Hi Thea

I am 39 years old and have two kids and she has three of her own. They do not
know there mom has DID nor does her family know. Personally I dont think her
therapist helps her but then again I am not there to know.. I understand what
your saying in your emial for I have thought of those things to. Everyone needs
a friend at least I think so. I have come to the reality that I probably do not
have a future with this woman because she just does not talk to me anymore. I
understand about the money thing to. I have helped her in alot of ways
financially but never really knew what was going on. I dont her much from her
and if I do its usually a lil one or the alter that does not like me at all. I
have felt taken advantage of at times but then I did not know what was going on.
I am a kind guy with a good heart and I help people when I see they need it.
Good for her bad for me I guess.. Thank you for your wisdom.

Nate




________________________________
From: Thea <wishin52@...>
To: mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, February 2, 2009 3:02:04 PM
Subject: Re: [MPD Spouses] Hi to all



Nathan,
I have no idea your position regarding age, other opportunities, children,
finances etc. so it is rather presumptive of me to even offer an answer. however
I noticed that no spouses of DIDs replied to you
 
So here is a take from the other side.
IF and only if your girl is indeed in therapy aimed at working on her DID then
there is perhaps hope for a real relationship that is not continually a roller
coaster ride.  If she is indeed in therapy then the work will take 3-5 years and
you will be riding that ride the whole time until coconsciousness is achieved.
 
Otherwise I would say you have no idea what you are in for.  There is no book
that I have read thus far that even begins to describe how awful it is for the
"normal" person inside a DID relationship.  We are treated alternately horribly
and wonderfully and sometimes just ignored and treated as though we don't exist.
 
If you are planning on having children with this woman, you are doing your
children a gross dis-service.  NOW all you with DID please don't go getting up
in arms, I have seen the adverse effects on my family and don't wish that on
anyone.  Granted my boys have a play buddy unparalleled and in some regards that
is a great thing, but as for having a co-parent, well he exists sometimes and
not others and that is difficult.  Plus he has a child's view of discipline so
it is often skewed weirdly.
 
It is not easy being involved with a DID and we (the whole family) had to
threaten to leave our DID in order to get him into therapy because our house was
in such a sad state of affairs.  I would also recommend that you guard your
finances as they don't always know that they all are spending and that costs
more than supporting one person, if that makes sense.
 
Sory if this is a bit long but there is so much more to understand for you.
Thea
--- On Sun, 2/1/09, ndoss36 <ndoss36@yahoo. com> wrote:

From: ndoss36 <ndoss36@yahoo. com>
Subject: [MPD Spouses] Hi to all
To: mpdspouses@yahoogro ups.com
Date: Sunday, February 1, 2009, 12:31 PM

Hello
My name is Nathan and I have been dating a wondeful woman for 13
months now. About five months ago I noticed little changes but
dismissed it thought she was just being nervous. I had a few things
happen that made me begin to think about all the little things I
saw. I started reading everybook I could get my hands on until I
finally put the puzzle together. It has not been easy for her and I
could never figure that out. I could tell she wanted and enjoyed
very much being with me but I noticed at times when I looked into
her eyes that there was something different. It has taken me awhile
and waiting for the right time to ask if she had DID. Once I did it
through her system into a state of panic. Its been a month now since
I have talked with her but have had many encounters with her alters.
Everything from get lost buddy to your nice but it would be better
if you just forgot about her. If I had not known and she said these
things I would have been deeply hurt but thank god I knew what was
going on. She did tell me that night she said yes to DID that no one
in her family knows not even her three kids and that I was not to
tell anyone. Then her alter Kim showed up (the protector) and said a
few nice words to me. I care so much about her and it hurts to know
she is going through this alone. She claims she is seeing a
therapist but to be honest I really dont know. Her daughter is mad
at me because she thinks I hurt her which I dont. I am just
overwhelmed and I hope one day she will come back.

nate

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]