Sunny,
Thank you so much for your healing words. I had to leave my family and as
painful as it is (for them), I am incredibly grateful to you. Your wisdom has
protected me and my little boys from a very perverted, over-medicated family.
There are too many liabilities in labels.Your healing words awakened me and
allowed me to be emotionally free in many ways. The last few nights have been
troubling, (night terrors) but I do know I am loved and protected. I no longer
need to share my wounds to be affirmed by the DIVINE. I now go where my soul is
served and no longer "take therapy." My mother tried to throw me in the "bin"
and I finally had to say, "enough is enough." I claimed solitude and I thank
this site and those who prayed for me. I turned 34 the other day. I needed no
gifts, just my magical children. In meeting my soul, I can now recieve the
healing that is deserved. Thank you for your prayers and words that allowed me
to go away without guilt. That is LOVE. Thank you for
planting the seed as this flower grows and heals. GOD BLESS YOU.

Sunny Redmond <editor@...> wrote:
Jeannie . . . Your soul has chosen a challenging curriculum.
Resistance is like gravity, it holds you down. The good thing about that is that
you know where you are and where everything else is. With practice, persistance
and willingness to do the work and go the distance, you will strengthen
yourself, find your center of balance and be able to articulte your innnermost
self expression. What you resist, persists. Let go of what does not serve your
soul's highest good, and choose a path based on your own internal connection
with the Divine and your sacred contracts.
The forgiveness is for you. It sets you free from continually going over and
over the traumatic history and keeping it alive while you do so. (Like you very
own personal torture chamber) Put it to rest and your self with it. Begin to
move to comfort and ease. Leave the territory of dis-ease and move to de-light.
No, you do not have to let the forgiven back in, especially if they are triggers
for you and are unhealthy untrustworthy and disrespectful. You also do not have
to agree to stay in an unhealthy family eco system. When you were young, you did
not have a choice. If you could have found a way out, you probably would have.
You are now mature enough to read the environment and avoid it like a smoke
filled room.
They are entitled to their opinions, but you do not have to agree with anything
that is not healthy to and for you. The forgiveness let's the hurt, anger,
resentment, pain and fear go. It let's you clean out the wound (s). We know that
an unclean wound will fester and eventually cause an infection and death if not
cared for in a conscious and caring way. By leaving the inappropriate family eco
system you are freer to find you personal path without the overrides of others
needs to keep you in your part in the play. The challenging fearful thing for
those who would keep you playing along is that as you grow, heal and change your
personal expressions and ways it shows them that they too could, and the excuse
of "it runs in the family" become fiction and an invalid alibi. Very scary for
baby souls and emotionally hobbled individuals, whether it be though genetics,
trauma or archetypes.
It would be unwise for you to rescue or teach within that system, and your
healthy responses are triggers for them as well as for you. Give yourself
permission to leave that territory and not to go there unless you truly desire
to do so. If you choose to, then you are responsible for the experience. Hoping
it will be better or they will be better is not realistic at this point.
I would also suggest that you continue to receive help and guidance until you
are stronger and more individuated and at peace with your past.
You can love them if you wish. Loving them does not require you to play along
with them or see them if it is stressful for you.
The process of enlightenment is having more light and having less matter.
Blessings,
Sunny

----- Original Message -----
From: illuminashomosapien
To: mysslist@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, November 27, 2006 2:06 AM
Subject: CM Re: Leaving the toxic tribe

--- In mysslist@yahoogroups.com, "jeanniemalfaro" <jeanniemalfaro@...>
wrote:
>
> I could sure use some advice. I've been active in my own healing for
> over a year. I went through "the dark night of the soul". I come from
> a very dimented and perverted background. I have 3 brothers and 1
> sister. It's been fifteen years since my father came out of the
> closet (he is openly gay) and I still am unable to be around him w/o
> horrible disappointment after leaving his presence. Without going
> into much detail, I am trying to protect my sanity by staying away. I
> have no problems with gays, but I can't get used to my dad being
> gay...still. His femeninity makes my skin crawl and I feel guilty for
> that too! He raised us strict Catholic with Catholic ideals
> concerning sexuality. We walk on eggshells around eachother and after
> five inpatient stays in mental institutions (once w/postpartum
> psychosis for three months), I identify pain and heartache with him.
> When he first came out he said "his job was done," and I felt deep
> rooted abandonment and confusion while he slept around with men (even
> told me he had a crush on my boyfriend)and told me about his affairs.
> I fear him because he has crossed the father/daughter bounderies so
> many times. I don't want to hear about any more perversions (brother
> molested my sister too)in my sick family. My brother's daughter was
> baptised today and I did not go cause he would be there.My family is
> angry with me but they don't know how far it went. He has humiliated
> us to the core, yet the others are more accepting of him which in
> turn causes me to feel horrible guilt, even though I know I have to
> protect my sanity. Am I right to stay away? Is it okay to end that
> relationship knowing it only kills my spirit. It took me fifteen
> years to call my spirit back (I am definintely not done),but the road
> has been absolute hell. I thought my memoir would take me farther
> into forgiveness, but does forgiveness mean I have to expose myself
> to him? He shared his bizarre sex life with me while married to my
> mother. She lives with another brother who is paranoid schizophrenic
> and my dad lives with his sick lover. She is still married to him,
> waiting and hoping when his lover dies of AIDS he will return to her.
> I know he wont by things he has said to me about THEIR sex life. I'm
> scared to open my arms to him because last time I invited him into my
> life, he tried to hit on my straight new neighbor. Is it okay to
> leave them? I have my own sons to raise and I'm having a hard time
> leaving the orphaned/wounded child behind. I know I need to because
> my boys need a healhier mother. Please, any advice is welcome. Thanks
> and God Bless.

Hello, I am illuminatis.

I have some clear things to say, and I want you to consider the truth
of them.

Forgive, they dont know what they do. Forgive your father, wether you
feel he has lost his way, or abandoned yours, forgive him. Why?
Because you have the capacity to do so, because you can.

Forgive yourself. If I gave you the reasons why, you wouldnt be
forgiving yourself, you know why you feel guilty, so find the words
that fit memory that fit the feeling and forgive. Let it go.

Box of tissues, always good to have box a of tissues, hey, c`mon, you
are asking for advice...

Let it go. Let him go, let them go. You know what unconditional love
is? I am talking about the love that doesnt require a return of that
love. A love that requires nothing other than your ability to do so.
If you are at all spiritual then this you will know of. Healing, this
is all a process to reach a goal, and that goal is your own divinty,
your own sense of self. A free self, a strong, empowered self with the
ability to be divine in the valley of darkness, to be a white dot in
the blackness of yang.....you get it?

This doesnt mean that you cut off your father from you, but it does
mean you will no longer need him, or the memories of him. No longer
living and using energy to the past, but living and being now. Be now.

Consider the truth of my words.

I had a memory block until this year, I am now 38, when I was 3years
old I took the life of my then 3 month old brother whilst my mother
"played" with her man-friends upstairs. I was raped at the age of 13.
I have hunted abusers, I have been non-violent in the most challenging
of conditions, why, because I know the value of life. The torment of
your past is not yours alone, it may be in your hands, and you may
need to let it go, but it was never yours, and it wasnt his to give to
you. Let it go.

Next, hmmm....forgive, forgiven. Next comes love, and loving. Then
comes a sense of freedom, of connectedness.

Ok, I stop now only for my coffee is getting cold, I could write a
book with what you have written. Be well,

Blessings be blessings blessing be

>

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