This would be a lot easier if it could be an in-person thing... I
would very much like to be connected with people who also have
experience living with a loved one with DID... I haven't found
anybody yet who is willing to take me seriously, including a "family
members of mentally ill persons" group at a local hospital...

Anyway, I'm Carolyn. My mom was diagnosed with MPD in the early 90s
when I was about 12 or 13. During one of her inpatient stays at a
psych. hospital, she made a good friend, A., who came to live with
us after she was discharged. A. was also diagnosed, around the same
time, with MPD. I spent 13 or 14 years of my life thinking that it
was perfectly normal for a person to go from giddy and smiling to
dark and heartless in the blink of an eye. My mom did it all the
time. A.'s "mood swings" weren't much different, although
considerably less angry and combative. I never saw anything
particularly unusual about this.

In 1997, I met the man who would become my husband, "Legion." He
was beautiful, and fascinating, and told a great story, and had a
vivid imagination. I loved him from across the room, and it only
became stronger as I got to know him. For years, I ignored all the
signs I saw -- partly because they were, as I said, kind of normal
to me, and partly because I didn't want to believe it. But really,
somebody with sixty different "nicknames" and a horrendous memory,
who believes he's possessed by various entities who regularly take
over control of his body, whose eyes change color with his moods,
who is sometimes too frightened of nameless terrors to leave his
house, and sometimes so vibrant and sarcastic that he reduces crowds
to hysterical laughter... He's been in therapy before, diagnosed
with about a dozen different things, none of which respond to
traditional treatments (e.g., Risperdal and Zyprexa
for "schizophrenia," and "bipolar disorder). Nobody has once
thought of diagnosing him with DID. That is, except my mom, who,
after many years of therapy, is now a singleton (by her own choice),
and a practicing social worker. Of course, she cannot legally or
ethically diagnose or treat him, but she has met him and agrees
whole-heartedly with my assessment: I grew up with two multiples,
and then I went and married one.

My husband left me about a year and a half ago, after just six
months of marriage. It seems that the "owner" of the body wasn't
the one who signed the marriage certificate, but that one of the
alters, deeply in love with me, disobeyed orders about not getting
into any trouble -- or major commitments -- while the "owner"
was "sleeping." The "owner," angry and unwilling to negotiate, or
even to get to know me, left me and stated that he felt it would be
unwise for me and the alter who married me ("N.") to communicate any
longer. I sometimes speak to the Others on the phone, and sometimes
I can tell the difference by their tones and inflections (it's
easier to tell in person), but I am rarely permitted to have any
sort of interaction, no matter how brief, with N., my husband.

I am heartbroken, of course, for so many reasons. Obviously, it
hurts that my husband had left me, as it would in any separation.
It hurts to feel so alone in my knowledge that I have sixty
different relationships with sixty different people in one body, and
that, in some odd way, I've married a "ghost," someone who
doesn't "really" exist (although I'll argue against that all day
long...). It hurts because I saw my mother go through her own
suffering, years of it, in and out of mental wards, going through
flashbacks and lost time and various sorts of breakdowns -- and I'm
terrified for my husband. I know he's made at least two serious
suicide attempts, and that's not counting his weird penchant for
moderately dangerous activities...

I have tried to talk to some of Legion's "Others" about the
situation. I've told him that I think he/they are a multiple...
He/they totally deny that possibility, ostensibly because they each
have their own separate memories... (Well, DUH...) Personally, I
think he/they do kind of know, and would rather hold off on
admitting it and dealing with the consequences. I think eventually
he'll come to some kind of turning point, probably in the form of
some kind of serious breakdown, and end up in a hospital. And, may
the higher powers will it, I hope somebody will see what's going on
and help him... And I hope he won't run away.

(It should be noted that my mom's MPD/DID was caused by severe
childhood abuse. My husband rarely talks about his childhood. I've
met his mother and stepfather, and they're kind of unusual, but
friendly and loving to him, to me, and to our daughter. But again,
he remembers little to nothing about his childhood and never talks
about much of anything before the age of sixteen...)

It helps to tell you this, even though I have no idea who any of you
are... I'm so tired of keeping secrets lest my loved ones be judged
badly... If anybody wants to be a penpal/cyber-penpal/whatever,
please, please don't hesitate to contact me...

Thank you for listening......

Love and peace,
~Carolyn*