My suggestion to you is to agree to this seperation, because a
divorce kind of says.. lets be free to find someone else, and if that
really is not what you are seeking... avoid the divorce... let him
know you will not give his problems so much power they have to end in
divorce... and you have faith his problems will get better...

there is no way divorce proceedings are not going to be loads and
loads of distress... and do live in such a way that you do not put
either of you through any more loads of distress then is necessary.

what Jeff is suffering from is excess loads and burdens of
distress... and anything that helps or reduces or avoids needless
intense distress will be helpful... to rduce the switching which is
all about distress management and still meeting all of lifes
committments as effectively as possible.

elizabeth i have not forgotten about you, and i think you are being
very perservering... and the person Jeff you love is really dealing
with a lot... and give yourselves both credit... and you do live in a
part of the country where there is tons of ignorance and hysteria
about dissociative survivor disorders. you will not be able to access
good support easily. so break the local mold and be daring, and be
hopeful and patient.. he is changing... how things are today isn't
forever.

deb

--- In mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com, Elizabeth Heiby-Boteler
<cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@y...> wrote:
> To all;
>
> My Jeffrey has finally came out and told me
> somethings. I wrote him like some of you have
> suggested and it worked my Jeffrey came out but then
> he switched evenually right in front of me. We worked
> some things out. I after awhile agreed with the
> divorce because I figured that it would help him in
> his mental problems but I now feel like I'm
> sacrificing again myself to help him. This is one of
> those darned if you do and darned if you don't kind of
> things. Any ways. My Jeffrey tells me that he agreed
> in the letter that I wrote when I said that he was in
> denial about a lot of things and then he went into the
> things he was in denial about. His mental problems he
> agreed were a BIG part of it. And that his mental
> problems are the reason why are relationship has been
> in a tail spin. He said to me that he really is
> working real hard on getting his mental problems in
> check that he is figuring things out about his
> personalities. He said that he is real glad that he
> and I going to stay friends after the divorce and that
> if the time comes that him and I are to be together
> that we will be able to tell. He agreed with me on
> that and more. I am scared that he isn't serious and
> that he is just trying to butter me up. Why I don't
> understand. Maybe it's a coping mechinism for him to
> keep me at the waist side just in case. But how is
> someone like me that loves him so much and he finally
> admits to me that he still loves me back suppose to
> cope with being a back-up person? And is ANY of this a
> good thing? Does it sound like improvement somewhat
> for him and hope for him and I? Or am I again wishful
> thinking? Please write me back ASAP. Thanks all.
>
> Sincerely,
> Elizabeth
>
> P.S
> Something else that's important. He said that he was
> really really relaxed when he laid down on the couch.
> He was here to visit our daughter and he could bearly
> keep his eyes open because he had slipped and fell and
> hit his head on the concrete outside when he was
> walking to his car when he was at work. He said that
> hehadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. He
> said that he felt comfortable and relaxed. He also
> said to me over the phone after he left and I had
> called him about something that he was tempted on
> walking over to me and starting to kiss me and hold me
> like he use to do. What does that mean? Is it VERY
> good? or just good? Oor again am I just wishful
> thinking?
>
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