"I wonder if you know what the payoff is for you in having an
identity of being unworthy and unforgivable?"

If I were to explain my experience in full detail, my reasons for
feeling unworthy and unforgivable would be made clear. After many
hours of meditation, I am able to approach God but I step very
lightly. I haven't experienced feelings of "I'll show you" nor have I
even thought to seek a reward from God. What I feel is difficulty
with facing him and difficulty with forgiving myself. I do not
understand what you mean by "payoff" and I don't know what is so
great about being a Martyr and Victim, although it is true on both
accounts. Ultimately I caused myself great damage while protecting
others, even those who most would believe didn't deserve protection
but I'm not so sure I'd recommend it to others considering the amount
of pain it causes. I cannot bare to watch others suffer. Thank you
for responding and giving me opportunity to explore these thoughts.




--- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "Tammy Wooliver" <twooliver@...>
wrote:
>
> Dear VMProctor;
>
>
>
> You ask how one gets beyond feeling unworthy and unforgivable? I
wonder if
> you know what the payoff is for you in having an identity of being
unworthy
> and unforgivable? There is a tone of being a martyr and victim and
no doubt
> you were victimized at some time in your life. I don't mean to
discount
> your experience at all. I hope you will listen to some of
Caroline's free
> videos on her website. She often talks about the feeling of
entitlement and
> how easily we get into this place with God of 'I'll show you' and
so we pout
> and wait for God to prove love and forgiveness rather than moving
forward in
> life regardless. Get up in the morning and live the day - just do
it. Get
> connected with others, find a hobby that requires doing it with
others, take
> a class, - just do it. You are asking for a reward for moving past
the
> hurdle and it will look like "feeling completely surrounded by the
love of
> God." What if that "feeling" never comes? Grace surrounds you at
every
> moment. It comes in the form of all the opportunities to grab hold
of life
> and live - not in a 'feeling'.
>
>
>
> Check out Caroline's book "Sacred Contracts" also. The Martyr is
one of the
> archetypes and what you describe sounds like its shadow side.
>
>
>
>
>
> Blessings;
>
> Tammy
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>