Also read these - click on the links:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq22.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse12.html

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The Father Who Never Was
By a Narcissist's Son


Even if I were to accept your premise that you apologize with great
frequency, why should you have to? Wouldn't you rather stop doing
the things that hurt or offend people? But you don't. Because you
don't know what offends people. I used to think that you were
malicious, but over the years I have come to realize that you are
not malicious, you are just totally oblivious to feelings, not only
of others, but of yourself as well.

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You continue to say/do things that are at best embarrassing and
inappropriate and at worst insulting and offensive.

You have never given a second thought to the impact on the other
person of what you were saying or doing. Gloating, whining,
pointing out every grammatical error a person made always made you
feel better. If it hurt somebody's feelings, that never occurred to
you. You were only interested in impressing the others at the table
about how smart you were. You always have to be telling people
about your trips to South Africa, all the CEOs you know who went to
Harvard, and all of the boards of which you have been chairman. As
one of your daughters once said so eloquently.WGAS?

Look at your 80th birthday party. Your children were going to fly a
combined 8000 miles, come to your apartment and celebrate your
birthday with you. Yet you decided that you were going to go to
Wisconsin because one of your former clients was having a shindig.
And if you didn't go there, you had another party you wanted to go
to in Chicago. Family is only for when you feel it is politically
expedient or when you are guilted into it. The latter was your
motivation to attend your 80th birthday party. What do you think
that told us? Yet you can't understand why we don't spend our lives
fawning over somebody whose actions sent us the message that we are
not very important to him.

How about Father's Day? Final score: AFDO 42, Smith family 0. And
even if you had ever spent a Father's Day w/ us, you would have made
sure that we all knew what a sacrifice you were making by not going
to an AFDO conference and you would tell everybody in your path what
a wonderful father you were.
But ignoring the facts does not change them. You can say a million
times that family is very important to you, but actions speak
infinitely louder than words. And every time you say that, your
credibility takes another hit.

The longer you deny your neglect of family, the less respect you
will ever have from your children. At least tell us that you were
doing it to make good money. Denying that you did it is stupid,
because we remember the past as it actually happened, not the way
you "remember" it. You have the greatest ability of anybody I have
ever known to rewrite the past. But you are only fooling yourself.

For years you got away with it, because nobody called you on it.
But now that you look back, did you really get away with it? How
many people want to be around you any more? Doesn't that tell you
something? And as long as you deny that you have had bad
relationships (mother) or blame it on the other person (Alison's
wacko, I got fucked up by brain surgery), the more certain it
becomes that those people will never want to be around you again.

You are the only person in the world who has not seen an enormous
improvement in me since I had part of my brain removed. If you were
to admit that you have seen an improvement, it would take away your
primary defense against many of my recent emails. Thus you would
have to admit too many things about your own past, and you have
never been able to do that.
Saying "I've made some mistakes in my life" is simply admitting that
you're human. It gives no indication of remorse or regret.

Everything you name, you name after yourself:

Your favorite alcoholic concoction is a Real John If meat gets
overcooked or well-done, it is Smith Meat When we built the dam in
the Virgin River, you named it Smith Dam When we climbed to the top
of a large sand dune you named it Smith Peak

If you need a mnemonic on a number, it's always Smith-related.

The real world's mnemonic Yours

53 A deck of cards plus the joker Your childhood address
64 Squares on a chessboard The year you were elected to the house
11 Players on a football team The number of grandchildren you have
99 Bottles of beer or Max's sidekick in Get Smart The number of
years you hope to live

It is a mindset that I will never comprehend and only by doing a
fair amount of research have I gained any insight into what makes
you tick. But all that has done is make me feel very sorry for you,
and is pity preferable to contempt?

In recent history, you have made some complimentary comments about
things that I have done, but because of the incessant criticism and
condescension that I experienced over the first 50 years I can't
help but believe that there is a hidden agenda to why you are saying
things like that now. You always do things for show and for
personal gain, not because you really believe it. You nicknamed
yourself Mr. Ethics while you went out and cheated on your wife and
lied to your children. You sponsored the Environmental Protection
Act, but you make little effort to recycle. You supported the Equal
Rights Amendment then you got sued for sexual harassment. You're a
lawyer and a politician way before you are a father or a husband.
Everything is done for a reason. Most likely scenario: Time is
getting short, so you need to tie up some loose ends. Note: The way
you are trying to do it isn't working.

The main reason that I was able to survive you for so long was
mother.
Whenever you would gloat about beating me at tennis or tell me what
a waste of time jigsaw puzzles were or not show up at one of my
baseball games, or tell me that if I had put more time into it I
could have finished higher than 6th in the country in the Latin
poetry contest or "Gee, too bad you only got a 740 on your English.
Just 60 more points and you could have been perfect", ignoring my
800 on my math SAT, she would always say to me, "That's your
father. You're not going to change him". At that point I would
realize that there was somebody who had truly suffered way more at
your hands than I did, and if she could survive it, so could I. But
after putting up with you for more than half a century, her final
result was breast cancer that eventually permeated her entire body
and I'm not going to go down that road, so I'm staying away. I've
read several articles that suggest a correlation between stress and
cancer (specifically breast cancer), in case you'd like to see
them. Thank heaven mother smoked so you have an escape hatch and
can once again exonerate yourself.

I have always thought that you had narcissistic tendencies, but
until very recently, I never realized how thoroughly narcissistic
you are. Of the characteristics that apply to a narcissist, at
least 75% are applicable to you. It would be pointless to send you
the list, because you would simply deny that any of them apply to
you. And that is the crux of why people don't like to be around
you. You are drowning in narcissism.
Unfortunately, one of the characteristics of narcissism is an
inability to see the real world, so very few narcissists ever come
to grips with their problem. So I hold little hope for the future,
whatever is left of it.