Hello everyone,

I just found this message board and have been reading through old
posts. My girlfriend...well, I guess that's not accurate
anymore....sigh... let me back up.

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, everything in our
relationship was wonderful, we didn't fight, we enjoyed the same
things, had goals and dreams together, and loved each other deeply
and passionately...then, one morning in October, we received a call
from her Mom, that her brother was killed in a car accident. She
returned home to Florida for a few days and when she came back home,
she was different. As it turns out, the situation with her brother
triggered her DID to come out, which had been lying quietly for
years. She didn't know she had it, but was recently diagnosed after
a few months of pure confusion.

Anyway, the part of her that loved me in an intimate "lover" went
away. She was married to a man before, but he ended up hurting her,
so she got into a lesbian relationship with a woman twice her age,
who just tried to control her. After leaving that relationship, she
was with me and said that she finally felt happiness for the first
time in her life.

Then...out came the personalities and the one who loved me in that
way disappeared completely. The passion died and she no longer had
any interest in me, or any other women, sexually. She started having
feelings for men again and it turns out there is one of her
personalities that wants to sleep with a guy at work and she is
constantly fighting this urge. This is extremely difficult for me
because I still see her as my lover and it hurts like hell when I
reach out for her and she doesn't reach back. She used to come up
behind me all the time and just hug me, or give me a kiss, and
then...nothing. She finally told me a few weeks ago that she thinks
of me as her best friend, just doesn't have any desire to be with a
woman at this point in time. She's afraid that the lesbian inside of
her was just an alter that was created to deal with the abuse from
her ex husband and that now that part of her is gone.

Since she told me this, the last few weeks have been miserable. I'm
was desperately trying to hold onto what we "had" and it wasn't
helping her get better. Instead of focusing on her therapy, she was
worried and stressed about hurting me and my feelings. Yesterday, I
made an extremely hard decision. I told her that I decided to let go
of the lover part of our relationship, because in essence, it was
gone. I explained that I wanted to continue to support her, as her
best friend and that hopefully one day she'll be able to make the
decision on which path she needs to take in life. I hope to the
Goddess that her path is with me, but I understand it is going to
take time and lots of discovery before she can know. She cannot take
the time work through her problems and get better, if I am hindering
that. I made sure to let her know that I want to be with her every
step of the way, if that's a shoulder to cry on, or just someone she
can trust that is willing to listen and be there for her.

Right now, I just feel numb, part of me wishes I hadn't said anything
and just kept holding on, waiting for it to change, yet I saw what
pain I was causing her and I didn't want to be another road block in
her way. I think right now, she needs my friendship, more than the
relationship that was hanging around by threads.

I just keep wondering, will it come back??? Is the woman that loved
me on that level really gone, or is she just covered up by all the
others that are just coming into play right now?? Did I do the right
thing?

Any comments would be appreciated ... thank you all!

Ann