I would like to start participating in the group.
                               Thank Youi
                                               ~Teri


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Sandra, even though I consider my group pretty dormant at times
it still looks active compared to some like there, LOL


Happy Anniversary!!! Even though my gf doesn't quite go with the
anniversary concept, our 2 year will be at the beginning of April.
We knew each other a long time before actually hooking up though.
She prefers to think of herself as being straight, but her gf is
gay! hehe

I'd say that J is probably the most outspoken in my gf's system and
without the deep friendship I have with him I don't think there
would be one with my gf. I feel like the luckiest person on earth to
have this chance with them, even though at times it can be
overwhelming.

Anyways, I will send you an invite to our group......hope to see
you.

chris


--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, Sandra <rainbowjoker1982@y...>
wrote:
>   Chris,
>
> Thanks very much for your response.  I found it refreshing and a
bit insightful.
>
> As you said, every system is different.  For example, my g/f has a
split personality that deals with all the switching...  BJ is the
host, and then there's Betty... She's the one who wants to do
nothing when everyone has an opinion on what to do, what to eat,
etc.... BJ is everyone combined... She can be more co-operative than
anyone.  Unfortunately, she has trouble coming out because Betty was
created to deal with things.... I just met BJ a couple months ago...
It's sad because BJ is who really really wants to be presenting the
most.  I love them all though, but Betty can be hard to deal with
sometimes.  She has so many issues dealing with compromise of the
others and her own needs.  BJ will speak up, Betty won't.
>
> Coinsedently, today is our one year anniversary.... I am happy as
is she.  We will continue to grow together as a couple, and she
towards intergration (she also has an outside voice which we believe
to be schziophrenic)... I have a feeling that she will become more
the person I did fall in love with. I myself deal with bipolar, and
may be a bit borderline personality... It's difficult, but we are
there for each.  She knows and understands me better than anyone in
my whole life.. That's what I truly believe.
>
> Thanks again for writing and I would like to join your little
group, especially if it's more active.
>
> Take care, and good luck with the long distance thing.
>
> mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com wrote:
>
>
> There are 2 messages in this issue.
>
> Topics in this digest:
>
> 1. Re: Tips for helping gf
> From: mor2_love
> 2. Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???
> From: "daniel_hotguy2000"
>
>
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 16:56:59 -0000
> From: mor2_love
> Subject: Re: Tips for helping gf
>
>
> Hi Sandra, it looks like this group isn't too active anymore.
>
> I'm on my second DID relationship and both have been long
distance.
> The first ended in disaster as it turned out my gf's system was
more
> about blame and mental abuse than working on her healing. To this
> day that still hurts very much as I did love them so deeply.
>
> In my relationship now I try to visit at least every 3 months and
> make it a point to be here on the rougher months, like now.
>
> You're lucky to have all those inside love you, and although every
> system is different there could always be new ones to surface that
> don't, so just a little forwarning.
>
> The only tip I can offer is to never be deceitful to any of them,
or
> break a promise that you have control over. I say "control over"
> because last year I was asked by my "gf" if we could get an
> aquarium. I said sure and then later found out it wasn't her and
> that an aquarium is not something she wants in the house right
now.
> It was frustrating to know they "tricked" me by pretending to be
> her, and at the same time put me in a place of having to break my
> promise which I try to avoid at all costs.
>
> Also try to keep in mind that if she chooses to integrate, then
> chances are she will not continue to always be the person you are
> with now. It could be in many ways too. Less important things with
> my gf have been her always drinking coffee, then 6 months later
> saying she got too cranky with more than one cup, so switched to
> decaf, and now I'm told she NEVER drinks decaf as it is nasty and
> it's the real stuff or nothing. This is frustrating though,
because
> the truth is she DOES get crankier on the real stuff and things
did
> go smoother when she had cut down on it.
>
> If you'd like a group that's a little more active, I have one
under
> this same addy's name. You can email me if your interested. We're
a
> very small group with a variety of posters. Lil's post there too
so
> if your gf has lils they might make some good friends. My best
buddy
> J is one of my gf's insiders and the group jr moderator! Good luck
> with everything........
>
> chris
>
>
>
> --- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "Sandra"
> wrote:
> >
> > Hi, my name is Sandra and I'm new here... I've been looking up
> > info on DID ever since my gf told me about her "voices". She's
> been
> > diagnosed, as I thought she would be, and I've been doing my
best
> to
> > help support her and be there for her. We've been together
almost
> a
> > year and we live together. I know all her parts now, and they
all
> > totally love me. This is great for it helps me, a non-
> > disassociator, to truly believe she is completely in love with
me!
> > :-)
> >
> > What I am asking if you guys (who have more experience with you
> > spouse or lover than I do) if you have any tips, ways of helping
> her
> > cope, and for me to better be there for her.
> >
> > Many thanks,
> >
> > Sandra
>
>
>
>
>
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:40:21 -0000
> From: "daniel_hotguy2000"
> Subject: Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???
>
>
> Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???
>
> We all are devoted Muslim singles seeking for a lifepartner !!
>
> http://www.geocities.com/search1friend_2000/
> http://www.geocities.com/search1girl_2000/
>
>
>
>
>
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
_____________________________________________________________________
___
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ~*~ Sandi ~*~
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
>  Yahoo! Small Business - Try our new resources site!
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Chris,

Thanks very much for your response.  I found it refreshing and a bit insightful.

As you said, every system is different.  For example, my g/f has a split
personality that deals with all the switching...  BJ is the host, and then
there's Betty... She's the one who wants to do nothing when everyone has an
opinion on what to do, what to eat, etc.... BJ is everyone combined... She can
be more co-operative than anyone.  Unfortunately, she has trouble coming out
because Betty was created to deal with things.... I just met BJ a couple months
ago... It's sad because BJ is who really really wants to be presenting the most.
I love them all though, but Betty can be hard to deal with sometimes.  She has
so many issues dealing with compromise of the others and her own needs.  BJ will
speak up, Betty won't.

Coinsedently, today is our one year anniversary.... I am happy as is she.  We
will continue to grow together as a couple, and she towards intergration (she
also has an outside voice which we believe to be schziophrenic)... I have a
feeling that she will become more the person I did fall in love with. I myself
deal with bipolar, and may be a bit borderline personality... It's difficult,
but we are there for each.  She knows and understands me better than anyone in
my whole life.. That's what I truly believe.

Thanks again for writing and I would like to join your little group, especially
if it's more active.

Take care, and good luck with the long distance thing.

mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com wrote:


There are 2 messages in this issue.

Topics in this digest:

1. Re: Tips for helping gf
From: mor2_love
2. Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???
From: "daniel_hotguy2000"


________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

Message: 1
Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 16:56:59 -0000
From: mor2_love
Subject: Re: Tips for helping gf


Hi Sandra, it looks like this group isn't too active anymore.

I'm on my second DID relationship and both have been long distance.
The first ended in disaster as it turned out my gf's system was more
about blame and mental abuse than working on her healing. To this
day that still hurts very much as I did love them so deeply.

In my relationship now I try to visit at least every 3 months and
make it a point to be here on the rougher months, like now.

You're lucky to have all those inside love you, and although every
system is different there could always be new ones to surface that
don't, so just a little forwarning.

The only tip I can offer is to never be deceitful to any of them, or
break a promise that you have control over. I say "control over"
because last year I was asked by my "gf" if we could get an
aquarium. I said sure and then later found out it wasn't her and
that an aquarium is not something she wants in the house right now.
It was frustrating to know they "tricked" me by pretending to be
her, and at the same time put me in a place of having to break my
promise which I try to avoid at all costs.

Also try to keep in mind that if she chooses to integrate, then
chances are she will not continue to always be the person you are
with now. It could be in many ways too. Less important things with
my gf have been her always drinking coffee, then 6 months later
saying she got too cranky with more than one cup, so switched to
decaf, and now I'm told she NEVER drinks decaf as it is nasty and
it's the real stuff or nothing. This is frustrating though, because
the truth is she DOES get crankier on the real stuff and things did
go smoother when she had cut down on it.

If you'd like a group that's a little more active, I have one under
this same addy's name. You can email me if your interested. We're a
very small group with a variety of posters. Lil's post there too so
if your gf has lils they might make some good friends. My best buddy
J is one of my gf's insiders and the group jr moderator! Good luck
with everything........

chris



--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "Sandra"
wrote:
>
> Hi, my name is Sandra and I'm new here... I've been looking up
> info on DID ever since my gf told me about her "voices". She's
been
> diagnosed, as I thought she would be, and I've been doing my best
to
> help support her and be there for her. We've been together almost
a
> year and we live together. I know all her parts now, and they all
> totally love me. This is great for it helps me, a non-
> disassociator, to truly believe she is completely in love with me!
> :-)
>
> What I am asking if you guys (who have more experience with you
> spouse or lover than I do) if you have any tips, ways of helping
her
> cope, and for me to better be there for her.
>
> Many thanks,
>
> Sandra





________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________

Message: 2
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:40:21 -0000
From: "daniel_hotguy2000"
Subject: Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???


Meet loyal, devoted and smart religious friends&singles???

We all are devoted Muslim singles seeking for a lifepartner !!

http://www.geocities.com/search1friend_2000/
http://www.geocities.com/search1girl_2000/





________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________



------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links




------------------------------------------------------------------------






~*~ Sandi ~*~




---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
  Yahoo! Small Business - Try our new resources site!

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Sandra, it looks like this group isn't too active anymore.

I'm on my second DID relationship and both have been long distance.
The first ended in disaster as it turned out my gf's system was more
about blame and mental abuse than working on her healing. To this
day that still hurts very much as I did love them so deeply.

In my relationship now I try to visit at least every 3 months and
make it a point to be here on the rougher months, like now.

You're lucky to have all those inside love you, and although every
system is different there could always be new ones to surface that
don't, so just a little forwarning.

The only tip I can offer is to never be deceitful to any of them, or
break a promise that you have control over. I say "control over"
because last year I was asked by my "gf" if we could get an
aquarium. I said sure and then later found out it wasn't her and
that an aquarium is not something she wants in the house right now.
It was frustrating to know they "tricked" me by pretending to be
her, and at the same time put me in a place of having to break my
promise which I try to avoid at all costs.

Also try to keep in mind that if she chooses to integrate, then
chances are she will not continue to always be the person you are
with now. It could be in many ways too. Less important things with
my gf have been her always drinking coffee, then 6 months later
saying she got too cranky with more than one cup, so switched to
decaf, and now I'm told she NEVER drinks decaf as it is nasty and
it's the real stuff or nothing. This is frustrating though, because
the truth is she DOES get crankier on the real stuff and things did
go smoother when she had cut down on it.

If you'd like a group that's a little more active, I have one under
this same addy's name. You can email me if your interested. We're a
very small group with a variety of posters. Lil's post there too so
if your gf has lils they might make some good friends. My best buddy
J is one of my gf's insiders and the group jr moderator! Good luck
with everything........

chris



--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "Sandra" <rainbowjoker1982@y...>
wrote:
>
>   Hi, my name is Sandra and I'm new here... I've been looking up
> info on DID ever since my gf told me about her "voices".  She's
been
> diagnosed, as I thought she would be, and I've been doing my best
to
> help support her and be there for her. We've been together almost
a
> year and we live together. I know all her parts now, and they all
> totally love me.  This is great for it helps me, a non-
> disassociator, to truly believe she is completely in love with me!
> :-)
>
>  What I am asking if you guys (who have more experience with you
> spouse or lover than I do) if you have any tips, ways of helping
her
> cope, and for me to better be there for her.
>
>   Many thanks,
>
> Sandra

Hi, my name is Sandra and I'm new here... I've been looking up
info on DID ever since my gf told me about her "voices".  She's been
diagnosed, as I thought she would be, and I've been doing my best to
help support her and be there for her. We've been together almost a
year and we live together. I know all her parts now, and they all
totally love me.  This is great for it helps me, a non-
disassociator, to truly believe she is completely in love with me!
:-)

  What I am asking if you guys (who have more experience with you
spouse or lover than I do) if you have any tips, ways of helping her
cope, and for me to better be there for her.

   Many thanks,

Sandra

My suggestion to you is to agree to this seperation, because a
divorce kind of says.. lets be free to find someone else, and if that
really is not what you are seeking... avoid the divorce...  let him
know you will not give his problems so much power they have to end in
divorce... and you have faith his problems will get better...

there is no way divorce proceedings are not going to be loads and
loads of distress... and do live in such a way that you do not  put
either of you through any more loads of distress then is necessary.

what Jeff is suffering from is  excess loads and burdens of
distress... and anything that helps or reduces or avoids needless
intense distress will be helpful... to rduce the switching which is
all about distress management and still meeting all of lifes
committments as effectively as possible.

elizabeth i have not forgotten about you, and i think you are being
very perservering... and the person Jeff you love is really dealing
with a lot... and give yourselves both credit... and you do live in a
part of the country where there is tons of ignorance and hysteria
about dissociative survivor disorders. you will not be able to access
good support easily.   so break the local mold and be daring, and be
hopeful and patient.. he is changing... how things are today isn't
forever.

deb

--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, Elizabeth Heiby-Boteler
<cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@y...> wrote:
> To all;
>
>    My Jeffrey has finally came out and told me
> somethings. I wrote him like some of you have
> suggested and it worked my Jeffrey came out but then
> he switched evenually right in front of me. We worked
> some things out. I after awhile agreed with the
> divorce because I figured that it would help him in
> his mental problems but I now feel like I'm
> sacrificing again myself to help him. This is one of
> those darned if you do and darned if you don't kind of
> things. Any ways. My Jeffrey tells me that he agreed
> in the letter that I wrote when I said that he was in
> denial about a lot of things and then he went into the
> things he was in denial about. His mental problems he
> agreed were a BIG part of it. And that his mental
> problems are the reason why are relationship has been
> in a tail spin. He said to me that he really is
> working real hard on getting his mental problems in
> check that he is figuring things out about his
> personalities. He said that he is real glad that he
> and I going to stay friends after the divorce and that
> if the time comes that him and I are to be together
> that we will be able to tell. He agreed with me on
> that and more. I am scared that he isn't serious and
> that he is just trying to butter me up. Why I don't
> understand. Maybe it's a coping mechinism for him to
> keep me at the waist side just in case. But how is
> someone like me that loves him so much and he finally
> admits to me that he still loves me back suppose to
> cope with being a back-up person? And is ANY of this a
> good thing? Does it sound like improvement somewhat
> for him and hope for him and I? Or am I again wishful
> thinking? Please write me back ASAP. Thanks all.
>
>         Sincerely,
>         Elizabeth
>
> P.S
>  Something else that's important. He said that he was
> really really relaxed when he laid down on the couch.
> He was here to visit our daughter and he could bearly
> keep his eyes open because he had slipped and fell and
> hit his head on the concrete outside when he was
> walking to his car when he was at work. He said that
> hehadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. He
> said that he felt comfortable and relaxed. He also
> said to me over the phone after he left and I had
> called him about something that he was tempted on
> walking over to me and starting to kiss me and hold me
> like he use to do. What does that mean? Is it VERY
> good? or just good? Oor again am I just wishful
> thinking?
>
> __________________________________________________
> Do You Yahoo!?
> Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
> http://mail.yahoo.com

To all;

    My Jeffrey has finally came out and told me
somethings. I wrote him like some of you have
suggested and it worked my Jeffrey came out but then
he switched evenually right in front of me. We worked
some things out. I after awhile agreed with the
divorce because I figured that it would help him in
his mental problems but I now feel like I'm
sacrificing again myself to help him. This is one of
those darned if you do and darned if you don't kind of
things. Any ways. My Jeffrey tells me that he agreed
in the letter that I wrote when I said that he was in
denial about a lot of things and then he went into the
things he was in denial about. His mental problems he
agreed were a BIG part of it. And that his mental
problems are the reason why are relationship has been
in a tail spin. He said to me that he really is
working real hard on getting his mental problems in
check that he is figuring things out about his
personalities. He said that he is real glad that he
and I going to stay friends after the divorce and that
if the time comes that him and I are to be together
that we will be able to tell. He agreed with me on
that and more. I am scared that he isn't serious and
that he is just trying to butter me up. Why I don't
understand. Maybe it's a coping mechinism for him to
keep me at the waist side just in case. But how is
someone like me that loves him so much and he finally
admits to me that he still loves me back suppose to
cope with being a back-up person? And is ANY of this a
good thing? Does it sound like improvement somewhat
for him and hope for him and I? Or am I again wishful
thinking? Please write me back ASAP. Thanks all.

         Sincerely,
         Elizabeth

P.S
  Something else that's important. He said that he was
really really relaxed when he laid down on the couch.
He was here to visit our daughter and he could bearly
keep his eyes open because he had slipped and fell and
hit his head on the concrete outside when he was
walking to his car when he was at work. He said that
hehadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. He
said that he felt comfortable and relaxed. He also
said to me over the phone after he left and I had
called him about something that he was tempted on
walking over to me and starting to kiss me and hold me
like he use to do. What does that mean? Is it VERY
good? or just good? Oor again am I just wishful
thinking?

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com

HI Elizabeth, I haven't posted here in eons but feeling restless
tonight and dropped in.

I'm on my second DID relationship (I'm the mono) and the feelings
your have shared sound a lot like the ones I had with my ex. We were
in a long distance relationship so I don't know if that made it
easier or harder. I do know I damn near lost my mind with all the
confusion and the constant turmoil. There were days that I would
just pace my house feeling drained of every ounce of who I had been.

Luckily for me I had started a DID yahoo group for not only SO's but
also survivors and there was a person who joined my group that was
DID as well and somehow her and I became online buddies. Through
that, I met one of her insiders who I am now connected at the heart
with. He was always there to listen and being a part of the DID he
tried to point out that it might have been a nobel gesture to try
and ride it out, but at the same time she was being mentally abusive
to me and should not be tolerated regardless of her mental state.

I was committed to this woman with everything I had. We were
planning a future together. Sadly though, her demons would not
release her through the 2 years we were together. There were a lot
of laughs and good times, however it was the down times that took
their toll on me and also her not trying to pull out of the tail
spin she was in.

Even though we weren't married I still had commited my heart to her
in much the same way you have with your husband and I'm not one to
easily walk away from the situation at hand. I never have been, but
one major factor for me was how many times they had said one day I
would walk out like all the rest.I had tried to reasure them I
wasn't like those in the past but the problem was I think they had
their mind made up to put me through whatever hell they could in
order to prove their point.

To this day I still feel a certain amount of guilt for finally
having to throw in the towel and deciding to walk away, but I would
be in a rubber room somewhere had I not got out. I could feel the
world around me, but it was like everywhere I went (or even at home)
I was behind some invisible wall that kept me from living. I hated
the world, the things I enjoyed doing prior to our relationship
meant absolutely nothing. Like you said, I was completely numb.At
the same time I held a LOT of hate for the people that had caused
the situation in the first place. They were only faces in pictures
and no longer living, yet there we were living the hell of their
selfish actions.

I think what really got me was that, when she realized I was having
to move on she drilled into my head that I had never loved them to
begin with! Gosh nooooo, I had cried for so long I had no more
tears. My mental state was barely hanging on by a thread. And all of
it was out of the love and dedication I had held for them, but they
denied it's existance. I knew much of what was taking place was
putting her in her own hell as well, but no matter what road I took
to try and pull her out of it, she would place a wall and sabotage
her life into bad situations.

As it turned out, I ended up with woman who had "rescued" me from
the hellish nightmare I was living and we are going on 2 years now.
She managed to help put myself back together so to speak. And I
couldn't have asked for a greater gift than the chance to be in her
life as I am. We do have problems over certain things, but NOTHING
close to what I went through the 2 years prior.

I'm sure it is so much harder for you since you have a daughter
that's in the picture and it's affecting her. I believe there are a
number of couples who have had similar challenges and they won the
battle, so yes it can be done. I hold on to that in this current
relationship at times. IMO it takes a lot of work on both sides and
the co-operation of the insiders as well to even begin having a
chance.

Even though communication is something I feel is important I know
that's not always something you can easily do with these
circumstances. I don't know if it would help you to try and back
away from the situation for awhile, stay somewhere else and try to
get back who you are, with the understanding that you need to set
some boundries and needs before coming back home. I'm fairly certain
you won't be of much help with anything, including your daughter  if
you don't recover your own lost soul.

I wish you both good luck and you can email me anytime if you need
an ear to listen. Don't use the addy of this post, it is an old
one.....my current one is mor2_love@...

chris

--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, Elizabeth Heiby-Boteler
<cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@y...> wrote:
> To all who know have been there and done that:
>
>      Lately I have felt sooooooo spiritually drained.
> The kind of drained that you feel like you have no
> spirit at all anymore. I feel numb and disconnected
> from myself. I have had suicidal thoughts almost
> constintly. Then I think of my daughter and everything
> calms down and mellows out but only for that brief
> moment in time. Then I think about my current
> situations with my husband and his mental problems
> (which have now slithered into my life)and are now
> impossing on and in my life. Making me become this
> person that I've NEVER in my life until now have
> become. Fully
> confused,irratated,irratable,angry,outraged,hateful,cruel,thoughts
> of being vindictive,etc. I am tired of us both feeling
> this and want to get rid of it but can't because since
> my husband and I are soulmates everything he feels and
> goes through I feel and go through with him. We are
> both in Hell and can't get out. Does anyone know what
> him and I are going through and how did any of you get
> through it and help your spouse?
>
>           Sincerely,
>           Elizabeth
>
>
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Meet the all-new My Yahoo! - Try it today!
> http://my.yahoo.com

To all who know have been there and done that:

      Lately I have felt sooooooo spiritually drained.
The kind of drained that you feel like you have no
spirit at all anymore. I feel numb and disconnected
from myself. I have had suicidal thoughts almost
constintly. Then I think of my daughter and everything
calms down and mellows out but only for that brief
moment in time. Then I think about my current
situations with my husband and his mental problems
(which have now slithered into my life)and are now
impossing on and in my life. Making me become this
person that I've NEVER in my life until now have
become. Fully
confused,irratated,irratable,angry,outraged,hateful,cruel,thoughts
of being vindictive,etc. I am tired of us both feeling
this and want to get rid of it but can't because since
my husband and I are soulmates everything he feels and
goes through I feel and go through with him. We are
both in Hell and can't get out. Does anyone know what
him and I are going through and how did any of you get
through it and help your spouse?

           Sincerely,
           Elizabeth



__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Meet the all-new My Yahoo! - Try it today!
http://my.yahoo.com

I am DID, and i did lose my marriage, but it was not because of your
situation.

i think you need to take care of youself and your daughter.  by
setting boundaries you are also helping your DID spouse.  your DID
spouse is not in any way served by allowing you and or your daughter
to be harmed by thier symptoms.

i am sure DID individuals generally do not want to bring any harm,
and when they do inadvertantly, they will feel really awful so do not
allow your did spouses symptoms to bring harm to you or your daughter.

i don't think enabling the running is the helpful thing to do, when
it is abundantly true that when your DID spouse recovers more these
symptoms will decrease, and they are symptoms, resulting from not
having worked through healing processes.

delian



--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, sufia_j@y... wrote:
> What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
> really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't talk
> to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.
>
> Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
> years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
> the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans
and
> wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not
doing
> it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen
years.
> Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
> we're staying here.
>
> And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how
he's
> being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all
his
> problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
> comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every
week.
> Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?
I
> don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when
he's
> just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got
me
> so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable
or
> crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk
this
> all out with.
>
> I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
> could convince him to get back in therapy?
>
> All I know is that I can't take this anymore.
>
> Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too upset
> and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need
to
> get away for a while.
>
> Peace,
>
> Sufia

Dear Elizabeth...
My name is Shelby.  I am mpd.  My partner suggested these things:  try and
become friends with the alters, find out what they want.  Don't try and force
them to be your mate and don't try and make them do things your spouse would do.
I feel for you.  I will be praying for you and your husband.  Please feel free
to write again.
Sincerely,
Shelby

Elizabeth Heiby-Boteler <cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@...> wrote:
To whomever has ever gone through this before;

   My spouse has been diagnosed as PTSD and DID
disorders. Here's my problem. I have been with my
spouse for 3 years now and this is the very first time
that he has ever said the word divorce to me while
he's been switching left and right. Here's our story
about each other and how we met. In the beginning when
we first met we talked about everything espcially
divorce and we are both against it. His biological
parents divorced when he was 4 years old and that was
a traumatic experiance for him so that is one of the
reasons why he is against divorce. I know for a fact
that the person that I met was no alter because none
of his personalities like me and plus he has never
felt this way about anyone in his life. He said to me
when we first met that I shattered him. And in the
process I realize that he  shattered me too. What I
mean by shattered is that the worlds that we both were
living in came crumbling down and a light shone
through for the first time ever in our lives. I am
asking these questions to anyone that has gone through
this before because I am not sure if these
personalities are serious enough to get the divorce or
if their blowing smoke? I was wondering if anyone has
gone through this before because I want to know if it
might really happen or if they are just empty threats
from these personalities that can't stand me? His
personalities have never been on their own like this
before so this is new territory for them. He for the
first time in his life has his own money and can do
everything with it. We have a daughter together and I
wanted to know if anyone that has kids has gone
through this before and what you did? I can't afford
an attorney because my husband practically cleaned out
our bank account that we had together. It was in my
name only so that he wasn't able and allowed to touch
it and his paychecks were (until now) direct deposit
but now only his personalities figured out a way to
get into it with me and without me. He did not know
the pin number until one night one of his
personalities figured out the code. Now his
personalities have gone haywire. He has been diagnosed
as well as a born alcoholic and he is very dependant
on drugs and tabacco. He can't handle drinking one
beer or smoking because once he has one he starts
going back for more and more. I'm afraid that he will
end up in jail again or harming himself as well as
others. He is not willing to listen to any reasoning
what so ever. He has closed off his mind and heart to
me and our daughter. All he has told me is that he
wants to be allowed to do whatever he wants. I know
what that means when he saids that and I not only
don't agree with that I don't want our daughter
growing up in a home like that. I know for a fact that
these are constant personality switches and the person
that I met and fell in love with does not believe in
what these personality are doing. I know that my
husband is trapped in his own mind and body and is
screaming to be released and saved but my hands are
tied and there is no way I can help him. Does anyone
have any comforting words or advice for me? I am
hanging literally by a thread here. Can anyone out
there help me in any way? Please write me back
privately and let me know. Thank you. I'll be waiting
for someone to respond to me who has comforting words
and can help. If you can't help do you know of anyone
in your life that has gone through what I am right
now? If you do know of someone in your life that can
help please ask them to e-mail me so I can get help in
this matter. Thanks again. Bye for now.

                       Sincerely,
                       Elizabeth (frightened stiff)




__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - Find what you need with new enhanced search.
http://info.mail.yahoo.com/mail_250

Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT


---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links

    To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/

    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
  Read only the mail you want - Yahoo! Mail SpamGuard.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

To whomever has ever gone through this before;

   My spouse has been diagnosed as PTSD and DID
disorders. Here's my problem. I have been with my
spouse for 3 years now and this is the very first time
that he has ever said the word divorce to me while
he's been switching left and right. Here's our story
about each other and how we met. In the beginning when
we first met we talked about everything espcially
divorce and we are both against it. His biological
parents divorced when he was 4 years old and that was
a traumatic experiance for him so that is one of the
reasons why he is against divorce. I know for a fact
that the person that I met was no alter because none
of his personalities like me and plus he has never
felt this way about anyone in his life. He said to me
when we first met that I shattered him. And in the
process I realize that he  shattered me too. What I
mean by shattered is that the worlds that we both were
living in came crumbling down and a light shone
through for the first time ever in our lives. I am
asking these questions to anyone that has gone through
this before because I am not sure if these
personalities are serious enough to get the divorce or
if their blowing smoke? I was wondering if anyone has
gone through this before because I want to know if it
might really happen or if they are just empty threats
from these personalities that can't stand me? His
personalities have never been on their own like this
before so this is new territory for them. He for the
first time in his life has his own money and can do
everything with it. We have a daughter together and I
wanted to know if anyone that has kids has gone
through this before and what you did? I can't afford
an attorney because my husband practically cleaned out
our bank account that we had together. It was in my
name only so that he wasn't able and allowed to touch
it and his paychecks were (until now) direct deposit
but now only his personalities figured out a way to
get into it with me and without me. He did not know
the pin number until one night one of his
personalities figured out the code. Now his
personalities have gone haywire. He has been diagnosed
as well as a born alcoholic and he is very dependant
on drugs and tabacco. He can't handle drinking one
beer or smoking because once he has one he starts
going back for more and more. I'm afraid that he will
end up in jail again or harming himself as well as
others. He is not willing to listen to any reasoning
what so ever. He has closed off his mind and heart to
me and our daughter. All he has told me is that he
wants to be allowed to do whatever he wants. I know
what that means when he saids that and I not only
don't agree with that I don't want our daughter
growing up in a home like that. I know for a fact that
these are constant personality switches and the person
that I met and fell in love with does not believe in
what these personality are doing. I know that my
husband is trapped in his own mind and body and is
screaming to be released and saved but my hands are
tied and there is no way I can help him. Does anyone
have any comforting words or advice for me? I am
hanging literally by a thread here. Can anyone out
there help me in any way? Please write me back
privately and let me know. Thank you. I'll be waiting
for someone to respond to me who has comforting words
and can help. If you can't help do you know of anyone
in your life that has gone through what I am right
now? If you do know of someone in your life that can
help please ask them to e-mail me so I can get help in
this matter. Thanks again. Bye for now.

                       Sincerely,
                       Elizabeth (frightened stiff)




__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - Find what you need with new enhanced search.
http://info.mail.yahoo.com/mail_250

Found the person I was looking for. My Fiance signed up for this site and I
registered to bust her in the act....Thanks for making it so easy for me to do!
http://www.mypiece.com/findlove/

Sorry to barge in, but am needing some quick advice. My gf is DID
and I recently found out that a friend of theirs was raised in the
cult. According to this person they were not happy in that situation
so they walked away when they were in their early teens.

I have read much on the cults and to me one doesn't just decide it's
not their cup of tea and walk away. Added to that,  this person said
that they were being "trained" to be a higher up in the cult, soit
seems like they wouldn't just be set free. It was the family who put
them in this situation btw.

This person has contact with not only my gf but also with lil's and
who knows what others in her system. They claim to know MC so I am
worried about the entire situation.

What do you all think? Is this person possibly safe? Do I try to
convince them to distance themselves from this person? They
certainly don't need anymore hurt and heartache added to an already
full plate. TIA

Joe

HI Paul,
I'm glad you found this site too and my husband and I will do all we
can to help you. The first thing I am would wonder if I were you is
are you sure this is your wife and not an alter? My own alters have
done everything in the world to cause me trouble and I did end up
divorced but that was a different situation. That was my ex's fault.
Anyway, I have been married a year to my new husband but we've been
together (dating etc)for 3 yrs. The alters have done everything
possible to run him off. I'm sorry to say this, but they will lie,
pretend to be the host, other alters, sometimes anything to run off
the person who is closest to them. Sometimes just the thought of
someone loving them makes them fight. I dont know enough about your
situation (and I would like to know more) but if she thinks of you as
her "father" then that is a red flag for thinking its an alter
instead. Also, just six visits in counseling is not enough to even
begin to get started towards integration. Has she had therapy alone?
If not...this is EXTREMELY important that she get a therapist who is
EXPERIENCED in DID. It takes years of work to get to the point of
integration. I know...I have been in therapy 11yrs. But I did have 5
different therapists before I found one who is trained for treating
DID. I lived in the mountains of Eastern KY and no one there was
trained for that. I have an expert in the field now in Louisville and
even with our rigorous work we are still battling with the alters to
even cooperate. There is a LOT of hard, willing work to get to that
point though. If you just know this isnt her, then it probably isnt.
Dont give up hope! I know its hard! Poor Jeff, (my husband) has been
through it too. He can help you the most because he is the spouse.
Please send him an email. He doesnt get to get on the site very often
due to work etc. but he does check his emails pretty often. Please
send him an email...he can help you SOOOO much! I will tell him about
your case this evening and he can write you as early as tomorrow
morning. His email is gallantrocket@.... He has SOOO much to
offer other spouses of multiples. I also need your email address to
give to Jeff as well or he can just reply to you. Hang in there...we
are here for you.
Mary





-- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, PAUL CIPRIANI <plcipriani@s...>
wrote:
> Hi Mary,
>
> I'm new to this site and I am so glad I found it!
>
> My name is Paul and my wife has DID.  I think she might be at a
point of intigretion, but i'm not shure.  She told me that she feels
as though she awoke from a "coma" and she is a differant person and
not the one I married.  She said this happened last fall and since
then our relationship has fallen apart.  Last week she filed for
divorce!?  I have been there for her through it all and I wish I had
found this group sooner.  I have done alot of research about DID, to
a point I could probibly write a paper about my experiances.  This is
the darkest point of my life for I love her dearly and never expected
this to happen.
>
> We began marriage counciling last fall but after about six visits
she could not take it anymore and wanted to stop.  She would get very
angry when I would express my feelings and told me "I just didn't get
it" but could't tell my what I didn't get when I asked her. She tells
me she that I am more of a "Father" figure to her than a Husband?
Now she doesn't even want to try to repair our marrage of 25 years.
This is also ripping apart my boy's, I have three ages 22,20 and 13.
I am really trying to hold it together but God its hard.  I dont'
want to give up because she is a beuitiful person, and I know this
just isn't her.  I have called her therapyst but she has not got back
to me yet.
>
> I need so help.  Thanks for listening.
>
> Paul
> rollpsych2001 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
> Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
> inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
> can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a
BA
> in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about
DID
> with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
> doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
> pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with.
Also,
> my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
> lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
> I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
> integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE
than
> happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
> would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk
to
> him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these
at
> work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
> gallantrocket@y...  Mine is rollpsych2001@y... I will
> also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd
if
> you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
> Mary and Jeff
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>    To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/
>
>    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Mary,

I'm new to this site and I am so glad I found it!

My name is Paul and my wife has DID.  I think she might be at a point of
intigretion, but i'm not shure.  She told me that she feels as though she awoke
from a "coma" and she is a differant person and not the one I married.  She said
this happened last fall and since then our relationship has fallen apart.  Last
week she filed for divorce!?  I have been there for her through it all and I
wish I had found this group sooner.  I have done alot of research about DID, to
a point I could probibly write a paper about my experiances.  This is the
darkest point of my life for I love her dearly and never expected this to
happen.

We began marriage counciling last fall but after about six visits she could not
take it anymore and wanted to stop.  She would get very angry when I would
express my feelings and told me "I just didn't get it" but could't tell my what
I didn't get when I asked her. She tells me she that I am more of a "Father"
figure to her than a Husband?  Now she doesn't even want to try to repair our
marrage of 25 years.  This is also ripping apart my boy's, I have three ages
22,20 and 13.  I am really trying to hold it together but God its hard.  I dont'
want to give up because she is a beuitiful person, and I know this just isn't
her.  I have called her therapyst but she has not got back to me yet.

I need so help.  Thanks for listening.

Paul
rollpsych2001 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a BA
in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about DID
with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with. Also,
my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE than
happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk to
him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these at
work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
gallantrocket@....  Mine is rollpsych2001@.... I will
also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd if
you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
Mary and Jeff


Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT


---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links

    To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/

    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello Pauline!
Boy have we been there/done that!!!! My husband knows what you are
going through because of my sexual alter. She would be all over the
place having sex with men but Jeff has talked to her and she has
never even once cheated on him. You really need to talk to him about
this. He cant come on the site much because he doesnt have much time
to but he checks his emails regularly (sometimes from work) so he can
email you back...he knows SO MUCH about DID since being with me. He
can and would be glad to help you. And I wouldnt mind talking to your
husband or his alters if he'd like. My email is
rollpsych2001@... and Jeff's is gallantrocket@....
We hope to hear from you soon.
Mary











--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "alienette_01" <pauly_r2@h...>
wrote:
> I am looking forward to getting to know you all.  I live in
> Melbourne Australia.  I am married to a DID sufferer, been together
> for 17years.  He sees a terapist who we both trust and he is
> intergrating, we are both finding it extremely difficult. I am
> married to the host persona, his main active alter is a younger
> single sexually active male and I am his mother.  I only found out
I
> was his mother a month or so ago.  It must be terrible sorting all
> this out in his head.  He has many protectors around this younger
> persona. It must be very comfortable for him though having the best
> of two worlds, I think this is hard for him to give up.
> Fortunately, he wants it all to go away and get on with our life.
> My self esteem is low because he has been having affairs with woman
> half my age, and I feel he is only here for security. We are just
> taking things one day at a time, and seeing how everything balances
> out. Take care all, cheers Pauline

Hi..my name is Mary and my husband's name is Jeff. As far as meds go,
I'm afraid I've been on everything in the world and nothing has
helped much because different alters respond differently to meds. But
I have found that Paxil works best for us because it helps with the
social phobia as well as nervousness. I also take Trazodone to help
sleep. But I wont take it unless I've went at least 4-5nights without
sleep. As far as pregnancy goes, I dont think I can help you with
that, you'll have to ask your doctor. But for myself, I have found
that I do much better without meds at all. It seems that the meds
only numbed me out worse. I am now at the point of integration and it
helps me to feel everything even if it is hell to try to control. I
wouldnt recommend this for your wife, however, if she feels she
really needs something. You can talk to Jeff about anything having to
do with your wife. He is very knowledgeable and helpful about DID and
has learned so much. He knows all of my alters and what their needs
are. He would be glad to talk to you if you'd like to email him. He
doesnt get much time to come onto the site but he checks his emails
regularly (sometimes from work which is why he cant get on the site
much) But he can help you with anything you need. His email is
gallantrocket@.... I hope you send him an email...he knows SO
MUCH about DID.
Mary








-- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, MasterCJA@c... wrote:
> I was hoping that someone would be able to recomend the meds that
they have
> the best luck with.  My wife has been on almost everything.  Now we
hope and
> pray that she is stable enough for us to have a child.  With that
in mind, we
> need meds that won't harm the child.  Any help would be nice.
> -KC
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi! My name is Mary and I am a multiple. My husband's name is Jeff.
He knows SOOO much about DID. He knows all of my alters and what they
need etc. It has been VERY rocky because he had to deal with my angry
alters too. He can help you with this so much. He has went to therapy
with me and I have my BA in Psych and I am learning a lot as well. He
doesnt have a degree or anything but he is the most
intelligent/patient man I have ever known. He is so observant, he can
just look into my eyes and see different alters (and he knows who
they are even) pass by. I know he can help you tremendously. I dont
know if he can come on this site very often but he does check his
emails regularly (a lot of times from work, which is why its easier
to email him.) Please, please send him an email and talk to him... he
can help you. His email is gallantrocket@.... I would also be
more than willing to talk to your husband. My email is
rollpsych2001@.... I hope we can help you...HANG IN THERE!
(Also feel free to IM me if you see me online.
Mary








--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "ohsobjork" <ohsobjork@a...> wrote:
> I have come here because I think my partner has DID. We have a
friend
> who is a therapist who specialises in this field who first noticed
my
> partners behaviour. She has spoken to him about it but he is in
> denial, although sometimes will disclose things to me but I know
now
> that there is no point me trying to expand on this because that
> person quickly goes away. My difficulty is with some of the
> adolescent angry ones (I think there is about 2 maybe 3) they seem
to
> hate me and its these distructive ones which make me question my
> relationship. Basically we have got back together after another
split
> and really I so want to be able to live with this and support him
> because I love him dearly and he loves me. Thats why I have looked
> for I site I could talk to someone on, he is not diagnosed and I
> could not tell him about this, he has said quite recently that its
> the horrible one I need to like the most and I know this is true
but
> is hard and some days I think `I do not have to live like this`.
Most
> of the time my partner is great but these spells are more common
the
> longer we know eachother and when there is increased stress. I
> suppose my biggest concern is that evey time I really need support
or
> something stressful is happening for me I get the angry one/s who I
> then respond to negatively and it all goes pear-shaped! I dont know
I
> think I am waffling so I am sorry. He did start therapy last year
but
> soon stopped as he was not ready and I know that now. Its just so
> unfair he is such a lovely person who is in such turmoil at times
it
> really hurts, thanks for listening

Hi...I'm Mary...please hang in there! Help is here!! I am a multiple
and my husband Jeff is the most wonderful man I've ever met and he
knows how to deal with me and my alters. He would be glad to talk to
you about this and what he thinks and what you can do. I will pass
your message on to him and have him email you ok? His email is
gallantrocket@.... Please talk to him...he's the most
intelligent/patient man I've ever known and he knows SO MUCH about
multiples....!
Mary









--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, sufia_j@y... wrote:
> What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
> really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't talk
> to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.
>
> Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
> years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
> the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans
and
> wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not
doing
> it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen
years.
> Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
> we're staying here.
>
> And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how
he's
> being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all
his
> problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
> comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every
week.
> Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?
I
> don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when
he's
> just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got
me
> so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable
or
> crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk
this
> all out with.
>
> I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
> could convince him to get back in therapy?
>
> All I know is that I can't take this anymore.
>
> Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too upset
> and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need
to
> get away for a while.
>
> Peace,
>
> Sufia

Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a BA
in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about DID
with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with. Also,
my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE than
happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk to
him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these at
work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
gallantrocket@....  Mine is rollpsych2001@.... I will
also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd if
you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
Mary and Jeff

I have come here because I think my partner has DID. We have a friend
who is a therapist who specialises in this field who first noticed my
partners behaviour. She has spoken to him about it but he is in
denial, although sometimes will disclose things to me but I know now
that there is no point me trying to expand on this because that
person quickly goes away. My difficulty is with some of the
adolescent angry ones (I think there is about 2 maybe 3) they seem to
hate me and its these distructive ones which make me question my
relationship. Basically we have got back together after another split
and really I so want to be able to live with this and support him
because I love him dearly and he loves me. Thats why I have looked
for I site I could talk to someone on, he is not diagnosed and I
could not tell him about this, he has said quite recently that its
the horrible one I need to like the most and I know this is true but
is hard and some days I think `I do not have to live like this`. Most
of the time my partner is great but these spells are more common the
longer we know eachother and when there is increased stress. I
suppose my biggest concern is that evey time I really need support or
something stressful is happening for me I get the angry one/s who I
then respond to negatively and it all goes pear-shaped! I dont know I
think I am waffling so I am sorry. He did start therapy last year but
soon stopped as he was not ready and I know that now. Its just so
unfair he is such a lovely person who is in such turmoil at times it
really hurts, thanks for listening

I know this is easier said than done but you have to put yourself
and your daughter first.  My daughter went through the same thing of
my former wife (Sandy passed away 2 years ago) telling her "I am not
your mommy"  and that is something she remembers to this day.  My
daughter is now 13.  If he wants to move, let him, you cannot
disrupt yours and your daughters life any more than it is because he
needs to move.
Like I said I have been there and I know it is easier to say than to
do, but you really do have to think of you and your daughters
welfare.

I hope this helps somewhat.  Good luck,

Mark


--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, sufia_j@y... wrote:
> What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
> really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't
talk
> to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.
>
> Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
> years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
> the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans
and
> wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not
doing
> it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen
years.
> Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
> we're staying here.
>
> And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how
he's
> being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all
his
> problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
> comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every
week.
> Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?
I
> don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when
he's
> just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got
me
> so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable
or
> crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk
this
> all out with.
>
> I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
> could convince him to get back in therapy?
>
> All I know is that I can't take this anymore.
>
> Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too
upset
> and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need
to
> get away for a while.
>
> Peace,
>
> Sufia

I was hoping that someone would be able to recomend the meds that they have
the best luck with.  My wife has been on almost everything.  Now we hope and
pray that she is stable enough for us to have a child.  With that in mind, we
need meds that won't harm the child.  Any help would be nice.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The only thing I can think of is to set him down and tell him that you need
to set bounderies.  Do what is best for everyone involved.  Even if it isn't
what is best for him.  If he and his alters have gotten their way all the time
they will always think they will.  My wife tried pulling the same thing on me.
I put my foot down.  The end result, she left for two days and came back
willing to talk and to compromise.  It took two days for her to talk it over
with
here alters.  They realised that I was always their for them and they didn't
want to loose that.  If your SO wants to keep the relationship going he will
have to lurn to deal with the dissapointment that he will not always get his
way.  I hope this helps and forgive me for the spelling errors, I have a degree
in science and math not english.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't talk
to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.

Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans and
wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not doing
it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen years.
Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
we're staying here.

And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how he's
being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all his
problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every week.
Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?  I
don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when he's
just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got me
so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable or
crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk this
all out with.

I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
could convince him to get back in therapy?

All I know is that I can't take this anymore.

Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too upset
and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need to
get away for a while.

Peace,

Sufia

I am looking forward to getting to know you all.  I live in
Melbourne Australia.  I am married to a DID sufferer, been together
for 17years.  He sees a terapist who we both trust and he is
intergrating, we are both finding it extremely difficult. I am
married to the host persona, his main active alter is a younger
single sexually active male and I am his mother.  I only found out I
was his mother a month or so ago.  It must be terrible sorting all
this out in his head.  He has many protectors around this younger
persona. It must be very comfortable for him though having the best
of two worlds, I think this is hard for him to give up.
Fortunately, he wants it all to go away and get on with our life.
My self esteem is low because he has been having affairs with woman
half my age, and I feel he is only here for security. We are just
taking things one day at a time, and seeing how everything balances
out. Take care all, cheers Pauline

I signed up for this group two years ago and have read my e-mails that I have
recieved almost dayly.  However, I have never e-mailed out.  This is just a
test to see if this e-mail works.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dear Ann,

I'm glad you found this group.  It sounds like you're doing a
wonderful job of dealing with an incredibly difficult situation.  I'm
actually in awe of your ability to put your own feelings aside and
just be there for your girlfriend in whatever capacity she needs
right now.  She's very lucky to have you.

...


.  She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
> her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
> her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.
>

I really doubt this. People with DID compartmentalize pretty much
everything, and sexual orientation is no exception.  The girlfriend
you knew is almost certainly in there somewhere and you'll probably
be seeing her again.  Alters don't just disappear.  Even with
integration, every alter's thoughts and feelings just become part of
the whole.  So the person you knew as your girlfriend still exists.

Please hang in there and know that your support is doing your
girlfriend a world of good at a time when she really needs it.

Peace,

Sufia

Hello everyone,

I just found this message board and have been reading through old
posts.  My girlfriend...well, I guess that's not accurate
anymore....sigh... let me back up.

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, everything in our
relationship was wonderful, we didn't fight, we enjoyed the same
things, had goals and dreams together, and loved each other deeply
and passionately...then, one morning in October, we received a call
from her Mom, that her brother was killed in a car accident.  She
returned home to Florida for a few days and when she came back home,
she was different.  As it turns out, the situation with her brother
triggered her DID to come out, which had been lying quietly for
years.  She didn't know she had it, but was recently diagnosed after
a few months of pure confusion.

Anyway, the part of her that loved me in an intimate "lover"  went
away.  She was married to a man before, but he ended up hurting her,
so she got into a lesbian relationship with a woman twice her age,
who just tried to control her.  After leaving that relationship, she
was with me and said that she finally felt happiness for the first
time in her life.

Then...out came the personalities and the one who loved me in that
way disappeared completely.  The passion died and she no longer had
any interest in me, or any other women, sexually.  She started having
feelings for men again and it turns out there is one of her
personalities that wants to sleep with a guy at work and she is
constantly fighting this urge.  This is extremely difficult for me
because I still see her as my lover and it hurts like hell when I
reach out for her and she doesn't reach back.  She used to come up
behind me all the time and just hug me, or give me a kiss, and
then...nothing.  She finally told me a few weeks ago that she thinks
of me as her best friend, just doesn't have any desire to be with a
woman at this point in time.  She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.

Since she told me this, the last few weeks have been miserable.  I'm
was desperately trying to hold onto what we "had" and it wasn't
helping her get better.  Instead of focusing on her therapy, she was
worried and stressed about hurting me and my feelings.  Yesterday, I
made an extremely hard decision.  I told her that I decided to let go
of the lover part of our relationship, because in essence, it was
gone.  I explained that I wanted to continue to support her, as her
best friend and that hopefully one day she'll be able to make the
decision on which path she needs to take in life.  I hope to the
Goddess that her path is with me, but I understand it is going to
take time and lots of discovery before she can know.  She cannot take
the time work through her problems and get better, if I am hindering
that.  I made sure to let her know that I want to be with her every
step of the way, if that's a shoulder to cry on, or just someone she
can trust that is willing to listen and be there for her.

Right now, I just feel numb, part of me wishes I hadn't said anything
and just kept holding on, waiting for it to change, yet I saw what
pain I was causing her and I didn't want to be another road block in
her way.  I think right now, she needs my friendship, more than the
relationship that was hanging around by threads.

I just keep wondering, will it come back???  Is the woman that loved
me on that level really gone, or is she just covered up by all the
others that are just coming into play right now??  Did I do the right
thing?

Any comments would be appreciated ... thank you all!

Ann