My voice has been going quiet for sometime. I have been stuck in a "I dont know
what to say" mode in group conversations for a long time.I went to a weekend
course this weekend and found I could hardly get a word out. I literally was
silent but it wasnt comfortable silence. I desparately wanted to fill the
silence but simply couldnt. I'm still not sure what was going on there or what
archetype may have had control of me that weekend. Gradually as the weekend
progressed this part of me did find the courage to speak without script or story
and since I have come back I have felt more confident and safer within myself.

I read a wonderful poem by Kim Rosen yesterday and she talks about the abuser
and the abused and it made me realise I have been both the abused and... AND
the abuser to myself and that I need a voice within me to stop that abuser of me
for I have been doing to myself in my head what was done to me. I can remember
saying I would never do to anyone else what was done to me but it is a
reaslisation to learn that here I am doing it to myself...makes me feel a deeper
understanding of the person whose behaviour was abusive to wards me.

Katherine