Dear VMProctor;



You ask how one gets beyond feeling unworthy and unforgivable? I wonder if
you know what the payoff is for you in having an identity of being unworthy
and unforgivable? There is a tone of being a martyr and victim and no doubt
you were victimized at some time in your life. I don't mean to discount
your experience at all. I hope you will listen to some of Caroline's free
videos on her website. She often talks about the feeling of entitlement and
how easily we get into this place with God of 'I'll show you' and so we pout
and wait for God to prove love and forgiveness rather than moving forward in
life regardless. Get up in the morning and live the day - just do it. Get
connected with others, find a hobby that requires doing it with others, take
a class, - just do it. You are asking for a reward for moving past the
hurdle and it will look like "feeling completely surrounded by the love of
God." What if that "feeling" never comes? Grace surrounds you at every
moment. It comes in the form of all the opportunities to grab hold of life
and live - not in a 'feeling'.



Check out Caroline's book "Sacred Contracts" also. The Martyr is one of the
archetypes and what you describe sounds like its shadow side.





Blessings;

Tammy



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