It appears that you are suffering the reptiles that Myss talks about in her book
and CD's You state that you where born a Mystic and have suffered because of
your difference. On the Cd's I got the sense that sucking it up was part of our
work, and the reptiles would always be with us. This is why the path is one of
giving over and giving in to God. Myss says if you are looking for the easy road
then go back to the kitchen and peal potatoes. I don't know if she is right, but
what I do think I know is that surrendering to Gods plan for us is much more
difficult than I ever thought it was. Staying congruent with the path in humble
acceptance of whatever God asks us to do is a constant battle of our conditioned
past against our unconditional future. We spent our lives out of prayer, in the
world, being conditioned to a life of meaningless service to our ego. It is only
prayer that will take us to our place with God. If we have a vision of
commitment to servant leadership for peace and healing as a channel of Gods
Grace, then we must do the necessary work to prepare ourselves as worthy vessels
for whatever God has planned for us. Plus we have to carry on our lives as if
any time is the right time for Gods loving light to move through us.

The tools of a Mystic do not include a day planner or any sort of time table,
But a mind body heart and soul that is completely open to the will of Gods grace
moving through you in Gods time.

Glenn Wainman
Student of life

----- Original Message -----
From: vmproctor1969
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 2:26 AM
Subject: CM Entering my castle


First I would like to say thank you for providing this group as an
outlet for those like myself who have stumbled across a very powerful
and overwhelming path to enlightenment.

In the video, Caroline asks what we want from God. For me, it's
acceptance and although the logical part of me says to just trust in
and accept the fact that God accepts me, everything in my nature
speaks differently because acceptance is the one thing I've needed
the worst throughout my life and had the least of.

Where a child usually becomes a product of their environment, I never
did and this was the very heart of my dysfunction with my family and
remains to be to this day. I was born a mystic and my differences
made me the black sheep. I grew up being told I was crazy and the
things that were happening to me weren't really happening, I was
overly sensative, not ambitious enough, incompetent and was
repeatedly told children were to be seen and not heard. For years I
was hurt and then I began to believe in it and I became angry. I did
somethings which I was sure angered God and the guilt ate at me for
years, totally convinced God was punishing me at every turn for a
mistake I could never undo, I drifted further and further away from
God. Heart breaks piled up, pain became increasingly unbearable and
one day I shattered and what I've managed to put back together feels
abstract and distorted. I am a hermit within my home, mentally
disabled, I have no true friends to speak of and a very limited
family. Even my eldest child has nothing to do with me. I feel
deeply ashamed of who I've become and of all my failures in life. I
feel unworthy of even a mortal man, much less God himself.

As I write this, I am reminded of Caroline saying the "I" is what
gets dismantled. I feel guilty for using the word and embarrassed
for admitting my struggle, but I have a major hurtle to get past
before I can begin to "feel completely surrounded by the love of
God".

How does one get beyond feeling unworthy and unforgivable?





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