Hello my name is Brett and my girlfriend has DID.

When I was a child I was abused. My mother was an alcoholic and her
lover had 26 personalities. Growing up I never understood what was
happening till I was a teenager. Life was rough back then and I went
through the highs and lows of life. I never knew if she was the angry
child, mean latino, abusive male, or pretty little girl. I was living
with 26 different people in one household. It took me years to
recover but I am a happy sucessful person now with a good career.

Fast forward to today and I am now dating a beautiful girl who also
has DID. At first I noticed the unusal behavior patterns. The
switching, different alters, thats when I remembered my past and
noticed it with her. She would tell me she has blackouts and forgets.
She was always late for work.

So here are the details.

She was abused when she was a child. Raped by her dad and older
brothers. Raped by her first boyfriend. Abused by her dad and mom.
She has suffered such tremendous abuse that my abuse pales in
comparision. I have been with her for about 5 months now and I have
determined she has 2 alters. Here primary alter is a happy, loving
girl that I met and fuctions in society. She has the highs and lows,
self mutilation, depression, but she is good. Her alter is when she
was 14 years old.

Talking with primary the best we could come up with is that her alter
is stuck in the time frame about when she was raped by her first
boyfriend. I noticed her triggers are when we have sex and I am on
top. This is the same position as when she was raped. The primary
tells me when we have intercourse and in that position she will see
me then flash back and forth with her rapist and me. She stated she
will then blackout. And then I notice her 14 year old alter comes
out. I have noticed recently too that her 14 year old alter will
frequently come out in the mornings especially after a rough night of
nightmares.

I have been focused on talking with her alter and gaining her trust.
At first she wold not even talk to me. Now we will talk about her dog
and things that make her happy. She will let me touch her and place
my head on her shoulder. I dont know if she remembers me from day to
day or if its like ground hogs day movie and she is starting over
every time. Her alter loves self mutilation. Her primary is strong
enough to control herself but as soon as she switches to her 14 year
old alter she likes to cut. I can distract her but it is temporary.
She loves to cut and tries to use anything she can get her hands on.
Even her own teeth or fingernails. I asked her why and she said it
feels good to bleed and release it. I am not sure what else I should
be doing with her alter. Do I ask about the painful memories? Do I
just continue with the small chit chat and try to earn her trust. Do
I ask about her family? What should I say or do?

I tell her primary what happens with her alter. They are both
separate and don't communicate with each other. Her primary is taking
it very well that she has DID. She is healing. I can see a change in
her eyes. I am building her trust and I hope to one day gain her full
trust in men and for her to be able to love me as I love her.

I just wish she had insurance and could see a doctor. She is very
mistrusting and while she will share everything with me she is afraid
of doctors. She does not trust them to share her feelings with them.
I don't know what to do. Do I continue the work of BF and therapist.
I enjoy talking and listening with her and I think it is very
comforting to her. I suggested she start a diary but I am not sure if
she is writing in it daily. It is her personal diary and she does not
share it with me unless I ask. And even then she does not want to so
I don't pry.


I have had many experiences for MPD and being with a new person with
MPD can be trying. But I think I am making progress and doing well.
Trust is so hard to develop and she is trying. God bless her.
Brett