

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#6948

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:54 am
Subject: We hate those who resemble us most

vaksammt

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"We reserve our most virulent emotions - aggression, hatred, envy - towards
those who resemble us the most. We feel threatened not by the Other with
whom we have little in common - but by the "nearly-we", who mirror and
reflect us." Read more here:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal87.html

===================================================

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this link:

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Buy TWO PRODUCTS and Get the THIRD ONE FREE! Click on this link:

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==================================================

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$43 instead of USD $55!!! CLICK ON THIS LINK TO PURCHASE THE PRINT EDITION

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43

(Or, click on this link - http://www.bn.com - and search for "Sam Vaknin" or
"Malignant Self Love").

Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Afraid? Confused? Need HELP? DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You OWE IT to yourself and to YOUR LOVED ONES! Save
$63!!! BUY SIXTEEN e-books about toxic relationships with narcissists and
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#6949

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Thu Mar 29, 2012 5:14 pm
Subject: Narcissists are Evil and, yet, Fascinating?

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http://narcissistpsychopathabuse.blogspot.com/2012/03/narcissists-are-evil-and-yet.html

Narcissists are Evil and, yet, Fascinating?

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

In his bestselling "People of the Lie", Scott Peck claims that narcissists are evil. Are they?

The concept of "evil" in this age of moral relativism is slippery and ambiguous. The "Oxford Companion to Philosophy" (Oxford University Press, 1995) defines it thus: "The suffering which results from morally wrong human choices."

To qualify as evil a person (Moral Agent) must meet these requirements:

That he can and does consciously choose between the (morally) right and wrong and constantly and consistently prefers the latter;
That he acts on his choice irrespective of the consequences to himself and to others.

Clearly, evil must be premeditated. Francis Hutcheson and Joseph Butler argued that evil is a by-product of the pursuit of one's interest or cause at the expense of other people's interests or causes. But this ignores the critical element of conscious choice among equally efficacious alternatives. Moreover, people often pursue evil even when it jeopardizes their well-being and obstructs their interests. Sadomasochists even relish this orgy of mutual assured destruction.

Narcissists satisfy both conditions only partly. Their evil is utilitarian. They are evil only when being malevolent secures a certain outcome. Sometimes, they consciously choose the morally wrong � but not invariably so. They act on their choice even if it inflicts misery and pain on others. But they never opt for evil if they are to bear the consequences. They act maliciously because it is expedient to do so � not because it is "in their nature".

The narcissist is able to tell right from wrong and to distinguish between good and evil. In the pursuit of his interests and causes, he sometimes chooses to act wickedly. Lacking empathy, the narcissist is rarely remorseful. Because he feels entitled, exploiting others is second nature. The narcissist abuses others absent-mindedly, off-handedly, as a matter of fact.

The narcissist objectifies people and treats them as expendable commodities to be discarded after use. Admittedly, that, in itself, is evil. Yet, it is the mechanical, thoughtless, heartless face of narcissistic abuse � devoid of human passions and of familiar emotions � that renders it so alien, so frightful and so repellent.

We are often shocked less by the actions of narcissist than by the way he acts. In the absence of a vocabulary rich enough to capture the subtle hues and gradations of the spectrum of narcissistic depravity, we default to habitual adjectives such as "good" and "evil". Such intellectual laziness does this pernicious phenomenon and its victims little justice.

Read Ann's response: http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/evil.html

Note: Why are we Fascinated by Evil and Evildoers?

The common explanation is that one is fascinated with evil and evildoers because, through them, one vicariously expresses the repressed, dark, and evil parts of one's own personality. Evildoers, according to this theory, represent the "shadow" nether lands of our selves and, thus, they constitute our antisocial alter egos. Being drawn to wickedness is an act of rebellion against social strictures and the crippling bondage that is modern life. It is a mock synthesis of our Dr. Jekyll with our Mr. Hyde. It is a cathartic exorcism of our inner demons.

Yet, even a cursory examination of this account reveals its flaws.

Far from being taken as a familiar, though suppressed, element of our psyche, evil is mysterious. Though preponderant, villains are often labeled "monsters" - abnormal, even supernatural aberrations. It took Hanna Arendt two thickset tomes to remind us that evil is banal and bureaucratic, not fiendish and omnipotent.

In our minds, evil and magic are intertwined. Sinners seem to be in contact with some alternative reality where the laws of Man are suspended. Sadism, however deplorable, is also admirable because it is the reserve of Nietzsche's Supermen, an indicator of personal strength and resilience. A heart of stone lasts longer than its carnal counterpart.

Throughout human history, ferocity, mercilessness, and lack of empathy were extolled as virtues and enshrined in social institutions such as the army and the courts. The doctrine of Social Darwinism and the advent of moral relativism and deconstruction did away with ethical absolutism. The thick line between right and wrong thinned and blurred and, sometimes, vanished.

Evil nowadays is merely another form of entertainment, a species of pornography, a sanguineous art. Evildoers enliven our gossip, color our drab routines and extract us from dreary existence and its depressive correlates. It is a little like collective self-injury. Self-mutilators report that parting their flesh with razor blades makes them feel alive and reawakened. In this synthetic universe of ours, evil and gore permit us to get in touch with real, raw, painful life.

The higher our desensitized threshold of arousal, the more profound the evil that fascinates us. Like the stimuli-addicts that we are, we increase the dosage and consume added tales of malevolence and sinfulness and immorality. Thus, in the role of spectators, we safely maintain our sense of moral supremacy and self-righteousness even as we wallow in the minutest details of the vilest crimes.

From My Correspondence

I find it difficult to accept that I am irredeemably evil, that I ecstatically, almost orgasmically enjoy hurting people and that I actively seek to inflict pain on others. It runs so contrary to my long-cultivated and tenderly nurtured self-image as a benefactor, a sensitive intellectual, and a harmless hermit. In truth, my sadism meshes well and synergetically with two other behavior patterns: my relentless pursuit of narcissistic supply and my self-destructive, self-defeating, and, therefore, masochistic streak.

The process of torturing, humiliating, and offending people provides proof of my omnipotence, nourishes my grandiose fantasies, and buttresses my False Self. The victims' distress and dismay constitute narcissistic supply of the purest grade. It also alienates them and turns them into hostile witnesses or even enemies and stalkers.

Thus, through the agency of my hapless and helpless victims, I bring upon my head recurrent torrents of wrath and punishment. This animosity guarantees my unraveling and my failure, outcomes which I avidly seek in order to placate my inner, chastising and castigating voices (what Freud called "the sadistic Superego").

Similarly, I am a fiercely independent person (known in psychological jargon as a "counterdependent"). But mine is a pathological variant of personal autonomy. I want to be free to frustrate myself by inflicting mental havoc on my human environment, including and especially my nearest and dearest, thus securing and incurring their inevitable ire.

Getting attached to or becoming dependent on someone in any way - emotionally, financially, hierarchically, politically, religiously, or intellectually - means surrendering my ability to indulge my all-consuming urges: to torment, to feel like God, and to be ruined by the consequences of my own evil actions.

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#6950

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:56 pm
Subject: How to Be a Jerk in Internet Comments

vaksammt

Send Email

Click on these links:

Cyber (Internet) Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal67.html

Narcissists as Drama Queens

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4948

The Narcissist as Know-it-all

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4945

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2401992,00.asp

How to Be a Jerk in Internet Comments

The Internet comment troll is arguably the perfect being. Follow our advice and become the digital equivalent of a goat-eating bridge monster.

By Eric Griffith
March 23, 2012
23 Comments

How to Be a Jerk in Internet Comments
Announce Your First-ness
Comment Policies Aren't Laws

How to Be a Jerk in Internet Comments or, How to Be a Troll

The Internet comment. It is the most meaningful contribution many will ever make to civilization. Within the confines of a small text box, anyone can create an anonymous, unconsidered, even ill-considered statement, which could change the course of human destiny�if anyone would read them.

The only way to be truly heard? Be the biggest jerk you can be.

Sometimes they call us "trolls," we who are the best commenters. Yet they mean it derogatorily! Sure, like our mythical brethren of Norse and Scandinavian legend, modern trolls also live in isolation, perhaps in caves or under bridges or in our parents' basements. Trolls "are rarely helpful to human beings" (according to the Wikipedia definition).

What's wrong with that? There's no reason to change how the troll of modern day compares to the troll of myth. The only difference is that instead of eating goats, fur and all, we post on Internet forums, blogs, and social networks. Keyboards and cable modems are the tools of the modern troll; they are the bridges under which we hide from the light. And what are the gruff billy goats that a digital troll would eat? Those are fellow commenters.

Here's how to treat your prey while keeping in mind that you're one helluva good-looking piece of troll-meat.

Announce Your First-ness. There is truly no greater calling than being the first person to comment on a site with several commenters. The best way to claim your territory is simply to post "FIRST!" (in all caps, and preferably in an increased the font size). You will instantly earn the respect�nay, the fear�of your so-called peers.

Hit and Run. It's a tried and true tactic for upping your own profile and traffic: Stop on some blog that you wouldn't otherwise visit in one billion years, make a comment, and leave. Try only to do this on posts that you absolutely don't care about at all. There's no need to ever come back and form any kind of bond with the original poster or subsequent commenters. Those are people to be used and abused, and you already have friends. Probably.

Always Pimp Yourself. Leave links to your site (or better yet sites). Even if you're anonymous�and you should be, because standing behind your comments with your own name as if you believe in your convictions is just plain stupid�find a way to link some URLs in every post. You can lure away the readers so they can read something by someone truly brilliant�you. Or just Rick Roll them. That's still a thing, we swear.

Start a New Topic. If someone writes a post about mustard, you should steer the conversation toward ketchup. If the video in question is about the daytime, you should be sure to point out how great the darkness is at night. You don't have to stay on topic and other readers will thoroughly enjoy your hijacking of the conversation.

Make Sweeping Generalizations. Commenting is, essentially, arguing. The best arguments are those that are reduced to slap fights and that's a scientific fact. Since you can't slap people over the Web (yet), settle for doling out general, sweeping "facts." Our favorite here is, "You're all Microsoft/Intel/Apple shills." (Pick one.) And of course, nothing wins an argument faster than calling someone a Nazi or comparing him or her to Hitler. Better yet, try suggesting they're all shills for the Third Reich.

Throw in Some Graphics. If the comment system in question allows it, illustrate your point with, well, illustrations. Grab some art off Google, slap on a caption that you find hilarious (and thus everyone else will, too), and embed it in your comment. Extra points if you can get an image that's so high-res that it breaks the webpage's entire layout.

Brevity is the Soul of Not Really Getting Your Point Across, So Write a Long Diatribe. When you know that what you have to say is worth being heard, there's no need to be concise. Getting right to the point is for...well, I don't know. You're an Internet commenter, dammit, and it's your right to take your time, no matter how much meandering and repetition ensues! If you can take a circuitous route to the gist of the matter, all the better to draw in the noobs, because, really, what are they going to do, go read that copy of The Corrections that's been sitting on their shelf for ten years? No, because they want to read what you have to say. And besides, that Franzen guy hates ebooks, so he's a jerk, too.

Where was I? Oh, and should you lose your train of thought on the way, just keep typing.

If you must be brief, be so concise as to say next to nothing at all. Try "Whatever." Or "Your Stupid." [stet]

ALL CAPS MEANS PASSION. WE'VE SAID IT BEFORE, WE'LL SAY IT AGAIN: WRITING IN ALL CAPS JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU CARE.

Never Respond. No one who would try to talk to you deserves a reply. Ever. This is doubly true if you're the author. Why would you ever want to engage the idiots who'd dare to weigh in on what you write? Don't encourage them.

Comment Policies Aren't Laws. Many blogs and sites have a comment policy, such as "no personal attacks on other commenters" and "keep to the topic at hand." These are, of course, simply guidelines, not real rules. In fact, they are put in place by people who want to challenge you. Well, challenge accepted. Go forth and break that policy. Break it hard. Snap it in half, like dried twig. It's what the site proprietor really wants, especially if they actively moderate comments. You want to challenge them right to their stupid faces.

Don't Be Ignored. On some sites, the proprietor must approve your posts before allowing them to go live. Don't let them get away with it. If you don't see your pithy prose within seconds of hitting the enter button, start inundating the proprietor with questions. Where is your post? Why didn't it go up? How DARE YOU NOT POST IT! Patience is, after all, for suckers.

Nice is for Sissies. There's no room on the Internet to bend over backwards to please people. You must imagine that every person who is commenting around you is the most obnoxious loser you have ever met and needs a smack down, which only you can provide. Also, picture them as weak and unable to hit back. That will help you with the next step...

Flame On! Flaming on comments gets a bad wrap. Wikipedia defines it as "hostile and insulting interaction between Internet users." Uh...duh. Next to porn, that's the whole point of the Internet! Whether we're talking trivial matters, like politics, or real-world issues, like how much the new iPad will suck, the point of Internet comments is to be right, and the best way to prove that is to scorch the earth in a flame war.

Speling Dosnt Count. If u think whals shuld live in acuariims by the see, and more so, you believe that the first part of this sentence looks okay, you're already an expert commenter. You probably also text while driving, and we won't tell you to stop.

Conspiracies Aren't Just for Nuts. Look, we all know it was an Illuminati cabal that killed JFK/Princess Di/Whitney Houston, caused Hurricane Katrina, and orchestrated 9/11. Or maybe it was Freemasons at the Rotary Club. Either way, Internet users NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH. It's up to you to put on your tin foil hat, block those mind controlling radio signals from Washington, and get the word out. The comments section is an excellent place to warn others that Opus Dei is keeping Area 51 hidden, even if it's at the bottom of a YouTube video about crocheting baby-boots.

Reverse Sandwich. There's a comment technique called the "sandwich," which goes like this: Write a compliment (bread), toss in some constructive criticism or insights (the delicious fatty meat), and write a short follow-up compliment (more stale bread). Sounds almost nutritious. Gross. What if you put all that sliced deli meat on the outside, Double Down-style? Start with a biting criticism, toss in a tiny and begrudgingly backhanded compliment (for example: "I guess you don't completely suck donkey nards..."), then end it with one last meat-slathered personal insult for good measure. Now that's filling.

Curses. Swear. A lot. Kudos if you can combine two bad words into one new one.

By the way, all of this also applies to social networks. If you can aim such comments at people you actually call your "friends," then we bow to you, King of Trolldom.

Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)

#6951

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:15 pm
Subject: INVEST in YOURSELF and YOUR LOVED ONES: Buy the BIBLE of NARCISSISM - NOTHING LESS!

vaksammt

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"Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Afraid? Confused? Need HELP? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You OWE IT to yourself and to YOUR LOVED ONES!

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#6953

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Mon Apr 2, 2012 3:02 pm
Subject: (link corrected) WATCH ONLINE NEW VIDEOS Abuse as an Art Form, Types of of Abusive Behaviors

vaksammt

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Click on the links:

NEW VIDEO  Bullying as Art, Abuse as Craftsmanship

CORRECTED LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2ucwtmsz0c

http://archive.org/details/BullyingAsArtAbuseAsCraftsmanship

NEW VIDEO  Types of of Abusive Behaviors: Proposed Classification

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==================================================

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#6954

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Apr 3, 2012 11:43 am
Subject: Can the Narcissist Tell Right from Wrong? Is the Narcissist Insane? Should We Hold Him Accountable for His Actions?

vaksammt

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http://narcissistpsychopathabuse.blogspot.com/2012/04/can-narcissist-tell-right-from-wrong-is.html

Can the Narcissist Tell Right from Wrong? Is the Narcissist Insane? Should We Hold Him Accountable for His Actions?

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

The narcissist knows to tell right from wrong and is aware of social norms and laws. Lacking empathy, he simply doesn�t care enough about others to act properly or to refrain from harmful action.

Narcissists of all shades can usually control their behaviour and actions. They simply don't care to, they regard it as a waste of their precious time, or a humiliating chore. The narcissist feels both superior and entitled � regardless of his real gifts or achievements. Other people are inferior, his slaves, there to cater to his needs and make his existence seamless, flowing and smooth.

The narcissist holds himself to be cosmically significant and thus entitled to the conditions needed to realise his talents and to successfully complete his mission (which changes fluidly and about which he has no clue except that it has to do with brilliance and fame).

What the narcissist cannot control is his void, his emotional black hole, the fact that he doesn't know what it is like to be human (lacks empathy). As a result, narcissists are awkward, tactless, painful, taciturn, abrasive and insensitive.

The narcissist should be held accountable to most of his actions, even taking into account his sometimes uncontrollable rage and the backdrop of his grandiose fantasies.

Admittedly, at times, the narcissist finds it hard control his rage.

But at all times, even during the worst explosive episode:

He can tell right from wrong;

He simply doesn't care about the other person sufficiently to refrain from action.

Similarly, the narcissist cannot "control" his grandiose fantasies. He firmly believes that they constitute an accurate representation of reality. But:

He knows that lying is wrong and not done;

He simply doesn't care enough about society and others to refrain from confabulating.

To summarize, narcissists should be held accountable for most of their actions because they can tell wrong from right and they can refrain from acting. They simply don't care enough about others to put to good use these twin abilities. Others are not sufficiently important to dent the narcissist's indifference or to alter his abusive conduct.

Is the Narcissist Legally Insane?

Narcissists are not prone to "irresistible impulses" and dissociation (blanking out certain stressful events and actions). They more or less fully control their behavior and acts at all times. But exerting control over one's conduct requires the investment of resources, both mental and physical. Narcissists regard this as a waste of their precious time, or a humiliating chore. Lacking empathy, they don't care about other people's feelings, needs, priorities, wishes, preferences, and boundaries. As a result, narcissists are awkward, tactless, painful, taciturn, abrasive and insensitive.

The narcissist often has rage attacks and grandiose fantasies. Most narcissists are also mildly obsessive-compulsive. Yet, all narcissists should be held accountable to the vast and overwhelming majority of their actions.

At all times, even during the worst explosive episode, the narcissist can tell right from wrong and reign in their impulses. The narcissist's impulse control is unimpaired, though he may pretend otherwise in order to terrorize, manipulate and coerce his human environment into compliance.

The only things the narcissist cannot "control" are his grandiose fantasies. All the same, he knows that lying and confabulating are morally wrong and can choose to refrain from doing so.

The narcissist is perfectly capable of anticipating the consequences of his actions and their influence on others. Actually, narcissists are "X-ray" machines: they are very perceptive and sensitive to the subtlest nuances. But the narcissist does not care. For him, humans are dispensable, rechargeable, reusable. They are there to fulfil a function: to supply him with Narcissistic Supply (adoration, admiration, approval, affirmation, etc.) They do not have an existence apart from carrying out their "duties".

Still, it is far from a clear-cut case.

Some scholars note, correctly, that many narcissists have no criminal intent (�mens rea�) even when they commit criminal acts (�acti rei�). The narcissist may victimise, plunder, intimidate and abuse others - but not in the cold, calculating manner of the psychopath.

The narcissist hurts people offhandedly, carelessly, and absentmindedly. The narcissist is more like a force of nature or a beast of prey - dangerous but not purposeful or evil.

Moreover, many narcissists don't feel responsible for their actions. They believe that they are victims of injustice, bias, prejudice, and discrimination. This is because they are shape-shifters and actors. The narcissist is not one person - but two. The True Self is as good as dead and buried. The False Self changes so often in reaction to life's circumstances that the narcissist has no sense of personal continuity.

From my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited":

"The narcissist's perception of his life and his existence is discontinuous. The narcissist is a walking compilation of "personalities", each with its own personal history. The narcissist does not feel that he is, in any way, related to his former "selves". He, therefore, does not understand why he has to be punished for "someone else's" actions or inaction. This "injustice" surprises, hurts, and enrages him."

Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)

#6955

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Apr 3, 2012 8:14 pm
Subject: LIBRARY of Kindle Books about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abusive Relationships

vaksammt

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Kindle Books about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abusive Relationships on Sam Vaknin's Amazon Author Page

https://www.amazon.com/author/samvaknin

Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Abuse-Trauma-Torture-Consequences-ebook/dp/B0054JIP5O

The effects on victims and survivors of traumatic experiences, long-term and repeated abuse, and torture. Includes in-depth profile of the Narcissistic Abuser and hundreds of links to literature and resources.

Coping with Stalking and Stalkers [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Stalking-Stalkers-ebook/dp/B00720H3C4

Stalkers are not made of one cloth. Some of them are psychopaths, others are schizoids, narcissists, paranoids, or an admixture of these mental health disorders. Stalkers harass their victims because they are lonely, or because it is fun (these are latent sadists), or because they can't help it (clinging or co-dependent behaviour), or for a myriad different reasons.

Clearly, coping techniques suited to one type of stalker may backfire or prove to be futile with another.

Cyclopedic Index of Narcissistic and Other Personality Disorder [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Cyclopedic-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-ebook/dp/B007FT59S2

Links to more than 250 online encyclopedic entries about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Self-love, Narcissism, Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Relationships with Abusers, Stalkers, and Bullies.

EXCERPTS ONLY Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/EXCERPTS-ONLY-Malignant-Self-love-ebook/dp/B007185TO6

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and abusive relationships with narcissists and psychopaths described and analyzed in 100+ frequently asked questions (FAQs), and dozens of topical articles.

Excerpts and Case Studies from the Archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study Group [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Excerpts-Studies-Archives-Narcissistic-ebook/dp/B007097R7S

Hundreds of excerpts from the archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

How to Divorce a Narcissist or a Psychopath [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/How-Divorce-Narcissist-Psychopath-ebook/dp/B00759NMQ8

Divorcing a narcissist or a psychopath is no easy or dangerless task. This book is no substitute for legal aid, though it does provide copious advice on anything from hiring an attorney, to domestic violence shelters, planning your getaway, involving the police, and obtaining restraining orders. Issues from court-mandated evaluation to custody are elaborated upon.

The book describes the psychology of psychopathic narcissists, paranoids, bullies and stalkers and guides you through dozens of coping strategies and techniques, especially if you have shared children.

How to Recognize a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date, before It is Too Late [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Recognize-Narcissist-Psychopath-before-ebook/dp/B007G9TYUU

Is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumb to shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive relationship?

Imagine a first or second date. You can already tell if he is a would-be abuser. This booklet tells you how.

How to Survive Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Relationships-Narcissists-Psychopaths-ebook/dp/B007BBWFYU

Rescue fantasies, malignant optimism, how to love, live with, or abandon a narcissist, narcissistic tactics, relationship dynamics, remaining friends with the narcissist.

Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited - Frequently Asked Questions [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Malignant-Self-love-Narcissism-Frequently-ebook/dp/B007093HIG

Dozens of Frequently Asked Questions regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited - The Essay [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Malignant-Self-love-Narcissism-Revisited-ebook/dp/B0070956N0

Psychodynamic study of pathological narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, using a new vocabulary.

Narcissism Book of Quotes [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissism-Book-of-Quotes-ebook/dp/B0075EVV0M

A collection of quotes from the collective wisdom of 12000 online discussions about narcissists, psychopaths, and narcissistic abuse

Narcissism, Group Behavior, and Terrorism [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissism-Group-Behavior-Terrorism-ebook/dp/B007C4WI84

In the absence of legitimate political venues of airing grievances, terrorism is sometimes the only mode of expression. It also guarantees social mobility and respectability. It restores the terrorists' feelings of omnipotence, omnipresence ("we are everywhere and to be feared globally"), and omniscience ("we know best because we are the righteous") which are repeatedly shattered by the West's clear superiority in every conceivable field.

Terrorism is, therefore, a form of mass therapy through shared psychosis. This is an especially insidious recipe. As long as people are narcissistically injured, envious, and rageful - terrorism is here to stay.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Catechism [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Catechism-ebook/dp/B0072UZIHG

Questions and answers regarding all aspects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in intimate relationships.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Other Mental Health Issues (Co-Morbidity and Dual Diagnosis) [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Personality-Co-Morbidity-Diagnosis-ebook/dp/B007A6D8SS

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is often diagnosed together with Schizoid and Paranoid Personality Disorders; Histrionic Personality Disorder) and Somatic Narcissism; Depression; Dissociative Identity Disorder; Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder; Bipolar Disorder; Asperger's Disorder; Generalized Anxiety Disorder; Borderline Personality Disorder; Schizotypal Personality Disorder; Psychosis; Antisocial Personality Disorder (Psychopathy); Neuroses; Masochism; and Sexual Perversions (paraphilias.)

Narcissistic Supply: The Narcissist's Drug [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-Supply-Narcissists-Drug-ebook/dp/B00746L6QU

I. What is Narcissistic Supply?

II. What are the functions of Narcissistic Supply in the narcissistic pathology?

III. Why does the narcissist devalue his Source of Secondary Narcissistic Supply (SSNS)?

IV. Could negative input serve as Narcissistic Supply (NS)?

V. Does the narcissist want to be liked?

VI. How does the narcissist treat his former Sources of Narcissistic Supply?

VII. How does the Narcissist React to Deficient Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Leaders [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-and-Psychopathic-Leaders-ebook/dp/B00559B6AO

Narcissistic and psychopathic leaders come in all shapes and degrees of virulence. Learn to recognize them in various settings (the workplace, religion, politics) and to cope with the toxic fallout of their "leadership".

Narcissists and Women [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Narcissists-and-Women-ebook/dp/B0073VDTKC

Narcissists are misogynists, women-haters. Women represent sex, intimacy, and family and, therefore, mediocrity.

The narcissist divides all women into sluttish huntresses and sexless saints. He aims to frustrate and subjugate them.

Personality Disorders Revisited [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Personality-Disorders-Revisited-ebook/dp/B00708SLRE

450 pages about Borderline, Narcissistic, Antisocial-Psychopathic, Histrionic, Paranoid, Obsessive-Compulsive, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Masochistic, Sadistic, Depressive, Negativistic-Passive-Aggressive, Dependent, and other Personality Disorders.

Personality Disorders: Use and Abuse of Differential Diagnoses [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Personality-Disorders-Differential-Diagnoses-ebook/dp/B0072UZI1C

The differential diagnoses in the personality disorders section of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) contain many overlaps and culture-bound artefacts.

The categorical (non-dimensional) taxonomy leads to multiple diagnoses (co-morbidity) in the same patient.

Mini Dictionary of Mental Health and Psychology [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Dictionary-Mental-Health-Psychology-ebook/dp/B007A56CCS

A mini dictionary of mental health disorders, psychological tests and interviews, signs and symptoms, and psychological defenses.

Psychological Defense Mechanisms [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Defense-Mechanisms-ebook/dp/B007931L3Q

According to Freud and his followers, our psyche is a battlefield between instinctual urges and drives (the id), the constraints imposed by reality on the gratification of these impulses (the ego), and the norms of society (the superego). This constant infighting generates what Freud called "neurotic anxiety" (fear of losing control) and "moral anxiety" (guilt and shame).

But these are not the only types of anxiety. "Reality anxiety" is the fear of genuine threats and it combines with the other two to yield a morbid and surrealistic inner landscape.

These multiple, recurrent, "mini-panics" are potentially intolerable, overwhelming, and destructive. Hence the need to defend against them. There are dozens of defense mechanisms. The most common among them are listed and described in this booklet.

Psychological Signs and Symptoms [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Signs-and-Symptoms-ebook/dp/B0073VC836

Symptoms are the patient's complaints. They are highly subjective and amenable to suggestion and to alterations in the patient's mood and other mental processes. Symptoms are no more than mere indications. Signs, on the other hand, are objective and measurable. Signs are evidence of the existence, stage, and extent of a pathological state. Headache is a symptom - short-sightedness (which may well be the cause of the headache) is a sign.

Psychological Tests and Interviews [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Tests-and-Interviews-ebook/dp/B00793764O

I. Introduction

II. MMPI-2 Test

III. MCMI-III Test

IV. Rorschach Inkblot Test

V. TAT Diagnostic Test

VI. Structured Interviews

VII. Disorder-specific Tests

VIII.PCL-R Test

APPENDIX: Common Problems with Psychological Laboratory Tests

Short Fiction about Narcissism and Mental Health [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Fiction-Narcissism-Mental-Health-ebook/dp/B0054JJXIW

Short fiction about narcissists, psychopaths, pathological narcissism, and mental health disorders.

The Conundrums of Psychology [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Conundrums-of-Psychology-ebook/dp/B00559B6LI

The fundamental assumptions underlying the modern study of psychopathology examined.

The DSM V and the Concept of Mental Illness Lecture Notes [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Concept-Mental-Illness-Lecture-ebook/dp/B0079314AQ

The DSM V approach to the concepts of normalcy and mental illness, with special emphasis on personality disorders and the insanity defense.

The Developmental Psychology of Psychopathology [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Developmental-Psychology-Psychopathology-ebook/dp/B0054JIQIK

Psychopathology as the outcome of problems in early childhood development.

The Narcissist and Psychopath in Therapy [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissist-Psychopath-Therapy-ebook/dp/B00708NLXI

Can narcissists and psychopaths be cured? Can their behaviour be modified? How are these mental health disorders diagnosed?

The Narcissist and the Psychopath in the Workplace [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissist-Psychopath-Workplace-ebook/dp/B00708XMSC

How to identify narcissistic and psychopathic bullies (colleagues, bosses, suppliers, authority figures) in the workplace and how to cope with them.

The Narcissist's Mother [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissists-Mother-ebook/dp/B0073ETR5A

Early childhood conflicts with the narcissist�s mother shape his traits, personality, and behavior patterns as an adult.

The Narcissist's Psychosexuality [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissists-Psychosexuality-ebook/dp/B0075CFY7K

Cerebral narcissists use their intellect, intelligence, and verbal skills to derive narcissistic supply. Somatic narcissists leverage their body and sexuality to secure an uninterrupted flow of supply.

Each narcissist is either predominantly cerebral or somatic, but there is no type-constancy: the dominant type gives way to the recessive type in times of scarce, deficient, or absent supply (for instance: following a major life crisis).

Narcissists are also prone to incest and sexual paraphilias such as pedophilia and fetishism.

The Psychology of Serial and Mass Killers [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Serial-Mass-Killers-ebook/dp/B0073V99PQ

Serial killers represent a dual failure - of their own development as full-fledged, productive individuals - and of the culture and society they grow in. In a pathologically narcissistic civilization - social anomies proliferate. Such societies breed malignant objectifiers - people devoid of empathy - also known as "narcissists".

Toxic Relationships: Abuse and its Aftermath [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Relationships-Abuse-Aftermath-ebook/dp/B00708XL5G

How to identify abuse, cope with it, survive it, and deal with your abuser.

WORKBOOK (Tests and Exercises) Toxic Relationships: Abuse and its Aftermath [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/WORKBOOK-Tests-Exercises-Relationships-ebook/dp/B00709FRMU

Self-assessment questionnaires, tips, and tests for victims of abusers, batterers, and stalkers in various types of relationships.

Women in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths: Mates, Spouses, and Intimate Partners [Kindle Edition]

http://www.amazon.com/Women-Relationships-Narcissists-Psychopaths-ebook/dp/B007GB4NR2

The psychological makeup of women in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths; the dynamics of such relationships; typical behavior patterns; and expected outcomes. Includes tips and advice on how to cope with abusers in intimate relationships.

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#6956

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 4, 2012 10:58 am
Subject: Assad: faithful student of ruthlessness - FT.com

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Compare to this - click on the link:

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Leaders

http://samvak.tripod.com/15.html

http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/e0ce4102-710e-11e1-a7f1-00144feab49a.html

Assad: faithful student of ruthlessness

By Roula Khalaf in London

We imagine brutal dictators as sadistic men dressed in military gear, hunkered down in their bunkers and plotting murderous strategies.

100% of the text of "Malignant Self-love" (600 pages) - at 40% the price! 100% of the tips, advice, and knowledge - at less than HALF the cost!!! Buy the e-book instead of the print edition:

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In the Middle East, the cruellest strongmen, the likes of Saddam Hussein and Muammer Gaddafi, fed this image into our imagination, projecting fear through their every word and action. They were unstable and psychopathic; their families were dysfunctional and their children misbehaved.

ON THIS STORY

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GLOBAL INSIGHT

Then came Bashar al-Assad, the modern dictator. He is, like other tyrants, detached from reality, oblivious to the suffering of Syrians in their year-long revolution. But he is also a jeans-clad young computer nerd who lives a seemingly normal life with his glamorous British-born ex-banker wife.

According to the emails published by the UK�s Guardian, which purportedly belong to the couple, the 46-year-old Mr Assad�s forces could be shelling civilian areas while he is ordering his favourite music on iTunes or sharing songs with his wife. If these emails are genuine, it seems he cares little about the reforms he has announced, referring to the �rubbish laws of parties, elections, media�.

Asma al-Assad, whom many Syrians assumed to be alienated from the regime, seems perfectly at ease in her role as the dictator�s wife, shopping for expensive jewellery and ordering furniture and candlesticks from a Paris boutique. According to the leaked emails, she asks a friend to get hold of a Harry Potter book, as if nothing could be out of the ordinary in the Assad household.

The personality of Mr Assad has long perplexed Syrians and outsiders. For years after he inherited power from his father Hafez in 2000, the London trained eye-doctor was thought likely to evolve into an open-minded, reformist leader. Many of his foreign interlocutors were convinced that he was being held back by hardliners in the regime.

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Months after the uprising against him erupted in March last year, many Syrians still entertained the hope of a miracle transformation in Mr Assad. Perhaps the revolution was his opportunity to push aside the nasty men in his regime, including his brother Maher, a top military chief, they figured. They were dismayed to see the president defending the brutality of his security forces and insisting that they were fighting terrorists.

Experts who have studied the trove of Assad emails say the Syrian leader is not a conventional dictator. James Fallon, an American neuroscientist who has written on the mind of dictators, says Mr Assad shares some of the characteristics of other tyrants � lack of empathy and need for flattery (he surrounds himself with young female aides who seem to be in awe of him). But he finds him �an incomplete dictator� who appears to lack a personal sadistic streak. �He comes across as a pathetic adolescent little tyrant. a weak leader � a sorry character,� says Prof Fallon.

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Jerrold Post, a professor of political psychiatry at The George Washington University, says despite Mr Assad�s apparent lack of connection with the crisis in Syria, he seems to be �more put together� than someone such as Gaddafi. This can be explained, he says, by Mr Assad�s background: not a born leader, he was also not destined for the presidency, reaching it only because his brother Basil, the presumed heir, died in a car accident.

�He grew up at his father�s knee and swallowed the rule,� says Prof Post. �He dutifully followed his father�s bidding but this was not part of his psychological calculations, he wasn�t schooled in the intricacies of managing a totalitarian state.�

Mr Assad might fit into the �banality of evil� concept of German political philosopher Hannah Arendt � that ordinary people can commit crimes because they see it as the normal way of operating and cannot judge the consequences of their actions. Indeed, one government loyalist says no one should be surprised by the behaviour of the Assad regime. �It�s the only way the regime knows how to act, it�s just the way things are done.�

Though he might not look the part, Mr Assad has proved to be a faithful student of his father�s ruthless strategies. What has made him potentially more menacing, however, is that he lacks Hafez Assad�s character strength, his experience and self-confidence.

Back in 1982, Assad bombed the city of Hama to put down a rebellion by the Muslim Brotherhood, killing as many as 20,000 people. The tragedy of Hama is now happening in slow motion across Syria. Except that today, while the activists send the world images of the suffering and the destruction, the young Assad apparently surfs the net for amusement.

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#6957

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 4, 2012 10:59 am
Subject: The Con-man Cometh

vaksammt

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"I am a con-man and you are my victim. The swindle is unfolding here and
now, in this very atrium, amid all the extravagance. I am selling your soul
and collecting the change. I am sharpened, like a raw nerve firing impulses
to you, receiving yours, an electrical-chemical dialog, consisting of your
smelly sweat, my scented exudation. I permeate your cracks. I broker an
alliance with your fears, your pains, defense compensatory mechanisms." Read
more here: http://gorgelink.org/vaknin/conman-en.html

===================================================

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PURCHASE THE PRINT EDITION

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43

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#6958

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 4, 2012 11:01 am
Subject: Anxiety Disorder misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

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"Anxiety Disorders - and especially Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) - are
often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Anxiety is
uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Anxiety disorders usually come
replete with obsessive thoughts, compulsive and ritualistic acts,
restlessness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and somatic
manifestations (such as an increased heart rate, sweating, or, in Panic
Attacks, chest pains)." Read more here:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal93.html

===========================================

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and Noble now COSTS USD $37 instead of USD $55!!! CLICK ON THIS LINK TO
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SOMETHING ABOUT IT! You OWE IT to yourself and to YOUR LOVED ONES! Save
$63!!! BUY SIXTEEN e-books about toxic relationships with narcissists and
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#6959

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Thu Apr 5, 2012 7:32 pm
Subject: "How can I Trust Again?"

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http://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/2012/04/04/guest-author-sam-vaknin-phd-how-can-i-trust-again/

Guest Author Sam Vaknin, PhD:
�How can I Trust Again?�

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

"Steadfast" by Mimi Stuart �
Live the Life you Desire

Our natural tendency is to trust, because, as infants, we trust our parents. It feels good to really trust. It is also an essential component of love and an important test thereof. Love without trust is dependence masquerading as love.

We must trust, it is almost biological. Most of the time, we do trust. We trust the universe to behave according to the laws of physics, soldiers to not go mad and shoot at us, our nearest and dearest to not betray us. When our trust is broken, we feel as though a part of us had died and had been hollowed out.

To not trust is abnormal and is the outcome of bitter or even traumatic life experiences. Mistrust or distrust are induced not by our own thoughts, nor by some device or machination of ours � but by life�s sad circumstances. To continue to not trust is to reward the people who had wronged us and rendered us distrustful in the first place. Those people have long abandoned us and yet they still have a great, malign, influence on our lives. This is the irony of being distrustful of others.

So, some of us prefer to not experience that sinking feeling of trust violated. Some people choose to not trust and thus skirt disappointment. This is both a fallacy and a folly. Trusting releases enormous amounts of mental energy, which is more productively vested elsewhere. But trust � like knives � can be dangerous to your health if used improperly.

You have to know WHO to trust, you have to learn HOW to trust and you have to know HOW to CONFIRM the existence of a mutual, functional sort of trust.

People often disappoint and are not worthy of trust. Some of them act arbitrarily, treacherously and viciously, or, worse, offhandedly. You have to select the targets of your trust carefully. He who has the most common interests with you, who is invested in you for the long haul, who is incapable of breaching trust (�a good person�), who doesn�t have much to gain from betraying you � is not likely to mislead you. These people you can trust.

You should not trust indiscriminately. No one is completely trustworthy in all fields. Most often our disappointments stem from our inability to separate one realm of life from another. A person could be sexually loyal � but utterly dangerous when it comes to money (for instance, a gambler). Or a good, reliable father � but a womanizer. You can trust someone to carry out some types of activities � but not others (because they are more complicated, more boring, or do not conform to his values.)

We should not trust with reservations: this is the kind of �trust� that is common in business and among criminals and its source is rational. Game Theory in mathematics deals with questions of calculated trust.

If we do trust, we should trust wholeheartedly and unreservedly. But, we should be discerning. Then we will be rarely disappointed.

As opposed to popular opinion, trust must be put to the test, lest it goes stale and staid. We are all somewhat paranoid. We gradually grow suspicious, inadvertently hunt for clues of infidelity or worse. The more often we successfully test the trust we had established, the stronger our pattern-prone brain embraces it. Constantly in a precarious balance, our brain needs and devours reinforcements. Such testing should not be explicit but circumstantial: your husband could easily have had a mistress or your partner could easily have robbed you blind � and, yet, they haven�t. They have passed the test. They have resisted the temptation.

Trust is based on the ability to foretell the future. It is not so much the act of betrayal that we react to as it is the feeling that the very foundations of our world are crumbling, that it is no longer safe because it is no longer predictable.

Here is another important lesson: whatever the act of betrayal (with the exception of grave criminal corporeal acts), it has limited and reversible consequences if you do not let it get out of hand.

Naturally, we tend to exaggerate the importance of such mishaps. This serves a double purpose: indirectly it aggrandizes us. If we are �worthy� of such an unprecedented, unheard of, major betrayal we must be worthwhile and unique. The magnitude of the betrayal reflects on us and re-establishes the fragile balance of powers between us and the universe.

The second purpose of exaggerating the act of perfidy is simply to gain sympathy and empathy � mainly from ourselves, but also from others. Catastrophes are a dozen a dime and in today�s world it is difficult to provoke anyone to regard your personal disaster as anything exceptional.

Amplifying the event has, therefore, some very utilitarian purposes. But, finally, blowing things out of proportion poisons the victim�s mental circuitry. Putting a breach of trust in perspective goes a long way towards the commencement of a healing process. No betrayal stamps the world irreversibly or eliminates all other possibilities, opportunities, chances and people. Time goes by, people meet and part, lovers quarrel and make love, dear ones live and die. It is the very essence of time that it reduces us all to the finest dust. Our only weapon � however crude and na�ve � against this inexorable process is to trust each other.

by Sam Vaknin, PhD, the author of �Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited� and other books about personality disorders.

Read �I Attract Abusers Like a Magnet� by Sam Vaknin, PhD.

Read �Infidelity: �After multiple affairs, he promised he�d never cheat on me again. Can I trust him this time?�� by Alison Poulsen, PhD.

Watch �Dating Post-Divorce: Online Dating, Dating Errors and Tips� by Sam Vaknin, PhD.

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#6960

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Apr 6, 2012 10:57 am
Subject: A READER says: Relieved to know that nothing would please them

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A READER says about "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited", the BIBLE of NARCISSISM:

Relieved to know that nothing would please them.

Customer Rating

Posted April 15, 2003, 8:58 PM EST: I was always trying to crack the world of my Mother and Older Sister. Then a friend told me about Narcissistic behavior and I was shocked how it all fit. After reading Malignant Self Love: Narcissisn Revisited 1 year ago I have had the past come alive and fall into place as to why someone would act like they do and continue to do. It is a great book and so easy to understand and is very clear cut. I appreciate it so much and recommend it to everyone who feels controlled by another, esp: a family member.

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#6961

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Apr 6, 2012 11:36 am
Subject: Gunter the Grass and the Spirit of a New Germany

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Gunter the Grass and the Spirit of a New Germany

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

In an attempt to recapture the long-lost limelight, the former Waffen SS volunteer turned Germany's self-imputed anti-Nazi conscience, Gunter Grass, published a badly written poem in which he warned against German complicity in an imminent annihilation of the Iranian people by a nuclear-armed Israel.

The poem provoked expected reactions from all the usual suspects: denunciations, smear campaigns against the vain and bombastic octogenarian, and exhilaration in Iran and among anti-Semites and anti-Zionists the world over.

But one elephant remained unobserved in this crowded room: Grass' poem represents the new, ominous spirit of a resurgent Germany.

In in his controversial tome, "Hitler's Willing Executioners", the author, Daniel Goldhagen, posits that the Germans underwent a miraculous transformation in the wake of their devastating defeat in World war II. En masse, they have abandoned their centuries-old rabid, virulent, and ultimately lethal brand of anti-Semitism and anti-Slavism and became docile, altruistic citizens of the New World Order. This unlikely scenario sounds too good to be true because it is far from the truth.

In the last 9 years (starting in late 2003), I have had multiple opportunities to collaborate or hold lengthy conversations with dozens of young German scholars, intellectuals, artists, and budding politicians from across the political and ideological spectrum. As alcohol and mutual acquaintance put them at ease, they all, with one or two exceptions, reverted to shocking form.

Granted, this is far from a representative and statistically-significant sample. It may well mislead me and my readers into stereotypical generalizations. All the same, what these educated Germans in their thirties and forties had to say was both telling and ominous.

All my interlocutors paid lip service by strongly and unequivocally decrying the errant generations of the 1930s and 1940s. Yet, the subtle twist was that they criticized their predecessors for having failed to subjugate Europe, not for having embarked on this inane project in the first place. They also found the Nazi methods employed in the pursuit of Deutschland uber Alles distasteful and vulgar, though not always reprehensible.

Three years ago (in 2004), I dined at length with young political activists and thank tank scholars from a renowned right-of-center foundation (Stifftung). They were well-aware that I am an Israeli and a Jew. The exchange was so disconcerting that moments after we have dispersed, I committed it to paper from still fresh memory. It is typical of conversations I have had also with German left-of-center and centrist intellectuals and professionals.

As we were discussing European Union integration, one of them, an up-and-coming politician in his party, said: "After all, Hitler was the architect of the new Europe". Prompted to elaborate, he went on to say that Hitler had a vision of a united Europe, though under Germany's thumb. "The EU is and always was a German project." - He concluded.

I begged to differ, pointing out the chasm between the German praxis of uniting a land mass by war, genocide, and ethnic cleansing and the French vision of peacefully bringing ever closer the polities that occupy the continent while preserving their integrity and identity.

"There's more to Germany than Hitler." - Commented a German political advisor bitterly - "You constantly harp on this period, but we have a rich history, you know. Germans have been dreaming of European unity for at least a hundred years."

"Who are these 'You' who constantly reduce German history to the Nazi period?" - I enquired, not innocently.

"You," - my interlocutor responded vaguely, sweeping the scenery with an expansive movement of his arm.

"Next you will say that Hitler wasn't such a bad chap after all." - My Slavic wife interjected.

A chorus of well-rehearsed protestations arose: "He was a beast!", "He was a monster!", "The Holocaust was an inexcusable crime against the entire Human Race!" and such. But, to my hypervigilant ears, these slogans sounded mechanical and hollow.

"Hitler did some pretty bad things but also a lot of good. He revived the German economy, for instance." - Reasoned a senior member of the Think Tank.

"Please don't mention the Autobahns!" - I implored him.

"Hitler was not worse than other leaders of his period, like Stalin or Mussolini."

Again I disagreed:

"You cannot compare Hitler and Stalin to any other leader in history, before or after. They were sui generis. Their paranoia-fuelled butchery was a first and hitherto a lonely case in the annals of Mankind. The question that the world is grappling with ever since is how come a nominally civilized nation like Germany gave rise to Hitler, this grotesque apparition, and then proceeded to sacrifice itself to realize his morbid and sick nightmares."

The only woman in our group, a translator, observed resentfully:

"Germans were as much victims of Hitler as the Jews. They, too, were exterminated by a murderous regime."

"The word 'exterminated' is a euphemism for murdered or killed." - I explained to my wife - "Germans cloak reality behind a veil of disorienting and distorting language. The monetary compensation they have paid to the victims of the Holocaust, the greatest sadistic mass murder in history, they call 'Wiedergutmachung', 'making it all well again, restoring'."

I turned to the fuming feminine component of the long-forgotten dinner:

"Germans were not murdered merely because they were Germans. Germans got killed because they elected a deranged idiot to office and then declared war on the rest of the world with the express intention of assassinating tens of millions of people, whole nations, in effect - which they almost succeeded to do in the case of the Jews. You were no more victims than Hitler himself."

"Outrageous!" - Hissed my counterparty - "Not all Germans were Nazis, you know! Hitler took over Germany by force and violence! The Germans didn't want the war, Hitler forced it on them!"

"It sure doesn't look like it in the newsreels that I have seen."

"Propaganda!" - The political advisor pooh-poohed my observation - "What did you expect from this gang of criminals - objective new coverage? The Germans of my grandfather's generation were caught in a trap and couldn't extricate themselves without risking their lives and property. The SS committed atrocities, but the SS was a minuscule portion of the population and was composed of good-for-nothings and ex-convicts. The Wehrmacht fought honorably. Germans suffered greatly during the war. The Allies bombed our cities indiscriminately with the express intent of causing as many civilian casualties as possible, you know. But this kind of misbehavior is not considered a war crime because it was perpetrated against Germans."

"They must have been imitating the honorable Wehrmacht and Luftwaffe which carpet-bombed Warsaw, Belgrade, and hundreds of other cities in Europe."

Moments of uneasy silence lingered and I ordered the bill.

"It's on me." - Insisted the politician - "Let me defray some of the damage we, Germans, have inflicted upon you in Auschwitz." - He grinned

"Since we are into stereotypes, please don't pay, it would be so un-Jewish of you!" - Contributed the translator.

They all burst into howls of convulsive laughter.

A few months later, I had the occasion to watch the movie "The Fall" with Bruno Ganz in the lead role. It portrays a Hitler that is human and empathic, almost likable.

The repellent conversation I had with these young Germans is only a part of a larger ominous pattern. Germans have a proven history of confusing assertiveness for malignant narcissism. Liberalism and democracy are far from being an entrenched tradition in a nation that gave the world Kaiser Wilhelm II and Adolf Hitler.

As Miklos Haraszti, media freedom representative for the 56-nation Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe has finally admitted recently (in August 2007), journalists and opposition members of parliament are regularly harassed by the authorities for unfavorable and investigative reporting, in defiance of the highest courts of the land. The Committee to Protect Journalists concurs. Germany's sprawling and all-pervasive civil service routinely uses red tape and regulatory powers to stifle dissent, punish adversaries of the regime, and reward cronies of the powers-that-be.

The generations of Germans that have grown up in a post Cold War and united country are again imbibing the volatile compound of victimhood and haughtiness. German historians and intellectuals are casting their compatriots as the victims of both Hitler's barbaric regime and the atrocities and war crimes committed by the Allies.

Germany aspires to a "place under the Sun" to properly reflect its economic might and geopolitical importance. But this newfound self-confidence is tainted with the contempt with which Germans hold all others: Jews, Slavs, Gypsies, Turks, and assorted minorities. This disdain is well-concealed but it is there, festering. Combined with Germans' resurgent grandiosity and dreams of European domination, Germany is once again a threat to its neighbors and, above all, to itself.

===================================

Author Bio

Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant
Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the
East, as well as many other books and ebooks about topics in psychology,
relationships, philosophy, economics, and international affairs.

He is the Editor-in-Chief of Global Politician and served as a columnist for
Central Europe Review, PopMatters, eBookWeb , and Bellaonline, and as a
United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent. He was the
editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open
Directory and Suite101.

Visit Sam's Web site at http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com

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#6962

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Mon Apr 9, 2012 7:57 am
Subject: NEW VIDEOS Fanatic Narcissist, Gunter Grass

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Click on the links:

NEW VIDEO  Fanatic Narcissist and Group Affiliation: Church, Community,
Team, Collective  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nSMaAxywkY

http://archive.org/details/FanaticNarcissistAndGroupAffiliationChurchCommunityTe\
amCollective

NEW VIDEO  Gunter the Grass and the Spirit of a New Germany
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovuXHJltXxE

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click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

===================================================

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==================================================

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Sam Vaknin, Author of "Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited"

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#6963

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:22 am
Subject: Journal of Personality Disorders Vol. 26, No. 2, April 2012 is now available online

vaksammt

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Find additional articles about personality disorders here - click on the links:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faqpd.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq82.html

http://open-site.org/Health/Conditions_and_Diseases/Psychiatric_Disorders/Personality/

NEW! "Personality Disorders Revisited" (450 pages about the Borderline, Narcissistic, Antisocial-Psychopathic, Histrionic, Paranoid, Obsessive-Compulsive, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Masochistic, Sadistic, Depressive, Negativistic-Passive-Aggressive, Dependent, and other Personality Disorders!)

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Guilford Press Table of Contents Alert
Journal of Personality Disorders
Volume: 26, Number: 2 (April)

The above issue is now available online from Guilford Press at:
http://guilfordjournals.com/toc/pedi/26/2?ai=s6&ui=l9e&af=H

The table of contents for this issue is listed below. Click on the links below to view the abstract for each article, or click on the link above to read the table of contents online.

	Large Variations of Global Functioning over Five Years in Treated Patients with Personality Traits and Disorders
	Elfrida Hartveit Kvarstein and Sigmund Karterud
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 141-161. Abstract \| PDF (917 KB) \| PDF with links (620 KB)

	The Utility of the Cognitive-Affective Processing System in the Diagnosis of Personality Disorders: Some Preliminary Evidence
	Cortney Rhadigan and Steven K. Huprich
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 162-178. Abstract \| PDF (767 KB) \| PDF with links (777 KB)

	Adult Attachment to Transitional Objects and Borderline Personality Disorder
	Jill M. Hooley and Molly Wilson-Murphy
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 179-191. Abstract \| PDF (767 KB) \| PDF with links (779 KB)

	The Course of Adult Experiences of Abuse in Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder and Axis II Comparison Subjects: A 10-Year Follow-Up Study
	Amelia McGowan, Hannah King, Frances R. Frankenburg, Garrett Fitzmaurice, and Mary C. Zanarini
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 192-202. Abstract \| PDF (950 KB) \| PDF with links (617 KB)

	BIS and BAS Interact with Perceived Parental Affectionless Control to Predict Personality Disorder Symptomatology
	Nathan A. Kimbrel, John T. Mitchell, Natalie E. Hundt, Christopher D. Robertson, and Rosemery O. Nelson-Gray
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 203-212. Abstract \| PDF (848 KB) \| PDF with links (577 KB)

	Psychopathy and Traumatic Stress
	Thierry H. Pham
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 213-225. Abstract \| PDF (778 KB) \| PDF with links (795 KB)

	The Associations between Non-suicidal Self-Injury and Borderline Personality Disorder Features among Chinese Adolescents
	Jianing You, Freedom Leung, Ching Man Lai, and Kei Fu
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 226-237. Abstract \| PDF (780 KB) \| PDF with links (795 KB)

	Childhood Abuse in Chinese Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder
	Jianjun Huang, Yunping Yang, Jiang Wu, Lisa A. Napolitano, Yingjun Xi, and Yonghua Cui
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 238-254. Abstract \| PDF (816 KB) \| PDF with links (830 KB)

	Personality Disorders in Young Adult Survivors of Pediatric Burn Injury
	Christopher R. Thomas, William Russell, Rhonda S. Robert, Charles E. Holzer, Patricia Blakeney, and Walter J. Meyer
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 255-266. Abstract \| PDF (817 KB) \| PDF with links (571 KB)

	Functions and Timescale of Self-Cutting in Participants Suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder
	Nader Perroud, Karen Dieben, Rosetta Nicastro, Michel Muscionico, and Philippe Huguelet
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 267-279. Abstract \| PDF (822 KB) \| PDF with links (597 KB)

	Predicting Borderline Personality Disorder Features from Personality Traits, Identity Orientation, and Attachment Styles in Italian Nonclinical Adults: Issues of Consistency Across Age Ranges
	Andrea Fossati, Serena Borroni, Judith Feeney, and Cesare Maffei
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 280-297. Abstract \| PDF (812 KB) \| PDF with links (834 KB)

	Personality Disorder Categories as Combinations of Dimensions: Translating Cooperative Behavior in Borderline Personality Disorder into the Five-Factor Framework
	Jan-Erik Lönnqvist, Markku Verkasalo, Philipp C. Wichardt, and Gari Walkowitz
	Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 26, No. 2, April: 298-304. Abstract \| PDF (1027 KB) \| PDF with links (714 KB)

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#6964

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:24 am
Subject: The Narcissist's Sexual Universe: Somatic, Cerebral, and In-between

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http://narcissistpsychopathabuse.blogspot.com/2012/04/narcissists-sexual-universe-somatic.html

The Narcissist's Sexual Universe: Somatic, Cerebral, and In-between

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

Question:

Are narcissists mostly hyperactive or hypoactive sexually and to what extent are they likely to be unfaithful in marriage?

Answer:

Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question: the somatic narcissist and the cerebral narcissist.

Narcissists are misogynists. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them (either by debasing them sexually - or by withholding sex from them). They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act.

The somatic narcissist uses sex to "conquer" and "secure" new sources of narcissistic supply. Consequently, the somatic rarely gets emotionally-involved with his "targets". His is a mechanical act, devoid of intimacy and commitment. The cerebral narcissist feels that sex is demeaning and degrading. Acting on one's sex drive is a primitive, basic, and common impulse. The cerebral narcissist convinces himself that he is above all that, endowed as he is with superior intelligence and superhuman self-control.

Still, sex for both types of narcissists is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources of Narcissistic Supply. If it happens to be the most efficient weapon in the narcissist's arsenal, he makes profligate use of it. In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means (e.g., intellectually) � he resorts to sex.

He then become a satyr (or a nymphomaniac): indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be objects - sources of Narcissistic Supply. It is through the processes of successful seduction and sexual conquest that the narcissist derives his badly needed narcissistic "fix".

The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him � in great detail � to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and (what he perceives to be) subordination � the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another.

Some narcissists prefer "complicated" situations. If men � they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian women, etc. The more "difficult" the target � the more rewarding the narcissistic outcome. Such a narcissist may be married, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any explicit or implicit contract between him and his spouse.

He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is merely taking advantage of them and that they do not constitute a threat and should not be taken seriously by his spouse. In his mind a clear separation exists between the honest "woman of his life" (really, a saint) and the whores that he is having sex with.

With the exception of the meaningful women in his life, he tends to view all females in a bad light. His behaviour, thus, achieves a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand � and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and traumas (abandonment by Primary Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for instance).

When inevitably abandoned by his spouse � the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy. Still, deep inside, he feels compelled to continue to pursue precisely the same path. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following a period of deep depression and suicidal ideation � the narcissist is likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, ready for the next round of hunting.

But there is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects. However, with him, this is a secondary behaviour. It appears mainly after major narcissistic traumas and crises.

A painful divorce, a devastating personal financial upheaval � and this type of narcissist adopts the view that the "old" (intellectual) solutions do not work anymore. He frantically gropes and searches for new ways to attract attention, to restore his False Ego (=his grandiosity) and to secure a subsistence level of Narcissistic Supply.

Sex is handy and is a great source of the right kind of supply: it is immediate, sexual partners are interchangeable, the solution is comprehensive (it encompasses all the aspects of the narcissist's being), natural, highly charged, adventurous, and pleasurable. Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexual activities � very frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters.

However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored � this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours. He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexual activities deteriorates from a few times a day � to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities � anything but sex.

This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to develop following a sexual encounter. In general, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually � but also emotionally. If married � he loses all overt interest in his spouse, sexual or otherwise. He confines himself to his world and makes sure that he is sufficiently busy to preclude any interaction with his nearest (and supposedly dearest).

He becomes completely immersed in "big projects", lifelong plans, a vision, or a cause � all very rewarding narcissistically and all very demanding and time consuming. In such circumstances, sex inevitably becomes an obligation, a necessity, or a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to preserve his sources of supply (his family or household).

The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and by far prefers masturbation or "objective", emotionless sex, like going to prostitutes. Actually, he uses his mate or spouse as an "alibi", a shield against the attentions of other women, an insurance policy which preserves his virile image while making it socially and morally commendable for him to avoid any intimate or sexual contact with others.

Ostentatiously ignoring women other than his wife (a form of aggression) he feels righteous in saying: "I am a faithful husband". At the same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal pleasures.

The narcissist's thwarted logic goes something like this: "I am married/attached to this woman. Therefore, I am not allowed to be in any form of contact with other women which might be interpreted as more than casual or businesslike. This is why I refrain from having anything to do with women � because I am being faithful, as opposed to most other immoral men.

However, I do not like this situation. I envy my free peers. They can have as much sex and romance as they want to � while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my wife, my freedom curbed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her."

Thus frustrated, the narcissist minimises all manner of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, very intimate friends): sexual, verbal, or emotional. He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially.

His reclusion insures against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. But, again, this way he also secures abandonment and the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Finally, he really is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply.

In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate (a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source). Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment.

The second type of narcissist is mostly sexually loyal to his spouse. He alternates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality (really, forcefully repressed sexuality). In the second phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most basic. He is, therefore, not compelled to "cheat" upon his mate, betray her, or violate the marital vows. He is much more interested in preventing a worrisome dwindling of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that really matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no better.

Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. In extreme cases, they might introduce "live witnesses" and revert to total, classical exhibitionism. This sits well with their tendency to "objectify" their sexual partners, to engage in emotionally-neutral sex (group sex, for instance) and to indulge in autoerotic sex.

The exhibitionist sees himself reflected in the eyes of the beholders. This constitutes the main sexual stimulus, this is what turns him on. This outside "look" is also what defines the narcissist. There is bound to be a connection. One (the exhibitionist) may be the culmination, the "pure case" of the other (the narcissist).

Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes:

1. In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests.

2. Narcissists are easily bored (they have a low boredom threshold) and they have a low tolerance for boredom. Sexual dalliances alleviate this nagging and frustrating ennui.

3. Narcissists maintain an island and focus of stability in their life, but all the other dimensions of their existence are chaotic, unstable, and unpredictable. This "twister" formation serves many emotional needs which I expound upon elsewhere. Thus, a narcissist may be a model employee and pursue a career path over decades even as he cheats on his wife and fritters their savings away.

4. Narcissists feel superior and important and so entitled to be above the law and to engage in behaviors that are frowned upon and considered socially unacceptable in others. They reject and vehemently resent all limitations and conditions placed upon them by their partners. They act on their impulses and desires unencumbered by social conventions and strictures.

5. Marriage, monogamy, and child-bearing and rearing are common activities that characterize the average person. The narcissist feels robbed of his uniqueness by these pursuits and coerced into the relationship and into roles - such as a husband and a father - that reduce him to the lowest of common denominators. This narcissistic injury leads him to rebel and reassert his superiority and specialness by maintaining extramarital affairs.

6. Narcissists are control freaks. Having a relationship implies a give-and-take and a train of compromises which the narcissist acutely interprets to mean a loss of control over his life. To reassert control, the narcissist initiates other relationships in which he dictates the terms of engagement (love affairs).

7. Narcissists are terrified of intimacy. Their behavior is best characterized as an approach-avoidance repetition complex. Adultery is an excellent tool in the attempt to retard intimacy and resort to a less threatening mode of interaction.

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#6965

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:09 pm
Subject: Psychopaths: Cultural or Psychological Illness?

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"The psychopath refuses to conform to social norms and obey the law. He
often inflicts pain and damage on his victims. But does that make this
pattern of conduct a mental illness? The psychopath has no conscience or
empathy. But is this necessarily pathological? " Read more here:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/personalitydisorders16.html

===================================================

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#6966

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:37 am
Subject: Invitation to participate in a research study (ISU Psychology Department)

vaksammt

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The stigmatization of people with mental illness is widespread in our
society.  This stigma has been shown to reduce self-esteem, rob people of
social opportunities, and prevent people who would benefit from mental
health services from seeking care.  Accurate measurement of this stigma is
an essential part of the high-quality research upon which effective
anti-stigma social-marketing campaigns are built.

Dr. David Vogel of Iowa State University is conducting an online research
survey study on the validity of a new scale designed to accurately measure
the stigma surrounding mental illness, and how this stigma impacts
individuals� willingness to seek help from a mental health professional.

Your willingness to contribute your voice to this research would be greatly
appreciated!

The survey takes about 20 to 40 minutes to complete and participation is
confidential.

This study is being conducted with the authorization of the Iowa State
University Institutional Review Board (Study Approval #11-265; 515-294-4566;
IRB@...), and is open to all individuals 18 years or older who have
access to the internet.

To participate in, or learn more about, this survey please visit:
  http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/StigmaMI

If you would like to speak with the principal investigator, Dr. David Vogel,
about this survey, please contact him at vogellab@....

Thank you for your consideration.

David L. Vogel, Ph.D.
Joseph H. Hammer, M.Ed.
=

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#6967

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Thu Apr 12, 2012 10:19 am
Subject: PSYCHOPATH and NARCISSIST SURVIVORS GROUP Roundup of Recent Posts

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Assad: faithful student of ruthlessness - FT.com http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/assad-faithful-student-of-ruthlessness-ft-com-t21104.html

How to Be a Jerk in Internet Comments http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/how-to-be-a-jerk-in-internet-comments-t21105.html

Journal of Personality Disorders Vol. 26, No. 2, April 2012 is now available online http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/journal-of-personality-disorders-vol-26-no-2-april-2012-t21106.html

Liars may be identifiable through their writings, too http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/liars-may-be-identifiable-through-their-writings-too-t21108.html

Newer generations increasingly about "me," study finds http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/newer-generations-increasingly-about-me-study-finds-t21109.html

"How can I Trust Again?" http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/how-can-i-trust-again-t21110.html

Anxiety Disorder misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/anxiety-disorder-misdiagnosed-as-narcissistic-personality-t21111.html

Can the Narcissist Tell Right from Wrong? Is the Narcissist Insane? Should We Hold Him Accountable for His Actions? http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/can-the-narcissist-tell-right-from-wrong-t21112.html

Can Two Narcissists Make a Happy Couple? http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/can-two-narcissists-make-a-happy-couple-t21113.html

IQCRACY: A Recipe against Barbarians with iPads http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/iqcracy-a-recipe-against-barbarians-with-ipads-t21114.html

Narcissists are Evil and, yet, Fascinating? http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/narcissists-are-evil-and-yet-fascinating-t21115.html

Narcissists in Cyberspace, Psychopaths on the Internet http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/narcissists-in-cyberspace-psychopaths-on-the-internet-t21116.html

Narcissists, Junkies, and Alcoholics http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/narcissists-junkies-and-alcoholics-t21117.html

One Self Removed http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/one-self-removed-t21118.html

PINTEREST PHOTO BOARD The Psychopathic Narcissist and His World http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/pinterest-photo-board-the-psychopathic-narcissist-t21119.html

The Con-man Cometh http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/the-con-man-cometh-t21120.html

The Family of the Narcissist http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/the-family-of-the-narcissist-t21121.html

The Narcissist's Sexual Universe: Somatic, Cerebral, and In-between http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/the-narcissist-s-sexual-universe-somatic-cerebral-t21122.html

We hate those who resemble us most http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/we-hate-those-who-resemble-us-most-t21123.html

Your Abusive Intimate Partner and Your Children http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/your-abusive-intimate-partner-and-your-children-t21124.html

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#6968

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:48 pm
Subject: Malignant Self-love Availability IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

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Dear Friends and Members,

Owing to a surge in demand, "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" would be out of stock in Barnes and Noble until April 23, 2012.

If you are planning to buy my book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" (thank you!), my advice is: do NOT purchase it from Amazon.

New, authentic, cheaper copies of my book, directly from my publisher are available ONLY via Barnes and Noble.

OPTION NUMBER 1

Wait until April 23 and then purchase the book from Barnes and Noble.

On April 23, click on this link (you can also copy the address and paste it in your browser window):

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?r=1&ISBN=9788023833843

(Or, click on this link - http://www.bn.com - and search for "Sam Vaknin" or "Malignant Self Love").

OPTION NUMBER 2

If you need the book urgently, please click on this link and purchase the book directly from the publisher at a special price of $39.99, all included (instead of $54.95):

http://www.ccnow.com/cgi-local/cart.cgi?vaksam_MSLPUBDISC

(If you purchase directly from the publisher, you are entitled to a BONUS PACK via e-mail.)

My e-books and video lectures are available for purchase here:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html

Apologies for the inconvenience!

Sam Vaknin

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#6969

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:01 pm
Subject: Focus Adolescent Services Personality Disorders

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http://www.focusas.com/PersonalityDisorders.html

Personality Disorders

by Linda Lebelle

Don't become a victim of yourself.

Forget about the thief waiting in the alley;

what about the thief in your mind?

-- Jim Rohn

A personality disorder is identified by

a pervasive pattern of experience and behavior that is abnormal

with respect to any two of the following:

thinking, mood, personal relations, and the control of impulses.

The character of a person is shown through his or her personality -- by the way an individual thinks, feels, and behaves. When the behavior is inflexible, maladaptive, and antisocial, then that individual is diagnosed with a personality disorder.

Most personality disorders begin as problems in personal development and character which peak during adolescence and then are defined as personality disorders.

Personality disorders are not illnesses in a strict sense as they do not disrupt emotional, intellectual, or perceptual functioning. However, those with personality disorders suffer a life that is not positive, proactive, or fulfilling. Not surprisingly, personality disorders are also associated with failures to reach potential.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders DSM-IV-TR, published by the American Psychiatric Association, defines a personality disorder as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectation of the individual's culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.

Currently, there are 10 distinct personality disorders identified in the DSM-IV:

Antisocial Personality Disorder: Lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture, marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths. Known as conduct disorder for persons under age 18.
Avoidant Personality Disorder: Marked social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and extremely sensitive to criticism.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Lack of one's own identity, with rapid changes in mood, intense unstable interpersonal relationships, marked impulsively, instability in affect and in self image.
Dependent Personality Disorder: Extreme need of other people, to a point where the person is unable to make any decisions or take an independent stand on his or her own. Fear of separation and submissive behavior. Marked lack of decisiveness and self-confidence.
Histrionic Personality Disorder: Exaggerated and often inappropriate displays of emotional reactions, approaching theatricality, in everyday behavior. Sudden and rapidly shifting emotion expressions.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Behavior or a fantasy of grandiosity, a lack of empathy, a need to be admired by others, an inability to see the viewpoints of others, and hypersensitive to the opinions of others.
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder: Characterized by perfectionism and inflexibility; preoccupation with uncontrollable patterns of thought and action.
Paranoid Personality Disorder: Marked distrust of others, including the belief, without reason, that others are exploiting, harming, or trying to deceive him or her; lack of trust; belief of others' betrayal; belief in hidden meanings; unforgiving and grudge holding.
Schizoid Personality Disorder: Primarily characterized by a very limited range of emotion, both in expression of and experiencing; indifferent to social relationships.
Schizotypal Personality Disorder: Peculiarities of thinking, odd beliefs, and eccentricities of appearance, behavior, interpersonal style, and thought (e.g., belief in psychic phenomena and having magical powers).

According to Dr. Sam Vaknin, self-proclaimed narcissist and author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, individuals with personality disorders have many things in common:

Self-centeredness that manifests itself through a me-first, self-preoccupied attitude
Lack of perspective-taking and empathy
Lack of individual accountability that results in a victim mentality and blaming others, society and the universe for their problems
Manipulative and exploitative behavior
Unhappiness, suffering from depression and other mood and anxiety disorders
Vulnerability to other mental disorders, such as obsessive-compulsive tendencies and panic attacks
Distorted or superficial understanding of self and others' perceptions, being unable to see his or her objectionable, unacceptable, disagreeable, or self-destructive behaviors or the issues that may have contributed to the personality disorder
Socially maladaptive, changing the rules of the game, introducing new variables, or otherwise influencing the external world to conform to their own needs
No hallucinations, delusions or thought disorders (except for the brief psychotic episodes of Borderline Personality Disorder)

Vaknin does not propose a unified theory of psychopathology as there is still much to learn about the workings of the world and our place in it. Each personality disorder shows its own unique manifestations through a story or narrative (see Metaphors of the Mind), but we do not have enough information or verifying capability to determine whether they spring from a common psychodynamic source.

It is important to note that some people diagnosed with borderline, antisocial, schizoid, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorders may be suffering from an underlying biological disturbance (anatomical, electrical, or neurochemical). A strong genetic link has been found in antisocial and borderline personality disorders (see Genetics and Mental Disorders, The Chemistry of Personality and The Biology of Borderline Personality Disorder).

Treatment of Personality Disorders

Dr. David B. Adams of Atlanta Medical Psychology says that therapists have the most difficulties with those suffering from personality disorders. They are difficult to please, block effective communication, avoid development of a trusting relationship, [and] cannot be relied upon for accurate history regarding problems or how problems arose (The Psychological Letter, February 2000).

According to the Surgeon General, mental disorders are treatable. An armamentarium of efficacious treatments is available to ameliorate symptoms . . . Most treatments fall under two general categories, psychosocial and pharmacological. Moreover, the combination of the two � known as multimodal therapy � can sometimes be even more effective than each individually. (See Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon General)

By reading the DSM-IV's definition of personality disorders, it seems that these conditions are not treatable. However, when individuals choose to be in control of their lives and are committed to changing their lives, healing is possible. Therapy and medication may help, but it is the individual's decision to take accountability for his or her own life that makes the difference.

To heal, individuals must first have the desire to change in order to break through that enduring pattern of a personality disorder. Individuals need to want to gain insight into and face their inner experience and behavior. (These issues may concern severe or repeated trauma during childhood, such as abuse.)

This involves changing their thinking - about themselves, their relationships, and the world. This also involves changing their behavior, as action reflects the learned internal changes.

Then, with a support system (e.g., therapy, support groups, friends, family), they can free themselves from their imprisoned life.

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#6970

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:03 pm
Subject: The Habit of Identity

vaksammt

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The Habit of Identity

by Dr. Sam Vaknin,

author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

More Information on Identity, Image, and the Self

In a famous experiment, students were asked to take a lemon home and to get used to it. Three days later, they were able to single out �their� lemon from a pile of rather similar ones. They seemed to have bonded.

Is this the true meaning of love, bonding, coupling?

Do we simply get used to other human beings, pets, or objects?

Habit-forming in humans is reflexive. We change ourselves and our environment in order to attain maximum comfort and well being. It is the effort that goes into these adaptive processes that forms a habit. The habit is intended to prevent us from constant experimenting and risk taking. The greater our well being, the better we function and the longer we survive.

Actually, when we get used to something or to someone � we get used to ourselves. In the object of the habit we see a part of our history, all the time and effort that we put into it. It is an encapsulated version of our acts, intentions, emotions and reactions. It is a mirror reflecting back at us that part in us, which formed the habit. Hence, the feeling of comfort: we really feel comfortable with our own selves through the agency of the object of our habit.

Because of this, we tend to confuse habits with identity. If asked WHO they are, most people will resort to describing their habits. They will relate to their work, their loved ones, their pets, their hobbies, or their material possessions. Yet, all of these cannot constitute part of an identity because their removal does not change the identity that we are seeking to establish when we enquire WHO someone is. They are habits and they make the respondent comfortable and relaxed. But they are not part ofidentity in the truest, deepest sense.

Still, it is this simple mechanism of deception that binds people together. A mother feels that her offspring are part of her identity because she is so used to them that her well being depends on their existence and availability. Thus, any threat to her children is interpreted to mean a threat on her Self. Her reaction is, therefore, strong and enduring and can be recurrently elicited.

The truth, of course, is that her children are a part of her identity in a superficial manner. Removing them will make her a different person, but only in the shallow, phenomenological sense of the word. Her deep-set, true identity will not change as a result. Children do die at times and their mother does go on living, essentially unchanged.

But what is this kernel of identity that I am referring to? This immutable entity which is the definition of who we are and what we are and which, ostensibly, is not influenced by the death of our loved ones? What is so strong as to resist the breaking of habits that die hard?

It is our personality. This elusive, loosely interconnected, interacting, pattern of reactions to our changing environment. Like the Brain, it is difficult to define or to capture. Like the Soul, many believe that it does not exist, that it is a fictitious convention. Yet, we know that we do have a personality. We feel it, we experience it. It sometimes encourages us to do things � at other times, as much as prevents us from doing them. It can be supple or rigid, benign or malignant, open or closed. Its power lies in its looseness. It is able to combine, recombine and permute in hundreds of unforeseeable ways. It metamorphizes and the constancy of its rate and kind of change is what gives us a sense of identity.

Actually, when the personality is rigid to the point of being unable to change in reaction to changing circumstances, we say that it is disordered. A personality disorder is the ultimate misidentification. The individual mistakes his habits for his identity. He identifies himself with his environment, taking behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues exclusively from it. His inner world is, so to speak, vacated, inhabited, as it were, by the apparition of his True Self.

Such a person is incapable of loving and of living. He is incapable of loving because to love (at least according to this model) is to equate and collate two distinct entities: one's Self and one's habits. The personality disordered sees no distinction. He is his habits and, therefore, by definition, can only rarely and with an incredible amount of exertion, change them.

And, in the long term, he is incapable of living because life is a struggletowards, a striving, a drive at something. In other words: Life is Change. The person who cannot change, cannot live.

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#6971

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:34 am
Subject: Watch Online NEW VIDEOS Psychosis, Delusions, Fanaticism

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#6972

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Tue Apr 17, 2012 8:14 am
Subject: Narcissists, Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling, and Other Vices

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Narcissists, Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling, and Other Vices

By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"

Pathological narcissism is an addiction to Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist's drug of choice. It is, therefore, not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviours � workaholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, or reckless driving � piggyback on this primary dependence.

The narcissist � like other types of addicts � derives pleasure from these exploits. But they also sustain and enhance his grandiose fantasies as "unique", "superior", "entitled", and "chosen". They place him above the laws and pressures of the mundane and away from the humiliating and sobering demands of reality. They render him the centre of attention � but also place him in "splendid isolation" from the madding and inferior crowd.

Such compulsory and wild pursuits provide a psychological exoskeleton. They are a substitute to quotidian existence. They afford the narcissist with an agenda, with timetables, goals, and faux achievements. The narcissist � the adrenaline junkie � feels that he is in control, alert, excited, and vital. He does not regard his condition as dependence. The narcissist firmly believes that he is in charge of his addiction, that he can quit at will and on short notice.

The narcissist denies his cravings for fear of "losing face" and subverting the flawless, perfect, immaculate, and omnipotent image he projects. When caught red handed, the narcissist underestimates, rationalises, or intellectualises his addictive and reckless behaviours � converting them into an integral part of his grandiose and fantastic False Self.

Thus, a drug abusing narcissist may claim to be conducting first hand research for the benefit of humanity � or that his substance abuse results in enhanced creativity and productivity. The dependence of some narcissists becomes a way of life: busy corporate executives, race car drivers, or professional gamblers come to mind.

The narcissist's addictive behaviours take his mind off his inherent limitations, inevitable failures, painful and much-feared rejections, and the Grandiosity Gap � the abyss between the image he projects (the False Self) and the injurious truth. They relieve his anxiety and resolve the tension between his unrealistic expectations and inflated self-image � and his incommensurate achievements, position, status, recognition, intelligence, wealth, and physique.

Thus, there is no point in treating the dependence and recklessness of the narcissist without first treating the underlying personality disorder. The narcissist's addictions serve deeply ingrained emotional needs. They intermesh seamlessly with the pathological structure of his disorganised personality, with his character faults, and primitive defence mechanisms.

Techniques such as "12 steps" may prove more efficacious in treating the narcissist's grandiosity, rigidity, sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy. This is because � as opposed to traditional treatment modalities � the emphasis is on tackling the narcissist's psychological makeup, rather than on behaviour modification.

The narcissist's overwhelming need to feel omnipotent and superior can be co-opted in the therapeutic process. Overcoming an addictive behaviour can be � truthfully � presented by the therapist as a rare and impressive feat, worthy of the narcissist's unique mettle.

Narcissists fall for these transparent pitches surprisingly often. But this approach can backfire. Should the narcissist relapse � an almost certain occurrence � he will feel ashamed to admit his fallibility, need for emotional sustenance, and impotence. He is likely to avoid treatment altogether and convince himself that now, having succeeded once to get rid of his addiction, he is self-sufficient and omniscient.

A voluminous literature notwithstanding, there is little convincing empirical research about the correlation between personality traits and addictive behaviors. Substance abuse and dependence (alcoholism, drug addiction) is only one form of recurrent and self-defeating pattern of misconduct. People are addicted to all kinds of things: gambling, shopping, the Internet, reckless and life-endangering pursuits. Adrenaline junkies abound.

The connection between chronic anxiety, pathological narcissism, depression, obsessive-compulsive traits and alcoholism and drug abuse is well established and common in clinical practice. But not all narcissists, compulsives, depressives, and anxious people turn to the bottle or the needle. Frequent claims of finding a gene complex responsible for alcoholism have been consistently cast in doubt.

In 1993, Berman and Noble suggested that addictive and reckless behaviors are mere emergent phenomena and may be linked to other, more fundamental traits, such as novelty seeking or risk taking. Psychopaths (patients with Antisocial Personality Disorder) have both qualities in ample quantities. We would expect them, therefore, to heavily abuse alcohol and drugs. Indeed, as Lewis and Bucholz convincingly demonstrated in 1991, they do. Still, only a negligible minority of alcoholics and drug addicts are psychopaths.

Note: Addiction and Narcissism as Organizing Principles

In our attempt to decipher the human psyche (in itself a mere construct, not an ontological entity), we have come up with two answers:

I. That behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions are wholly reducible to biochemical reactions and neural pathways in the brain. This medicalization of what it is to be human is inevitably hotly contested.

II. That behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions can be explained and predicted by the introduction of "scientific" theories based on primary concepts. Psychoanalysis is an early - and now widely disregarded - example of such an approach to human affairs.

The concepts of "addiction" and "(pathological) narcissism" were introduced to account for oft-recurring amalgams of behaviors, moods, emotions, and cognitions. Both are organizing, exegetic principles with some predictive powers. Both hark back to Calvinist and Puritan strands of Protestantism where excess and compulsion (inner demons) were important topics.

Yet, though clearly umbilically connected, as I have demonstrated elsewhere, addictive behaviors and narcissistic defenses also differ in critical ways.

When addicts engage in addictive behaviors, they seek to change their perception of their environment. As the alcoholic Inspector Morse says, once he had consumed his single Malts, "the world looks a happier place". Drugs make the things look varicolored, brighter, more hopeful, and fun-filled.

In contrast, the narcissist needs narcissistic supply to regulate his inner universe. Narcissists care little about the world out there, except as an ensemble of potential and actual sources of narcissistic supply. The narcissist's drug of choice - attention - is geared to sustain his grandiose fantasies and senses of omnipotence and omniscience.

Classical addiction - to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or to other compulsive behaviors - provides the addict with an exoskeleton: boundaries, rituals, timetables, and order in an otherwise chaotically disintegrating universe.

Not so for the narcissist.

Admittedly, like the addict's search for gratification, the narcissist's pursuit of narcissistic supply is frenetic and compulsive and ever-present. Yet, unlike the addict's, it is not structured, rigid, or ritualistic. On the contrary, it is flexible and inventive. Narcissism, in other words, is an adaptive behavior, albeit one that has outlived its usefulness. Addiction is merely self-destructive and has no adaptive value or reason.

Finally, at heart, all addicts are self-destructive, self-defeating, self-loathing, and even suicidal. In other words: addicts are predominantly masochists. Narcissists, in contrast, aresadists and paranoids. They lapse into masochism only when their narcissistic supply runs hopelessly dry. The narcissist's masochism is aimed at restoring his sense of (moral) superiority (as a self-sacrificial victim) and to prod him into a renewed effort to reassert himself and hunt for new sources of narcissistic supply.

Thus, while the addict's brand of masochism is nihilistic and suicidal - the narcissist's masochism is about self-preservation.

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#6973

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:10 pm
Subject: Character Under Attack, and What You Can Do About It

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LINK

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Discover Why. . .
     America has such high rates of violent criminal activity, rates of imprisonment, school crime, sexually transmitted disease, teenage pregnancy, and suicide.
      In a nation that has drifted far from its core moral system, Carl Sommer�s hard-hitting expose� reveals the underlying causes and offers common-sense solutions for improving America�s education and moral climate.
Sommer, an award-winning author and educator, addresses the issues of moral relativism, the rise of anticulturalism, and the philosophical battle raging behind the lack of character in today�s society of diminishing values. Character Under Attack examines the issues and provides practical advice on how parents and educators can create a more respectful society and produce successful children prepared to make this world a better place.
     Recognizing the spirit in which our Founding Fathers established this great nation, you�ll discover from this well-documented book what went wrong and what you can do about it. A must for parents and educators.

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#6974

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:10 pm
Subject: Schools In Crisis: Training For Success or Failure?

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Schools In Crisis: Training For Success or Failure?

By Carl Sommer
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#6975

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Wed Apr 18, 2012 7:14 pm
Subject: More than 1000 Like "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" on FACEBOOK

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#6976

From: "Sam Vaknin author of \"Malignant Self-love\"" <vaksam@...>
Date: Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:10 pm
Subject: UFO, God, and You: Schizotypal Personality Disorder

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"Do you believe in UFOs and alien abductions? You may be suffering from the
Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Do you believe in the immaculate
conception of the Virgin Mary and in the resurrection of her son? Then you
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