Hi all, I'm husband and support person to my multiple wife. I just
stumbled across the group via google...

Rick
OKC,OK

Hey guys! Im getting married finally, cant believe this came true (thought it
would never happen).        Thanks to this thing  managed to meet a     
beautiful girl, who also has a bit of    freak in her (just how i like it ;)).
Wish me luck, I wish you all the same!

Hello all,

Over the past couple of days my wife, M has had some abrupt mood changes for no
apparent reason.
Yesterday morning she was pretty much her usual self, given the recent tensions
between us and we were getting along fine.   Then later that day we met for
lunch and it was obvious that she was depressed.   Later when I got home from
work, she was in bed (very unusual unless she's taking a nap) and looking down.
She has her own bedroom now.   She wanted to be left alone and I made myself
busy elsewhere.

Later that evening she went out to visit her older daughter and seemed better.  
When she got back, she was in a good mood and we spent the remainder of an
enjoyable evening watching some DVDs.   She even asked me for a massage, which
she only does when she feels relaxed and one of her friendly alters is up front.
We don't sleep together or have sex these days, so massage is about the only
touch I have with her apart from a hug or light goodbye kiss now and again.

This morning, she wakes me as usual and takes a bath.  I am invited to chat with
her.   I know that this bath will put her morning schedule out of wack, and I
know when that happens she will get irritated.   I also know that when she gets
irritated, the angry alter is likely to surface.  The angry alter seems to hate
me most of the time.  I also know not to say any of this to her.

So the predicable happens and she realizes that she's late and begins to get
upset.   Note: that she doen't work and being late isn't really a problem to
anyone except to her...which lately is a big deal, much more so than in the
past.   I go into another room and get ready for work.   Soon I hear her door
slam and she's angry.   I finish getting ready for work and I say "have a nice
day", I don't attempt to kiss her goodbye as usual knowing that will just make
her more angry and I leave for work.   I get 1/2 a block away and realize that I
haven't taken my diabeties meds and go back into the house.   She's coming out
of her bedroom door and sees me....see backs up like I'm someone she is afraid
of.   She says nothing and closes her door.   I tell her through her door that
I'm just getting my pills and am leaving now...Goodbye.

I understand these mood/alter changes are part of her DID.   She is only 4
sessions into therapy and I know that things will likely get worse before they
get better.  These abrupt changes are hard for me to deal with but I'm beginning
accept them better with time.   I know from experience that attempting to talk
about it right then is a BAD idea.

Questions:
1) When I see her puting herself into a situation that I know will result in her
getting angry or irratated should I do or say anything?    Did I do the right
things this morning?

2) After an episode like this is it wise to send her an email saying "Hi...hope
your feeling better", or "I care" or something?   I'm inclined to just say
nothing, knowing that next time I see her, she will likely be in a better mood.

I should let you all know that my knowledge of DID and her diagnosis is only 3
weeks ago.   I have been with her for almost 5 years.   Up until a month or so
ago, this kind of thing happened only rarely...now it's happening almost daily.

Dave

going to reply within the post to keep track of it
   beth

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:

Hi again Dave and group;

Hope all is well with you and yours.  Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Your post spoke volumes to me; it is interesting to read about the impact
some of the behaviors of multiples in relationship have on the singleton SO.  I,
as the multiple in a blended relationship, have learned SO much just in the
short time that this group has become revitalized just listening to how you all
are affected - both negatively and positively - by your interactions with the
multiples in your lives.  Thanks to you and to all for being so candid and
open.  I guess there is much to be said for spending a bit of time in the others
shoes, so to speak.  I am 'hearing' my SO's position much more clearly from
listening to all here.

   Beth says: and we learn so much from listening to you and other multiples
share too,  it's important i think to have that balance of knowledge,
experiences, and ideas to bounce off each other :)

I hope too, that I have something to offer by way of contributing my
experience of the multiple perspective in an effort to create understanding and
acceptance, and maybe in some way ease some pain, though I know it cannot be
eliminated.  It is hard when two 'people' (one person and one system) try to
connect
on the levels that are hardest even for like minded people, when their minds
work so completely different.  It is hard too, when people who have escaped
their childhoods with scars, to be sure, but have for the most part been able to
move forward - try to connect on those levels that are, again hardest even for
like minded people, with those of us who at the very least share headspace
and body with people who are literally still living in the terror of the
childhood and those like me, who toggle back and forth between the past and the
present by way of living with the challenge of PTSD.

   Beth says:  it's doubly harder i think when you both have troubling issues to
deal with and can "trigger" each other at times :(

     It is hard for those like you
to deal with what I call, 'multiple machinery' - a below awareness,
automatic, built in, set of behaviors, reactions, coping mechanisms, conditioned
instincts/responses etc. that are literally programmed into various
personalities
that co-inhabit your loved ones headspace and body, especially when your loved
one and her/his insiders are not even aware of this 'multiple machinery'.

   Beth says: one of the biggest helping factors for me was to really wrap my
head around the idea of many INDIVDUAL persons in the body and realize that with
each individual the relationships would differ and just accept that just because
A did this doesnt mean my D feels the same way........

Motivations and drives are misinterpreted by the singleton because, of course,
he/she measures only by what source they have - their own experience and are
badly hurt by behaviors of the multiple that the multiple doesn't even
understand,
let alone have the ability to control and sorry to break it to you folks,
often have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SINGLETON THEMSELVES.  This is one thing I see
- and no offense intended here, so hear me out; singletons tend to take things
'too personally' - I know, how can't you?  It LOOKS personal, it FEELS
personal, it's DIRECTED AT ME.

   Beth says: one of the hardest facts to deal with was because Ess (the asshole)
could actually hear and know everything i said to my D,  he, Ess, would
deliberately use my weak points my triggers and pains to hurt me further,  it
was a deliberate attack against me on his part in his attempts to drive me away
from them, to force me to leave.....  putting my foot down with him and setting
boundaries and letting him know i was serious about them and that he was driving
off the best friend they had and the ONE person that did love them as they were
and did not expect them to  "go away and leave me alone" or to disappear or even
integrate, and the ONE person they had in their life that would fight for them,
stand beside them and support them the most,  he did some serious thinking and
he got the message and backed off a great deal.....

   I understand and empathize greatly.  At the same
time, I feel this is one of the keys in a blended relationship for easing the
singletons pain and promoting better interaction - it has less to do with the
person you are, the individual you are - but more to do with the role you are
taking in the multiples life.  The closer you get - the harder we fight.  We can
get to a point where we can't even SEE who YOU are anymore - you are just a
free floating threat, so we fight.  Not on purpose, and we don't even know why -
it's 'multiple machinery.'  Not an excuse for us multiples either - just part
of an explanation of what could be happening - outside the awareness of
either the multiple or the singleton.  Happening TO the couple.  It is the
singletons responsibility to learn about this, change their ways of interacting
accordingly (without compromising themselves in the process, of course)
understand
and support as they can.  It is the multiples responsibility to learn about
this and do all they can do to take charge in all ways possible in order to work
with it.  Heal it; convert it; repair it; manage it.  Like taming the wild
horse - we, as multiples have to learn to take the reins - as the collective
system, with each person doing what they can to better the situation.  It is
incredibly hard work for us - but something we owe both ourselves, our loved
ones
and the world at large.  My opinion - from my experience.

   Beth says:  this sort of explains pretty much what D and I have done (really
more so what the insiders and I have done because we have much better
communications with each other than D and the insiders do)  because i do accept
them as individuals with a "right" to be there it has made progress in dealing
with the "rough" times much easier,  respect and acknowledgement go a long long
way........

I realize I have run on enough here and will close for now.  Thanks to all
who read through to the end on this one!  And thanks for exercising patience and
tolerance to this 'ole multiple who has finally found a place where they can
express themselves without (too much) fear.

Beth says: i'm glad you are expressing yourself,  it is a big chance i know to
lay your feelings/experiences out on the line for "strangers" to read and/or
pick apart.
   thank you for being so open with us
   beth





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In a message dated 2/19/2006 11:12:07 AM Pacific Standard Time,
twistedangel64@... writes:

> kids are the top priority for sure

Absolutely, Beth.  Second that one, for sure

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Greg,

   i can understand how rough everything seems for you and i understand the
heartbreak,

   it definitely sounds like you need to distances yourself as much as possible
while you come to terms with everything that has happened.....

   have you considered some counseling to help you cope with everything?
   also with you having kids,  if you focus on what is best for them that may
help you in turn focus on what is best for you too in the long run

   kids are the top priority for sure

   good luck
   beth

Gregory Woods <gw6786@...> wrote:
   Hi Jen,
   I work in the same building with Lily.  It drives me crazy cause she won't
talk to me anymore.  She just says we have nothing more to talk about.  She has
gotten involved with someone; I tried to return some things and get some things
back, then she just starts crying and then Diane returns and shuts off her
emotions.  Today, when I saw her, she's just happy as a clam, overtly ignoring
me.  Other times she looks depressed, but to no avail she will not talk to me;
she can't look me in the eyes.  If she does she starts crying.  I have just
tried to reach a common ground of at least friendship, which we always said we
would be, but I get nothing.
   I feel I am living a true twilight zone or it reminds me of a Bufffy the
Vampire Slayer episode, when an alternate reality sets in, but it all wrong.
   I don't know what to do, I left my family for her (not to blame her), she left
hers, and then overnight, it all just turned upside down.  When she cries it is
so intense I can bare to hurt her, but she has no problem just hurting me.  She
says it was all a mistake that "we" (her and I) have to live with it.  She used
to tell me of a battle of wills going on inside her and I think my Lily is
battling in there, or maybe just resigned herself that she can't get control
back.  While understanding this helps, the shere loss, missing her, and this
abandonment of me is so painful.  Of course, I'm the only one close enough to
her to know all this DID stuff.  I covered up her strange behaivor, her
betrayals, so no one would know and now I look like a old boyfriend that just
can't move on.  She really is a manipulator of people, doesn't lie, but doesn't
tell the whole story cause it would make her look crazy or a huge lier.  But you
know she does not lie within each alter.  The alter have
their version of the truth.  I try to move on, but something really nags at me
that she knows it, I know it, that this is so wrong.  But the pain in the mean
time is paralyzing.  When we together, something I would do, she was jealous of
my kids, cause if they needed me, I took action; anyway, she get mad and leave,
go back to her x-husband's house, not be with him, just on the couch.  Well this
happened way too frequently, but we always reconcile, Lily would reemerge and
then all would be great again.  She always convinced me that she could control
herself.  I knew we loved each other.  Well, one time, to make a long story,
short, she went out, met someone else, and essentially shut me out since.  Only
glimpses.  She told me she could turn off her feelings, and she did and she ran.
9 months later I'm still in shock, constantly questioning my own sanity in all
of this.  Asking, how could this have happened.
   Did not mean to go so long here, but I just saw her and I broke down.
   Thanks,
   Greg

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/15/2006 5:35:38 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gw6786@... writes:

> The alter that loves me (or used to) has been suppressed or whatever
> happens.  The protector took over her life (the one that had been abused) and
left
> me.

Hi Greg;

I'm so glad you wrote - I know how hard that can be...it certainly is for me,
especially when I'm reaching out and/or speaking of painful things.  You did
well, I think.

I'm so sorry for what is going on with you currently.  I read the above line
and had all sorts of reactions - the primary one being compassion.  An odd
sense of empathy as well - because, you see, I have been the 'alter' that has
left our SO or caused a breakup, more than once in the past.  A sense of
accountability here as well.  To be fair, this was before I was aware of our
multiplicity on any level, so I thought I was only acting for myself - I had no
idea
the collective pain I was inflicting on others inside and really didn't have
enough self-esteem and self-worth to understand that I was causing our SO pain
as
well.  I honestly didn't see - couldn't understand that he would possibly be
negatively affected by losing me; I just felt that I was protecting myself
from an undesirable and difficult situation.  Much has been learned since I
learned about the multiplicity and I have not upset the relationship to the
point
of break-up since.  Though I still come close; I've learned (just in the last
week, to be honest) that I am a form of a protector/defender personality here
as well - though less direct; apparently, one of the jobs I was created to
perform here was to be ALL outsiders from getting too close to us.  Whenever the
relationship was getting 'too close' - I went into an automatic (what I call
'multiple machinery' reaction) defense mode and misinterpreted a situation,
created a situation - you name it - whatever it took to 'get away.'  Remember -
this was all below my awareness.  Now that it's conscious and I'm learning what
I do, it's hard work to learn to wade through it and stay put.  Trust, risk,
fear of abandonment/rejection; intimate relationships hit the hardest for
people like us and we most always react 'automatically' from one of us inside -
we
paint the world with a global paintbrush and survival instincts take over and
all people are not to be trusted, no one is safe.  It's a muddy clarity when
one 'gets it' and tries to stop doing this and learn to differentiate, trust
me.  It breaks my heart now - with awareness of my role and behaviors, I see now
how it has punished and hurt people who are imperfect, by way of being human,
but trustworthy.  I don't know if the above applies to your situation - but
my guess would be that at least some of it may on your SO's side.  You got too
close - the protector's job is to get you away.  It's not even 'personal' per
se - it's survival instinct that kicks in and like in my case - rationalized
by the ever present denial that goes with MP in order to 'build the case'
against whoever is being sensed as a threat.  I'm sorry for the pain this has
caused you; unfortunately it is, I think, a common thread that would be valuable
for SO's to be made aware of in order to watch for it and arm themselves against
it, whenever possible.

You say you see glimpses of your SO; so you're still in contact?  Still
interact?  If so, what kind of relationship do you have with her protector?  Was
there a trigger event that her protector reacted to?  As far as you being told
she's died, she's just gone...I wouldn't put a whole lot of weight on that just
yet - especially if you've seen glimpses.  I know personally, I have had
feelings of 'losing' insiders and it's turned out they haven't been gone at all
at
times...it was just my denial or rationalization or me blocking them on some
unconscious level so I could do my job, I suppose...eliminate the emotional
threat.  It would be harder to do had I been able to hear the protests, cries,
longings inside from others.  The walls between personalities do their jobs
quite well at times, my friend.  Remember - there are many different levels of
consciousness at play in a multiple at any given time as well.  I don't know the
whole story - I am just assuming that her protector did not have a rational
reason for leaving you here.

You say that your loved one can rarely communicate - which tells me she still
does from time to time?  Communicates with you or someone else?  Is her
protector still communicating with you?  Sorry for all the questions; Maybe I
feel
a little bit of responsibility to possibly help in a situation where I have
created pain in similar ones in my history.  Even if help means only to listen.
For whatever reason - your post spoke loudly to me.

You say you've been in therapy - are you currently in therapy?  With a good
therapist, that you trust and talk about these things with?  What about your SO
- is she (or any of her system) in therapy?  Would be curious to hear the
professional(s) involved in this situation - what they have had to offer you
all.
Share whatever you're comfortable with sharing - nothing more, nothing less.
Sorry if I came on too strong or overwhelmed you.  I repeat - your post
moved me on many levels.

Take care -

Jen


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Thanks Jen, reading your post has helped me understand a little more about my
relationship with EJ. It is good to be able to be to look at things from the
multiples persepctive. EJ has not been able to explain this the way you have. I
think where I have developed is that in the early days I felt responsible for
EJ and what hapened to her. That was not my right because I was taking
something away from her. The responsibility is that of the abuser not the
multiple or their SO's. I no longer take responsibilty for what happened to EJ
but I can love her and be there for her. That is something I can deal with.

Thanks again Jen et al.

Graham

Quoting JNSWTHRT@...:

>
>
>
>
>
>
> Hi again Dave and group;
>
>
>
> Hope all is well with you and yours.  Hope you're feeling a bit better.
>
>
>
> Your post spoke volumes to me; it is interesting to read about the impact
>
> some of the behaviors of multiples in relationship have on the singleton SO. 
> I,
>
> as the multiple in a blended relationship, have learned SO much just in the
>
> short time that this group has become revitalized just listening to how you
> all
>
> are affected - both negatively and positively - by your interactions with the
>
>
> multiples in your lives.  Thanks to you and to all for being so candid and
>
> open.  I guess there is much to be said for spending a bit of time in the
> others
>
> shoes, so to speak.  I am 'hearing' my SO's position much more clearly from
>
> listening to all here.
>
>
>
> I hope too, that I have something to offer by way of contributing my
>
> experience of the multiple perspective in an effort to create understanding
> and
>
> acceptance, and maybe in some way ease some pain, though I know it cannot be
>
> eliminated.  It is hard when two 'people' (one person and one system) try to
> connect
>
> on the levels that are hardest even for like minded people, when their minds
>
> work so completely different.  It is hard too, when people who have escaped
>
> their childhoods with scars, to be sure, but have for the most part been able
> to
>
> move forward - try to connect on those levels that are, again hardest even
> for
>
> like minded people, with those of us who at the very least share headspace
>
> and body with people who are literally still living in the terror of the
>
> childhood and those like me, who toggle back and forth between the past and
> the
>
> present by way of living with the challenge of PTSD.  It is hard for those
> like you
>
> to deal with what I call, 'multiple machinery' - a below awareness,
>
> automatic, built in, set of behaviors, reactions, coping mechanisms,
> conditioned
>
> instincts/responses etc. that are literally programmed into various
> personalities
>
> that co-inhabit your loved ones headspace and body, especially when your
> loved
>
> one and her/his insiders are not even aware of this 'multiple machinery'. 
>
> Motivations and drives are misinterpreted by the singleton because, of
> course,
>
> he/she measures only by what source they have - their own experience and are
>
> badly hurt by behaviors of the multiple that the multiple doesn't even
> understand,
>
> let alone have the ability to control and sorry to break it to you folks,
>
> often have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SINGLETON THEMSELVES.  This is one thing I
> see
>
> - and no offense intended here, so hear me out; singletons tend to take
> things
>
> 'too personally' - I know, how can't you?  It LOOKS personal, it FEELS
>
> personal, it's DIRECTED AT ME.  I understand and empathize greatly.  At the
> same
>
> time, I feel this is one of the keys in a blended relationship for easing the
>
>
> singletons pain and promoting better interaction - it has less to do with the
>
>
> person you are, the individual you are - but more to do with the role you are
>
>
> taking in the multiples life.  The closer you get - the harder we fight.  We
> can
>
> get to a point where we can't even SEE who YOU are anymore - you are just a
>
> free floating threat, so we fight.  Not on purpose, and we don't even know
> why -
>
> it's 'multiple machinery.'  Not an excuse for us multiples either - just part
>
>
> of an explanation of what could be happening - outside the awareness of
>
> either the multiple or the singleton.  Happening TO the couple.  It is the
>
> singletons responsibility to learn about this, change their ways of
> interacting
>
> accordingly (without compromising themselves in the process, of course)
> understand
>
> and support as they can.  It is the multiples responsibility to learn about
>
> this and do all they can do to take charge in all ways possible in order to
> work
>
> with it.  Heal it; convert it; repair it; manage it.  Like taming the wild
>
> horse - we, as multiples have to learn to take the reins - as the collective
>
> system, with each person doing what they can to better the situation.  It is
>
> incredibly hard work for us - but something we owe both ourselves, our loved
> ones
>
> and the world at large.  My opinion - from my experience. 
>
>
>
> I realize I have run on enough here and will close for now.  Thanks to all
>
> who read through to the end on this one!  And thanks for exercising patience
> and
>
> tolerance to this 'ole multiple who has finally found a place where they can
>
> express themselves without (too much) fear.
>
>
>
> Jen et al.
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>     SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
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>
>
>
>
>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>    Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>  
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>
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>
>
>
>
>

MAJOR fight minutes away from happening as soon as D gets here... details when i
can, but i am PISSED OFF and tired of this bullshit and about to unload on him
in a big bad way when he hits the damn door!!!!!!!!!!!!
   Lissa


twisted angel <twistedangel64@...> wrote:
   well i can relate to the yoyo feeling LL  today's been pretty good here,
   sleep in sure helped me alot
   we're back from the store and D's upstairs making his salsa for tonight and
   i'm back here (where else) catching up again and eating a salad for my lunch

   hugs
   ttylaters
   me

Lissa Gifford <lissagifford@...> wrote:
   Feeling like a yo-yo here... up down up down etc.

   Busch race coming on so I'm not gonna bother with the gory details (just SSDD
anyway), but I did want to say thanks for the good energy... I think you musta
detoured it via Nashville on its way to Kentucky... LOLOL

   "Good" timing doesn't cover it, that was EXCELLENT timing!!  For real.

   Come to think of it, I've said my TN friend is psychic too, on occasion...
could I be right?  LOL  What *really* matters is it helped, anyway, so...
whatever works, huh?

   Off to watch my race (till I have to go to work but it's snowing here, so I
may call first and see if they need me or not before I head that way... got a
ride if I do, though, so whatever).

   Not looking fwd to after work so much anyway... can see a fight with D just
waiting to happen... joy.  Life is SUCH fun (not), sometimes... but I'll make
it.  Keep on keepin' on, right?

   Hugs,
   Lissa


JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/18/2006 3:18:03 AM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> I *am* feeling MUUUUUCH better now than I did when I last posted...

So good to hear this, Lissa.  Thoughts were with you last night - sent good
energy your way.  Glad you had good time with your friend; good timing.

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

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Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

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well i can relate to the yoyo feeling LL  today's been pretty good here,
   sleep in sure helped me alot
   we're back from the store and D's upstairs making his salsa for tonight and
   i'm back here (where else) catching up again and eating a salad for my lunch

   hugs
   ttylaters
   me

Lissa Gifford <lissagifford@...> wrote:
   Feeling like a yo-yo here... up down up down etc.

   Busch race coming on so I'm not gonna bother with the gory details (just SSDD
anyway), but I did want to say thanks for the good energy... I think you musta
detoured it via Nashville on its way to Kentucky... LOLOL

   "Good" timing doesn't cover it, that was EXCELLENT timing!!  For real.

   Come to think of it, I've said my TN friend is psychic too, on occasion...
could I be right?  LOL  What *really* matters is it helped, anyway, so...
whatever works, huh?

   Off to watch my race (till I have to go to work but it's snowing here, so I
may call first and see if they need me or not before I head that way... got a
ride if I do, though, so whatever).

   Not looking fwd to after work so much anyway... can see a fight with D just
waiting to happen... joy.  Life is SUCH fun (not), sometimes... but I'll make
it.  Keep on keepin' on, right?

   Hugs,
   Lissa


JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/18/2006 3:18:03 AM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> I *am* feeling MUUUUUCH better now than I did when I last posted...

So good to hear this, Lissa.  Thoughts were with you last night - sent good
energy your way.  Glad you had good time with your friend; good timing.

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Feeling like a yo-yo here... up down up down etc.

   Busch race coming on so I'm not gonna bother with the gory details (just SSDD
anyway), but I did want to say thanks for the good energy... I think you musta
detoured it via Nashville on its way to Kentucky... LOLOL

   "Good" timing doesn't cover it, that was EXCELLENT timing!!  For real.

   Come to think of it, I've said my TN friend is psychic too, on occasion...
could I be right?  LOL  What *really* matters is it helped, anyway, so...
whatever works, huh?

   Off to watch my race (till I have to go to work but it's snowing here, so I
may call first and see if they need me or not before I head that way... got a
ride if I do, though, so whatever).

   Not looking fwd to after work so much anyway... can see a fight with D just
waiting to happen... joy.  Life is SUCH fun (not), sometimes... but I'll make
it.  Keep on keepin' on, right?

   Hugs,
   Lissa


JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/18/2006 3:18:03 AM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> I *am* feeling MUUUUUCH better now than I did when I last posted...

So good to hear this, Lissa.  Thoughts were with you last night - sent good
energy your way.  Glad you had good time with your friend; good timing.

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi again Dave and group;

Hope all is well with you and yours.  Hope you're feeling a bit better.

Your post spoke volumes to me; it is interesting to read about the impact
some of the behaviors of multiples in relationship have on the singleton SO.  I,
as the multiple in a blended relationship, have learned SO much just in the
short time that this group has become revitalized just listening to how you all
are affected - both negatively and positively - by your interactions with the
multiples in your lives.  Thanks to you and to all for being so candid and
open.  I guess there is much to be said for spending a bit of time in the others
shoes, so to speak.  I am 'hearing' my SO's position much more clearly from
listening to all here.

I hope too, that I have something to offer by way of contributing my
experience of the multiple perspective in an effort to create understanding and
acceptance, and maybe in some way ease some pain, though I know it cannot be
eliminated.  It is hard when two 'people' (one person and one system) try to
connect
on the levels that are hardest even for like minded people, when their minds
work so completely different.  It is hard too, when people who have escaped
their childhoods with scars, to be sure, but have for the most part been able to
move forward - try to connect on those levels that are, again hardest even for
like minded people, with those of us who at the very least share headspace
and body with people who are literally still living in the terror of the
childhood and those like me, who toggle back and forth between the past and the
present by way of living with the challenge of PTSD.  It is hard for those like
you
to deal with what I call, 'multiple machinery' - a below awareness,
automatic, built in, set of behaviors, reactions, coping mechanisms, conditioned
instincts/responses etc. that are literally programmed into various
personalities
that co-inhabit your loved ones headspace and body, especially when your loved
one and her/his insiders are not even aware of this 'multiple machinery'.
Motivations and drives are misinterpreted by the singleton because, of course,
he/she measures only by what source they have - their own experience and are
badly hurt by behaviors of the multiple that the multiple doesn't even
understand,
let alone have the ability to control and sorry to break it to you folks,
often have NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SINGLETON THEMSELVES.  This is one thing I see
- and no offense intended here, so hear me out; singletons tend to take things
'too personally' - I know, how can't you?  It LOOKS personal, it FEELS
personal, it's DIRECTED AT ME.  I understand and empathize greatly.  At the same
time, I feel this is one of the keys in a blended relationship for easing the
singletons pain and promoting better interaction - it has less to do with the
person you are, the individual you are - but more to do with the role you are
taking in the multiples life.  The closer you get - the harder we fight.  We can
get to a point where we can't even SEE who YOU are anymore - you are just a
free floating threat, so we fight.  Not on purpose, and we don't even know why -
it's 'multiple machinery.'  Not an excuse for us multiples either - just part
of an explanation of what could be happening - outside the awareness of
either the multiple or the singleton.  Happening TO the couple.  It is the
singletons responsibility to learn about this, change their ways of interacting
accordingly (without compromising themselves in the process, of course)
understand
and support as they can.  It is the multiples responsibility to learn about
this and do all they can do to take charge in all ways possible in order to work
with it.  Heal it; convert it; repair it; manage it.  Like taming the wild
horse - we, as multiples have to learn to take the reins - as the collective
system, with each person doing what they can to better the situation.  It is
incredibly hard work for us - but something we owe both ourselves, our loved
ones
and the world at large.  My opinion - from my experience.

I realize I have run on enough here and will close for now.  Thanks to all
who read through to the end on this one!  And thanks for exercising patience and
tolerance to this 'ole multiple who has finally found a place where they can
express themselves without (too much) fear.

Jen et al.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

there's a limit to posts lenghts but i cant remember what it is so wha tyou do
is post and it will cut it off
   then you make the next post with more
   etc

   or you put it in the files section LOL

   beth

Lissa Gifford <lissagifford@...> wrote:
   Hmm...

   Good point, Jen, about the 5-page document being a dicey thing for posting...
it SHOULD work fine... but, Greg, in the event it doesn't post properly (I don't
know if there's a limit to how big a post can be... we'll find out, hmm?), you
could upload it into the Files area...

   I'm assuming you're net savvy enough to do that, but if not, you can always
email it to me and give ME permission to upload it for you... here and/or at the
new group, it'd be fine sent to either or both.

   HTH, (hope this helps)
   Lissa

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/17/2006 4:18:37 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gw6786@... writes:

> Would you be interested in reading?

Hi Greg;

Sorry I didn't get back to you today - swamped with work and when J is in
high gear, there's no getting past her.  Deadlines to be met and we will be out
of town next week (though she takes a 'traveling office' with her - very type
'A' personality there) so she was in turbo mode today.  Not a good excuse - but
the true reason.  I still intend to write at more length, so hopefully that
will happen soon - one never knows for sure here!  We'll have the laptop with
us next week and are planning to stay in contact as well.

Yes, I'd be willing and interested in reading whatever you'd like to share.
It's your way of being heard, I understand, and we can listen.  I'm sure all
in the group here would be comfortable with you posting on list - though I
don't know how it works with a five page document - Lissa and Beth would know;
If
you don't want to post here, feel free to send privately.

Hope you're maintaining well and taking care of yourself during this hard
time

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

can work a couple of ways

   copy and paste

   or add the txt document in the files section of the group

   best
   beth

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/17/2006 4:18:37 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gw6786@... writes:

> Would you be interested in reading?

Hi Greg;

Sorry I didn't get back to you today - swamped with work and when J is in
high gear, there's no getting past her.  Deadlines to be met and we will be out
of town next week (though she takes a 'traveling office' with her - very type
'A' personality there) so she was in turbo mode today.  Not a good excuse - but
the true reason.  I still intend to write at more length, so hopefully that
will happen soon - one never knows for sure here!  We'll have the laptop with
us next week and are planning to stay in contact as well.

Yes, I'd be willing and interested in reading whatever you'd like to share.
It's your way of being heard, I understand, and we can listen.  I'm sure all
in the group here would be comfortable with you posting on list - though I
don't know how it works with a five page document - Lissa and Beth would know;
If
you don't want to post here, feel free to send privately.

Hope you're maintaining well and taking care of yourself during this hard
time

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

In a message dated 2/17/2006 11:49:51 PM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> I'm hurt that the T doesn't want to see me any more...

I kind of anticipated this when you first mentioned that it happened.
Wondered if it would touch any abandonment issues for you; it sure would for me
-
just automatically, but then I'm a different sort of animal here.  Are you the
type that kind of reacts on a 'delay' of sorts?  I am;  takes a while for
something to soak in and for me to realize just how I'm reacting.  I understand
how
you could feel hurt in thinking the therapist doesn't want to see you
anymore.

In thinking it through - I think it's probably a blessing in disguise.  With
some distance from those initial emotions; hopefully you'll see it too.
First, know that it is not a reaction to you as a person - she doesn't know you
as
a person - so it's not personal rejection.  Hard to get past, I know, but I
believe that to be true.  Next, think how hard it would have been to have
starting working with this person, become attached, develop trust and THEN have
her
tell you that her field of expertise does not match up with your needs.  Hurt,
abandonment, rejection - magnified tenfold.  Then having to start all over
again with someone new - hard work.  From where I sit, it's a good thing that
she was able to assess the situation and come to the conclusion that she would b
e unable to give you what you need.  You know, you don't hire a plumber to do
electrical work - even though they're both in the construction field.
Likewise with a therapist - you interview and 'hire' the one best suited for
you.  I
would encourage you to keep looking - 'interview', if you will.  After all, in
the end run - they are a professional who is 'working for you' - or should
be, in my opinion.  The therapeutic process is such an important one, and can do
all sorts of good when right - and can do all sorts of harm when wrong.  You
have to fit the right fit, on both sides.

Chin up - keep looking

Jen



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

In a message dated 2/18/2006 3:18:03 AM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> I *am* feeling MUUUUUCH better now than I did when I last posted...

So good to hear this, Lissa.  Thoughts were with you last night - sent good
energy your way.  Glad you had good time with your friend; good timing.

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Not gonna go into details... but I *am* feeling MUUUUUCH better now than I did
when I last posted... heard from an old and dear friend whofirst emailed, then
chatted with me online for a while, it was really fun, and even though I'm
pushing 22 hours awake now, it was DEFINITELY worth it.

   So I think now I'll take myself off to bed... just wanted anybody who cares to
know I'm smiling again, and have been for pretty much the last hour or so.

   Hugs,
   Lissa



Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
  Yahoo! Autos. Looking for a sweet ride? Get pricing, reviews, & more on new and
used cars.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

You *must* be somewhat psychic... I even went back and looked at what I'd posted
tonight and couldn't find anything that pointed to me feeling the way I am, but
you sure nailed it!

   Apparently irritation makes a great blanket over sadness... I guess.  I'm
tired, I'm stressed, I'm doing way too many things in a day's time, these days,
and I know it.  (Working 2 jobs now, starting the new group, doing other stuff
online, spending time with my kids, watching what races I can... and do you
KNOW, David at work asked me tonight about extra hours tomorrow... I'm scheduled
from 4-9 and he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to come in from, get THIS,
11-9, to cover somebody else's shift!!!!!!!!!!!  I don't THINK so, nope, sorry,
Not Gonna Happen.

   I'm hurt that the T doesn't want to see me any more... I'm hurt because D's
stupid poker game last night and spreadsheet he was working on tonight were more
important to him than LISTENING to me was... if he'd have given me just FIVE
minutes to get it off my chest I'd have been fine, but not only did he not do
that, he also didn't give me the chance to tell him about it after he finished
what he was doing, like he said he would when he shut me down in the first place
tonight.

   And this may be TMI, but I couldn't tell you the last time we had sex,
either... and if he keeps this kind of crap up, it may be a while till the NEXT
time, too... hard to get romantic with somebody you can't talk to, huh?

   I'm torn between wanting to go to bed because he's there, and NOT wanting to
go to bed because he's there, you know?  So as usual I'm sitting HERE instead,
and will probably stay up till I'm ready to fall right over.

   Something's gotta give, here... it's gonna, too, and probably soon... at this
point I'm really just hoping it isn't ME that does.

   Thanks for caring,
   Lissa


JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/17/2006 11:13:03 PM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> Sorry it leaked through... but yeah, I AM pretty ticked off right now.
> Good catch!  It isn't anything I won't get over, but that ain't gonna happen
> right this minute, either.
>

Don't worry - I don't think it leaked; I have a sensitive 'sixth-sense' thing
- I prefer the word 'intuition', something we all have, just most people
aren't tuned in.  I knew I could feel something - felt more like sadness...maybe
it's underneath the anger.  Anyway - sorry and I understand how you feel.
Probably magnified too with the added stress you've been under and being tired.
Sorry too he's being thoughtless and careless about your feelings - I know how
much that sucks.  Vent all you'd like - and do try to get some sleep/rest; I'm
headed that way myself within the hour

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
  Yahoo! Mail
  Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

In a message dated 2/17/2006 11:13:03 PM Pacific Standard Time,
lissagifford@... writes:

> Sorry it leaked through... but yeah, I AM pretty ticked off right now.
> Good catch!  It isn't anything I won't get over, but that ain't gonna happen
> right this minute, either.
>

Don't worry - I don't think it leaked; I have a sensitive 'sixth-sense' thing
- I prefer the word 'intuition', something we all have, just most people
aren't tuned in.  I knew I could feel something - felt more like sadness...maybe
it's underneath the anger.  Anyway - sorry and I understand how you feel.
Probably magnified too with the added stress you've been under and being tired.
Sorry too he's being thoughtless and careless about your feelings - I know how
much that sucks.  Vent all you'd like - and do try to get some sleep/rest; I'm
headed that way myself within the hour

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jen,

   You SURE you wanna know?

   Short version is I'm pretty much pissed off at the world, presently... rough
night at work, and I come home and want to tell D about it, and he gives me, for
the 2nd night in a row, "not now" cause he was doing something on the puter...

   Tired of being blown off, here.  In a BIG way.

   It's just one more stupid thing in a series of recent instances where I've
felt like I'm not important, not JUST related to him, but he's part of it... I
got mad and threw some change on the desk and he told me not to act like a
child, to which I replied, "Kiss... My... Ass!!"  and the only other thing I
said to him was to later answer his question about what time I had to be at work
tomorrow (so he knew when to set the alarm for).

   He's gone to bed.  I'm catching up on email and other net stuff.  In no hurry
to join him.

   Sorry it leaked through... but yeah, I AM pretty ticked off right now.  Good
catch!  It isn't anything I won't get over, but that ain't gonna happen right
this minute, either.

   If I wanted to not be listened to, I could have stayed with R.

   (The thought keeps running through my head, "men suck!"  LOL)

   Thanks for asking... even THIS much of a vent has helped some.

   Hugs,
   Lissa
   (tired and grumpy right now)


JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   Hi Lissa;

Are you feeling sad or just tired?  Hopefully my 'radar' is off.

Hope all's well

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Lissa;

Are you feeling sad or just tired?  Hopefully my 'radar' is off.

Hope all's well

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hmm...

   Good point, Jen, about the 5-page document being a dicey thing for posting...
it SHOULD work fine... but, Greg, in the event it doesn't post properly (I don't
know if there's a limit to how big a post can be... we'll find out, hmm?), you
could upload it into the Files area...

   I'm assuming you're net savvy enough to do that, but if not, you can always
email it to me and give ME permission to upload it for you... here and/or at the
new group, it'd be fine sent to either or both.

   HTH, (hope this helps)
   Lissa

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   In a message dated 2/17/2006 4:18:37 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gw6786@... writes:

> Would you be interested in reading?

Hi Greg;

Sorry I didn't get back to you today - swamped with work and when J is in
high gear, there's no getting past her.  Deadlines to be met and we will be out
of town next week (though she takes a 'traveling office' with her - very type
'A' personality there) so she was in turbo mode today.  Not a good excuse - but
the true reason.  I still intend to write at more length, so hopefully that
will happen soon - one never knows for sure here!  We'll have the laptop with
us next week and are planning to stay in contact as well.

Yes, I'd be willing and interested in reading whatever you'd like to share.
It's your way of being heard, I understand, and we can listen.  I'm sure all
in the group here would be comfortable with you posting on list - though I
don't know how it works with a five page document - Lissa and Beth would know;
If
you don't want to post here, feel free to send privately.

Hope you're maintaining well and taking care of yourself during this hard
time

Jen




Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
  Yahoo! Mail
  Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

In a message dated 2/17/2006 4:18:37 PM Pacific Standard Time,
gw6786@... writes:

> Would you be interested in reading?

Hi Greg;

Sorry I didn't get back to you today - swamped with work and when J is in
high gear, there's no getting past her.  Deadlines to be met and we will be out
of town next week (though she takes a 'traveling office' with her - very type
'A' personality there) so she was in turbo mode today.  Not a good excuse - but
the true reason.  I still intend to write at more length, so hopefully that
will happen soon - one never knows for sure here!  We'll have the laptop with
us next week and are planning to stay in contact as well.

Yes, I'd be willing and interested in reading whatever you'd like to share.
It's your way of being heard, I understand, and we can listen.  I'm sure all
in the group here would be comfortable with you posting on list - though I
don't know how it works with a five page document - Lissa and Beth would know;
If
you don't want to post here, feel free to send privately.

Hope you're maintaining well and taking care of yourself during this hard
time

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Greg!

   I'm not Jen but *I'd* be interested in reading both these pieces... if posting
them to the group is something you aren't comfortable with, you're welcome to
email them to me.

   Take care,
   Lissa


Gregory Woods <gw6786@...> wrote:
   Jen,
   I have a 5 page word document that is called "Angels on a Precipice" that to
me, tells the end of the story.  I gave it to Lily in early December and then I
wrote on a poem to Lily on Valentines day, this past Tuesday.  Would you be
interested in reading?  It is really all the sad stuff.  The previous 4 years
were 90%+ bliss (really except for her running away occassionally.)  We took on
a very difficult situation.  She had 3 kids, I had 2 and we had no intention of
"leaving" them.  But there was a lot of jealousy on both parts with the xs, even
kids for her, so complicated.  I wish I would have know about these sites,
maybe? they would have helped Lily and I.  We were such romantics.  I just can't
believe what has happened.
   Thanks for the comment on the writing.  I write a lot, it has always been an
important outlet.
   Greg

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   Read your post, Greg.  You express yourself eloquently, to say the least.
Working, so no time to respond at length (J is not happy I'm taking even this
amount of time right now, to be honest), but I will try later.  I just wanted
you to know that someone is listening here in real-time and understanding.
You're not alone in your pain - though I know well how it feels that way.  I
know
it hurts.  Write as you need to - I'll try for time later

Jen






Lissa Gifford
Nicholasville, KY
yahoo msgr: quietmama2003
http://www.myspace.com/elissa64

---------------------------------
Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jen,
   I have a 5 page word document that is called "Angels on a Precipice" that to
me, tells the end of the story.  I gave it to Lily in early December and then I
wrote on a poem to Lily on Valentines day, this past Tuesday.  Would you be
interested in reading?  It is really all the sad stuff.  The previous 4 years
were 90%+ bliss (really except for her running away occassionally.)  We took on
a very difficult situation.  She had 3 kids, I had 2 and we had no intention of
"leaving" them.  But there was a lot of jealousy on both parts with the xs, even
kids for her, so complicated.  I wish I would have know about these sites,
maybe? they would have helped Lily and I.  We were such romantics.  I just can't
believe what has happened.
   Thanks for the comment on the writing.  I write a lot, it has always been an
important outlet.
   Greg

JNSWTHRT@... wrote:
   Read your post, Greg.  You express yourself eloquently, to say the least.
Working, so no time to respond at length (J is not happy I'm taking even this
amount of time right now, to be honest), but I will try later.  I just wanted
you to know that someone is listening here in real-time and understanding.
You're not alone in your pain - though I know well how it feels that way.  I
know
it hurts.  Write as you need to - I'll try for time later

Jen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



   SPONSORED LINKS
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---------------------------------
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     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

and without hope we have nothing.......

    sleep well,
   beth


graham@... wrote:
   Thanks Beth

I think that we all know the pain, multiples and singletons alike. We might come
from a different angle but we all experience loss. We all need each other and
this sharing might ease some of the pain and maybe even provide hope.

It's bedtime in the UK, so I bid you all goodnight.

Graham



Quoting twisted angel :

>
>
>
>
> Graham,
>
>
>
>   I really like the quiet, respectful way you related that post to Greg &
> Sufia,
>
>
>
>   you sure must know the pain we all face from time to time as SOs yet you
> were so positive about it and so encouraging.........  a great way of looking
> at the whole situation.
>
>
>
>   thanks
>
>   beth
>
>
>
> graham@... wrote:
>
>
>
> Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you
> both.
>
> I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is
> DID.
>
> I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
>
> at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
>
> of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
>
> lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of
> understanding
>
> between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
>
> forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
>
> so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
>
> positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart
> goes
>
> out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.
>
>
>
> All the best wishes
>
>
>
> Graham
>
>
>
> Quoting Gregory Woods :
>
>
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia,
>
> >
>
> >   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say
> it
>
> > was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
>
> > with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
>
> > the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter
> just
>
> > shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
>
> > dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
>
> > described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
>
> > curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
>
> > inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
> >
>
> >   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
> >
>
> >   Greg
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia wrote:
>
> >
>
> >   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> >
>
> > long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> >
>
> > out a lot in the past.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> >
>
> > didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> >
>
> > been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> >
>
> > decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> >
>
> > maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> >
>
> > the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> >
>
> > essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> >
>
> > episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> >
>
> > makes any sense.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> >
>
> > DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> >
>
> > MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> >
>
> > background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> >
>
> > read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> >
>
> > learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> >
>
> > with it though. *sigh*
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Peace,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >   SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >
>
> > mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> > Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> >
>
> > PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Mental health disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
> Mental health disorder
>
>
> Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>






Yahoo! Groups Links










---------------------------------
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used cars.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I second that emotion

   beth

graham@... wrote:
   I am sorry that everyting you try seems to backfire Greg. It really can be
hard
and if she won't be 'just friends' and you have tried so hard then it is so
painful.

All our expriences are similar and at the ame time so different if that makes
any sense at all. I can't advise but I will share that I have learnt that the
unexpected keeps happening. I have tried to adapt to that but you are right, it
can be a nightmare, especially trying to make sense of everything. You are
heard Greg.

Graham

Quoting Gregory Woods :

>
>
>
>
> Thank you very much Graham.  I have tried to be friends, but it seems once I
> accepted she was not coming back, she even went further away.  I don't know,
> but it  seems she can't deal with me not wanting her, even though all she has
> done is reject these past months.  I want her, but I was trying to reach some
> middle ground to be friends, something.  So it's appears to be all or
> nothing.  And I am on the "nothing" side of the stick.  Nightmare is the best
> word to describe all of this.
>
>   Greg
>
>
>
> graham@... wrote:
>
>
>
> Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you
> both.
>
> I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is
> DID.
>
> I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
>
> at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
>
> of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
>
> lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of
> understanding
>
> between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
>
> forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
>
> so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
>
> positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart
> goes
>
> out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.
>
>
>
> All the best wishes
>
>
>
> Graham
>
>
>
> Quoting Gregory Woods :
>
>
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia,
>
> >
>
> >   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say
> it
>
> > was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
>
> > with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
>
> > the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter
> just
>
> > shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
>
> > dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
>
> > described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
>
> > curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
>
> > inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
> >
>
> >   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
> >
>
> >   Greg
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia wrote:
>
> >
>
> >   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> >
>
> > long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> >
>
> > out a lot in the past.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> >
>
> > didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> >
>
> > been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> >
>
> > decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> >
>
> > maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> >
>
> > the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> >
>
> > essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> >
>
> > episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> >
>
> > makes any sense.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> >
>
> > DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> >
>
> > MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> >
>
> > background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> >
>
> > read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> >
>
> > learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> >
>
> > with it though. *sigh*
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Peace,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >   SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >
>
> > mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> > Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> >
>
> > PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Mental health disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
> Mental health disorder
>
>
> Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>






Yahoo! Groups Links










---------------------------------
Relax. Yahoo! Mail virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thanks Beth

I think that we all know the pain, multiples and singletons alike. We might come
from a different angle but we all experience loss. We all need each other and
this sharing might ease some of the pain and maybe even provide hope.

It's bedtime in the UK, so I bid you all goodnight.

Graham



Quoting twisted angel <twistedangel64@...>:

>
>
>
>
> Graham,
>
>   
>
>   I really like the quiet, respectful way you related that post to Greg &
> Sufia, 
>
>   
>
>   you sure must know the pain we all face from time to time as SOs yet you
> were so positive about it and so encouraging.........  a great way of looking
> at the whole situation.
>
>   
>
>   thanks
>
>   beth
>
>
>
> graham@... wrote:
>
>  
>
> Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you
> both.
>
> I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is
> DID.
>
> I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
>
> at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
>
> of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
>
> lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of
> understanding
>
> between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
>
> forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
>
> so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
>
> positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart
> goes
>
> out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.
>
>
>
> All the best wishes
>
>
>
> Graham
>
>
>
> Quoting Gregory Woods :
>
>
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia,
>
> >
>
> >   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say
> it
>
> > was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
>
> > with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
>
> > the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter
> just
>
> > shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
>
> > dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
>
> > described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
>
> > curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
>
> > inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
> >
>
> >   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
> >
>
> >   Greg
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia wrote:
>
> >
>
> >   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> >
>
> > long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> >
>
> > out a lot in the past.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> >
>
> > didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> >
>
> > been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> >
>
> > decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> >
>
> > maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> >
>
> > the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> >
>
> > essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> >
>
> > episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> >
>
> > makes any sense.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> >
>
> > DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> >
>
> > MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> >
>
> > background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> >
>
> > read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> >
>
> > learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> >
>
> > with it though. *sigh*
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Peace,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
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> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >   SPONSORED LINKS
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> >
>
> >         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >
>
> > mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
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> >
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> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >  
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >            
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> > Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> >
>
> > PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
> >
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> >
>
> >
>
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Mental health disorder
>
> >
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> >
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> > Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> > 
>
> >  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> > 
>
> >  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
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> >
>
> >
>
> >
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> >
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> >
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> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
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>
>            
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
>  PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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>     SPONSORED LINKS
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>         Mental health disorder
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>         Dissociative identity disorder
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>
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>
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>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
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>    Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
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>

I am sorry that everyting you try seems to backfire Greg. It really can be hard
and if she won't be 'just friends' and you have tried so hard then it is so
painful.

All our expriences are similar and at the ame time so different if that makes
any sense at all. I can't advise but I will share that I have learnt that the
unexpected keeps happening. I have tried to adapt to that but you are right, it
can be a nightmare, especially trying to make sense of everything. You are
heard Greg.

Graham

Quoting Gregory Woods <gw6786@...>:

>
>
>
>
> Thank you very much Graham.  I have tried to be friends, but it seems once I
> accepted she was not coming back, she even went further away.  I don't know,
> but it  seems she can't deal with me not wanting her, even though all she has
> done is reject these past months.  I want her, but I was trying to reach some
> middle ground to be friends, something.  So it's appears to be all or
> nothing.  And I am on the "nothing" side of the stick.  Nightmare is the best
> word to describe all of this.
>
>   Greg
>
>
>
> graham@... wrote:
>
>  
>
> Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you
> both.
>
> I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is
> DID.
>
> I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
>
> at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
>
> of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
>
> lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of
> understanding
>
> between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
>
> forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
>
> so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
>
> positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart
> goes
>
> out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.
>
>
>
> All the best wishes
>
>
>
> Graham
>
>
>
> Quoting Gregory Woods :
>
>
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia,
>
> >
>
> >   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say
> it
>
> > was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
>
> > with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
>
> > the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter
> just
>
> > shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
>
> > dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
>
> > described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
>
> > curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
>
> > inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
> >
>
> >   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
> >
>
> >   Greg
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia wrote:
>
> >
>
> >   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> >
>
> > long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> >
>
> > out a lot in the past.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> >
>
> > didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> >
>
> > been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> >
>
> > decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> >
>
> > maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> >
>
> > the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> >
>
> > essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> >
>
> > episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> >
>
> > makes any sense.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> >
>
> > DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> >
>
> > MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> >
>
> > background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> >
>
> > read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> >
>
> > learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> >
>
> > with it though. *sigh*
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Peace,
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Sufia
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >   SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >
>
> > mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> >     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >    
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> >  
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >            
>
> >
>
> > ---------------------------------
>
> >
>
> > Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> >
>
> > PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > SPONSORED LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Mental health disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > Dissociative identity disorder
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
> > 
>
> >  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> >  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
> > 
>
> >  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>            
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
>  PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>     SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
>         Mental health disorder
>
>
>         Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>    Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>  
>    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>  
>    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Thank you very much Graham.  I have tried to be friends, but it seems once I
accepted she was not coming back, she even went further away.  I don't know, but
it  seems she can't deal with me not wanting her, even though all she has done
is reject these past months.  I want her, but I was trying to reach some middle
ground to be friends, something.  So it's appears to be all or nothing.  And I
am on the "nothing" side of the stick.  Nightmare is the best word to describe
all of this.
   Greg

graham@... wrote:

Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you both.
I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is DID.
I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of understanding
between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart goes
out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.

All the best wishes

Graham

Quoting Gregory Woods :

>
>
>
>
> Sufia,
>
>   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say it
> was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
> with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
> the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter just
> shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
> dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
> described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
> curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
> inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
>   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
>   Greg
>
>
>
> Sufia wrote:
>
>   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> out a lot in the past.
>
>
>
> Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> makes any sense.
>
>
>
> I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> with it though. *sigh*
>
>
>
> Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
>
>
> Peace,
>
>
>
> Sufia
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>   SPONSORED LINKS
>
>         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>
>     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
> Mental health disorder
>
>
> Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>  Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>






Yahoo! Groups Links









---------------------------------
Brings words and photos together (easily) with
  PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Graham,

   I really like the quiet, respectful way you related that post to Greg & Sufia,

   you sure must know the pain we all face from time to time as SOs yet you were
so positive about it and so encouraging.........  a great way of looking at the
whole situation.

   thanks
   beth

graham@... wrote:

Hi, I won't say I know how you feel Sufia and Greg but I can relate to you both.
I am in a relationship/friendship and many other ships with a lady who is DID.
I think that I am loved by some alters some times and hated at other times or
at least thats how it was until the last year or so. We went through a period
of not seeing each other for approx. six months. We are now friends and not
lovers and this seems to have brought about some greater level of understanding
between us. She is a wonderful person and when I thought I would lose her
forever it was hard. Being friends seems the safest bet but I never say never
so we might become lovers again, who knows? I have leanrned to look at the
positive side of what we have had together and what we now have. My heart goes
out to you both for what you are experiencing and feeling.

All the best wishes

Graham

Quoting Gregory Woods :

>
>
>
>
> Sufia,
>
>   My DID just up and left, more complicated than that, but suffice to say it
> was incomprehensible to say the least.  She virtually over night hooked up
> with another guy, been that way for 9 months.  I have only seen glimpses of
> the person I love; she just cries, can't look at me, then another alter just
> shuts her off and me too.  I am totally abandoned here, shocked and
> dismayed.  You had mentioned splitting up a view times.  Anything like I
> described being involved with another person and then came back.  Just
> curious as to what are the possibilites.  I try to move on but something
> inside tells me this is all wrong and it paralyzes me.
>
>   Thanks for any insight you feel comfortable sharing.
>
>   Greg
>
>
>
> Sufia wrote:
>
>   I've been a member for ages, but nothing has been going on for a
>
> long time.  I hope we can get it going again, as it has helped me
>
> out a lot in the past.
>
>
>
> Super quick intro: Married for 16 years to M, who has DID (tho I
>
> didn't know that until we'd been together about two years.)  We've
>
> been through a lot, splitting up a few times when some of his alters
>
> decided they didn't want anything to do with me.  Some vehemently
>
> maintain they aren't married to me.  Makes things difficult, to say
>
> the least.  At the moment we're together technically, but
>
> essentially "on a break" in our relationship.  (Remember that
>
> episode of Friends? LOL)  Together but not really a couple, if that
>
> makes any sense.
>
>
>
> I have a background in psychology but didn't learn much at all about
>
> DID in school.  Back then the prevailing wisdom was that DID (called
>
> MPD at the time) was very rare.  But at least my educational
>
> background has been helpful in learning about DID on my own.  I've
>
> read all the major books: Colin Ross, Richard Kluft, etc. and I've
>
> learned a lot.  It's definately easier reading about it than living
>
> with it though. *sigh*
>
>
>
> Well, thanks to everyone who's getting this group back on its feet!
>
>
>
> Peace,
>
>
>
> Sufia
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>   SPONSORED LINKS
>
>         Mental health disorder   Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>   YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>
>     Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>
>
>     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>
> mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
>     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
>
> Brings words and photos together (easily) with
>
> PhotoMail  - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> SPONSORED LINKS
>
>
>
>
> Mental health disorder
>
>
> Dissociative identity disorder
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
>
>
>
>  Visit your group "mpdspouses" on the web.
>
>  To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
>  mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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