Although I generally agree that you should be encouraged to communicated with
all her parts, I think that in a hospital situation it may be an exception. My
suggestion is to talk to her T about how you feel and work with her to support
your SO.

George

-----Original Message-----
From: deannaterrell@... [mailto:deannaterrell@...]
Sent: Tuesday, February 03, 2004 11:24 AM
To: mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [MPD Spouses] Digest Number 98



My SO is in a hospital with a very prestigious DID unit. Her doctor and
therapists tell her that her parts should not communicate with anyone but her
except in a therapy setting. They say that if her parts wish to communicate
with me, they have to go through her. She is supposed to be in charge of her
parts and aware of what they do. It is hard for her sometimes, but she is
trying to develop a good and trusting relationship with all her parts so that
she can handle things instead of allowing them to control her.

>
> From: mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com
> Date: 2004/02/03 Tue AM 05:16:33 GMT
> To: mpdspouses@yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [MPD Spouses] Digest Number 98
>
>
> There is 1 message in this issue.
>
> Topics in this digest:
>
> 1. Re: Feeling guilty
> From: "cutewideeyedhobbitgirl" <cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@...>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Mon, 02 Feb 2004 18:21:13 -0000
> From: "cutewideeyedhobbitgirl" <cutewideeyedhobbitgirl@...>
> Subject: Re: Feeling guilty
>
> I am a SO that had to deal with that same feeling when I first started
> talking,interacting with,and understanding my partners alters sides of
> things. How they look at things and how they feel and why. Whomever
> told you in that chatroom to stop is wrong. In fact you should find
> out more about your partners alters. That way you know and you should
> tell your partner that has the mpd to tell them what things you have
> found out. I first thought if I told my partner about his alters and
> what they did and what things they were into that it would make it
> worse. Well it doesn't. In fact it will help you and your partner
> figure out what happens (specially your partner whom has the mpd) when
> she starts mpding. Your partner should get help and should be on a
> medication that will help her while she is going through these hard
> memories. My husband took meds and I was thankful he did while he was
> going through his hard memories. We had to stop going to the therapist
> that he was going to because she wasn't helping much and making it
> worse as well as her husband lost his job and found a new one in Utah.
> So it was good riddens to bad rubbish for us. I say really look into
> your wives therapists. Where they went to get there education. What
> kind of degree they have. Even look into the school they went to to
> find out what your therapist really is like. There are to many bad
> therapists out there and that's only because us people that go aren't
> banning together to fight the Senate to ban bad therapist from working
> ever in this perfession without a proper education and without actual
> experiance in the field that they work. In fact we as the SO's that
> live with people that have this disorder have more education and
> experiance in the field than they do and should be the ones that help
> people like that. That's my feeling on it. And anyone misusing and
> corrupting the system should be put in prison and their lincenses
> taken away permittely.
>
> As for feeling unfortable sharing your partner with these alters. I
> felt myself like I was cheating on my husband because I was just
> getting to know these alters in him. I told my partner that I felt
> like I was on some sort of a date with them even though I know that
> wasn't true and wasn't happening. I still felt that way. My husband
> said that it was apart of him that he is sharing with me and that that
> is why I shouldn't feel so bad about it. All his alters are a form of
> him in different time periods in his life so in a way I shouldn't feel
> to bothered by it at all. He said think of it as just getting to know
> me all over again. At different angles. I said I can see where your
> coming from and after that I didn't feel to bad and felt more
> confident in helping my husband. You really must not feel to bad about
> it. Look at it as helping your spouse out in a way she can't. It's
> your way of helping and don't let some therapist tell you that you
> need to stop because you don't have any background field work in what
> you are doing. Our therapist said that and I told her off. You talking
> with these alters is perfectly healthy and no therapist should keep
> you away from doing that. Anyone that does DOES NOT have you and your
> wife's best interests at heart. They are just wanting to control you
> and your wife and let them mess her up more. Remember it is you and
> your spouse against this world. Go out and take this world on. Grab
> them by the horns and tell them who's boss. That your wife trusts you
> and that they will help you help your wife get through this through
> talking with these alters or you and your wife will report you to the
> police for trying to manipulate you and your wife into a practice that
> is illigal and that you will not stand for it. You have the right to
> take care of your wife. That is not only your marriage right but your
> spiritual and legal right. No one has the right to tell you other
> wise. PERIOD!
>
> Sorry that the feedback is so late. I am a new member and just started
> recently coming to this site. I hope you write back and give me some
> feedback real soon. I would love to know how things are going.
>
>
> Sincerely,
> Elizabeth
> Heiby-Boteler
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
>
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