Gail,
Hi, I am new here in the group but wanted you to have more than just one
response to your question.
It sounds to me like your S/O is still very secrective and closed off about
his condition. He may not be ready to talk about it with anyone. Hopefully he is
in therapy?
No two multiples are alike. Some are so good at hiding themselves that you
would be hard pressed to prove they were multiple unless they choose to come out
to you. The thing many people forget is this condition isn't developed to get
attention.
I didn't become a multiple to be noticed, I became a multiple to hide what was
happening from everyone. Part of that was acting "normal" even though we knew we
would never be like the other kids (which of course we believed was our fault)
we had one or more who could be.
When you see your husband realise each part has or had a reason for being.
Either a job to do, or a memory to hold, something that they are or were needed
for. But above all the job all alters have is to NOT GET CAUGHT! To always
appear normal. So when you ask who is out at least at first that will probably
cause an internal fear response. Many of us still respond that way and we have
been in therapy over 20 years.
If he isn't in therapy getting him to open up might not be such a good
experiance for either of you. Reguardless it might not bring you closer like you
think. Quite the oppisite effect has been known to happen too. With the good
comes the bad. And really the depths of sorrow and pain that some multiples have
should only be dumped on a therapist. Just my opinion.
I am surprised that in 24 years you have never discovered even one of their
names. That by itself speaks volumes about how secrective and scarred his system
must be. I have helped therapists in my area with other multiples and I've found
that in general those that like us take a long time to disclose anything or
anyone have the most trust & secretcy issues they were for lack of a better term
"were more deeply ingrained" usually with what I call the catch 22 or double
bind, It is making the child feel they chose to be abused. Like giving them a
choice between A or B both are abuses and there are no non-abusive choices but
the child chooses their own abuse. That makes them a part of the abuse in their
eyes and sometimes the abuser even brings another child into the abusive
relationship forcing the first child to abuse the other child to ensure that the
silence isn't broken.
Reguardless of why your husband hasn't been able to share his childhood with
you (opening up about who is out would start that process you probably can't
have it both ways)You have been together 24 years! That hopefully says you two
are doing something right. I'd hope you would have done something before now if
you'd been miserable all that time. ABOVE all be patient and love him. Mobt
multiples have experianced little or no unconditional love. That being said I
think I should also say with apropriate broundries.
I hope this made some sense to you and would love to hear how you are doing
now.

Love is the answer, Pandora & the Collective




--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, "gail.robinson" <grobinson@...> wrote:
>
> As I read these posts, I can't help feeling a bit envious of
> the openess you all seem to experience within your SO's system.
> I have been with my SO for 24 years, and I have not even been
> able to know any names or specifics regarding his interior world.
> It would sure be nice to be "let-in" enough to at least know names of
> OM's when you recognize they are out. I am totally shut-out when it
> comes to any revealation of this sort. It's very painful to feel so
> shut-out when I love him so very much.
>
> What did any of you do to get to that point? I'd love any feedback that
> any of you have regarding this.
>
> Take Care,
> Gail
>