Found the person I was looking for. My Fiance signed up for this site and I
registered to bust her in the act....Thanks for making it so easy for me to do!
http://www.mypiece.com/findlove/

Sorry to barge in, but am needing some quick advice. My gf is DID
and I recently found out that a friend of theirs was raised in the
cult. According to this person they were not happy in that situation
so they walked away when they were in their early teens.

I have read much on the cults and to me one doesn't just decide it's
not their cup of tea and walk away. Added to that,  this person said
that they were being "trained" to be a higher up in the cult, soit
seems like they wouldn't just be set free. It was the family who put
them in this situation btw.

This person has contact with not only my gf but also with lil's and
who knows what others in her system. They claim to know MC so I am
worried about the entire situation.

What do you all think? Is this person possibly safe? Do I try to
convince them to distance themselves from this person? They
certainly don't need anymore hurt and heartache added to an already
full plate. TIA

Joe

HI Paul,
I'm glad you found this site too and my husband and I will do all we
can to help you. The first thing I am would wonder if I were you is
are you sure this is your wife and not an alter? My own alters have
done everything in the world to cause me trouble and I did end up
divorced but that was a different situation. That was my ex's fault.
Anyway, I have been married a year to my new husband but we've been
together (dating etc)for 3 yrs. The alters have done everything
possible to run him off. I'm sorry to say this, but they will lie,
pretend to be the host, other alters, sometimes anything to run off
the person who is closest to them. Sometimes just the thought of
someone loving them makes them fight. I dont know enough about your
situation (and I would like to know more) but if she thinks of you as
her "father" then that is a red flag for thinking its an alter
instead. Also, just six visits in counseling is not enough to even
begin to get started towards integration. Has she had therapy alone?
If not...this is EXTREMELY important that she get a therapist who is
EXPERIENCED in DID. It takes years of work to get to the point of
integration. I know...I have been in therapy 11yrs. But I did have 5
different therapists before I found one who is trained for treating
DID. I lived in the mountains of Eastern KY and no one there was
trained for that. I have an expert in the field now in Louisville and
even with our rigorous work we are still battling with the alters to
even cooperate. There is a LOT of hard, willing work to get to that
point though. If you just know this isnt her, then it probably isnt.
Dont give up hope! I know its hard! Poor Jeff, (my husband) has been
through it too. He can help you the most because he is the spouse.
Please send him an email. He doesnt get to get on the site very often
due to work etc. but he does check his emails pretty often. Please
send him an email...he can help you SOOOO much! I will tell him about
your case this evening and he can write you as early as tomorrow
morning. His email is gallantrocket@.... He has SOOO much to
offer other spouses of multiples. I also need your email address to
give to Jeff as well or he can just reply to you. Hang in there...we
are here for you.
Mary





-- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, PAUL CIPRIANI <plcipriani@s...>
wrote:
> Hi Mary,
>
> I'm new to this site and I am so glad I found it!
>
> My name is Paul and my wife has DID.  I think she might be at a
point of intigretion, but i'm not shure.  She told me that she feels
as though she awoke from a "coma" and she is a differant person and
not the one I married.  She said this happened last fall and since
then our relationship has fallen apart.  Last week she filed for
divorce!?  I have been there for her through it all and I wish I had
found this group sooner.  I have done alot of research about DID, to
a point I could probibly write a paper about my experiances.  This is
the darkest point of my life for I love her dearly and never expected
this to happen.
>
> We began marriage counciling last fall but after about six visits
she could not take it anymore and wanted to stop.  She would get very
angry when I would express my feelings and told me "I just didn't get
it" but could't tell my what I didn't get when I asked her. She tells
me she that I am more of a "Father" figure to her than a Husband?
Now she doesn't even want to try to repair our marrage of 25 years.
This is also ripping apart my boy's, I have three ages 22,20 and 13.
I am really trying to hold it together but God its hard.  I dont'
want to give up because she is a beuitiful person, and I know this
just isn't her.  I have called her therapyst but she has not got back
to me yet.
>
> I need so help.  Thanks for listening.
>
> Paul
> rollpsych2001 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
> Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
> inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
> can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a
BA
> in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about
DID
> with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
> doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
> pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with.
Also,
> my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
> lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
> I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
> integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE
than
> happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
> would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk
to
> him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these
at
> work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
> gallantrocket@y...  Mine is rollpsych2001@y... I will
> also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd
if
> you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
> Mary and Jeff
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>    To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/
>
>    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi Mary,

I'm new to this site and I am so glad I found it!

My name is Paul and my wife has DID.  I think she might be at a point of
intigretion, but i'm not shure.  She told me that she feels as though she awoke
from a "coma" and she is a differant person and not the one I married.  She said
this happened last fall and since then our relationship has fallen apart.  Last
week she filed for divorce!?  I have been there for her through it all and I
wish I had found this group sooner.  I have done alot of research about DID, to
a point I could probibly write a paper about my experiances.  This is the
darkest point of my life for I love her dearly and never expected this to
happen.

We began marriage counciling last fall but after about six visits she could not
take it anymore and wanted to stop.  She would get very angry when I would
express my feelings and told me "I just didn't get it" but could't tell my what
I didn't get when I asked her. She tells me she that I am more of a "Father"
figure to her than a Husband?  Now she doesn't even want to try to repair our
marrage of 25 years.  This is also ripping apart my boy's, I have three ages
22,20 and 13.  I am really trying to hold it together but God its hard.  I dont'
want to give up because she is a beuitiful person, and I know this just isn't
her.  I have called her therapyst but she has not got back to me yet.

I need so help.  Thanks for listening.

Paul
rollpsych2001 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:
Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a BA
in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about DID
with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with. Also,
my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE than
happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk to
him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these at
work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
gallantrocket@....  Mine is rollpsych2001@.... I will
also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd if
you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
Mary and Jeff


Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT


---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links

    To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/

    To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

    Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hello Pauline!
Boy have we been there/done that!!!! My husband knows what you are
going through because of my sexual alter. She would be all over the
place having sex with men but Jeff has talked to her and she has
never even once cheated on him. You really need to talk to him about
this. He cant come on the site much because he doesnt have much time
to but he checks his emails regularly (sometimes from work) so he can
email you back...he knows SO MUCH about DID since being with me. He
can and would be glad to help you. And I wouldnt mind talking to your
husband or his alters if he'd like. My email is
rollpsych2001@... and Jeff's is gallantrocket@....
We hope to hear from you soon.
Mary











--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "alienette_01" <pauly_r2@h...>
wrote:
> I am looking forward to getting to know you all.  I live in
> Melbourne Australia.  I am married to a DID sufferer, been together
> for 17years.  He sees a terapist who we both trust and he is
> intergrating, we are both finding it extremely difficult. I am
> married to the host persona, his main active alter is a younger
> single sexually active male and I am his mother.  I only found out
I
> was his mother a month or so ago.  It must be terrible sorting all
> this out in his head.  He has many protectors around this younger
> persona. It must be very comfortable for him though having the best
> of two worlds, I think this is hard for him to give up.
> Fortunately, he wants it all to go away and get on with our life.
> My self esteem is low because he has been having affairs with woman
> half my age, and I feel he is only here for security. We are just
> taking things one day at a time, and seeing how everything balances
> out. Take care all, cheers Pauline

Hi..my name is Mary and my husband's name is Jeff. As far as meds go,
I'm afraid I've been on everything in the world and nothing has
helped much because different alters respond differently to meds. But
I have found that Paxil works best for us because it helps with the
social phobia as well as nervousness. I also take Trazodone to help
sleep. But I wont take it unless I've went at least 4-5nights without
sleep. As far as pregnancy goes, I dont think I can help you with
that, you'll have to ask your doctor. But for myself, I have found
that I do much better without meds at all. It seems that the meds
only numbed me out worse. I am now at the point of integration and it
helps me to feel everything even if it is hell to try to control. I
wouldnt recommend this for your wife, however, if she feels she
really needs something. You can talk to Jeff about anything having to
do with your wife. He is very knowledgeable and helpful about DID and
has learned so much. He knows all of my alters and what their needs
are. He would be glad to talk to you if you'd like to email him. He
doesnt get much time to come onto the site but he checks his emails
regularly (sometimes from work which is why he cant get on the site
much) But he can help you with anything you need. His email is
gallantrocket@.... I hope you send him an email...he knows SO
MUCH about DID.
Mary








-- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, MasterCJA@c... wrote:
> I was hoping that someone would be able to recomend the meds that
they have
> the best luck with.  My wife has been on almost everything.  Now we
hope and
> pray that she is stable enough for us to have a child.  With that
in mind, we
> need meds that won't harm the child.  Any help would be nice.
> -KC
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hi! My name is Mary and I am a multiple. My husband's name is Jeff.
He knows SOOO much about DID. He knows all of my alters and what they
need etc. It has been VERY rocky because he had to deal with my angry
alters too. He can help you with this so much. He has went to therapy
with me and I have my BA in Psych and I am learning a lot as well. He
doesnt have a degree or anything but he is the most
intelligent/patient man I have ever known. He is so observant, he can
just look into my eyes and see different alters (and he knows who
they are even) pass by. I know he can help you tremendously. I dont
know if he can come on this site very often but he does check his
emails regularly (a lot of times from work, which is why its easier
to email him.) Please, please send him an email and talk to him... he
can help you. His email is gallantrocket@.... I would also be
more than willing to talk to your husband. My email is
rollpsych2001@.... I hope we can help you...HANG IN THERE!
(Also feel free to IM me if you see me online.
Mary








--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "ohsobjork" <ohsobjork@a...> wrote:
> I have come here because I think my partner has DID. We have a
friend
> who is a therapist who specialises in this field who first noticed
my
> partners behaviour. She has spoken to him about it but he is in
> denial, although sometimes will disclose things to me but I know
now
> that there is no point me trying to expand on this because that
> person quickly goes away. My difficulty is with some of the
> adolescent angry ones (I think there is about 2 maybe 3) they seem
to
> hate me and its these distructive ones which make me question my
> relationship. Basically we have got back together after another
split
> and really I so want to be able to live with this and support him
> because I love him dearly and he loves me. Thats why I have looked
> for I site I could talk to someone on, he is not diagnosed and I
> could not tell him about this, he has said quite recently that its
> the horrible one I need to like the most and I know this is true
but
> is hard and some days I think `I do not have to live like this`.
Most
> of the time my partner is great but these spells are more common
the
> longer we know eachother and when there is increased stress. I
> suppose my biggest concern is that evey time I really need support
or
> something stressful is happening for me I get the angry one/s who I
> then respond to negatively and it all goes pear-shaped! I dont know
I
> think I am waffling so I am sorry. He did start therapy last year
but
> soon stopped as he was not ready and I know that now. Its just so
> unfair he is such a lovely person who is in such turmoil at times
it
> really hurts, thanks for listening

Hi...I'm Mary...please hang in there! Help is here!! I am a multiple
and my husband Jeff is the most wonderful man I've ever met and he
knows how to deal with me and my alters. He would be glad to talk to
you about this and what he thinks and what you can do. I will pass
your message on to him and have him email you ok? His email is
gallantrocket@.... Please talk to him...he's the most
intelligent/patient man I've ever known and he knows SO MUCH about
multiples....!
Mary









--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, sufia_j@y... wrote:
> What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
> really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't talk
> to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.
>
> Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
> years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
> the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans
and
> wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not
doing
> it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen
years.
> Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
> we're staying here.
>
> And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how
he's
> being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all
his
> problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
> comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every
week.
> Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?
I
> don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when
he's
> just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got
me
> so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable
or
> crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk
this
> all out with.
>
> I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
> could convince him to get back in therapy?
>
> All I know is that I can't take this anymore.
>
> Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too upset
> and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need
to
> get away for a while.
>
> Peace,
>
> Sufia

Hi! I'm Mary. My husband and I are old groupies here and have been
inactive for some time. Anyway, we are back and want to help all we
can. I am a multiple and I also just graduated from college with a BA
in Psychology. My husband has done a great deal of studying about DID
with me and he knows all of the alters, their needs, what works and
doesnt work with them, etc. I have been in therapy for 11yrs and
pretty much know a lot about the different things to deal with. Also,
my husband has attended therapy with me a great deal so he knows a
lot about what's going on too. Actually, he knows more than anyone
I've met who doesnt have a degree. I am finally at the point of
integration. We want to let everyone know that we would be MORE than
happy to answer any questions/concerns you might have. My husband
would also like to talk to any spouses/SO's who would care to talk to
him. He can only receive messages by email because he checks these at
work etc a lot of the times. His email address is:
gallantrocket@....  Mine is rollpsych2001@.... I will
also be checking the messageboard and I also dont mind being IM'd if
you see me online. Thanks and hope to talk to all of you soon.
Mary and Jeff

I have come here because I think my partner has DID. We have a friend
who is a therapist who specialises in this field who first noticed my
partners behaviour. She has spoken to him about it but he is in
denial, although sometimes will disclose things to me but I know now
that there is no point me trying to expand on this because that
person quickly goes away. My difficulty is with some of the
adolescent angry ones (I think there is about 2 maybe 3) they seem to
hate me and its these distructive ones which make me question my
relationship. Basically we have got back together after another split
and really I so want to be able to live with this and support him
because I love him dearly and he loves me. Thats why I have looked
for I site I could talk to someone on, he is not diagnosed and I
could not tell him about this, he has said quite recently that its
the horrible one I need to like the most and I know this is true but
is hard and some days I think `I do not have to live like this`. Most
of the time my partner is great but these spells are more common the
longer we know eachother and when there is increased stress. I
suppose my biggest concern is that evey time I really need support or
something stressful is happening for me I get the angry one/s who I
then respond to negatively and it all goes pear-shaped! I dont know I
think I am waffling so I am sorry. He did start therapy last year but
soon stopped as he was not ready and I know that now. Its just so
unfair he is such a lovely person who is in such turmoil at times it
really hurts, thanks for listening

I know this is easier said than done but you have to put yourself
and your daughter first.  My daughter went through the same thing of
my former wife (Sandy passed away 2 years ago) telling her "I am not
your mommy"  and that is something she remembers to this day.  My
daughter is now 13.  If he wants to move, let him, you cannot
disrupt yours and your daughters life any more than it is because he
needs to move.
Like I said I have been there and I know it is easier to say than to
do, but you really do have to think of you and your daughters
welfare.

I hope this helps somewhat.  Good luck,

Mark


--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, sufia_j@y... wrote:
> What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
> really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't
talk
> to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.
>
> Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
> years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
> the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans
and
> wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not
doing
> it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen
years.
> Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
> we're staying here.
>
> And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how
he's
> being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all
his
> problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
> comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every
week.
> Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?
I
> don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when
he's
> just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got
me
> so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable
or
> crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk
this
> all out with.
>
> I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
> could convince him to get back in therapy?
>
> All I know is that I can't take this anymore.
>
> Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too
upset
> and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need
to
> get away for a while.
>
> Peace,
>
> Sufia

I was hoping that someone would be able to recomend the meds that they have
the best luck with.  My wife has been on almost everything.  Now we hope and
pray that she is stable enough for us to have a child.  With that in mind, we
need meds that won't harm the child.  Any help would be nice.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The only thing I can think of is to set him down and tell him that you need
to set bounderies.  Do what is best for everyone involved.  Even if it isn't
what is best for him.  If he and his alters have gotten their way all the time
they will always think they will.  My wife tried pulling the same thing on me.
I put my foot down.  The end result, she left for two days and came back
willing to talk and to compromise.  It took two days for her to talk it over
with
here alters.  They realised that I was always their for them and they didn't
want to loose that.  If your SO wants to keep the relationship going he will
have to lurn to deal with the dissapointment that he will not always get his
way.  I hope this helps and forgive me for the spelling errors, I have a degree
in science and math not english.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

What do you do when you just can't stand it anymore?  I mean, I've
really, really had enough.  And the worst part is that I can't talk
to anyone about it; nobody here knows about his DID.

Twice yesterday he told our daughter, "I'm not Daddy."  She's four
years old.  She shouldn't have to deal with this.  And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.  He's ONCE AGAIN changing our life plans and
wanting to move (read: escape) to another city.  Well, I'm not doing
it again.  I'm just not.  I've put up with this for fourteen years.
Now I'm putting my foot down.  If he needs to go, he can go.  But
we're staying here.

And everything is my fault according to him.  If I point out how he's
being irrational, I'm standing in his way.  I'm the source of all his
problems.  I'm the bad guy if I don't jump at every crazy plan he
comes up with--and he comes up with a new one just about every week.
Do you know how many job changes and moves I've supported him in?  I
don't know; I've actually lost count.  But there are times when he's
just not making any sense and I *have* to say no, right?  He's got me
so confused I don't know what's right and wrong, what's reasonable or
crazy anymore.  I wish we had some neutral person we could talk this
all out with.

I really wish he was in therapy.  Do you think there's any way I
could convince him to get back in therapy?

All I know is that I can't take this anymore.

Thanks for listening.  I know I've been rambling, but I'm too upset
and stressed-out to make much sense at the moment.  I think I need to
get away for a while.

Peace,

Sufia

I am looking forward to getting to know you all.  I live in
Melbourne Australia.  I am married to a DID sufferer, been together
for 17years.  He sees a terapist who we both trust and he is
intergrating, we are both finding it extremely difficult. I am
married to the host persona, his main active alter is a younger
single sexually active male and I am his mother.  I only found out I
was his mother a month or so ago.  It must be terrible sorting all
this out in his head.  He has many protectors around this younger
persona. It must be very comfortable for him though having the best
of two worlds, I think this is hard for him to give up.
Fortunately, he wants it all to go away and get on with our life.
My self esteem is low because he has been having affairs with woman
half my age, and I feel he is only here for security. We are just
taking things one day at a time, and seeing how everything balances
out. Take care all, cheers Pauline

I signed up for this group two years ago and have read my e-mails that I have
recieved almost dayly.  However, I have never e-mailed out.  This is just a
test to see if this e-mail works.
-KC


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Dear Ann,

I'm glad you found this group.  It sounds like you're doing a
wonderful job of dealing with an incredibly difficult situation.  I'm
actually in awe of your ability to put your own feelings aside and
just be there for your girlfriend in whatever capacity she needs
right now.  She's very lucky to have you.

...


.  She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
> her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
> her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.
>

I really doubt this. People with DID compartmentalize pretty much
everything, and sexual orientation is no exception.  The girlfriend
you knew is almost certainly in there somewhere and you'll probably
be seeing her again.  Alters don't just disappear.  Even with
integration, every alter's thoughts and feelings just become part of
the whole.  So the person you knew as your girlfriend still exists.

Please hang in there and know that your support is doing your
girlfriend a world of good at a time when she really needs it.

Peace,

Sufia

Hello everyone,

I just found this message board and have been reading through old
posts.  My girlfriend...well, I guess that's not accurate
anymore....sigh... let me back up.

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, everything in our
relationship was wonderful, we didn't fight, we enjoyed the same
things, had goals and dreams together, and loved each other deeply
and passionately...then, one morning in October, we received a call
from her Mom, that her brother was killed in a car accident.  She
returned home to Florida for a few days and when she came back home,
she was different.  As it turns out, the situation with her brother
triggered her DID to come out, which had been lying quietly for
years.  She didn't know she had it, but was recently diagnosed after
a few months of pure confusion.

Anyway, the part of her that loved me in an intimate "lover"  went
away.  She was married to a man before, but he ended up hurting her,
so she got into a lesbian relationship with a woman twice her age,
who just tried to control her.  After leaving that relationship, she
was with me and said that she finally felt happiness for the first
time in her life.

Then...out came the personalities and the one who loved me in that
way disappeared completely.  The passion died and she no longer had
any interest in me, or any other women, sexually.  She started having
feelings for men again and it turns out there is one of her
personalities that wants to sleep with a guy at work and she is
constantly fighting this urge.  This is extremely difficult for me
because I still see her as my lover and it hurts like hell when I
reach out for her and she doesn't reach back.  She used to come up
behind me all the time and just hug me, or give me a kiss, and
then...nothing.  She finally told me a few weeks ago that she thinks
of me as her best friend, just doesn't have any desire to be with a
woman at this point in time.  She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.

Since she told me this, the last few weeks have been miserable.  I'm
was desperately trying to hold onto what we "had" and it wasn't
helping her get better.  Instead of focusing on her therapy, she was
worried and stressed about hurting me and my feelings.  Yesterday, I
made an extremely hard decision.  I told her that I decided to let go
of the lover part of our relationship, because in essence, it was
gone.  I explained that I wanted to continue to support her, as her
best friend and that hopefully one day she'll be able to make the
decision on which path she needs to take in life.  I hope to the
Goddess that her path is with me, but I understand it is going to
take time and lots of discovery before she can know.  She cannot take
the time work through her problems and get better, if I am hindering
that.  I made sure to let her know that I want to be with her every
step of the way, if that's a shoulder to cry on, or just someone she
can trust that is willing to listen and be there for her.

Right now, I just feel numb, part of me wishes I hadn't said anything
and just kept holding on, waiting for it to change, yet I saw what
pain I was causing her and I didn't want to be another road block in
her way.  I think right now, she needs my friendship, more than the
relationship that was hanging around by threads.

I just keep wondering, will it come back???  Is the woman that loved
me on that level really gone, or is she just covered up by all the
others that are just coming into play right now??  Did I do the right
thing?

Any comments would be appreciated ... thank you all!

Ann

Hello everyone,

I just found this message board and have been reading through old
posts.  My girlfriend...well, I guess that's not accurate
anymore....sigh... let me back up.

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, everything in our
relationship was wonderful, we didn't fight, we enjoyed the same
things, had goals and dreams together, and loved each other deeply
and passionately...then, one morning in October, we received a call
from her Mom, that her brother was killed in a car accident.  She
returned home to Florida for a few days and when she came back home,
she was different.  As it turns out, the situation with her brother
triggered her DID to come out, which had been lying quietly for
years.  She didn't know she had it, but was recently diagnosed after
a few months of pure confusion.

Anyway, the part of her that loved me in an intimate "lover"  went
away.  She was married to a man before, but he ended up hurting her,
so she got into a lesbian relationship with a woman twice her age,
who just tried to control her.  After leaving that relationship, she
was with me and said that she finally felt happiness for the first
time in her life.

Then...out came the personalities and the one who loved me in that
way disappeared completely.  The passion died and she no longer had
any interest in me, or any other women, sexually.  She started having
feelings for men again and it turns out there is one of her
personalities that wants to sleep with a guy at work and she is
constantly fighting this urge.  This is extremely difficult for me
because I still see her as my lover and it hurts like hell when I
reach out for her and she doesn't reach back.  She used to come up
behind me all the time and just hug me, or give me a kiss, and
then...nothing.  She finally told me a few weeks ago that she thinks
of me as her best friend, just doesn't have any desire to be with a
woman at this point in time.  She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.

Since she told me this, the last few weeks have been miserable.  I'm
was desperately trying to hold onto what we "had" and it wasn't
helping her get better.  Instead of focusing on her therapy, she was
worried and stressed about hurting me and my feelings.  Yesterday, I
made an extremely hard decision.  I told her that I decided to let go
of the lover part of our relationship, because in essence, it was
gone.  I explained that I wanted to continue to support her, as her
best friend and that hopefully one day she'll be able to make the
decision on which path she needs to take in life.  I hope to the
Goddess that her path is with me, but I understand it is going to
take time and lots of discovery before she can know.  She cannot take
the time work through her problems and get better, if I am hindering
that.  I made sure to let her know that I want to be with her every
step of the way, if that's a shoulder to cry on, or just someone she
can trust that is willing to listen and be there for her.

Right now, I just feel numb, part of me wishes I hadn't said anything
and just kept holding on, waiting for it to change, yet I saw what
pain I was causing her and I didn't want to be another road block in
her way.  I think right now, she needs my friendship, more than the
relationship that was hanging around by threads.

I just keep wondering, will it come back???  Is the woman that loved
me on that level really gone, or is she just covered up by all the
others that are just coming into play right now??  Did I do the right
thing?

Any comments would be appreciated ... thank you all!

Ann

I married a little over a year ago and found out 2 months later my
wife was DID.  For the first time in her 40 years of dealing with her
condition, "Moses" said it was all right for "Little Patty" to come
out to talk to me, to see how I would treat her and my wife, Tricia,
afterwards.  We are currently mapping the system and beginning to look
for the proper therapist.  Also writing our story to give to the
therapist to assist.  Does anyone have any advice concerning choosing
a therapist?  We are not insured and would be looking for therapy on a
sliding scale fee basis, but for financial reasons not with a
therapist who would want to prolong therapy any longer than necessary.
Being self-diagnosed and educated consumers of mental health services
we feel challenged in the strange environment this condition seems to
create.  We have done a lot of the initial therapy work ourselves, but
will definately need professional help in the abreaction phase, etc.
Any advice from anyone in a similar situation would be appreciated.
Thanks

John,
Sorry, I called you matt. I read your E-mail and burst LOL. Every line brought
back memory's. The disappearing act can really get old quick. One night we went
to pick up a car and she hopped in and took off. Didn't here from her for 8 hrs
or more. got a call from one of her child alters that she had gassed up then
disappeared. Left a child out, no money and scarred to death. had to drive to
were she was and pay the bill. I quickly made some cards for the kid's to hand
out with my phone # if it happened again. John, have any child alters presented
themselves yet? If your wife had an (traumatic event) as a youngster then she
should have young alters. I feel they are key to my getting along with alters.
My wife's won't come out if the body is really hurting or if they are suicidal.
Once after a suicide attempt I thought real hard about letting her go. I didn't
and she spent a week in ICU. Hard on the family!
My wife plays the mom roll really good also. My youngest daughter hates it.
calls it faked. Lately she says maybe its OK. You ask, love life? No! both our
faults. Having sex with a child, not my bag. Also doing it with a dominating Bi.
is not fun ether. My partner left when the kids were born. Now we are good
friends and all the little ones are learning they are safe in our house. Outside
is another story. The Girls are adults now and don't like the woman who lives
with us but are forgiving the past. I think. LOL.

Hope things get better,
Mike
>
> MIke, for several months now my wife has been mostly
> just one or two alters that I can tell.  She goies
> away for several days at a time and never contacts me
> or the kids.  its hard on them/  then she reappears on
> puts on a supermom act.  yes, seh refuses all help.
> but my boys and I are in therapy.  both my therapist
> the boys' are conviced my ex is DID and I think the
> evidence is conclusive now.  I saw a lot of drug use
> for a while and we had scary calls from dealers to the
> house for a bit but that seems to have gone away.
>
> I think I was like you, lived with switching but never
> knew it until things became extreme.  frankly, at
> times I wish she would just melt down or become so
> extremem that something had to be done.  its hard on
> the kids and I to be caught in limbo like this.  Im
> just surprised she is able to play the mom rool as
> long as she has been withouth switching out around the
> kids.  time will tell.
>
> is your wife loving towards you now?  what is live
> life like and how are your kids about things now?
>
>
> cheers,
>
>
> john
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Search - Find what you’re looking for faster
> http://search.yahoo.com
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>

MIke, for several months now my wife has been mostly
just one or two alters that I can tell.  She goies
away for several days at a time and never contacts me
or the kids.  its hard on them/  then she reappears on
puts on a supermom act.  yes, seh refuses all help.
but my boys and I are in therapy.  both my therapist
the boys' are conviced my ex is DID and I think the
evidence is conclusive now.  I saw a lot of drug use
for a while and we had scary calls from dealers to the
house for a bit but that seems to have gone away.

I think I was like you, lived with switching but never
knew it until things became extreme.  frankly, at
times I wish she would just melt down or become so
extremem that something had to be done.  its hard on
the kids and I to be caught in limbo like this.  Im
just surprised she is able to play the mom rool as
long as she has been withouth switching out around the
kids.  time will tell.

is your wife loving towards you now?  what is live
life like and how are your kids about things now?


cheers,


john

__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Search - Find what you’re looking for faster
http://search.yahoo.com

Hi Matt, No proublem sharing. I'll try to answer your questions in
order.For the last 10 years my wife has been in therapy. for the
last 7 we have had a house guest who also is DID. When things get
rockey the two  can help each other. About our first 5 years, Yes
there were alters. I was just unaware, If I had been we would not
have had children. It was very hard on them. My wife was diagnosed
10 yrs ago approx. The kids were raised by then. I think our
fighting and her mood changes were hard on them. They were taken
good care of otherwise. Yes my wife has teenage alters. One is a
hand full, Smokes-drinks- and is bi-sexual.could write a book on
that one.lol. You say your wife won't go to therapy! You and your
children could benefit from it.
Good luck,
Mike--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, John McPherson
<slimpoint@y...> wrote:
> Mike, thanks for dropping me a line.  wha has become
> of your wife? was she consistently one alter for 5
> years?  no switching at all? and how have things been
> for your kids?
>
> this is a nightmare.  we had 10 great years, 3 good,
> then craziness the last few.  I still have a tough
> time absorbing this all, how the person I love could
> disappear inside her own body.  worry abbout my kids
> ll the time, bit dont know what I can do at this
> point.  she is doing ok taking care of them when she
> has them.  did your wife have an lesbian behavior?
> that was a big issue here a lot of acting out, that
> others here have suggested was a teenage alter. angry
> and rebellious, listenedto hip hop music all the time,
> obsessed with how she looked.  its just all so
> bizarre.
> ]
> Id like to hear more about your story of you care to
> share it.
>
> cheers,
>
>
> matt
>
> __________________________________
> Do you Yahoo!?
> Yahoo! Search - Find what you're looking for faster
> http://search.yahoo.com

Mike, thanks for dropping me a line.  wha has become
of your wife? was she consistently one alter for 5
years?  no switching at all? and how have things been
for your kids?

this is a nightmare.  we had 10 great years, 3 good,
then craziness the last few.  I still have a tough
time absorbing this all, how the person I love could
disappear inside her own body.  worry abbout my kids
ll the time, bit dont know what I can do at this
point.  she is doing ok taking care of them when she
has them.  did your wife have an lesbian behavior?
that was a big issue here a lot of acting out, that
others here have suggested was a teenage alter. angry
and rebellious, listenedto hip hop music all the time,
obsessed with how she looked.  its just all so
bizarre.
]
Id like to hear more about your story of you care to
share it.

cheers,


matt

__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Search - Find what you’re looking for faster
http://search.yahoo.com

I married an alter but of course did't know it for many years.we
were very happy for about 5 yrs untill the body became pregnant.
then she went inside..pure hell for years untill a bad trama brought
her dissorder to light. I'am now the daddy to a lot of kids.
Your Ex with out care might become self-distructive, but that
happens even with help. Good luck to you and your children. It can
be a wild ride.
Mike-- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, graham@i... wrote:
>
> I have a DID girlfriend. She has 4 altars. If therapy is not an
option and you
> are in any way able. Love all of her altars. Reject no one. Accept
them all and
> hopefully they will accept themselves.
>
>
> Quoting catoga83 <slimpoint@y...>:
>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > My wife and I had a wonderful marriage for many many years. 
> >
> > But over the last several she became increasingly irritable. 
Then
> >
> > a few years ago I began to see extreme episodes of amnesia in
> >
> > her, drastic changes in mood, outlook, demeanor, dress and
> >
> > mannerisms.  She eventually became paranoid delusional that
> >
> > friends were trying to kill her/us, she disappeared from our
family
> >
> > often and ultimately came to believe that I too was trying to
kill
> >
> > her.  No amount of persuasion could get her to feel otherwise.
> >
> >
> >
> > In the end, she divorced me out of fear that I was trying to
harm
> >
> > her. I have never even raised my voice at her and would run
> >
> > through flames to save her.  She had no basis for her fear at
all,
> >
> > other then something deep in her past.
> >
> >
> >
> > Im wondering if anyone else out there has lost their spouse to
> >
> > MPD.  The pain that myself and my children have gone through
is
> >
> > indescribable, and Im sure my ex is in horrific pain as well,
> >
> > though she shows no emotions whatsoever and refuses all
> >
> > therapy or suggestion of treatment.
> >
> >
> >
> > She now lives alone, has few friends, does not work and seems
> >
> > to be just impoding.  It is horrible to sit by helpless and
watch her
> >
> > spiral down.
> >
> >
> >
> > What becomes of someone with DID who never gets treated? 
> >
> > Where does this go?  Was the person I married and loved and
> >
> > alter, or a whole person who is now fractured into many alters?
> >
> > Can I expect any reason to hold out hope for this situation that
I
> >
> > might ever see "her" again?
> >
> >
> >
> > any advice or insight that can be offered would be greatly
> >
> > appreciated.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> > To visit your group on the web, go to:
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/
> >  
> > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> > mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
> >  
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >

Hello to group members.
My name is Mike and live with two DID people. My wife and our
friend, who we met while my wife was being treated as a inpatient.
also a daughter who lives alone but keeps in good contact. we have
been married for 38 years and she has been diagnosed for about 13
years. In our house we have at least a 100 alter's Mostly children.
I will respond if there our any questions.

Mike

I have a DID girlfriend. She has 4 altars. If therapy is not an option and you
are in any way able. Love all of her altars. Reject no one. Accept them all and
hopefully they will accept themselves.


Quoting catoga83 <slimpoint@...>:

>
>
>
>
> My wife and I had a wonderful marriage for many many years. 
>
> But over the last several she became increasingly irritable.  Then
>
> a few years ago I began to see extreme episodes of amnesia in
>
> her, drastic changes in mood, outlook, demeanor, dress and
>
> mannerisms.  She eventually became paranoid delusional that
>
> friends were trying to kill her/us, she disappeared from our family
>
> often and ultimately came to believe that I too was trying to kill
>
> her.  No amount of persuasion could get her to feel otherwise.
>
>
>
> In the end, she divorced me out of fear that I was trying to harm
>
> her. I have never even raised my voice at her and would run
>
> through flames to save her.  She had no basis for her fear at all,
>
> other then something deep in her past.
>
>
>
> Im wondering if anyone else out there has lost their spouse to
>
> MPD.  The pain that myself and my children have gone through is
>
> indescribable, and Im sure my ex is in horrific pain as well,
>
> though she shows no emotions whatsoever and refuses all
>
> therapy or suggestion of treatment.
>
>
>
> She now lives alone, has few friends, does not work and seems
>
> to be just impoding.  It is horrible to sit by helpless and watch her
>
> spiral down.
>
>
>
> What becomes of someone with DID who never gets treated? 
>
> Where does this go?  Was the person I married and loved and
>
> alter, or a whole person who is now fractured into many alters?
>
> Can I expect any reason to hold out hope for this situation that I
>
> might ever see "her" again?
>
>
>
> any advice or insight that can be offered would be greatly
>
> appreciated.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
> To visit your group on the web, go to:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mpdspouses/
>  
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> mpdspouses-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>  
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

My wife and I had a wonderful marriage for many many years.
But over the last several she became increasingly irritable.  Then
a few years ago I began to see extreme episodes of amnesia in
her, drastic changes in mood, outlook, demeanor, dress and
mannerisms.  She eventually became paranoid delusional that
friends were trying to kill her/us, she disappeared from our family
often and ultimately came to believe that I too was trying to kill
her.  No amount of persuasion could get her to feel otherwise.

In the end, she divorced me out of fear that I was trying to harm
her. I have never even raised my voice at her and would run
through flames to save her.  She had no basis for her fear at all,
other then something deep in her past.

Im wondering if anyone else out there has lost their spouse to
MPD.  The pain that myself and my children have gone through is
indescribable, and Im sure my ex is in horrific pain as well,
though she shows no emotions whatsoever and refuses all
therapy or suggestion of treatment.

She now lives alone, has few friends, does not work and seems
to be just impoding.  It is horrible to sit by helpless and watch her
spiral down.

What becomes of someone with DID who never gets treated?
Where does this go?  Was the person I married and loved and
alter, or a whole person who is now fractured into many alters?
Can I expect any reason to hold out hope for this situation that I
might ever see "her" again?

any advice or insight that can be offered would be greatly
appreciated.

Thanks so much for your response back to the questions. Then I think my husband
is almost through all of his alters and is almost completely done with all the
hell of his passed family hell. That means that there really is hope everyone.
Just keep getting through the storm and the calm will follow not to far behind.
Love all and hope all are doing well in this message board. Bye for now!


                         Sincerely,
                         Elizabeth






---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Finance: Get your refund fast by filing online

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, reecemarie50 <no_reply@y...> wrote:
> How do you know when there are no more alters to discover?


Well, it can be hard to know for sure.  Not infrequently someone goes
through therapy and achieves integration only to discover other
alters that were previously unknown.  But you can assume that there
are no more alters when there's no missing time and no missing
memories and when no new alters can be elicited through hypnosis.

(And yes, I'm still here. I just haven't posted in a while.
Hopefully I'll be more active from now on.)

Peace,

Sufia