Hi Nate;

One of the 'older' resident multiples here....don't post much, but read most
everything.

I can hear your frustration and confusion - sorry you're going through such
a hard time. Just a quick note here...

Everything you described in your last post is common to all multiples, in my
opinion, especially those not with co-consciousness or co-operation, where
the condition is in control of the life rather than the system having majority
control. From the others saying all sorts of contradictory statements to
you - even some trying to push you away (it's their job is what they know) to
the issues with trust. Even those, like us, who have the 'C's"
(co-consciousness, cooperation, control, co-existence, etc.) so to speak, for
the most part
and have been through good therapy and hard work still have issues that we
have to work on for the rest of our lives. It's not an easy road, but it's
not impossible.

The one thing that struck me from your last post is this - it's a very easy
thing to say and a very simple concept to grasp, however - granted, it is
very, very hard to put into practice. From my observations and experiences,
breakthroughs have taken place in a relationship between singleton and multiple
system when the singleton understands, accepts and does their best to put
into practice the idea that...."you can't take it personally." A certain
objectivity and even some healthy emotional distance really is needed to keep
yourself in the healthy place that you need to be if you choose to partner a
multiple system. Now, I'm not talking about specific behaviors necessarily,
but
the general idea. For example, you state that you've been around, would have
been gone...'why can't she see that', etc. Work hard not to take it
personally - trust issues come with a multiple system no matter who - good or
bad -
partners them. Best you can do is use your objectivity - know it is NOT about
you, the individual that you are, and partner them with self-confidence,
rather than insecurity about yourself and resentment toward them, have empathy
for the wound they carry that you did not inflict and continue to be solid and
sure in your own skin.

As with 'normal' couples - when there is instability on one side of the
equation, there needs to be stability on the other. When a multiple system is
unstable over these basic tenet issues that we naturally have due to our
traumas - trust, shame, love, commitment etc., what is needed is a partner that
can
show, present and provide stability and confidence to attempt to balance,
not add more instability.

Remember - you know who you are, trustworthy or not, etc. It is not
personal (though I KNOW it feels like it is..) and work hard to keep your
objectivity and empathy. You can't take it personally....I know how that
sounds, but
it's true and when practiced - can work.

My/our two cents,

Jen et al.
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