Thank you, Gail and Jen et al. for replying...

In the past year and a half or so, I have been doing a lot of
reading in academic journals and so forth. Intellectualizing
MPD/DID makes things easier sometimes; it's easier to keep these
things confined to my brain rather than allow them into my heart.
(Plus, I work for a publishing company and often get sneak peaks at
one of the major -- read: only -- journals about dissociative
disorders, etc.) It's a strain sometimes to pick through statistics
and all of that, but I'm a college graduate and I've been fluent in
psych. jargon since I was a pre-teen, so it's just enough of a
challenge to keep me awake. It helps, really.

Anyway...

I've also been thinking... I don't know exactly how to deal with
the issue of talking to my daughter about any of this... Right now,
it's not such a big deal, because she's only just turned two
(although she's much brighter and more aware than most two-year-
olds), and because her dad isn't living with us. Still, having
grown up with a multiple mother, I know firsthand how damaging it
can be to view the behaviors of several different alters without
being aware that they <i>are</i> different people... My mom had at
least one alter who hated me and was extremely verbally abusive;
sometimes I was rewarded and hugged for painting a picture, and
other times, I was screamed at for using too much blue paint or
something. For example. I honestly didn't know my mom was
multiple, and I thought he inconsistencies must be my fault
somehow. If it wasn't my behavior that was causing her mood
changes, it must just be <i>me</i>; I must just be <i>bad</i>
somehow. I do <i>NOT</i> want my daughter to grow up like that.
Her dad, my husband, N., always treated her with great care and
love. I think he is a little younger than the "body" (presently
29), and sometimes he seems a little hesitant and frightened around
her, like a young father would, but he's always been amazing with
her. The female alters I know have also been wonderful and motherly
to the baby. There are a few others, though, who are distant and
serious and sarcastic and quite a bit less affectionate. None of
the alters has been violent with either of us, ever. I also think
there's a pact among the alters that they're not allowed -- any of
them -- to deliberately hurt us. There is one alter, a twitchy,
spastic, almost robotic boy with foul language and a love for
computers, who is less than delicate with the baby. He's never hurt
her, but he kind of treats her like an old hard drive, like
something without feeling. He's a good kid, about nineteen years
old, and I don't have a problem tolerating his (very noticeable)
quirks, but he doesn't have the same capacity for empathy that the
others do. He thinks of himself and of most of the world as robots
or machines. Even some of the other alters refer to him
as "insane," and "psychotic," or just roll their eyes at the mention
of his name. Naturally, I'm a little hesitant about the baby
getting too attached to somebody who can't seem to comprehend that
she's human. He wouldn't hurt her; I'm quite sure of that, but he's
just... <i>indelicate</i>.

Still, even at a year old, she could tell the difference between
her "daddies." I remember, even as a very, very young child (3?
4?), I used to differentiate between "good mama" and "bad mama" in
my head; the more noticeable alters were easy to distinguish,
although I attributed them to something defective about myself...
Even as an infant, she ignored the less affectionate "daddies," and
would crawl up and cuddle with the women and the more nurturing
men. (By the way, I don't know any of the kids, if there are
any... I'm assuming there are, but I don't know how to ask... The
youngest I know of are in their mid/late teens). So, she knows the
difference... I just don't want her to grow up thinking that
the "mood swings" are related to her, or to believe they're her
fault. I never had any other explanation. But I think I am able to
give my daughter one.

I have told her that she is very, very lucky, because most people
just have one mama, and one daddy. Some people have more than one
of the above, or are missing one or the other. But she is
especially lucky, because she has one mama, and sixty daddies! That
makes her laugh. I told her that all her daddies look like one
daddy, and they all love her, but they're all different. Daddy N.
helped her get born, and he throws her in the air and tickles her
and calls her "Munchkin." And Daddy M. is a lady, even if she looks
like a man, and so she's kind of like a mama and a daddy. And Daddy
Q. never smiles, and he looks mean, but on the inside, he's so
silly! And Daddy C. wiggles a lot and puts together computer
machines and says naughty words. For as much information as that
is, I really do think my daughter understands most of it. She
doesn't understand "sixty," but she knows the difference,
abstractly, between "one" and "lots."

I don't know what else I should be telling her, if anything, at this
point, or later... If and when my husband comes back to live with
us, or if he ends up having more involvement in our lives, I want
her to understand that Daddy is different, and he's not always going
to make sense to her. So, it's a matter of keeping <i>her</i> safe,
emotionally, and trying to be respectful of him without making him
seem completely crazy (which I don't think he is, although plenty of
others would disagree).

I'm kind of just rambling at this point; I'm sorry for the long
posts, but it's nice to feel like this is a community of people
who "get it."

Love and peace,
~Carolyn*