I am a SO that had to deal with that same feeling when I first started
talking,interacting with,and understanding my partners alters sides of
things. How they look at things and how they feel and why. Whomever
told you in that chatroom to stop is wrong. In fact you should find
out more about your partners alters. That way you know and you should
tell your partner that has the mpd to tell them what things you have
found out. I first thought if I told my partner about his alters and
what they did and what things they were into that it would make it
worse. Well it doesn't. In fact it will help you and your partner
figure out what happens (specially your partner whom has the mpd) when
she starts mpding. Your partner should get help and should be on a
medication that will help her while she is going through these hard
memories. My husband took meds and I was thankful he did while he was
going through his hard memories. We had to stop going to the therapist
that he was going to because she wasn't helping much and making it
worse as well as her husband lost his job and found a new one in Utah.
So it was good riddens to bad rubbish for us. I say really look into
your wives therapists. Where they went to get there education. What
kind of degree they have. Even look into the school they went to to
find out what your therapist really is like. There are to many bad
therapists out there and that's only because us people that go aren't
banning together to fight the Senate to ban bad therapist from working
ever in this perfession without a proper education and without actual
experiance in the field that they work. In fact we as the SO's that
live with people that have this disorder have more education and
experiance in the field than they do and should be the ones that help
people like that. That's my feeling on it. And anyone misusing and
corrupting the system should be put in prison and their lincenses
taken away permittely.

As for feeling unfortable sharing your partner with these alters. I
felt myself like I was cheating on my husband because I was just
getting to know these alters in him. I told my partner that I felt
like I was on some sort of a date with them even though I know that
wasn't true and wasn't happening. I still felt that way. My husband
said that it was apart of him that he is sharing with me and that that
is why I shouldn't feel so bad about it. All his alters are a form of
him in different time periods in his life so in a way I shouldn't feel
to bothered by it at all. He said think of it as just getting to know
me all over again. At different angles. I said I can see where your
coming from and after that I didn't feel to bad and felt more
confident in helping my husband. You really must not feel to bad about
it. Look at it as helping your spouse out in a way she can't. It's
your way of helping and don't let some therapist tell you that you
need to stop because you don't have any background field work in what
you are doing. Our therapist said that and I told her off. You talking
with these alters is perfectly healthy and no therapist should keep
you away from doing that. Anyone that does DOES NOT have you and your
wife's best interests at heart. They are just wanting to control you
and your wife and let them mess her up more. Remember it is you and
your spouse against this world. Go out and take this world on. Grab
them by the horns and tell them who's boss. That your wife trusts you
and that they will help you help your wife get through this through
talking with these alters or you and your wife will report you to the
police for trying to manipulate you and your wife into a practice that
is illigal and that you will not stand for it. You have the right to
take care of your wife. That is not only your marriage right but your
spiritual and legal right. No one has the right to tell you other
wise. PERIOD!

Sorry that the feedback is so late. I am a new member and just started
recently coming to this site. I hope you write back and give me some
feedback real soon. I would love to know how things are going.


Sincerely,
Elizabeth
Heiby-Boteler