Hello -

I heard something on the local (central IN) news today that first amused me and
then sent me thinking - That story:

Several masked people this week entered a Taco Bell restaurant and left six
40-gallon trash bags filled with apparently stolen sauce packets, police said.
The bags, which contained 25,000 sauce packets, were accompanied with an
apologetic note that said the packets were stolen over a three-year period.  The
note's author wrote that the group felt guilty and decided to return the
packets, police said.

I had also heard this week that an 'America's Most Wanted' suspect had been on
the run for more than a decade and turned himself in.  He was quoted as saying,
"It’s the right thing to do. I’m tired of living that lifestyle. I missed my
life and I missed my kids."

Two reports in as many days (just in my litte world) of people who had an attack
of conscience and decided to do the right thing. Are people feeling something
new or is the media choosing to report on something more positive than the usual
downer news?

I choose to look at it as a change for the better ... whatever the source ...
and see hope for the future, even if it's in little doses -

Dawn

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello,

I appreciate the various answers.

I am in that first small group, so am not interested in starting
another. Personally, I love the Yahoo format compared to how hard it is
to follow the Forums' threads.

The smaller group started w 20or so people and now only has 7. Things
have changed a few times. At first certain interviews had to be posted
by certain times.....now there is no time frame and nothing
happening...that is why I was looking to share elsewhere.

Maybe the small group could accept a new member who is serious.

Too small a group is problematic also.

Will see what happens.
Thanks to all,
Suzan

Suzan,

If you are interested in forming a separate, small group for this purpose, I
would be most interested in joining. Or, if you wish to email offlist about
this, I would be open to that as well. I am working on my own wheel at this time
and am finding it very rewarding, but could definitely use some feedback or a
forum in which to discuss these very in depth issues.

Leigh


-------------- Original message from "PJ" <pmj@...>: --------------


> I do believe that starting a new small group might be better for
> this. I do recall a posting by somebody who participated in the last
> group commenting that there needed to be a small, tight group in
> order to get through the interviews and really get close enough to
> be able to look at, and help one another in picking out archetypes.
> Perhaps you would like to start and run a second group with this
> focus?
> This group is a more general one for everybody who wishes to share
> thoughts about Myss's teachings. Of course it expands a little into
> sharing other teachings that cover the same topics but the main
> focus is to share around what we experience and learn through
> Caroline Myss's teachings. I'm thinking that those who have joined
> this group to do precisely that, and others thinking of joining to
> do the same, might be turned off by the intensive work being done on
> sorting out archetypes, particularly those who have already done
> theirs. Also the intensiveness required to study the archetypes
> might be lost within this more generally focussed group.
> I think that it would be best for the intensive work to be done
> separately. This does not mean that you cannot remain on this list
> at the same time, and partake in the general discussions occuring
> here.We learn a great deal from sharing with one another here.
> Blessings to all. Phyllis, Co moderator with Sunny.
>
> --- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "suzann03" wrote:
> >
> > Dear all fellow listmembers,
> >
> > A while back there was a lot of talk about the fact that a smaller
> > group within this group formed to work on their archetypes.
> >
> > Then people here thought of starting another group like that for
> > people who had requested to join too late.
> >
> > I am wondering if it would be appropriate to post our interviews on
> > this list and request feedback from members.
> >
> > I am working hard on my interviews because I am on vacation and
> also
> > because I will go to Caroline's Sept 8 workshop Enter the Castle.
> It's
> > not about archetypes, perse, but I would like to verify my Chronos
> > wheel and Chart of Origin before going, so that I can bring it with
> > me. Then, if we work on archetypes and she would tell me I have a
> > certain one that is not in my wheel, I can ask guidance on with
> what
> > to replace it.
> >
> > All suggestions or insights appreciated,
> > TIA,
> > Suzan
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
> To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
visit
> the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I do believe that starting a new small group might be better for
this. I do recall a posting by somebody who participated in the last
group commenting that there needed to be a small, tight group in
order to get through the interviews and really get close enough to
be able to look at, and help one another in picking out archetypes.
Perhaps you would like to start and run a second group with this
focus?
This group is a more general one for everybody who wishes to share
thoughts about Myss's teachings. Of course it expands a little into
sharing other teachings that cover the same topics but the main
focus is to share around what we experience and learn through
Caroline Myss's teachings. I'm thinking that those who have joined
this group to do precisely that, and others thinking of joining to
do the same, might be turned off by the intensive work being done on
sorting out archetypes, particularly those who have already done
theirs. Also the intensiveness required to study the archetypes
might be lost within this more generally focussed group.
I think that it would be best for the intensive work to be done
separately. This does not mean that you cannot remain on this list
at the same time, and partake in the general discussions occuring
here.We learn a great deal from sharing with one another here.
Blessings to all. Phyllis, Co moderator with Sunny.

--- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "suzann03" <suzann@...> wrote:
>
> Dear all fellow listmembers,
>
> A while back there was a lot of talk about the fact that a smaller
> group within this group formed to work on their archetypes.
>
> Then people here thought of starting another group like that for
> people who had requested to join too late.
>
> I am wondering if it would be appropriate to post our interviews on
> this list and request feedback from members.
>
> I am working hard on my interviews because I am on vacation and
also
> because I will go to Caroline's Sept 8 workshop Enter the Castle.
It's
> not about archetypes, perse, but I would like to verify my Chronos
> wheel and Chart of Origin before going, so that I can bring it with
> me. Then, if we work on archetypes and she would tell me I have a
> certain one that is not in my wheel, I can ask guidance on with
what
> to replace it.
>
> All suggestions or insights appreciated,
> TIA,
> Suzan
>

unfortunately, i do not understand the words used, i am, trained in the school
of, hard knocks shall we say, so my knowledge is described in more plain
language, i do not have a lust to label and box what i see or know, its without
words.....i dont try to dissect what i already know....erm, i know thats not
helpful, but many will understand, love light and laughter be your guide

   jason.

suzann03 <suzann@...> wrote:
           Dear all fellow listmembers,

A while back there was a lot of talk about the fact that a smaller
group within this group formed to work on their archetypes.

Then people here thought of starting another group like that for
people who had requested to join too late.

I am wondering if it would be appropriate to post our interviews on
this list and request feedback from members.

I am working hard on my interviews because I am on vacation and also
because I will go to Caroline's Sept 8 workshop Enter the Castle. It's
not about archetypes, perse, but I would like to verify my Chronos
wheel and Chart of Origin before going, so that I can bring it with
me. Then, if we work on archetypes and she would tell me I have a
certain one that is not in my wheel, I can ask guidance on with what
to replace it.

All suggestions or insights appreciated,
TIA,
Suzan






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dear all fellow listmembers,

A while back there was a lot of talk about the fact that a smaller
group within this group formed to work on their archetypes.

Then people here thought of starting another group like that for
people who had requested to join too late.

I am wondering if it would be appropriate to post our interviews on
this list and request feedback from members.

I am working hard on my interviews because I am on vacation and also
because I will go to Caroline's Sept 8 workshop Enter the Castle. It's
not about archetypes, perse, but I would like to verify my Chronos
wheel and Chart of Origin before going, so that I can bring it with
me. Then, if we work on archetypes and she would tell me I have a
certain one that is not in my wheel, I can ask guidance on with what
to replace it.

All suggestions or insights appreciated,
TIA,
Suzan

Hi All,
Hello Jason (good to see you on list), WELCOME Kathy- you could not find a nicer
group to join. WE all have a great time I feel even if emotional at times- you
can just feel the love and support when you reach out. So glad you are becoming
a part of it all. A real blessing.
Aloha,
carol
----- Original Message -----
   From: jason manning
   To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2006 8:04 AM
   Subject: Re: CM INTRODUCTION...so happy to have found the list!!


   wow, welcome to a new adventure, I am wishing you well and joy and love be
your guide, blessings be.

   Kathy Johnson <kbennj@...> wrote: Hi, My name is Kathy, and I have
recently rediscovered Caroline Myss
   through Hay House radio. I have for the last several years seen her
   books, heard her name, saw her on TV, right at the times when I think
   I am spritually "challenged"...and it has happened once again! haha
   I was on Myss.com and saw where i could join this wonderful group, and
   was very excited to have found others whom I could share thoughts.
   feelings ect...
   I am going through a bit of a spritual challenge right now and am
   trying to keep my eyes and ears open. I am hoping to learn and grow
   with this group.
   ~Kathy


   ---------------------------------
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   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wow, welcome to a new adventure, I am wishing you well and joy and love be your
guide, blessings be.

Kathy Johnson <kbennj@...> wrote:          Hi, My name is Kathy, and I
have recently rediscovered Caroline Myss
through Hay House radio. I have for the last several years seen her
books, heard her name, saw her on TV, right at the times when I think
I am spritually "challenged"...and it has happened once again! haha
I was on Myss.com and saw where i could join this wonderful group, and
was very excited to have found others whom I could share thoughts.
feelings ect...
I am going through a bit of a spritual challenge right now and am
trying to keep my eyes and ears open. I am hoping to learn and grow
with this group.
~Kathy






---------------------------------
  All New Yahoo! Mail � Tired of Vi@gr@! come-ons? Let our SpamGuard protect you.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi, My name is Kathy, and I have recently rediscovered Caroline Myss
through Hay House radio.  I have for the last several years seen her
books, heard her name, saw her on TV, right at the times when I think
I am spritually "challenged"...and it has happened once again!  haha
I was on Myss.com and saw where i could join this wonderful group, and
was very excited to have found others whom I could share thoughts.
feelings ect...
I am going through a bit of a spritual challenge right now and am
trying to keep my eyes and ears open.  I am hoping to learn and grow
with this group.
~Kathy

Alas, the presentation is not mine, either.

The credit was listed at the end of the presentation," "Brian Tracy is a leading
authority on personal and business success.  Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy
International, he is the best-selling author of 17 books and over 300 audio and
video learning programs. Join Brian�s Free Email Newsletters. Copyright � 2001"

Namaste,  Susan

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "steve mchugh" <mchugh57@...>

> Hi Susan, I have been aware of the content of your message below for a long,
> long time and appreciated the presentation so much i looked for a way to
> acknowledge and support its content. I was stuck for words but not intent.
> The verse is not mine but comes from my friend who also appreciates your
> presentation. I observe the symbolic sight to the word "threads" within the
> verse.
> To all of you, lots of love
> Steve
>
>
> >From: suephipps@...
> >Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> >To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> >Subject: RE: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
> >Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2006 03:20:04 +0000
> >
> >I'm glad that both you and Pamela found the message to be helpful. I love
> >your quote Steve. It is the imagery of symbolic sight that is giving me so
> >much peace these days. It is that same imagery that is helping me to
> >recognize my part in the dance with my son's father and allowing me to
> >appreciate the beauty for me in the gift of his recent death.
> >
> >Namaste, Susan
> >
> >-------------- Original message --------------
> >From: "steve mchugh"
> >
> > >
> > > The threads of a rich tapestry
> > > are layed down before us,
> > > Its full richness seen only
> > > thru symbolic sight.
> > >
> > > Thankyou Sue.
> > >
> > >
> > > >From: suephipps@...
> > > >Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> > > >To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> > > >Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
> > > >Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:09:55 +0000
> > > >
> > > >The Power of Positive Self-Talk
> > > >Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
> > > >what you say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you,
> >but
> > > >how you respond internally to what happens to you, that determines your
> > > >thoughts and felling and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your
> > > >inner dialogue, or �self-talk,� you can begin to assert control over
> >every
> > > >other dimension of your life.
> > > >Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
> > > >you, and to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the
> > > >quality and tone of your emotional life. When you see things positively
> >and
> > > >constructively and look for the good in each situation and each person,
> >you
> > > >have a tendency to remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the
> > > >quality of your life is determined by how you feel, moment to moment,
> >one
> > > >of your most important goals should be to use every psychological
> >technique
> > > >available to keep yourself thinking about what you want and to keep
> >your
> > > >mind off of what you don�t want, or what you fear.
> > > >Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
> > > >�challenge-response theory� of history. In studying the rise and fall
> >of 20
> > > >major world civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization
> >started
> > > >out as a small group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the
> >case of
> > > >the Mongol empire, as just three people who had survived the
> >destruction of
> > > >their small community. Toynbee concluded that each of these small
> >groups
> > > >faced external challenges, such as hostile tribes. In order to survive,
> > > >much less thrive, these small groups had to reorganize themselves to
> >deal
> > > >positively and constructively with these challenges.
> > > >By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
> > > >would grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And
> >if
> > > >this group of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon
> >its
> > > >resources and winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately
> >it
> > > >became a nation-state and then a civilization covering a large
> >geographical
> > > >area.
> > > >Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending
> >with
> > > >the American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began
> >to
> > > >decline and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or
> > > >ability to rise to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by
> >their
> > > >very size and power.
> > > >Toynbee�s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as
> >well.
> > > >You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with
> >problems
> > > >and disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
> > > >unavoidable and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon
> >your
> > > >resources to respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become
> >a
> > > >stronger and better person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could
> >not
> > > >have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualities of
> >your
> > > >character to where they are today.
> > > >Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life.
> >One
> > > >of the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize
> >the
> > > >inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
> > > >them as a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible
> >to
> > > >avoid problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from
> >them,
> > > >rise above the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
> > > >Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
> > > >fascinating book based on his 25 years of research into this subject.
> >It�s
> > > >titled Learned Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic
> > > >response patterns of both positive and negative people. As a result of
> >his
> > > >many years of work in cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive
> >testing,
> > > >he finds, quite simply, that optimistic people tend to interpret events
> >in
> > > >such a way that they keep their minds positive and their emotions under
> > > >control.
> > > >Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive
> >ways.
> > > >Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
> > > >themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
> > > >emotions and feelings of helplessness.
> > > >Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
> > > >optimists and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist
> >sees a
> > > >setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The
> > > >optimist sees an unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through
> >or
> > > >a sales call that fails, as a temporary event, something that is
> >limited in
> > > >time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the
> >other
> > > >hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
> > > >For example, let�s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls
> >on
> > > >likely prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The
> > > >optimist simply interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of
> > > >averages or probabilities. The optimist concludes that, with every
> > > >temporary failure, he is moving closer to the prospect who will turn
> >into a
> > > >sale. The optimist dismisses the event and goes on cheerfully to the
> >11th
> > > >and 12th prospects.
> > > >The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
> > > >tendency to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication
> >that
> > > >the economy is terrible and that there is no market for his product.
> >The
> > > >pessimist generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as
> > > >hopeless. While the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the
> >next
> > > >call, the pessimist becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm
> >for
> > > >the hard work of prospecting.
> > > >The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that
> >the
> > > >optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them
> >as
> > > >pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he
> >looks
> > > >at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other
> >things
> > > >that are going on in his life.
> > > >For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize
> >and
> > > >you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but
> >something
> > > >that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting
> >like
> > > >an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
> > > >being pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
> > > >shortcoming that pervades every area of life.
> > > >If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
> > > >collapsed, he would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was
> > > >because the product or the company or the economy was in poor shape and
> >the
> > > >whole business was hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless,
> > > >unable to make a difference and out of control of his destiny.
> > > >The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists
> >see
> > > >events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
> > > >things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result
> >from
> > > >external factors over which one has little control.
> > > >If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
> > > >angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by
> > > >saying something like, �oh, well, I guess that person is just having a
> >bad
> > > >day.�
> > > >The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
> > > >pessimist is cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other
> >driver
> > > >has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will
> > > >become angry and negative and want to strike out and get even. Often,
> >he
> > > >will honk his horn or yell at the other driver. There is a natural
> >tendency
> > > >in all of us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated
> >in
> > > >any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize,
> >we
> > > >feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel
> > > >disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in the
> >�emotional
> > > >solar plexus�.
> > > >The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment.
> >He
> > > >responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being
> >temporary,
> > > >specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of
> >his
> > > >inner dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately
> >reframing
> > > >the event so that it appear positive in some way.
> > > >Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
> > > >interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded
> >that
> > > >�Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal
> >or
> > > >greater advantage or benefit.� And this is one of the great secrets of
> > > >success.
> > > >Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
> > > >positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to
> > > >dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive.
> >Since
> > > >your thoughts and feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be
> >a
> > > >more constructive person, and you will move much more rapidly toward
> >the
> > > >goals that you have chosen.
> > > >It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis.
> >In
> > > >our courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage
> >people to
> > > >respond to problems by changing their language from negative to
> >positive.
> > > >Instead of using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word
> > > >situation. You see, a problem is something that you deal with. The
> >event is
> > > >the same. It�s the way you interpret the event to yourself that makes
> >it
> > > >sound and appear completely different.
> > > >Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
> > > >difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a
> >challenge.
> > > >Rather than saying, �I have a problem,� say, �I have an interesting
> > > >challenge facing me.� The word challenge is inherently positive. It is
> > > >something that you rise to that makes you stronger and better. It is
> >the
> > > >same situation, only the word that you are using to describe it is
> > > >different.
> > > >The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are
> >faced
> > > >with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, �I have a problem,�
> >you
> > > >can say, �I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.� And if you
> > > >concentrate your powers on finding out what that opportunity is-even if
> >it
> > > >is only a valuable lesson-you will certainly find it. As the parable
> >says,
> > > >�Seek and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.�
> > > >One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
> > > >unexpected difficulty, is this: �Every situation is a positive
> >situation if
> > > >viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever
> >something
> > > >goes wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly
> >reciting
> > > >this statement.
> > > >If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating
> >the
> > > >results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth
> >and
> > > >self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to
> >you
> > > >that there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
> > > >prospecting in a different place, or with different people, or using a
> > > >different script or a different method. Perhaps your difficulty is
> >simply
> > > >part of the process of developing the persistence and tenacity that you
> > > >need to become successful in any kind of market. The difference between
> >the
> > > >winner and the loser is that the winner faces and deals with the
> >adversity
> > > >constructively, while the loser allows the adversity to overwhelm him.
> > > >The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
> > > >personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught
> >up
> > > >in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the
> >ability
> > > >to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way,
> >keeping
> > > >his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The mature
> >personality
> > > >is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more
> > > >realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As
> >a
> > > >result, the mature person exerts a far greater sense of control and
> > > >influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry,
> >upset,
> > > >or distracted.
> > > >The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person
> >is
> > > >to monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep
> >your
> > > >thoughts and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and
> >keep
> > > >your mind focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
> > > >Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
> > > >optimistic person:
> > > >First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not
> >allow
> > > >it to get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will
> >take a
> > > >deep breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain.
> > > >When you make this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself
> >so
> > > >that you are not knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they
> > > >inevitably will.
> > > >Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
> > > >yourself positively all the time. Say things like, �I feel healthy! I
> >feel
> > > >happy! I feel terrific!� As you go about your job, say to yourself, I
> >like
> > > >myself, and I love my work!� Say things like, �Today is a great day;
> >it�s
> > > >wonderful to be alive!� According to the law of expression, whatever is
> > > >expressed is impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is
> >impressed
> > > >deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a permanent
> >part
> > > >of your personality.
> > > >Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being
> >temporary,
> > > >specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event
> >that
> > > >is not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely
> >by
> > > >external factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse
> >to
> > > >see the event as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of
> > > >personal incompetence of inability.
> > > >Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
> > > >successful person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend
> >with
> > > >and rise above them in order to become a better person. Welcome each
> > > >difficulty by saying, �That�s good!� and then look into the situation
> >to
> > > >find the good in it.
> > > >Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you
> >are
> > > >working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
> > > >saying to yourself, �I believe in the perfect outcome of every
> >situation in
> > > >my life.� Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every
> >temptation
> > > >toward negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an
> > > >opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a
> > > >positive and optimistic way.
> > > >Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
> > > >Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
> > > >author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join
> > > >Brian�s Free Email Newsletters. Copyright � 2001
> > > >
> > > >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com
> >*OR*
> > > >visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > > _________________________________________________________________
> > > Search for local singles online @ Lavalife
> > >
>
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> > >
> > > Yahoo! Groups Links
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
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> >
> >
> >
> >To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
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> >
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> >
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Susan, I have been aware of the content of your message below for a long,
long time and appreciated the presentation so much i looked for a way to
acknowledge and support its content. I was stuck for words but not intent.
The verse is not mine but comes from my friend who also appreciates your
presentation. I observe the symbolic sight to the word "threads" within the
verse.
                               To all of you, lots of love
                                                 Steve


>From: suephipps@...
>Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
>To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
>Subject: RE: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
>Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2006 03:20:04 +0000
>
>I'm glad that both you and Pamela found the message to be helpful.  I love
>your quote Steve.  It is the imagery of symbolic sight that is giving me so
>much peace these days.  It is that same imagery that is helping me to
>recognize my part in the dance with my son's father and allowing me to
>appreciate the beauty for me in the gift of his recent death.
>
>Namaste, Susan
>
>-------------- Original message --------------
>From: "steve mchugh" <mchugh57@...>
>
> >
> > The threads of a rich tapestry
> > are layed down before us,
> > Its full richness seen only
> > thru symbolic sight.
> >
> > Thankyou Sue.
> >
> >
> > >From: suephipps@...
> > >Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> > >To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> > >Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
> > >Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:09:55 +0000
> > >
> > >The Power of Positive Self-Talk
> > >Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
> > >what you say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you,
>but
> > >how you respond internally to what happens to you, that determines your
> > >thoughts and felling and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your
> > >inner dialogue, or �self-talk,� you can begin to assert control over
>every
> > >other dimension of your life.
> > >Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
> > >you, and to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the
> > >quality and tone of your emotional life. When you see things positively
>and
> > >constructively and look for the good in each situation and each person,
>you
> > >have a tendency to remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the
> > >quality of your life is determined by how you feel, moment to moment,
>one
> > >of your most important goals should be to use every psychological
>technique
> > >available to keep yourself thinking about what you want and to keep
>your
> > >mind off of what you don�t want, or what you fear.
> > >Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
> > >�challenge-response theory� of history. In studying the rise and fall
>of 20
> > >major world civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization
>started
> > >out as a small group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the
>case of
> > >the Mongol empire, as just three people who had survived the
>destruction of
> > >their small community. Toynbee concluded that each of these small
>groups
> > >faced external challenges, such as hostile tribes. In order to survive,
> > >much less thrive, these small groups had to reorganize themselves to
>deal
> > >positively and constructively with these challenges.
> > >By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
> > >would grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And
>if
> > >this group of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon
>its
> > >resources and winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately
>it
> > >became a nation-state and then a civilization covering a large
>geographical
> > >area.
> > >Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending
>with
> > >the American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began
>to
> > >decline and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or
> > >ability to rise to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by
>their
> > >very size and power.
> > >Toynbee�s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as
>well.
> > >You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with
>problems
> > >and disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
> > >unavoidable and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon
>your
> > >resources to respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become
>a
> > >stronger and better person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could
>not
> > >have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualities of
>your
> > >character to where they are today.
> > >Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life.
>One
> > >of the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize
>the
> > >inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
> > >them as a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible
>to
> > >avoid problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from
>them,
> > >rise above the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
> > >Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
> > >fascinating book based on his 25 years of research into this subject.
>It�s
> > >titled Learned Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic
> > >response patterns of both positive and negative people. As a result of
>his
> > >many years of work in cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive
>testing,
> > >he finds, quite simply, that optimistic people tend to interpret events
>in
> > >such a way that they keep their minds positive and their emotions under
> > >control.
> > >Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive
>ways.
> > >Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
> > >themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
> > >emotions and feelings of helplessness.
> > >Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
> > >optimists and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist
>sees a
> > >setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The
> > >optimist sees an unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through
>or
> > >a sales call that fails, as a temporary event, something that is
>limited in
> > >time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the
>other
> > >hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
> > >For example, let�s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls
>on
> > >likely prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The
> > >optimist simply interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of
> > >averages or probabilities. The optimist concludes that, with every
> > >temporary failure, he is moving closer to the prospect who will turn
>into a
> > >sale. The optimist dismisses the event and goes on cheerfully to the
>11th
> > >and 12th prospects.
> > >The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
> > >tendency to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication
>that
> > >the economy is terrible and that there is no market for his product.
>The
> > >pessimist generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as
> > >hopeless. While the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the
>next
> > >call, the pessimist becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm
>for
> > >the hard work of prospecting.
> > >The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that
>the
> > >optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them
>as
> > >pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he
>looks
> > >at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other
>things
> > >that are going on in his life.
> > >For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize
>and
> > >you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but
>something
> > >that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting
>like
> > >an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
> > >being pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
> > >shortcoming that pervades every area of life.
> > >If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
> > >collapsed, he would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was
> > >because the product or the company or the economy was in poor shape and
>the
> > >whole business was hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless,
> > >unable to make a difference and out of control of his destiny.
> > >The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists
>see
> > >events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
> > >things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result
>from
> > >external factors over which one has little control.
> > >If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
> > >angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by
> > >saying something like, �oh, well, I guess that person is just having a
>bad
> > >day.�
> > >The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
> > >pessimist is cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other
>driver
> > >has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will
> > >become angry and negative and want to strike out and get even. Often,
>he
> > >will honk his horn or yell at the other driver. There is a natural
>tendency
> > >in all of us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated
>in
> > >any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize,
>we
> > >feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel
> > >disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in the
>�emotional
> > >solar plexus�.
> > >The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment.
>He
> > >responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being
>temporary,
> > >specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of
>his
> > >inner dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately
>reframing
> > >the event so that it appear positive in some way.
> > >Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
> > >interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded
>that
> > >�Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal
>or
> > >greater advantage or benefit.� And this is one of the great secrets of
> > >success.
> > >Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
> > >positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to
> > >dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive.
>Since
> > >your thoughts and feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be
>a
> > >more constructive person, and you will move much more rapidly toward
>the
> > >goals that you have chosen.
> > >It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis.
>In
> > >our courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage
>people to
> > >respond to problems by changing their language from negative to
>positive.
> > >Instead of using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word
> > >situation. You see, a problem is something that you deal with. The
>event is
> > >the same. It�s the way you interpret the event to yourself that makes
>it
> > >sound and appear completely different.
> > >Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
> > >difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a
>challenge.
> > >Rather than saying, �I have a problem,� say, �I have an interesting
> > >challenge facing me.� The word challenge is inherently positive. It is
> > >something that you rise to that makes you stronger and better. It is
>the
> > >same situation, only the word that you are using to describe it is
> > >different.
> > >The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are
>faced
> > >with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, �I have a problem,�
>you
> > >can say, �I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.� And if you
> > >concentrate your powers on finding out what that opportunity is-even if
>it
> > >is only a valuable lesson-you will certainly find it. As the parable
>says,
> > >�Seek and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.�
> > >One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
> > >unexpected difficulty, is this: �Every situation is a positive
>situation if
> > >viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever
>something
> > >goes wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly
>reciting
> > >this statement.
> > >If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating
>the
> > >results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth
>and
> > >self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to
>you
> > >that there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
> > >prospecting in a different place, or with different people, or using a
> > >different script or a different method. Perhaps your difficulty is
>simply
> > >part of the process of developing the persistence and tenacity that you
> > >need to become successful in any kind of market. The difference between
>the
> > >winner and the loser is that the winner faces and deals with the
>adversity
> > >constructively, while the loser allows the adversity to overwhelm him.
> > >The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
> > >personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught
>up
> > >in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the
>ability
> > >to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way,
>keeping
> > >his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The mature
>personality
> > >is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more
> > >realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As
>a
> > >result, the mature person exerts a far greater sense of control and
> > >influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry,
>upset,
> > >or distracted.
> > >The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person
>is
> > >to monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep
>your
> > >thoughts and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and
>keep
> > >your mind focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
> > >Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
> > >optimistic person:
> > >First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not
>allow
> > >it to get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will
>take a
> > >deep breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain.
> > >When you make this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself
>so
> > >that you are not knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they
> > >inevitably will.
> > >Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
> > >yourself positively all the time. Say things like, �I feel healthy! I
>feel
> > >happy! I feel terrific!� As you go about your job, say to yourself, I
>like
> > >myself, and I love my work!� Say things like, �Today is a great day;
>it�s
> > >wonderful to be alive!� According to the law of expression, whatever is
> > >expressed is impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is
>impressed
> > >deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a permanent
>part
> > >of your personality.
> > >Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being
>temporary,
> > >specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event
>that
> > >is not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely
>by
> > >external factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse
>to
> > >see the event as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of
> > >personal incompetence of inability.
> > >Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
> > >successful person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend
>with
> > >and rise above them in order to become a better person. Welcome each
> > >difficulty by saying, �That�s good!� and then look into the situation
>to
> > >find the good in it.
> > >Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you
>are
> > >working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
> > >saying to yourself, �I believe in the perfect outcome of every
>situation in
> > >my life.� Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every
>temptation
> > >toward negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an
> > >opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a
> > >positive and optimistic way.
> > >Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
> > >Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
> > >author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join
> > >Brian�s Free Email Newsletters. Copyright � 2001
> > >
> > >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com
>*OR*
> > >visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
> > >
> > >
> > >Yahoo! Groups Links
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Search for local singles online @ Lavalife
> >
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> >
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>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
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Your welcome ... gracious for the perspective on "ab-soul-utely" ;-)

-------------- Original message --------------
From: Beth Hall <swells2slopes@...>
Susan - once again your timing and message is ab-soul-utely on target!
Mahalo Nui Loa - Thank you very much.

So many hugs and prayers to ALL on the list..... interesting and profound
learning abounds!

Abundant Aloha, Beth

suephipps@... wrote: Article on the saboteur:

http://www.wilddivine.com/BacciDecemberArticle/

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Warren writes:  "What the F was that....What the hell were we doing and why oh
why can I not move on."

LOL, tis the Great COsMIC humor at work here.  The rule to keep in mind is that
"the lesson will repeat itself until the lesson is learned ... no matter how far
away you move the rule will apply ;-)

Namaste,  Susan


-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
Thankyou Susan, I am most grateful.

I think I am holding onto things but why? I have no close freinds here in
the middle east...I have no one to manipulate or get attention from so why
hold on.

I paint sometimes, its a very therapeutic experience for me. I painted when
I was a kid....consequently when and only when I am sad do I paint.
Painting has the word pain in it for a reason. I paint what I feel and what
I keep and nearly always destroy them afterwords. I had a good therapist
when I lived on the estate...A Jungian psycologist who always used
archetypal charecters in our sessions. I gave her some of the paintings
which she then used to help me (and for research I am sure).

A mansion on the edge of a cliff with ocean below surrounded with rolling
lawns, ancient forest, gatehouses, gates, long driveways, isolated. A
charismatic highly intelligent New Yorker had made this his home. He was a
retired eccentric.

There were servants a personal assistant and a number of other charecters.
Actually the next time I encounter a very wealthy person or persons living
in an isolated place I'll run. Too much money to little to do - its arecipe
for disaster.

I had always dreamt of wealth...I thought it was my ticket out when I was
growing up. We were poor middle class but my fathers brother was
exceptionally wealthy. I wanted what he had. And in a strange way I was
given what I wanted.

I lived in an exclusive and opulent world. I paid though...I was a friend
to his 87 yr old dad who I loved and who then died. After that the
relationship with his fiance was getting sour. She fell to pieces and as we
were in the middle of nowhere my cottage is where she would end up. The
first night I got home to find furniture holding the door to my cottage shut
(trigger childhood memories) She was inside crying..And so it began (Hale
the Rescuer) I did everything I could to take care of this woman - Her pain
was my pain (...no boundaries)
We lied, I lied,I did whatever I had to and through this intense time we
became totally entangled. She left eventually and I was relieved, it was
all over. I had ex wife and estranged mistress girlfriends and more
knocking on my door all with stories and baggage. None effected me as badly
as she did though. We were so caught up in our life we were even seeing the
same shrink. The time without her there was great but when she left she
always made me believe that when she could she would take me with her.

She did, she bought her own estate and invited me to join her. I lied to
him said I had to move to a city. It was very hard to do becuase after
being poor and then been given all that I had there which included being
loved I could not see how I could ever bring myself to leave it all behind
though I was not happy being owned. The only way I could leave was with
her and so I did. I cared deeply for him to - he was so the wounded child-
appealed to my rescuer!!

We spent the first night on the new estate together talking and having
dinner....she got very drunk. It was the beginning. I hired some servants
and began renovations. We were more isolated than ever. She began drinking
more and more. I could not leave her ther alone so I hardly ever went
anywhere. I became miserable and found it hard to deal with her drinking.
I decided to leave. I gave her a letter in which I said for a large part of
my life I lived with an alcaholic. I said I am not asking you to stop but I
cannot be around you. She stopped and for a week or two things looked up.
Just to clarify - I was her friend and employee. Even so I knew I had to
go. She had a relapse on her Birthday. I said nothing and really was not
bothered as I was leaving. I got home and in my door was an envelope. In
it was a card which read you are my best friend, you are very special to me,
years ago someone taught me birthdays are about giving not receivng. In the
card was a cheque for more money than I have ever seen in my life. (Enter
the Prostitute). I stayed. I had no security and no parents to support me
or help me financially)

Things really got weird. Her brother who I was friends started acting
strange and it turned out he had a terminal brain tumor. After a failed
attempt to remove it he was a paralysed and dying. We hired nurses and
brought him to live/die with us. Her drinking got bad the nurses were
nursing her in the wee hours of the morning while I was asleep! Then she
drank in the day time while still trying to hide it.
He died and I got sick.

Now I had developed a complete dislike for her ex-fiance whom I had worked
for. Based primarily on all the secondhand iformation I had heard over the
years I was with him. When I left she agreed to keep our arrangement a
secret and it was my intention never to see him again. At her brothers
funeral he pitched up - she acted shocked. I was shocked. I was standing
with a great writer once nominated for a Nobel prize. When he saw my
previous employer he said what the F is he doing here? So obviously he had
been filled in too. As time went by it became apperent she was hiding her
rekindled relationship with him from me. Eventually the evidence piled up
and I confronted her. He came to stay. I was horrified and felt totally
betrayed by her. I got my revenge. I had been the bearer of everyones
secrets - some lies and some true and decided to blab it all out.

Of course she now thought I had betrayed her. I thought I had based a chunk
of my life on some of what she had told me happend to her and now it all
seemed as though she had made it up. I was furious. He left and things got
messybetween us. There were scheduled guests arriving and we agreed to be
civil though she had now fired me. I have never felt more hurt in my life
than by this woman thogh I do not plead innocence here. I got stoned and
drunk with one of her guests (something I do not do) and oops I blabbed
some more...

She was angry. She said: What you said may be true but this is my life and
these are my friends and you will not do anything to embarress me or else.

I said goodbye to my dog which she owned and drove away with my cheque and
my beloved parrot who I also eventually had to give up. I slept on the
floor of my mothers apartment for about 6 months before finding work.

I sometimes think I engineered this messy departure subconciously. Did I
need the drama to facilitate my exit...Did I need to hate her so I could
leave her....We exchanged one e-mail and now have no contact. I love her.
I hate her. And I think of her almost everyday - what I am thinking mostly
is : What the F was that....What the hell were we doing and why oh why can I
not move on.

Ok so thats it....A very simplified version of a very colourful time in my
life but I think the jist is there....

I 'll wrap up tomorrow

Thankyou

warren

On 8/3/06, suephipps@... <suephipps@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Warren,
>
> Spilling out your inner thoughts can be quite cathartic, especially if it
> falls on receptive ears. Everyone here always has the opportunity to select
> the delete key if it isn't what they're up for at the moment.
>
> Years ago I, too, was given the opportunity to spill over and found the
> experience of being receptively witnessed by my peers a humbling and
> cathartic experienc. LOL, actually, I didn't know just how full of garbage
> my tank was until I was given that opportunity in front of a receptive group
> of AL-ANON folks. Of course, in that moment they felt more like my
> treasures, pieces of silver, gold and diamonds that I'd been hoarding for
> years. Though in all reality it was my salivating over my secret pain, the
> pain no one else could see or understand, or at least that is what I thought
> at the time. For a few years or more thereafter, I made it an annual gift to
> myself to purge with this receptive audience. Over time I learned to
> reclaim my voice and found that as I did, I didn't need to cling to these
> illusionary treasures and found that I could actually begin to focus on the
> real treasures filling my life with joy. I hope this group is able to
> mirror back to you similar insights via
> dialogue that helps to clear your mind.
>
> The Sabatoeur loves to play in the field of illusion .....
>
> Namaste, Susan
>
> -------------- Original message --------------
> From: "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
> Thankyou for the warm welcome everyone,
>
> I felt a little bad just dumping all my baggage on the table like that
> when
> I woke up this morning. The first thing I said was: 'What the hell did you
> do?' I could have tried to sound all spiritual. I could perhaps of
> referred
> to archetypes or tried to keep within the theme of the forum.
> I was tired and suddenly after being a couch potato in front of the TV all
> night I had an overwhelming urge to do something - jolt myself into
> action.
> So I started writing and to my surprise hit send.
>
> I have the books, the archetypal cards, the Cd's.... Somehow I never been
> able to commit to this journey (Sabateur?). Something remains off kilter.
> I often have found that I move in circles...situations repeat...the faces
> change but the theme is the same. I am not getting it! This is why I
> figured if I tell it all as it is and maybe someone else may pick up on
> these circles. Though you cannot cram a life of stuff in here I hope I get
> the imortant stuff out.
>
> My 'Rescuer' is often the key player. As a character in my story uptil the
> point I have written it The Victim was a big part of my life.
>
> More later....
>
> Thankyou all
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
> visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Susan - once again your timing and message is ab-soul-utely on target!
   Mahalo Nui Loa - Thank you very much.

   So many hugs and prayers to ALL on the list..... interesting and profound
learning abounds!

   Abundant Aloha, Beth

suephipps@... wrote:                                                 
Article on the saboteur:

   http://www.wilddivine.com/BacciDecemberArticle/

   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
  Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Article on the saboteur:

http://www.wilddivine.com/BacciDecemberArticle/

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thankyou Susan,  I am most grateful.

I think  I am holding onto things but why?  I have no close freinds here in
the middle east...I have no one to manipulate or get attention from so why
hold on.

I paint sometimes, its a very therapeutic experience for me.  I painted when
I was a kid....consequently when and only when I am sad do I paint.
Painting has the word pain in it for a reason.  I paint what I feel and what
I keep and nearly always destroy them afterwords.  I had a good therapist
when I lived on the estate...A Jungian psycologist who always used
archetypal charecters in our sessions.  I gave her some of the paintings
which she then used to help me (and for research I am sure).

A mansion on the edge of a cliff with ocean below surrounded with rolling
lawns, ancient forest, gatehouses, gates, long driveways, isolated.  A
charismatic highly intelligent New Yorker had made this his home.  He was a
retired eccentric.

There were servants a personal assistant and a number of other charecters.
Actually the next time I encounter a very wealthy person or persons living
in an isolated place I'll run.  Too much money to little to do - its arecipe
for disaster.

I had always dreamt of wealth...I thought it was my ticket out when I was
growing up.  We were poor middle class but my fathers brother was
exceptionally wealthy.  I wanted what he had.  And in a strange way I was
given what I wanted.

I lived in an exclusive and opulent world.  I paid though...I was a friend
to his 87 yr old dad who I loved and who then died.  After that the
relationship with his fiance was getting sour.  She fell to pieces and as we
were in the middle of nowhere my cottage is where she would end up.  The
first night I got home to find furniture holding the door to my cottage shut
(trigger childhood memories)  She was inside crying..And so it began (Hale
the Rescuer)  I did everything I could to take care of this woman - Her pain
was my pain  (...no boundaries)
We lied, I lied,I did whatever I had to and through this intense time we
became totally entangled.  She left eventually and I was relieved, it was
all over.  I had ex wife and estranged mistress girlfriends and more
knocking on my door all with stories and baggage.  None effected me as badly
as she did though.  We were so caught up in our life we were even seeing the
same shrink.  The time without her there was great but when she left she
always made me believe that when she could she would take me with her.

She did, she bought her own estate and invited me to join her.  I lied to
him said I had to move to a city.  It was very hard to do becuase after
being poor and then been given all that I had there which included being
loved I could not see how I could ever bring myself to leave it all behind
though I was not happy being owned.  The only way I  could leave was with
her and so I did. I cared deeply for him to - he was so the wounded child-
appealed to my rescuer!!

We spent the first night on the new estate together talking and having
dinner....she got very drunk.  It was the beginning.  I hired some servants
and began renovations.  We were more isolated than ever.  She began drinking
more and more.  I could not leave her ther alone so I hardly ever went
anywhere.  I became miserable and found it hard to deal with her drinking.
I decided to leave.  I gave her a letter in which I said for a large part of
my life I lived with an alcaholic.  I said I am not asking you to stop but I
cannot be around you.  She stopped and for a week or two things looked up.
Just to clarify - I was her friend and employee.  Even so I knew I had to
go. She had a relapse on her Birthday.  I said nothing and really was not
bothered as I was leaving.  I got home and in my door was an envelope.  In
it was a card which read you are my best friend, you are very special to me,
years ago someone taught me birthdays are about giving not receivng.  In the
card was a cheque for more money than I have ever seen in my life. (Enter
the Prostitute).  I stayed.  I had no security and no parents to support me
or help me financially)

Things really got weird.  Her brother who I was friends started acting
strange and it turned out he had a terminal brain tumor.  After a failed
attempt to remove it he was a paralysed and dying.  We hired nurses and
brought him to live/die with us.  Her drinking got bad the nurses were
nursing her in the wee hours of the morning while I was asleep!  Then she
drank in the day time while still trying to hide it.
He died and I got sick.

Now I had developed a complete dislike for her ex-fiance whom I had worked
for.  Based primarily on all the secondhand iformation I had heard over the
years I was with him.  When I left she agreed to keep our arrangement a
secret and it was my intention never to see him again.  At her brothers
funeral he pitched up - she acted shocked.  I was shocked.  I was standing
with a great writer once nominated for a Nobel prize.  When he saw my
previous employer he said what the F is he doing here?  So obviously he had
been filled in too.  As time went by it became apperent she was hiding her
rekindled relationship with him from me.  Eventually the evidence piled up
and I confronted her.  He came to stay.  I was horrified and felt totally
betrayed by her.  I got my revenge.  I had been the bearer of everyones
secrets - some lies and some true and decided to blab it all out.

Of course she now thought I had betrayed her.  I thought I had based a chunk
of my life on some of what she had told me happend to her and now it all
seemed as though she had made it up.  I was furious.  He left and things got
messybetween us.  There were scheduled guests arriving and we agreed to be
civil though she had now fired me.  I have never felt more hurt in my life
than by this woman thogh I do not plead innocence here.  I got stoned and
drunk with one of her guests (something I do not do) and oops I blabbed
some more...

She was angry.  She said: What you said may be true but this is my life and
these are my friends and you will not do anything to embarress me or else.

I said goodbye to my dog which she owned and drove away with my cheque and
my beloved parrot who I also eventually had to give up.  I slept on the
floor of my mothers apartment for about 6 months before finding work.

I sometimes think I engineered this messy departure subconciously.  Did I
need the drama to facilitate my exit...Did I need to hate her so I could
leave her....We exchanged one e-mail and now have no contact.  I love her.
I hate her.  And I think of her almost everyday - what I am thinking mostly
is : What the F was that....What the hell were we doing and why oh why can I
not move on.

Ok so thats it....A very simplified version of a very colourful time in my
life but I think the jist is there....

I 'll wrap up tomorrow

Thankyou

warren




On 8/3/06, suephipps@... <suephipps@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Warren,
>
> Spilling out your inner thoughts can be quite cathartic, especially if it
> falls on receptive ears.  Everyone here always has the opportunity to select
> the delete key if it isn't what they're up for at the moment.
>
> Years ago I, too, was given the opportunity to spill over and found the
> experience of being receptively witnessed by my peers a humbling and
> cathartic experienc.  LOL, actually, I didn't know just how full of garbage
> my tank was until I was given that opportunity in front of a receptive group
> of AL-ANON folks.  Of course, in that moment they felt more like my
> treasures, pieces of silver, gold and diamonds that I'd been hoarding for
> years.  Though in all reality it was my salivating over my secret pain, the
> pain no one else could see or understand, or at least that is what I thought
> at the time. For a few years or more thereafter, I made it an annual gift to
> myself to purge with this receptive audience.  Over time I learned to
> reclaim my voice and found that as I did, I didn't need to cling to these
> illusionary treasures and found that I could actually begin to focus on the
> real treasures filling my life with joy.  I hope this group is able to
> mirror back to you similar insights via
> dialogue that helps to clear your mind.
>
> The Sabatoeur loves to play in the field of illusion .....
>
> Namaste,  Susan
>
> -------------- Original message --------------
> From: "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
> Thankyou for the warm welcome everyone,
>
> I felt a little bad just dumping all my baggage on the table like that
> when
> I woke up this morning. The first thing I said was: 'What the hell did you
> do?' I could have tried to sound all spiritual. I could perhaps of
> referred
> to archetypes or tried to keep within the theme of the forum.
> I was tired and suddenly after being a couch potato in front of the TV all
> night I had an overwhelming urge to do something - jolt myself into
> action.
> So I started writing and to my surprise hit send.
>
> I have the books, the archetypal cards, the Cd's.... Somehow I never been
> able to commit to this journey (Sabateur?). Something remains off kilter.
> I often have found that I move in circles...situations repeat...the faces
> change but the theme is the same. I am not getting it! This is why I
> figured if I tell it all as it is and maybe someone else may pick up on
> these circles. Though you cannot cram a life of stuff in here I hope I get
> the imortant stuff out.
>
> My 'Rescuer' is often the key player. As a character in my story uptil the
> point I have written it The Victim was a big part of my life.
>
> More later....
>
> Thankyou all
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
> visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Warren,

Spilling out your inner thoughts can be quite cathartic, especially if it falls
on receptive ears.  Everyone here always has the opportunity to select the
delete key if it isn't what they're up for at the moment.

Years ago I, too, was given the opportunity to spill over and found the
experience of being receptively witnessed by my peers a humbling and cathartic
experienc.  LOL, actually, I didn't know just how full of garbage my tank was
until I was given that opportunity in front of a receptive group of AL-ANON
folks.  Of course, in that moment they felt more like my treasures, pieces of
silver, gold and diamonds that I'd been hoarding for years.  Though in all
reality it was my salivating over my secret pain, the pain no one else could see
or understand, or at least that is what I thought at the time. For a few years
or more thereafter, I made it an annual gift to myself to purge with this
receptive audience.  Over time I learned to reclaim my voice and found that as I
did, I didn't need to cling to these illusionary treasures and found that I
could actually begin to focus on the real treasures filling my life with joy.  I
hope this group is able to mirror back to you similar insights via
  dialogue that helps to clear your mind.

The Sabatoeur loves to play in the field of illusion .....

Namaste,  Susan

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
Thankyou for the warm welcome everyone,

I felt a little bad just dumping all my baggage on the table like that when
I woke up this morning. The first thing I said was: 'What the hell did you
do?' I could have tried to sound all spiritual. I could perhaps of referred
to archetypes or tried to keep within the theme of the forum.
I was tired and suddenly after being a couch potato in front of the TV all
night I had an overwhelming urge to do something - jolt myself into action.
So I started writing and to my surprise hit send.

I have the books, the archetypal cards, the Cd's.... Somehow I never been
able to commit to this journey (Sabateur?). Something remains off kilter.
I often have found that I move in circles...situations repeat...the faces
change but the theme is the same. I am not getting it! This is why I
figured if I tell it all as it is and maybe someone else may pick up on
these circles. Though you cannot cram a life of stuff in here I hope I get
the imortant stuff out.

My 'Rescuer' is often the key player. As a character in my story uptil the
point I have written it The Victim was a big part of my life.

More later....

Thankyou all

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thankyou for the warm welcome everyone,

I felt a little bad just dumping all my baggage on the table like that when
I woke up this morning. The first thing I said was: 'What the hell did you
do?' I could have tried to sound all spiritual.  I could perhaps of referred
to archetypes or tried to keep within the theme of the forum.
I was tired and suddenly after being a couch potato in front of the TV all
night I had an overwhelming urge to do something - jolt myself into action.
So I started writing and to my surprise hit send.

I have the books, the archetypal cards, the Cd's.... Somehow I never been
able to commit to this journey (Sabateur?).  Something remains off kilter.
I often have found that I move in circles...situations repeat...the faces
change but the theme is the same.  I am not getting it!  This is why I
figured if I tell it all as it is and maybe someone else may pick up on
these circles.  Though you cannot cram a life of stuff in here I hope I get
the imortant stuff out.

My 'Rescuer' is often the key player.  As a character in my story uptil the
point I have written it The Victim was a big part of my life.

More later....

Thankyou all


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fighting cancer is a battle!

It sounds to me like Pam is quite a trooper, putting up quite a fight against
this dis-ease that has invaded her body.  Since she didn't specify how it has
hit her, I would guess that 'raging' might be an apt depiction.  Somedays that
might even be the description I might use when I encounter mosquitoes on a hike.
Given the rise in West Nile Virus, even that has the potential to be lethal.

Cancer is just one of the many avenues that has the capacity to send us into the
spirit world before the mind is ready.  No judgement of right or wrong, when its
time for each of us to go home, we will all go home.

Hopefully it is not Pam's time and she will become a cancerless survivor yet.

Sending you lots of love, light, prayers, and hugs, Pam.

Namaste, Susan

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Jo and Elliot Plater" <jcplater@...>


Sue

"raging cancer" what does that mean? I believe that cancer is as big as
you let it.

Sue - are you a victim to your cancer or a survivor, everyone has
choices in life.

-----Original Message-----
From: mysslist@yahoogroups.com [mailto:mysslist@yahoogroups.com] On
Behalf Of angel1prn@...
Sent: Wednesday, 2 August 2006 10:48 PM
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk

Thanks Sue.
Your word were encouraging. I have found myself in the battle for life,
for I have raging cancer. If it weren't for all of you words I just
don't know what I would. Your words keep me positive and holding on.
Bless you all, Pamela


-----Original Message-----
From: suephipps@...
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 8:09 AM
Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk

The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
what you
say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you, but how you
respond
internally to what happens to you, that determines your thoughts and
felling
and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or
"self-talk," you can begin to assert control over every other dimension
of your
life.
Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
you, and
to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the quality
and tone
of your emotional life. When you see things positively and
constructively and
look for the good in each situation and each person, you have a tendency
to
remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the quality of your life
is
determined by how you feel, moment to moment, one of your most important
goals
should be to use every psychological technique available to keep
yourself
thinking about what you want and to keep your mind off of what you don't
want,
or what you fear.
Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
"challenge-response
theory" of history. In studying the rise and fall of 20 major world
civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization started out as a
small
group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the case of the Mongol
empire,
as just three people who had survived the destruction of their small
community.
Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups faced external
challenges,
such as hostile tribes. In order to survive, much less thrive, these
small
groups had to reorganize themselves to deal positively and
constructively with
these challenges.
By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
would
grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And if
this group
of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon its resources
and
winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately it became a
nation-state
and then a civilization covering a large geographical area.
Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending
with the
American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began to
decline
and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or ability
to rise
to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by their very size and
power.
Toynbee's theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as well.
You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with
problems and
disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
unavoidable
and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon your resources
to
respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a stronger
and better
person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not have learned what
you
needed to know and developed the qualities of your character to where
they are
today.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life.
One of
the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the

inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
them as
a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to avoid
problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from them, rise
above
the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
fascinating
book based on his 25 years of research into this subject. It's titled
Learned
Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic response
patterns of
both positive and negative people. As a result of his many years of work
in
cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing, he finds, quite
simply,
that optimistic people tend to interpret events in such a way that they
keep
their minds positive and their emotions under control.
Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive
ways.
Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
emotions
and feelings of helplessness.
Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
optimists
and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist sees a setback
as
temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees
an
unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through or a sales call
that
fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in time and that
has no
real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees
negative
events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
For example, let's say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls on
likely
prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The optimist
simply
interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of averages or
probabilities.
The optimist concludes that, with every temporary failure, he is moving
closer
to the prospect who will turn into a sale. The optimist dismisses the
event and
goes on cheerfully to the 11th and 12th prospects.
The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
tendency
to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication that the
economy
is terrible and that there is no market for his product. The pessimist
generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as hopeless.
While
the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the next call, the
pessimist
becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for the hard work of
prospecting.
The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that the

optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as

pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he
looks at
the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things
that
are going on in his life.
For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and
you
interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but something
that
happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like
an
optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
being
pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
shortcoming that
pervades every area of life.
If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
collapsed, he
would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was because the
product or
the company or the economy was in poor shape and the whole business was
hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless, unable to make a
difference
and out of control of his destiny.
The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists
see
events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
things
go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result from
external
factors over which one has little control.
If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
angry or
upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by saying
something
like, "oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad day."
The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
pessimist is
cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other driver has
deliberately
acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will become angry and
negative
and want to strike out and get even. Often, he will honk his horn or
yell at the
other driver. There is a natural tendency in all of us to react
emotionally when
our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something we wanted and
hoped
for fails to materialize, we feel a temporary sense of disappointment
and
unhappiness. We feel disillusioned. We react as though we have been
punched in
the "emotional solar plexus".
The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment.
He
responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being
temporary,
specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of his
inner
dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing the
event
so that it appear positive in some way.
Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded that

"Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal or
greater
advantage or benefit." And this is one of the great secrets of success.
Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
positive
or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to dwell
upon, you
keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since your
thoughts and
feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a more constructive
person,
and you will move much more rapidly toward the goals that you have
chosen.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In
our
courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to
respond
to problems by changing their language from negative to positive.
Instead of
using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word situation.
You see,
a problem is something that you deal with. The event is the same. It's
the way
you interpret the event to yourself that makes it sound and appear
completely
different.
Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a challenge.
Rather
than saying, "I have a problem," say, "I have an interesting challenge
facing
me." The word challenge is inherently positive. It is something that you
rise to
that makes you stronger and better. It is the same situation, only the
word that
you are using to describe it is different.
The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are
faced with
a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, "I have a problem," you can
say, "I
am faced with an unexpected opportunity." And if you concentrate your
powers on
finding out what that opportunity is-even if it is only a valuable
lesson-you
will certainly find it. As the parable says, "Seek and ye shall find,
for all
who seek find it."
One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
unexpected difficulty, is this: "Every situation is a positive situation
if
viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever something
goes
wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting
this
statement.
If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating
the
results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth
and
self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to
you that
there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
prospecting
in a different place, or with different people, or using a different
script or a
different method. Perhaps your difficulty is simply part of the process
of
developing the persistence and tenacity that you need to become
successful in
any kind of market. The difference between the winner and the loser is
that the
winner faces and deals with the adversity constructively, while the
loser allows
the adversity to overwhelm him.
The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught
up in the
inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability to
continue
talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind
calm,
clear and completely under control. The mature personality is more
relaxed and
aware and capable of interpreting events more realistically and less
emotionally
than is the immature personality. As a result, the mature person exerts
a far
greater sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far
less
likely to be angry, upset, or distracted.
The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person
is to
monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep your
thoughts
and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and keep your
mind
focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
optimistic
person:
First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not
allow it to
get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will take a
deep
breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain. When
you make
this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself so that you are
not
knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they inevitably will.
Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
yourself
positively all the time. Say things like, "I feel healthy! I feel happy!
I feel
terrific!" As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like myself, and
I love
my work!" Say things like, "Today is a great day; it's wonderful to be
alive!"
According to the law of expression, whatever is expressed is impressed.
Whatever
you say to yourself or others is impressed deeply into your subconscious
mind
and is likely to become a permanent part of your personality.
Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being
temporary,
specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event
that is
not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely by
external
factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse to see the
event
as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of personal
incompetence
of inability.
Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
successful
person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend with and
rise above
them in order to become a better person. Welcome each difficulty by
saying,
"That's good!" and then look into the situation to find the good in it.
Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you
are
working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
saying to
yourself, "I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my
life."
Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation toward
negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an opportunity
to grow
stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a positive and
optimistic way.
Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
Chairman
and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling author of
17 books
and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join Brian's Free Email
Newsletters. Copyright C 2001

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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__________________________________________________________
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and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I presume that most of the members here either receive CM's monthly newletter or
better yet, the Salon.  If not, be sure to sign up at www.myss.com.
In that regards, the questions she asks in her July newsletter/Salon posted
below might provide some discussion.
Namaste,  Susan
So, if you were with me right now, I'd ask you:
Anything different? Do you feel psychically different?
Have your dream patterns changed?
Any change in anxiety, exhaustion, sleep patterns?
Any increase in depression? I say increase because everyone has a depression
rating.
Any subtle shifts in your sense of optimism?
Have you had an increase in aches and pains?
Have you experienced unusual weight gain in this past year?
Are you changing any short or long terms plans? � ie, "Let's just live for
today," which, for you, would ordinarily be just too risky a way to live.
Any increase in fear patterns?
Any increase in rage or anger, either personal or ethnic?
Any sensations that you can "feel" the trauma in the air and feel the change in
the attitudes and energy fields of people?
Do people strike you as being just a bit more depressed or psychically intense
or heavy?
A SERIOUS SUGGESTION
Go back and review those questions and consciously pay attention to those areas.
And pay attention to your own subtle changes. Many of your subtle changes can be
attributed to the stress in the collective field of humanity and the planet.
In the August Salon, I will do an interpretation of how these personal stresses
are connected to the collective, so do pay attention to your personal activity.
Love,
Caroline

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sue

"raging cancer" what does that mean? I believe that cancer is as big as
you let it.

Sue - are you a victim to your cancer or a survivor, everyone has
choices in life.

-----Original Message-----
From: mysslist@yahoogroups.com [mailto:mysslist@yahoogroups.com] On
Behalf Of angel1prn@...
Sent: Wednesday, 2 August 2006 10:48 PM
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk

Thanks Sue.
Your word were encouraging.  I have found myself in the battle for life,
for I have raging cancer.  If it weren't for all of you words I just
don't know what I would.  Your words keep me positive and holding on.
Bless you all,  Pamela


-----Original Message-----
From: suephipps@...
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 8:09 AM
Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk


The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
what you
say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you, but how you
respond
internally to what happens to you, that determines your thoughts and
felling
and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or
"self-talk," you can begin to assert control over every other dimension
of your
life.
Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
you, and
to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the quality
and tone
of your emotional life. When you see things positively and
constructively and
look for the good in each situation and each person, you have a tendency
to
remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the quality of your life
is
determined by how you feel, moment to moment, one of your most important
goals
should be to use every psychological technique available to keep
yourself
thinking about what you want and to keep your mind off of what you don't
want,
or what you fear.
Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
"challenge-response
theory" of history. In studying the rise and fall of 20 major world
civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization started out as a
small
group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the case of the Mongol
empire,
as just three people who had survived the destruction of their small
community.
Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups faced external
challenges,
such as hostile tribes. In order to survive, much less thrive, these
small
groups had to reorganize themselves to deal positively and
constructively with
these challenges.
By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
would
grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And if
this group
of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon its resources
and
winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately it became a
nation-state
and then a civilization covering a large geographical area.
Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending
with the
American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began to
decline
and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or ability
to rise
to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by their very size and
power.
Toynbee's theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as well.
You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with
problems and
disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
unavoidable
and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon your resources
to
respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a stronger
and better
person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not have learned what
you
needed to know and developed the qualities of your character to where
they are
today.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life.
One of
the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the

inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
them as
a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to avoid
problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from them, rise
above
the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
fascinating
book based on his 25 years of research into this subject. It's titled
Learned
Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic response
patterns of
both positive and negative people. As a result of his many years of work
in
cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing, he finds, quite
simply,
that optimistic people tend to interpret events in such a way that they
keep
their minds positive and their emotions under control.
Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive
ways.
Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
emotions
and feelings of helplessness.
Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
optimists
and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist sees a setback
as
temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees
an
unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through or a sales call
that
fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in time and that
has no
real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees
negative
events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
For example, let's say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls on
likely
prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The optimist
simply
interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of averages or
probabilities.
The optimist concludes that, with every temporary failure, he is moving
closer
to the prospect who will turn into a sale. The optimist dismisses the
event and
goes on cheerfully to the 11th and 12th prospects.
The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
tendency
to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication that the
economy
is terrible and that there is no market for his product. The pessimist
generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as hopeless.
While
the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the next call, the
pessimist
becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for the hard work of
prospecting.
The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that the

optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as

pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he
looks at
the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things
that
are going on in his life.
For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and
you
interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but something
that
happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like
an
optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
being
pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
shortcoming that
pervades every area of life.
If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
collapsed, he
would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was because the
product or
the company or the economy was in poor shape and the whole business was
hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless, unable to make a
difference
and out of control of his destiny.
The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists
see
events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
things
go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result from
external
factors over which one has little control.
If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
angry or
upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by saying
something
like, "oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad day."
The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
pessimist is
cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other driver has
deliberately
acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will become angry and
negative
and want to strike out and get even. Often, he will honk his horn or
yell at the
other driver. There is a natural tendency in all of us to react
emotionally when
our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something we wanted and
hoped
for fails to materialize, we feel a temporary sense of disappointment
and
unhappiness. We feel disillusioned. We react as though we have been
punched in
the "emotional solar plexus".
The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment.
He
responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being
temporary,
specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of his
inner
dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing the
event
so that it appear positive in some way.
Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded that

"Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal or
greater
advantage or benefit." And this is one of the great secrets of success.
Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
positive
or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to dwell
upon, you
keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since your
thoughts and
feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a more constructive
person,
and you will move much more rapidly toward the goals that you have
chosen.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In
our
courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to
respond
to problems by changing their language from negative to positive.
Instead of
using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word situation.
You see,
a problem is something that you deal with. The event is the same. It's
the way
you interpret the event to yourself that makes it sound and appear
completely
different.
Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a challenge.
Rather
than saying, "I have a problem," say, "I have an interesting challenge
facing
me." The word challenge is inherently positive. It is something that you
rise to
that makes you stronger and better. It is the same situation, only the
word that
you are using to describe it is different.
The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are
faced with
a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, "I have a problem," you can
say, "I
am faced with an unexpected opportunity." And if you concentrate your
powers on
finding out what that opportunity is-even if it is only a valuable
lesson-you
will certainly find it. As the parable says, "Seek and ye shall find,
for all
who seek find it."
One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
unexpected difficulty, is this: "Every situation is a positive situation
if
viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever something
goes
wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting
this
statement.
If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating
the
results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth
and
self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to
you that
there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
prospecting
in a different place, or with different people, or using a different
script or a
different method. Perhaps your difficulty is simply part of the process
of
developing the persistence and tenacity that you need to become
successful in
any kind of market. The difference between the winner and the loser is
that the
winner faces and deals with the adversity constructively, while the
loser allows
the adversity to overwhelm him.
The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught
up in the
inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability to
continue
talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind
calm,
clear and completely under control. The mature personality is more
relaxed and
aware and capable of interpreting events more realistically and less
emotionally
than is the immature personality. As a result, the mature person exerts
a far
greater sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far
less
likely to be angry, upset, or distracted.
The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person
is to
monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep your
thoughts
and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and keep your
mind
focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
optimistic
person:
First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not
allow it to
get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will take a
deep
breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain. When
you make
this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself so that you are
not
knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they inevitably will.
Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
yourself
positively all the time. Say things like, "I feel healthy! I feel happy!
I feel
terrific!" As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like myself, and
I love
my work!" Say things like, "Today is a great day; it's wonderful to be
alive!"
According to the law of expression, whatever is expressed is impressed.
Whatever
you say to yourself or others is impressed deeply into your subconscious
mind
and is likely to become a permanent part of your personality.
Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being
temporary,
specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event
that is
not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely by
external
factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse to see the
event
as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of personal
incompetence
of inability.
Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
successful
person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend with and
rise above
them in order to become a better person. Welcome each difficulty by
saying,
"That's good!" and then look into the situation to find the good in it.
Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you
are
working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
saying to
yourself, "I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my
life."
Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation toward
negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an opportunity
to grow
stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a positive and
optimistic way.
Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
Chairman
and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling author of
17 books
and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join Brian's Free Email
Newsletters. Copyright C 2001

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com
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the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/


Yahoo! Groups Links




________________________________________________________________________
Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email
and IM. All on demand. Always Free.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com
*OR* visit the eGroups Web site at
http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/


Yahoo! Groups Links

Welcome Warren,
   This is a great group and I am confident we will all get to be friends in no
time. Thanks for sharing with us.
   God Bless,
   carol----- Original Message -----
   From: Warren Stegmann
   To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Wednesday, August 02, 2006 2:47 PM
   Subject: Re: CM New member


   >
   > Hi all,

   I have been receiving e-mails for a month or so from this group. This is my
   first post.

   I need help or guidance or something, anything.

   When I was growing up I lived in an abusive household. My childhood
   memories are sketchy. From as early as I can remember I have been afraid or
   anxious. I was a scared kid. My parents both worked and I spent most of my
   early childhood in the care of nannies and day care centers. I was a very
   sensitive child - perhaps over sensitive and very nervous.

   From about seven ( I think 7 anyway) my father began drinking heavily he
   would beat up my mom and verbally abusive us. Once while he was drunk he
   told me he was going to hang himself and asked me to fetch rope from the
   store. I was petrified. Later as I got older, 13 or so I actively tried to
   defend my mother and sometimes got beat to. Countles times my mother and
   little brother and I would barracade ourselves in a room pushing furniture
   against the door. Sometimes we would escape and just run down the highway
   and walk hoping he would pass out by the time we got back.

   The mental and physical abuse was terrible and lasted until I was 18. In
   addition to this I was a pimply teen at 13 in a new school, a new town and
   was bullied and shunned. I was a christian and though with hind site I
   always new I was gay at 13 it became an issue. I clung to my bible in my
   early teens and prayed alot. It was the only thing I could hold onto and
   then I was gay. Gay in South Africa, a South Africa barely out of Apartheid
   - a time when gay people were jailed and black people were without human
   rights -. Mandela was president and laws had change but the mentality had
   not. My childhood was hell. I know there are people who have suffered more
   but this was my suffering.

   I began to search for answers and ultimately left christianity behind. With
   all that was going on I decided to push my sexuality to the back of my mind
   and just not deal with it. * *
   **
   Until I was 18 my mission was survival. Finally I got out and away...in my
   second year at uni before I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown. I was feeling
   lethargic, listless, so off I went to the doctor who ran some blood tests
   and then sent me to a psychiatrist.

   For the first time in my life I told another human being some of the worst
   stories of my childhood abuse. I repeated it to my Psych as if it had been
   someone else who had lived through it. I was totally detached. For the
   first time - she gave me permission to feel my emotions which I had
   suppressed as a matter of survival for years. One memory trigured another
   and another and they just kept coming. After my first consultation as I was
   walking out the door with a perscription for Zoloft I turned and asked what
   she was treating me for. Chronic depression she said. There were more
   tests. She said I had had depression from at least the age of 16. I
   couldn't handle the meds and spun out into a chaotic state of mind. I fell
   apart. My lecturers all new I was loosing the plot. Eventually I got my
   shrink to call the college and explain. I got babied after that but they
   cared which was nice. I had major anxiety attacks and developed a fear of
   people and crowds. (I once won an award for public speaking at school-go
   figure)

   One of my lecturers became a friend and arranged that I got some time off I
   went home and stayed with a couple I had held a student job with. I had
   developed a friendship or an attachment to them. A sarrogate family. My
   mother had now divorced my father after 24 years, after I left home. I
   stopped taking the Zoloft, quit the shrink and stabilised - I finally had a
   happy home - off I went back to college and all was a little better for a
   while.

   Through this family I met a German boy who I became best friends with when
   he spent 18 months in SA. After college he arranged that I do a 3 month
   practical in Germany and that I stayed with his family (Happy home number
   two). During the time off my medication I still was a mess but everyone was
   so against me taking medication I was kind of proud that I could go
   without. I still had the odd panic attack. Then when in Germany I hit
   bottom again. Nightmares returned, sleepless nights. I would try and
   suffocate myself in my sleep. I would cut myself, hit my hands against
   walls, create physical pain. These were things that had only happend while
   I was on Zoloft but now I was not. My shrink had said that the emotional
   pain was to much so to make it real I hurt myself. I was a roller coaster
   of emotions. I broke off my friendship with the German boy partly because
   he was incredibly selfish and partly beacuse I had fallen in love. (He is
   not gay)

   I went back to SA. On weekend trip with him in SA and through the same
   couple I mentioned earlier I met a German woman. A mother of three small
   kids. She had her own business. I offered to help her out in return for
   work experience. Her husband was a drug addict and she had thrown him out.
   I baby sat the kids and shared this families life, lived in her house on her
   farm and we became good friends. (Third adopted Family) I left after about
   three months when I got ajob in the middle of nowhere where nothing happend
   and left after 7 months. I went the USA where I slaved away on a Boca golf
   course for 7 months until I was offered a job by the same couple I had
   worked for as a student. She had been diagnosed with cancer after giving
   birth to her fourth child. Her husband offered me her job - something he
   neglected to tell her. Promises he had made werent kept, they were fighting
   often at work - shouting at each other. I cannot be around shouting even
   now. They became cold toward me and she who I worshipped became downright
   nasty. I made up my mind to leave. I hugged her said good bye and walked
   out. It was over and I have never returned, though she did phone once to
   see how I was doing.
   It was heartbreaking.

   Once again through friends another married couple I landed a dream job. I
   began to work for an incredibly wealthy couple. He a billionaire from New
   York she an Heiress to a great fortune. I got live on there private estate
   which was isolated and beautiful. I became friends with his 87 yr old dad
   from Pensylvania who died 3 months later. We had dinners together went out
   on weekends we were buddies. I was devastated. Though uptil then I had
   resisted any attempt the family at the main house (MY employer and his
   fiance) made to include me I finally got sucked in. When his father died I
   was instantly part of this very strange family. Every kind of intrigue from
   secret affairs, illigitamte children, ex wives, celebs, artists and
   wrighters passed through this great estate where I lived in my cottage and
   everyone, everyone came a knocking. For some reason complete vissiting
   strangers would deposit any secrets or issues squarely at my door. I was
   the Jester after all. There was a King and a Queen and we had gardeners
   mades and a chef. I new of every skeleton and I lived vicariously through
   the events and people that surrounded me. It all began to fall apart....

   to be continued....

   There are patterns or lessons or something I am not getting. I need to
   right this summerised life history for me. I am sharing it because I am 28
   and I am haunted daily by my past. I am going in circles. I am hoping
   someone can help me figure it out. I manage myself. But I am getting tired
   again. I want to live, but I am stuck. I have to explain - In Germany I
   would for example have scary nightmares, I would cut my wrists with a
   blade, suffocate myself in my sleep - wake up gasping and then get up and go
   to work the next morning and have a normal day.
   I do not anymore, at least not that bad - my point is I am alone and this
   chaos I somehow mange it and function. I am functionally disfunctional. I
   am afraid that one day the chaos will win. I am now in the middle east its
   4 am I'll finnish my story tomorrow.

   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Welcome Warren!  I'm curious, what have you learned from your active archetypes
and have you placed them on your Sacred Contract Wheel so you can learn and grow
from the lessons they've taught you?

Namaste, Susan

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
>
> Hi all,

I have been receiving e-mails for a month or so from this group. This is my
first post.

I need help or guidance or something, anything.

When I was growing up I lived in an abusive household. My childhood
memories are sketchy. From as early as I can remember I have been afraid or
anxious. I was a scared kid. My parents both worked and I spent most of my
early childhood in the care of nannies and day care centers. I was a very
sensitive child - perhaps over sensitive and very nervous.

From about seven ( I think 7 anyway) my father began drinking heavily he
would beat up my mom and verbally abusive us. Once while he was drunk he
told me he was going to hang himself and asked me to fetch rope from the
store. I was petrified. Later as I got older, 13 or so I actively tried to
defend my mother and sometimes got beat to. Countles times my mother and
little brother and I would barracade ourselves in a room pushing furniture
against the door. Sometimes we would escape and just run down the highway
and walk hoping he would pass out by the time we got back.

The mental and physical abuse was terrible and lasted until I was 18. In
addition to this I was a pimply teen at 13 in a new school, a new town and
was bullied and shunned. I was a christian and though with hind site I
always new I was gay at 13 it became an issue. I clung to my bible in my
early teens and prayed alot. It was the only thing I could hold onto and
then I was gay. Gay in South Africa, a South Africa barely out of Apartheid
- a time when gay people were jailed and black people were without human
rights -. Mandela was president and laws had change but the mentality had
not. My childhood was hell. I know there are people who have suffered more
but this was my suffering.

I began to search for answers and ultimately left christianity behind. With
all that was going on I decided to push my sexuality to the back of my mind
and just not deal with it. * *
**
Until I was 18 my mission was survival. Finally I got out and away...in my
second year at uni before I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown. I was feeling
lethargic, listless, so off I went to the doctor who ran some blood tests
and then sent me to a psychiatrist.

For the first time in my life I told another human being some of the worst
stories of my childhood abuse. I repeated it to my Psych as if it had been
someone else who had lived through it. I was totally detached. For the
first time - she gave me permission to feel my emotions which I had
suppressed as a matter of survival for years. One memory trigured another
and another and they just kept coming. After my first consultation as I was
walking out the door with a perscription for Zoloft I turned and asked what
she was treating me for. Chronic depression she said. There were more
tests. She said I had had depression from at least the age of 16. I
couldn't handle the meds and spun out into a chaotic state of mind. I fell
apart. My lecturers all new I was loosing the plot. Eventually I got my
shrink to call the college and explain. I got babied after that but they
cared which was nice. I had major anxiety attacks and developed a fear of
people and crowds. (I once won an award for public speaking at school-go
figure)

One of my lecturers became a friend and arranged that I got some time off I
went home and stayed with a couple I had held a student job with. I had
developed a friendship or an attachment to them. A sarrogate family. My
mother had now divorced my father after 24 years, after I left home. I
stopped taking the Zoloft, quit the shrink and stabilised - I finally had a
happy home - off I went back to college and all was a little better for a
while.

Through this family I met a German boy who I became best friends with when
he spent 18 months in SA. After college he arranged that I do a 3 month
practical in Germany and that I stayed with his family (Happy home number
two). During the time off my medication I still was a mess but everyone was
so against me taking medication I was kind of proud that I could go
without. I still had the odd panic attack. Then when in Germany I hit
bottom again. Nightmares returned, sleepless nights. I would try and
suffocate myself in my sleep. I would cut myself, hit my hands against
walls, create physical pain. These were things that had only happend while
I was on Zoloft but now I was not. My shrink had said that the emotional
pain was to much so to make it real I hurt myself. I was a roller coaster
of emotions. I broke off my friendship with the German boy partly because
he was incredibly selfish and partly beacuse I had fallen in love. (He is
not gay)

I went back to SA. On weekend trip with him in SA and through the same
couple I mentioned earlier I met a German woman. A mother of three small
kids. She had her own business. I offered to help her out in return for
work experience. Her husband was a drug addict and she had thrown him out.
I baby sat the kids and shared this families life, lived in her house on her
farm and we became good friends. (Third adopted Family) I left after about
three months when I got ajob in the middle of nowhere where nothing happend
and left after 7 months. I went the USA where I slaved away on a Boca golf
course for 7 months until I was offered a job by the same couple I had
worked for as a student. She had been diagnosed with cancer after giving
birth to her fourth child. Her husband offered me her job - something he
neglected to tell her. Promises he had made werent kept, they were fighting
often at work - shouting at each other. I cannot be around shouting even
now. They became cold toward me and she who I worshipped became downright
nasty. I made up my mind to leave. I hugged her said good bye and walked
out. It was over and I have never returned, though she did phone once to
see how I was doing.
It was heartbreaking.

Once again through friends another married couple I landed a dream job. I
began to work for an incredibly wealthy couple. He a billionaire from New
York she an Heiress to a great fortune. I got live on there private estate
which was isolated and beautiful. I became friends with his 87 yr old dad
from Pensylvania who died 3 months later. We had dinners together went out
on weekends we were buddies. I was devastated. Though uptil then I had
resisted any attempt the family at the main house (MY employer and his
fiance) made to include me I finally got sucked in. When his father died I
was instantly part of this very strange family. Every kind of intrigue from
secret affairs, illigitamte children, ex wives, celebs, artists and
wrighters passed through this great estate where I lived in my cottage and
everyone, everyone came a knocking. For some reason complete vissiting
strangers would deposit any secrets or issues squarely at my door. I was
the Jester after all. There was a King and a Queen and we had gardeners
mades and a chef. I new of every skeleton and I lived vicariously through
the events and people that surrounded me. It all began to fall apart....

to be continued....

There are patterns or lessons or something I am not getting. I need to
right this summerised life history for me. I am sharing it because I am 28
and I am haunted daily by my past. I am going in circles. I am hoping
someone can help me figure it out. I manage myself. But I am getting tired
again. I want to live, but I am stuck. I have to explain - In Germany I
would for example have scary nightmares, I would cut my wrists with a
blade, suffocate myself in my sleep - wake up gasping and then get up and go
to work the next morning and have a normal day.
I do not anymore, at least not that bad - my point is I am alone and this
chaos I somehow mange it and function. I am functionally disfunctional. I
am afraid that one day the chaos will win. I am now in the middle east its
4 am I'll finnish my story tomorrow.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I'm glad that both you and Pamela found the message to be helpful.  I love your
quote Steve.  It is the imagery of symbolic sight that is giving me so much
peace these days.  It is that same imagery that is helping me to recognize my
part in the dance with my son's father and allowing me to appreciate the beauty
for me in the gift of his recent death.

Namaste, Susan

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "steve mchugh" <mchugh57@...>

>
> The threads of a rich tapestry
> are layed down before us,
> Its full richness seen only
> thru symbolic sight.
>
> Thankyou Sue.
>
>
> >From: suephipps@...
> >Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> >To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
> >Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
> >Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:09:55 +0000
> >
> >The Power of Positive Self-Talk
> >Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
> >what you say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you, but
> >how you respond internally to what happens to you, that determines your
> >thoughts and felling and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your
> >inner dialogue, or �self-talk,� you can begin to assert control over every
> >other dimension of your life.
> >Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
> >you, and to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the
> >quality and tone of your emotional life. When you see things positively and
> >constructively and look for the good in each situation and each person, you
> >have a tendency to remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the
> >quality of your life is determined by how you feel, moment to moment, one
> >of your most important goals should be to use every psychological technique
> >available to keep yourself thinking about what you want and to keep your
> >mind off of what you don�t want, or what you fear.
> >Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
> >�challenge-response theory� of history. In studying the rise and fall of 20
> >major world civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization started
> >out as a small group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the case of
> >the Mongol empire, as just three people who had survived the destruction of
> >their small community. Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups
> >faced external challenges, such as hostile tribes. In order to survive,
> >much less thrive, these small groups had to reorganize themselves to deal
> >positively and constructively with these challenges.
> >By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
> >would grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And if
> >this group of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon its
> >resources and winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately it
> >became a nation-state and then a civilization covering a large geographical
> >area.
> >Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending with
> >the American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began to
> >decline and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or
> >ability to rise to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by their
> >very size and power.
> >Toynbee�s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as well.
> >You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with problems
> >and disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
> >unavoidable and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon your
> >resources to respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a
> >stronger and better person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not
> >have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualities of your
> >character to where they are today.
> >Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life. One
> >of the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the
> >inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
> >them as a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to
> >avoid problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from them,
> >rise above the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
> >Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
> >fascinating book based on his 25 years of research into this subject. It�s
> >titled Learned Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic
> >response patterns of both positive and negative people. As a result of his
> >many years of work in cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing,
> >he finds, quite simply, that optimistic people tend to interpret events in
> >such a way that they keep their minds positive and their emotions under
> >control.
> >Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive ways.
> >Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
> >themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
> >emotions and feelings of helplessness.
> >Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
> >optimists and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist sees a
> >setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The
> >optimist sees an unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through or
> >a sales call that fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in
> >time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other
> >hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
> >For example, let�s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls on
> >likely prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The
> >optimist simply interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of
> >averages or probabilities. The optimist concludes that, with every
> >temporary failure, he is moving closer to the prospect who will turn into a
> >sale. The optimist dismisses the event and goes on cheerfully to the 11th
> >and 12th prospects.
> >The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
> >tendency to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication that
> >the economy is terrible and that there is no market for his product. The
> >pessimist generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as
> >hopeless. While the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the next
> >call, the pessimist becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for
> >the hard work of prospecting.
> >The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that the
> >optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as
> >pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he looks
> >at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things
> >that are going on in his life.
> >For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and
> >you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but something
> >that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like
> >an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
> >being pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
> >shortcoming that pervades every area of life.
> >If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
> >collapsed, he would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was
> >because the product or the company or the economy was in poor shape and the
> >whole business was hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless,
> >unable to make a difference and out of control of his destiny.
> >The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists see
> >events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
> >things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result from
> >external factors over which one has little control.
> >If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
> >angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by
> >saying something like, �oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad
> >day.�
> >The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
> >pessimist is cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other driver
> >has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will
> >become angry and negative and want to strike out and get even. Often, he
> >will honk his horn or yell at the other driver. There is a natural tendency
> >in all of us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated in
> >any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we
> >feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel
> >disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in the �emotional
> >solar plexus�.
> >The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment. He
> >responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being temporary,
> >specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of his
> >inner dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing
> >the event so that it appear positive in some way.
> >Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
> >interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded that
> >�Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal or
> >greater advantage or benefit.� And this is one of the great secrets of
> >success.
> >Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
> >positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to
> >dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since
> >your thoughts and feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a
> >more constructive person, and you will move much more rapidly toward the
> >goals that you have chosen.
> >It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In
> >our courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to
> >respond to problems by changing their language from negative to positive.
> >Instead of using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word
> >situation. You see, a problem is something that you deal with. The event is
> >the same. It�s the way you interpret the event to yourself that makes it
> >sound and appear completely different.
> >Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
> >difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a challenge.
> >Rather than saying, �I have a problem,� say, �I have an interesting
> >challenge facing me.� The word challenge is inherently positive. It is
> >something that you rise to that makes you stronger and better. It is the
> >same situation, only the word that you are using to describe it is
> >different.
> >The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are faced
> >with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, �I have a problem,� you
> >can say, �I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.� And if you
> >concentrate your powers on finding out what that opportunity is-even if it
> >is only a valuable lesson-you will certainly find it. As the parable says,
> >�Seek and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.�
> >One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
> >unexpected difficulty, is this: �Every situation is a positive situation if
> >viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever something
> >goes wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting
> >this statement.
> >If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating the
> >results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth and
> >self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to you
> >that there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
> >prospecting in a different place, or with different people, or using a
> >different script or a different method. Perhaps your difficulty is simply
> >part of the process of developing the persistence and tenacity that you
> >need to become successful in any kind of market. The difference between the
> >winner and the loser is that the winner faces and deals with the adversity
> >constructively, while the loser allows the adversity to overwhelm him.
> >The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
> >personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up
> >in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability
> >to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping
> >his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The mature personality
> >is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more
> >realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As a
> >result, the mature person exerts a far greater sense of control and
> >influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry, upset,
> >or distracted.
> >The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person is
> >to monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep your
> >thoughts and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and keep
> >your mind focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
> >Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
> >optimistic person:
> >First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not allow
> >it to get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will take a
> >deep breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain.
> >When you make this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself so
> >that you are not knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they
> >inevitably will.
> >Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
> >yourself positively all the time. Say things like, �I feel healthy! I feel
> >happy! I feel terrific!� As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like
> >myself, and I love my work!� Say things like, �Today is a great day; it�s
> >wonderful to be alive!� According to the law of expression, whatever is
> >expressed is impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is impressed
> >deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a permanent part
> >of your personality.
> >Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being temporary,
> >specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event that
> >is not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely by
> >external factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse to
> >see the event as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of
> >personal incompetence of inability.
> >Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
> >successful person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend with
> >and rise above them in order to become a better person. Welcome each
> >difficulty by saying, �That�s good!� and then look into the situation to
> >find the good in it.
> >Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you are
> >working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
> >saying to yourself, �I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in
> >my life.� Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation
> >toward negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an
> >opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a
> >positive and optimistic way.
> >Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
> >Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
> >author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join
> >Brian�s Free Email Newsletters. Copyright � 2001
> >
> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
> >visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
> >
> >
> >Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Search for local singles online @ Lavalife
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>
>
>
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Welcome to the group Warren. I see you jumping in with both feet now
that you have made the move to share with us. It's great that you
share, we all learn from one onother's experiences in life. I look
foreward to tomorrow's promised next episode. You will find some
wonderful people on this list, many with profound wisdom to share.
that i'm sure will help you as you try to sort out your life.
Blessings, Phyllis, co-moderator with Sunny.

--- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
wrote:
>
> >
> > Hi all,
>
>
>
> I have been receiving e-mails for a month or so from this group.
This is my
> first post.
>
> I need  help or guidance or something, anything.
>
> When I was growing up I lived in an abusive household.  My
childhood
> memories are sketchy.  From as early as I can remember I have been
afraid or
> anxious.  I was a scared kid.  My parents both worked and I spent
most of my
> early childhood in the care of nannies and day care centers.  I
was a very
> sensitive child - perhaps over sensitive and very nervous.
>
> From about seven ( I think 7 anyway) my father began drinking
heavily he
> would beat up my mom and verbally abusive us.  Once while he was
drunk he
> told me he was going to hang himself  and asked me to fetch rope
from the
> store.  I was petrified.  Later as I got older, 13 or so I
actively tried to
> defend my mother and sometimes got beat to.  Countles times my
mother and
> little brother and I would barracade ourselves in a room pushing
furniture
> against the door.  Sometimes we would escape and just run down the
highway
> and walk hoping he would pass out by the time we got back.
>
> The mental and physical abuse was terrible and lasted until I was
18.  In
> addition to this I was a pimply teen at 13 in a new school, a new
town and
> was bullied and shunned.  I was a christian and though with hind
site I
> always new I was gay at 13 it became an issue.  I clung to my
bible in my
> early teens and prayed alot.  It was the only thing I could hold
onto and
> then I was gay.  Gay in South Africa, a South Africa barely out of
Apartheid
> - a time when gay people were jailed and black people were without
human
> rights -.  Mandela was president and laws had change but the
mentality had
> not. My childhood was hell.  I know there are people who have
suffered more
> but this was my suffering.
>
> I began to search for answers and ultimately left christianity
behind.  With
> all that was going on I decided to push my sexuality to the back
of my mind
> and just not deal with it. *  *
> **
> Until I was 18 my mission was survival.  Finally I got out and
away...in my
> second year at uni before I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown.  I
was feeling
> lethargic, listless, so off I went to the doctor who ran some
blood tests
> and then sent me to a psychiatrist.
>
> For the first time in my life I told another human being some of
the worst
> stories of my childhood abuse.  I repeated it to my Psych as if it
had been
> someone else who had lived through it.  I was totally detached.
For the
> first time - she gave me permission to feel my emotions which I had
> suppressed as a matter of survival for years.  One memory trigured
another
> and another and they just kept coming.  After my first
consultation as I was
> walking out the door with a perscription for Zoloft I turned and
asked what
> she was treating me for.  Chronic depression she said.  There were
more
> tests.  She said I had had depression from at least the age of
16.  I
> couldn't handle the meds and spun out into a chaotic state of
mind.  I fell
> apart.  My lecturers all new I was loosing the plot.  Eventually I
got my
> shrink to call the college and explain.  I got babied after that
but they
> cared which was nice.  I had major anxiety attacks and developed a
fear of
> people and crowds. (I once won an award for public speaking at
school-go
> figure)
>
> One of my lecturers became a friend and arranged that I got some
time off I
> went home and stayed with a couple I had held a student job with.
I had
> developed a friendship or an attachment to them.  A sarrogate
family.  My
> mother had now divorced my father after 24 years, after I left
home. I
> stopped taking the Zoloft, quit the shrink and stabilised - I
finally had a
> happy home - off I went back to college and all was a little
better for a
> while.
>
> Through this family I met a German boy who I became best friends
with when
> he spent 18 months in SA.  After college he arranged that I do a 3
month
> practical in Germany and that I stayed with his family (Happy home
number
> two).  During the time off my medication I still was a mess but
everyone was
> so against me taking medication I was kind of proud that I could go
> without.  I still had the odd panic attack.   Then when in Germany
I hit
> bottom again.  Nightmares returned, sleepless nights.  I would try
and
> suffocate myself in my sleep.  I would cut myself, hit my hands
against
> walls, create physical pain.  These were things that had only
happend while
> I was on Zoloft but now I was not.  My shrink had said that the
emotional
> pain was to much so to make it real I hurt myself.  I was a roller
coaster
> of emotions.  I broke off my friendship with the German boy partly
because
> he was incredibly selfish and partly beacuse I had fallen in love.
(He is
> not gay)
>
> I went back to SA.  On weekend trip with him in SA and through the
same
> couple I mentioned earlier I met a German woman.  A mother of
three small
> kids.  She had her own  business.  I offered to help her out in
return for
> work experience.  Her husband was a drug addict and she had thrown
him out.
> I baby sat the kids and shared this families life, lived in her
house on her
> farm and we became good friends. (Third adopted  Family)  I left
after about
> three months when I got ajob in the middle of nowhere where
nothing happend
> and left after 7 months.  I went the USA where I slaved away on a
Boca golf
> course for 7 months until I was offered a job by the same couple I
had
> worked for as a student.  She had been diagnosed with cancer after
giving
> birth to her fourth child.  Her husband offered me her job -
something he
> neglected to tell her.  Promises he had made werent kept, they
were fighting
> often at work - shouting at each other.  I cannot be around
shouting even
> now.  They became cold toward me and she who I worshipped became
downright
> nasty.  I made up my mind to leave.  I hugged her said good bye
and walked
> out.  It was over and I have never returned, though she did phone
once to
> see how I was doing.
> It was heartbreaking.
>
> Once again through friends another married couple I landed a dream
job.  I
> began to work for an incredibly wealthy couple.  He a billionaire
from New
> York she an Heiress to a great fortune.  I got live on there
private estate
> which was isolated and beautiful.  I became friends with his 87 yr
old dad
> from Pensylvania who died 3 months later.  We had dinners together
went out
> on weekends we were buddies.  I was devastated.  Though uptil then
I had
> resisted any attempt the family at the main house (MY employer and
his
> fiance) made to include me I finally got sucked in.  When his
father died I
> was instantly part of this very strange family.  Every kind of
intrigue from
> secret affairs, illigitamte children, ex wives, celebs, artists and
> wrighters passed through this great estate where I lived in my
cottage and
> everyone, everyone came a knocking.  For some reason complete
vissiting
> strangers would deposit any secrets or issues squarely at my
door.  I was
> the Jester after all.  There was a King and a Queen  and we had
gardeners
> mades and a chef.  I new of every skeleton and I lived vicariously
through
> the events and people that surrounded me.  It all began to fall
apart....
>
> to be continued....
>
> There are patterns or lessons or something I am not getting.  I
need to
> right this summerised life history for me.  I am sharing it
because I am 28
> and I am haunted daily by my past.  I am going in circles.  I am
hoping
> someone can help me figure it out.  I manage myself.  But I am
getting tired
> again.  I want to live, but I am stuck.  I have to explain - In
Germany I
> would for example have scary nightmares,  I would cut my wrists
with a
> blade, suffocate myself in my sleep - wake up gasping and then get
up and go
> to work the next morning and have a normal day.
> I do not anymore, at least not that bad - my point is I am alone
and this
> chaos I somehow mange it and function.  I am functionally
disfunctional.  I
> am afraid that one day the chaos will win.  I am now in the middle
east its
> 4 am I'll finnish my story tomorrow.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Welcome to the group Warren. I see you jumping in with both feet now
that you have made the move to share with us. It's great that you
share, we all learn from one onother's experiences in life. I look
foreward to tomorrow's promised next episode. You will find some
wonderful people on this list, many with profound wisdom to share.
that i'm sure will help you as you try to sort out your life.
Blessings, Phyllis, co-moderator with Sunny.

--- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "Warren Stegmann" <warrendubai@...>
wrote:
>
> >
> > Hi all,
>
>
>
> I have been receiving e-mails for a month or so from this group.
This is my
> first post.
>
> I need  help or guidance or something, anything.
>
> When I was growing up I lived in an abusive household.  My
childhood
> memories are sketchy.  From as early as I can remember I have been
afraid or
> anxious.  I was a scared kid.  My parents both worked and I spent
most of my
> early childhood in the care of nannies and day care centers.  I
was a very
> sensitive child - perhaps over sensitive and very nervous.
>
> From about seven ( I think 7 anyway) my father began drinking
heavily he
> would beat up my mom and verbally abusive us.  Once while he was
drunk he
> told me he was going to hang himself  and asked me to fetch rope
from the
> store.  I was petrified.  Later as I got older, 13 or so I
actively tried to
> defend my mother and sometimes got beat to.  Countles times my
mother and
> little brother and I would barracade ourselves in a room pushing
furniture
> against the door.  Sometimes we would escape and just run down the
highway
> and walk hoping he would pass out by the time we got back.
>
> The mental and physical abuse was terrible and lasted until I was
18.  In
> addition to this I was a pimply teen at 13 in a new school, a new
town and
> was bullied and shunned.  I was a christian and though with hind
site I
> always new I was gay at 13 it became an issue.  I clung to my
bible in my
> early teens and prayed alot.  It was the only thing I could hold
onto and
> then I was gay.  Gay in South Africa, a South Africa barely out of
Apartheid
> - a time when gay people were jailed and black people were without
human
> rights -.  Mandela was president and laws had change but the
mentality had
> not. My childhood was hell.  I know there are people who have
suffered more
> but this was my suffering.
>
> I began to search for answers and ultimately left christianity
behind.  With
> all that was going on I decided to push my sexuality to the back
of my mind
> and just not deal with it. *  *
> **
> Until I was 18 my mission was survival.  Finally I got out and
away...in my
> second year at uni before I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown.  I
was feeling
> lethargic, listless, so off I went to the doctor who ran some
blood tests
> and then sent me to a psychiatrist.
>
> For the first time in my life I told another human being some of
the worst
> stories of my childhood abuse.  I repeated it to my Psych as if it
had been
> someone else who had lived through it.  I was totally detached.
For the
> first time - she gave me permission to feel my emotions which I had
> suppressed as a matter of survival for years.  One memory trigured
another
> and another and they just kept coming.  After my first
consultation as I was
> walking out the door with a perscription for Zoloft I turned and
asked what
> she was treating me for.  Chronic depression she said.  There were
more
> tests.  She said I had had depression from at least the age of
16.  I
> couldn't handle the meds and spun out into a chaotic state of
mind.  I fell
> apart.  My lecturers all new I was loosing the plot.  Eventually I
got my
> shrink to call the college and explain.  I got babied after that
but they
> cared which was nice.  I had major anxiety attacks and developed a
fear of
> people and crowds. (I once won an award for public speaking at
school-go
> figure)
>
> One of my lecturers became a friend and arranged that I got some
time off I
> went home and stayed with a couple I had held a student job with.
I had
> developed a friendship or an attachment to them.  A sarrogate
family.  My
> mother had now divorced my father after 24 years, after I left
home. I
> stopped taking the Zoloft, quit the shrink and stabilised - I
finally had a
> happy home - off I went back to college and all was a little
better for a
> while.
>
> Through this family I met a German boy who I became best friends
with when
> he spent 18 months in SA.  After college he arranged that I do a 3
month
> practical in Germany and that I stayed with his family (Happy home
number
> two).  During the time off my medication I still was a mess but
everyone was
> so against me taking medication I was kind of proud that I could go
> without.  I still had the odd panic attack.   Then when in Germany
I hit
> bottom again.  Nightmares returned, sleepless nights.  I would try
and
> suffocate myself in my sleep.  I would cut myself, hit my hands
against
> walls, create physical pain.  These were things that had only
happend while
> I was on Zoloft but now I was not.  My shrink had said that the
emotional
> pain was to much so to make it real I hurt myself.  I was a roller
coaster
> of emotions.  I broke off my friendship with the German boy partly
because
> he was incredibly selfish and partly beacuse I had fallen in love.
(He is
> not gay)
>
> I went back to SA.  On weekend trip with him in SA and through the
same
> couple I mentioned earlier I met a German woman.  A mother of
three small
> kids.  She had her own  business.  I offered to help her out in
return for
> work experience.  Her husband was a drug addict and she had thrown
him out.
> I baby sat the kids and shared this families life, lived in her
house on her
> farm and we became good friends. (Third adopted  Family)  I left
after about
> three months when I got ajob in the middle of nowhere where
nothing happend
> and left after 7 months.  I went the USA where I slaved away on a
Boca golf
> course for 7 months until I was offered a job by the same couple I
had
> worked for as a student.  She had been diagnosed with cancer after
giving
> birth to her fourth child.  Her husband offered me her job -
something he
> neglected to tell her.  Promises he had made werent kept, they
were fighting
> often at work - shouting at each other.  I cannot be around
shouting even
> now.  They became cold toward me and she who I worshipped became
downright
> nasty.  I made up my mind to leave.  I hugged her said good bye
and walked
> out.  It was over and I have never returned, though she did phone
once to
> see how I was doing.
> It was heartbreaking.
>
> Once again through friends another married couple I landed a dream
job.  I
> began to work for an incredibly wealthy couple.  He a billionaire
from New
> York she an Heiress to a great fortune.  I got live on there
private estate
> which was isolated and beautiful.  I became friends with his 87 yr
old dad
> from Pensylvania who died 3 months later.  We had dinners together
went out
> on weekends we were buddies.  I was devastated.  Though uptil then
I had
> resisted any attempt the family at the main house (MY employer and
his
> fiance) made to include me I finally got sucked in.  When his
father died I
> was instantly part of this very strange family.  Every kind of
intrigue from
> secret affairs, illigitamte children, ex wives, celebs, artists and
> wrighters passed through this great estate where I lived in my
cottage and
> everyone, everyone came a knocking.  For some reason complete
vissiting
> strangers would deposit any secrets or issues squarely at my
door.  I was
> the Jester after all.  There was a King and a Queen  and we had
gardeners
> mades and a chef.  I new of every skeleton and I lived vicariously
through
> the events and people that surrounded me.  It all began to fall
apart....
>
> to be continued....
>
> There are patterns or lessons or something I am not getting.  I
need to
> right this summerised life history for me.  I am sharing it
because I am 28
> and I am haunted daily by my past.  I am going in circles.  I am
hoping
> someone can help me figure it out.  I manage myself.  But I am
getting tired
> again.  I want to live, but I am stuck.  I have to explain - In
Germany I
> would for example have scary nightmares,  I would cut my wrists
with a
> blade, suffocate myself in my sleep - wake up gasping and then get
up and go
> to work the next morning and have a normal day.
> I do not anymore, at least not that bad - my point is I am alone
and this
> chaos I somehow mange it and function.  I am functionally
disfunctional.  I
> am afraid that one day the chaos will win.  I am now in the middle
east its
> 4 am I'll finnish my story tomorrow.
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

>
> Hi all,



I have been receiving e-mails for a month or so from this group.  This is my
first post.

I need  help or guidance or something, anything.

When I was growing up I lived in an abusive household.  My childhood
memories are sketchy.  From as early as I can remember I have been afraid or
anxious.  I was a scared kid.  My parents both worked and I spent most of my
early childhood in the care of nannies and day care centers.  I was a very
sensitive child - perhaps over sensitive and very nervous.

From about seven ( I think 7 anyway) my father began drinking heavily he
would beat up my mom and verbally abusive us.  Once while he was drunk he
told me he was going to hang himself  and asked me to fetch rope from the
store.  I was petrified.  Later as I got older, 13 or so I actively tried to
defend my mother and sometimes got beat to.  Countles times my mother and
little brother and I would barracade ourselves in a room pushing furniture
against the door.  Sometimes we would escape and just run down the highway
and walk hoping he would pass out by the time we got back.

The mental and physical abuse was terrible and lasted until I was 18.  In
addition to this I was a pimply teen at 13 in a new school, a new town and
was bullied and shunned.  I was a christian and though with hind site I
always new I was gay at 13 it became an issue.  I clung to my bible in my
early teens and prayed alot.  It was the only thing I could hold onto and
then I was gay.  Gay in South Africa, a South Africa barely out of Apartheid
- a time when gay people were jailed and black people were without human
rights -.  Mandela was president and laws had change but the mentality had
not. My childhood was hell.  I know there are people who have suffered more
but this was my suffering.

I began to search for answers and ultimately left christianity behind.  With
all that was going on I decided to push my sexuality to the back of my mind
and just not deal with it. *  *
**
Until I was 18 my mission was survival.  Finally I got out and away...in my
second year at uni before I was 21 I had a nervous breakdown.  I was feeling
lethargic, listless, so off I went to the doctor who ran some blood tests
and then sent me to a psychiatrist.

For the first time in my life I told another human being some of the worst
stories of my childhood abuse.  I repeated it to my Psych as if it had been
someone else who had lived through it.  I was totally detached. For the
first time - she gave me permission to feel my emotions which I had
suppressed as a matter of survival for years.  One memory trigured another
and another and they just kept coming.  After my first consultation as I was
walking out the door with a perscription for Zoloft I turned and asked what
she was treating me for.  Chronic depression she said.  There were more
tests.  She said I had had depression from at least the age of 16.  I
couldn't handle the meds and spun out into a chaotic state of mind.  I fell
apart.  My lecturers all new I was loosing the plot.  Eventually I got my
shrink to call the college and explain.  I got babied after that but they
cared which was nice.  I had major anxiety attacks and developed a fear of
people and crowds. (I once won an award for public speaking at school-go
figure)

One of my lecturers became a friend and arranged that I got some time off I
went home and stayed with a couple I had held a student job with.  I had
developed a friendship or an attachment to them.  A sarrogate family.  My
mother had now divorced my father after 24 years, after I left home. I
stopped taking the Zoloft, quit the shrink and stabilised - I finally had a
happy home - off I went back to college and all was a little better for a
while.

Through this family I met a German boy who I became best friends with when
he spent 18 months in SA.  After college he arranged that I do a 3 month
practical in Germany and that I stayed with his family (Happy home number
two).  During the time off my medication I still was a mess but everyone was
so against me taking medication I was kind of proud that I could go
without.  I still had the odd panic attack.   Then when in Germany I hit
bottom again.  Nightmares returned, sleepless nights.  I would try and
suffocate myself in my sleep.  I would cut myself, hit my hands against
walls, create physical pain.  These were things that had only happend while
I was on Zoloft but now I was not.  My shrink had said that the emotional
pain was to much so to make it real I hurt myself.  I was a roller coaster
of emotions.  I broke off my friendship with the German boy partly because
he was incredibly selfish and partly beacuse I had fallen in love. (He is
not gay)

I went back to SA.  On weekend trip with him in SA and through the same
couple I mentioned earlier I met a German woman.  A mother of three small
kids.  She had her own  business.  I offered to help her out in return for
work experience.  Her husband was a drug addict and she had thrown him out.
I baby sat the kids and shared this families life, lived in her house on her
farm and we became good friends. (Third adopted  Family)  I left after about
three months when I got ajob in the middle of nowhere where nothing happend
and left after 7 months.  I went the USA where I slaved away on a Boca golf
course for 7 months until I was offered a job by the same couple I had
worked for as a student.  She had been diagnosed with cancer after giving
birth to her fourth child.  Her husband offered me her job - something he
neglected to tell her.  Promises he had made werent kept, they were fighting
often at work - shouting at each other.  I cannot be around shouting even
now.  They became cold toward me and she who I worshipped became downright
nasty.  I made up my mind to leave.  I hugged her said good bye and walked
out.  It was over and I have never returned, though she did phone once to
see how I was doing.
It was heartbreaking.

Once again through friends another married couple I landed a dream job.  I
began to work for an incredibly wealthy couple.  He a billionaire from New
York she an Heiress to a great fortune.  I got live on there private estate
which was isolated and beautiful.  I became friends with his 87 yr old dad
from Pensylvania who died 3 months later.  We had dinners together went out
on weekends we were buddies.  I was devastated.  Though uptil then I had
resisted any attempt the family at the main house (MY employer and his
fiance) made to include me I finally got sucked in.  When his father died I
was instantly part of this very strange family.  Every kind of intrigue from
secret affairs, illigitamte children, ex wives, celebs, artists and
wrighters passed through this great estate where I lived in my cottage and
everyone, everyone came a knocking.  For some reason complete vissiting
strangers would deposit any secrets or issues squarely at my door.  I was
the Jester after all.  There was a King and a Queen  and we had gardeners
mades and a chef.  I new of every skeleton and I lived vicariously through
the events and people that surrounded me.  It all began to fall apart....

to be continued....

There are patterns or lessons or something I am not getting.  I need to
right this summerised life history for me.  I am sharing it because I am 28
and I am haunted daily by my past.  I am going in circles.  I am hoping
someone can help me figure it out.  I manage myself.  But I am getting tired
again.  I want to live, but I am stuck.  I have to explain - In Germany I
would for example have scary nightmares,  I would cut my wrists with a
blade, suffocate myself in my sleep - wake up gasping and then get up and go
to work the next morning and have a normal day.
I do not anymore, at least not that bad - my point is I am alone and this
chaos I somehow mange it and function.  I am functionally disfunctional.  I
am afraid that one day the chaos will win.  I am now in the middle east its
4 am I'll finnish my story tomorrow.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The threads of a rich tapestry
                                           are layed down before us,
                                        Its full richness seen only
                                            thru symbolic sight.

Thankyou Sue.


>From: suephipps@...
>Reply-To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
>To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
>Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk
>Date: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 12:09:55 +0000
>
>The Power of Positive Self-Talk
>Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is
>what you say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you, but
>how you respond internally to what happens to you, that determines your
>thoughts and felling and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your
>inner dialogue, or �self-talk,� you can begin to assert control over every
>other dimension of your life.
>Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to
>you, and to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the
>quality and tone of your emotional life. When you see things positively and
>constructively and look for the good in each situation and each person, you
>have a tendency to remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the
>quality of your life is determined by how you feel, moment to moment, one
>of your most important goals should be to use every psychological technique
>available to keep yourself thinking about what you want and to keep your
>mind off of what you don�t want, or what you fear.
>Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
>�challenge-response theory� of history. In studying the rise and fall of 20
>major world civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization started
>out as a small group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the case of
>the Mongol empire, as just three people who had survived the destruction of
>their small community. Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups
>faced external challenges, such as hostile tribes. In order to survive,
>much less thrive, these small groups had to reorganize themselves to deal
>positively and constructively with these challenges.
>By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe
>would grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And if
>this group of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon its
>resources and winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately it
>became a nation-state and then a civilization covering a large geographical
>area.
>Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending with
>the American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began to
>decline and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or
>ability to rise to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by their
>very size and power.
>Toynbee�s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as well.
>You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with problems
>and disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an
>unavoidable and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon your
>resources to respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a
>stronger and better person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not
>have learned what you needed to know and developed the qualities of your
>character to where they are today.
>Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life. One
>of the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the
>inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept
>them as a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to
>avoid problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from them,
>rise above the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
>Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a
>fascinating book based on his 25 years of research into this subject. It�s
>titled Learned Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic
>response patterns of both positive and negative people. As a result of his
>many years of work in cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing,
>he finds, quite simply, that optimistic people tend to interpret events in
>such a way that they keep their minds positive and their emotions under
>control.
>Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive ways.
>Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
>themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative
>emotions and feelings of helplessness.
>Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of
>optimists and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist sees a
>setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The
>optimist sees an unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through or
>a sales call that fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in
>time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other
>hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
>For example, let�s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls on
>likely prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The
>optimist simply interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of
>averages or probabilities. The optimist concludes that, with every
>temporary failure, he is moving closer to the prospect who will turn into a
>sale. The optimist dismisses the event and goes on cheerfully to the 11th
>and 12th prospects.
>The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a
>tendency to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication that
>the economy is terrible and that there is no market for his product. The
>pessimist generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as
>hopeless. While the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the next
>call, the pessimist becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for
>the hard work of prospecting.
>The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that the
>optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as
>pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he looks
>at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things
>that are going on in his life.
>For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and
>you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but something
>that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like
>an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as
>being pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or
>shortcoming that pervades every area of life.
>If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it
>collapsed, he would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was
>because the product or the company or the economy was in poor shape and the
>whole business was hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless,
>unable to make a difference and out of control of his destiny.
>The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists see
>events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When
>things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result from
>external factors over which one has little control.
>If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting
>angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by
>saying something like, �oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad
>day.�
>The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the
>pessimist is cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other driver
>has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will
>become angry and negative and want to strike out and get even. Often, he
>will honk his horn or yell at the other driver. There is a natural tendency
>in all of us to react emotionally when our expectations are frustrated in
>any way. When something we wanted and hoped for fails to materialize, we
>feel a temporary sense of disappointment and unhappiness. We feel
>disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in the �emotional
>solar plexus�.
>The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment. He
>responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being temporary,
>specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of his
>inner dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing
>the event so that it appear positive in some way.
>Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
>interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded that
>�Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal or
>greater advantage or benefit.� And this is one of the great secrets of
>success.
>Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either
>positive or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to
>dwell upon, you keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since
>your thoughts and feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a
>more constructive person, and you will move much more rapidly toward the
>goals that you have chosen.
>It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In
>our courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to
>respond to problems by changing their language from negative to positive.
>Instead of using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word
>situation. You see, a problem is something that you deal with. The event is
>the same. It�s the way you interpret the event to yourself that makes it
>sound and appear completely different.
>Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
>difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a challenge.
>Rather than saying, �I have a problem,� say, �I have an interesting
>challenge facing me.� The word challenge is inherently positive. It is
>something that you rise to that makes you stronger and better. It is the
>same situation, only the word that you are using to describe it is
>different.
>The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are faced
>with a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, �I have a problem,� you
>can say, �I am faced with an unexpected opportunity.� And if you
>concentrate your powers on finding out what that opportunity is-even if it
>is only a valuable lesson-you will certainly find it. As the parable says,
>�Seek and ye shall find, for all who seek find it.�
>One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
>unexpected difficulty, is this: �Every situation is a positive situation if
>viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever something
>goes wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting
>this statement.
>If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating the
>results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth and
>self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to you
>that there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be
>prospecting in a different place, or with different people, or using a
>different script or a different method. Perhaps your difficulty is simply
>part of the process of developing the persistence and tenacity that you
>need to become successful in any kind of market. The difference between the
>winner and the loser is that the winner faces and deals with the adversity
>constructively, while the loser allows the adversity to overwhelm him.
>The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
>personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up
>in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability
>to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping
>his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The mature personality
>is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more
>realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As a
>result, the mature person exerts a far greater sense of control and
>influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry, upset,
>or distracted.
>The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person is
>to monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep your
>thoughts and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and keep
>your mind focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
>Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and
>optimistic person:
>First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not allow
>it to get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will take a
>deep breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain.
>When you make this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself so
>that you are not knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they
>inevitably will.
>Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to
>yourself positively all the time. Say things like, �I feel healthy! I feel
>happy! I feel terrific!� As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like
>myself, and I love my work!� Say things like, �Today is a great day; it�s
>wonderful to be alive!� According to the law of expression, whatever is
>expressed is impressed. Whatever you say to yourself or others is impressed
>deeply into your subconscious mind and is likely to become a permanent part
>of your personality.
>Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being temporary,
>specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event that
>is not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely by
>external factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse to
>see the event as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of
>personal incompetence of inability.
>Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a
>successful person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend with
>and rise above them in order to become a better person. Welcome each
>difficulty by saying, �That�s good!� and then look into the situation to
>find the good in it.
>Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you are
>working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by
>saying to yourself, �I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in
>my life.� Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation
>toward negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an
>opportunity to grow stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a
>positive and optimistic way.
>Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As
>Chairman and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling
>author of 17 books and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join
>Brian�s Free Email Newsletters. Copyright � 2001
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR*
>visit the eGroups Web site at http://www.egroups.com/group/mysslist/
>
>
>Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>

_________________________________________________________________
Search for local singles online @ Lavalife
http://a.ninemsn.com.au/b.aspx?URL=http%3A%2F%2Flavalife9%2Eninemsn%2Ecom%2Eau%2\
Fclickthru%2Fclickthru%2Eact%3Fid%3Dninemsn%26context%3Dan99%26locale%3Den%5FAU%\
26a%3D23198&_t=751140432&_r=emailtaglines_search_aug06&_m=EXT

Thanks Sue.
Your word were encouraging.  I have found myself in the battle for life, for I
have raging cancer.  If it weren't for all of you words I just don't know what I
would.  Your words keep me positive and holding on.  Bless you all,  Pamela


-----Original Message-----
From: suephipps@...
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, 29 Jul 2006 8:09 AM
Subject: CM Re: Power of Positve Self Talk


The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Perhaps the most powerful influence on your attitude and personality is what you
say to yourself, and believe. It is not what happens to you, but how you respond
internally to what happens to you, that determines your thoughts and felling
and, ultimately, your actions. By controlling your inner dialogue, or
“self-talk,” you can begin to assert control over every other dimension of
your
life.
Your self-talk, the words that you use to describe what is happening to you, and
to discuss how you feel about external events, determines the quality and tone
of your emotional life. When you see things positively and constructively and
look for the good in each situation and each person, you have a tendency to
remain naturally positive and optimistic. Since the quality of your life is
determined by how you feel, moment to moment, one of your most important goals
should be to use every psychological technique available to keep yourself
thinking about what you want and to keep your mind off of what you don’t want,
or what you fear.
Arnold Toynbee, the historian, developed what he called the
“challenge-response
theory” of history. In studying the rise and fall of 20 major world
civilizations, Toynbee concluded that each civilization started out as a small
group of people - as a village, as a tribe or in the case of the Mongol empire,
as just three people who had survived the destruction of their small community.
Toynbee concluded that each of these small groups faced external challenges,
such as hostile tribes. In order to survive, much less thrive, these small
groups had to reorganize themselves to deal positively and constructively with
these challenges.
By meeting each of these challenges successfully, the village or tribe would
grow. Even greater challenges would be triggered as a result. And if this group
of people continued to meet each challenge by drawing upon its resources and
winning out, it would continue to grow until ultimately it became a nation-state
and then a civilization covering a large geographical area.
Toynbee looked at the 21 great civilizations of human history, ending with the
American civilization, and concluded that these civilizations began to decline
and fall apart when their citizens and leaders lost the will or ability to rise
to the inevitable external challenges occasioned by their very size and power.
Toynbee’s theory of civilizations can be applicable to our life as well.
You are continually faced with challenges and difficulties, with problems and
disappointments, with temporary setbacks and defeats. They are an unavoidable
and inevitable part of being human. But, as you draw upon your resources to
respond effectively to each challenge, you grow and become a stronger and better
person. In fact, without those setbacks, you could not have learned what you
needed to know and developed the qualities of your character to where they are
today.
Much of your ability to succeed comes from the way you deal with life. One of
the characteristics of superior men and women is that they recognize the
inevitability of temporary disappointments and defeats, and they accept them as
a normal and natural part of life. They do everything possible to avoid
problems, but when problems come, superior people learn from them, rise above
the, and continue onward in the direction of their dreams.
Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has written a fascinating
book based on his 25 years of research into this subject. It’s titled Learned
Optimism. In this book, Dr. Seligman explains the basic response patterns of
both positive and negative people. As a result of his many years of work in
cognitive therapy, and the use of exhaustive testing, he finds, quite simply,
that optimistic people tend to interpret events in such a way that they keep
their minds positive and their emotions under control.
Optimists develop the habit of talking to themselves in constructive ways.
Whenever they experience an adversity, they immediately describe it to
themselves in such a way that it loses its ability to trigger negative emotions
and feelings of helplessness.
Dr. Seligman says that are three basic differences in the reactions of optimists
and pessimists. The first difference is that the optimist sees a setback as
temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees an
unfortunate event, such as an order that falls through or a sales call that
fails, as a temporary event, something that is limited in time and that has no
real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees negative
events as permanent, as part of life and destiny.
For example, let’s say that the optimistic salesperson makes 10 calls on
likely
prospects, and every one of those calls is unsuccessful. The optimist simply
interprets this as a temporary event and a matter of averages or probabilities.
The optimist concludes that, with every temporary failure, he is moving closer
to the prospect who will turn into a sale. The optimist dismisses the event and
goes on cheerfully to the 11th and 12th prospects.
The pessimist sees the same situation differently. The pessimist has a tendency
to conclude that 10 unsuccessful sales calls is an indication that the economy
is terrible and that there is no market for his product. The pessimist
generalizes and begins to see the situation and his career as hopeless. While
the optimist just shrugs it off and gets on with the next call, the pessimist
becomes discouraged and loses heart and enthusiasm for the hard work of
prospecting.
The second difference between the optimist and the pessimist is that the
optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as
pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he looks at
the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things that
are going on in his life.
For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and you
interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, but something that
happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like an
optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as being
pervasive. That is, to him they are indications of a problem or shortcoming that
pervades every area of life.
If a pessimist worked hard to put together a business deal and it collapsed, he
would tend to assume that the deal did not work out was because the product or
the company or the economy was in poor shape and the whole business was
hopeless. The pessimist would tend to feel helpless, unable to make a difference
and out of control of his destiny.
The third difference between optimists and pessimists is that optimists see
events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When things
go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as result from external
factors over which one has little control.
If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting angry or
upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by saying something
like, “oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad day.”
The pessimist has a tendency to take everything personally. If the pessimist is
cut off in traffic, he will react as though the other driver has deliberately
acted to upset and frustrate him. The pessimist will become angry and negative
and want to strike out and get even. Often, he will honk his horn or yell at the
other driver. There is a natural tendency in all of us to react emotionally when
our expectations are frustrated in any way. When something we wanted and hoped
for fails to materialize, we feel a temporary sense of disappointment and
unhappiness. We feel disillusioned. We react as though we have been punched in
the “emotional solar plexus”.
The optimistic person, however, soon moves beyond this disappointment. He
responds quickly to the adverse event and interprets it as being temporary,
specific and external to himself. The optimist takes full control of his inner
dialogue and counters the negative feelings by immediately reframing the event
so that it appear positive in some way.
Napoleon Hill, who, prior to writing his best-selling books on success,
interviewed 500 of the most successful people in America, concluded that
“Contained within a setback or disappointment is the seed of an equal or
greater
advantage or benefit.” And this is one of the great secrets of success.
Since your conscious mind can hold only one thought at a time, either positive
or negative, if you deliberately choose a positive thought to dwell upon, you
keep your mind optimistic and your emotions positive. Since your thoughts and
feelings determine your actions, you will tend to be a more constructive person,
and you will move much more rapidly toward the goals that you have chosen.
It all comes down to the way you talk to yourself on a regular basis. In our
courses of problem solving and decisions making, we encourage people to respond
to problems by changing their language from negative to positive. Instead of
using the word problem, we encourage people to use the word situation. You see,
a problem is something that you deal with. The event is the same. It’s the way
you interpret the event to yourself that makes it sound and appear completely
different.
Even better than situation is the word challenge. Whenever you have a
difficulty, immediately reframe it and choose to view it as a challenge. Rather
than saying, “I have a problem,” say, “I have an interesting challenge
facing
me.” The word challenge is inherently positive. It is something that you rise
to
that makes you stronger and better. It is the same situation, only the word that
you are using to describe it is different.
The best of all possible words is the word opportunity. When you are faced with
a difficulty of any kind, instead of saying, “I have a problem,” you can
say, “I
am faced with an unexpected opportunity.” And if you concentrate your powers
on
finding out what that opportunity is-even if it is only a valuable lesson-you
will certainly find it. As the parable says, “Seek and ye shall find, for all
who seek find it.”
One of my favorite affirmative statements, which I use to deal with any
unexpected difficulty, is this: “Every situation is a positive situation if
viewed as an opportunity for growth and self-mastery. Whenever something goes
wrong, immediately neutralize its negative power by quickly reciting this
statement.
If you are in sales, and your method of prospecting is not generating the
results that you desire, you can view it as an opportunity for growth and
self-mastery. The adversity you are facing may be meant to indicate to you that
there is a better way to approach this task. Perhaps you should be prospecting
in a different place, or with different people, or using a different script or a
different method. Perhaps your difficulty is simply part of the process of
developing the persistence and tenacity that you need to become successful in
any kind of market. The difference between the winner and the loser is that the
winner faces and deals with the adversity constructively, while the loser allows
the adversity to overwhelm him.
The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing
personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up in the
inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability to continue
talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind calm,
clear and completely under control. The mature personality is more relaxed and
aware and capable of interpreting events more realistically and less emotionally
than is the immature personality. As a result, the mature person exerts a far
greater sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far less
likely to be angry, upset, or distracted.
The starting point in the process of becoming a highly effective person is to
monitor and control your self-talk every minute of the day. Keep your thoughts
and your words positive and consistent with your goals, and keep your mind
focused on what you want to do and the person you want to be.
Here are five ideas you can use to help you to be a more positive and optimistic
person:
First, resolve in advance that no matter what happens, you will not allow it to
get you down. You will respond in a constructive way. You will take a deep
breath, relax and look for whatever good the situation my contain. When you make
this decision in advance, you mentally prepare yourself so that you are not
knocked off balance when things go wrong, as they inevitably will.
Second, neutralize any negative thoughts or emotions by speaking to yourself
positively all the time. Say things like, “I feel healthy! I feel happy! I
feel
terrific!” As you go about your job, say to yourself, I like myself, and I
love
my work!” Say things like, “Today is a great day; it’s wonderful to be
alive!”
According to the law of expression, whatever is expressed is impressed. Whatever
you say to yourself or others is impressed deeply into your subconscious mind
and is likely to become a permanent part of your personality.
Third, look upon the inevitable setbacks that you face as being temporary,
specific and external. View the negative situations as a single event that is
not connected to other potential events and that is caused largely by external
factors over which you can have little control. Simply refuse to see the event
as being in any way permanent, pervasive or indicative of personal incompetence
of inability.
Fourth, remember that it is impossible to learn and grow and become a successful
person without adversity and difficulties. You must contend with and rise above
them in order to become a better person. Welcome each difficulty by saying,
“That’s good!” and then look into the situation to find the good in it.
Finally, keep your thoughts on your goals and dreams, on the person you are
working toward becoming. When things go wrong temporarily, respond by saying to
yourself, “I believe in the perfect outcome of every situation in my life.”
Resolve to be cheerful and pleasant, and resist every temptation toward
negativity and disappointment. View a disappointment as an opportunity to grow
stronger, and about it to yourself and others in a positive and optimistic way.
Brian Tracy is a leading authority on personal and business success. As Chairman
and CEO of Brian Tracy International, he is the best-selling author of 17 books
and over 300 audio and video learning programs. Join Brian’s Free Email
Newsletters. Copyright © 2001

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






To leave this list send an email to: mysslist-unsubscribe@egroups.com *OR* visit
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